Is it wrong to refuse to start a family?

[columbkille77]

Well, don’t demographic trends show huge hope for Christianity then? The post-Christian West is contracepting itself to death. For the next hundred years, almost all the population growth in the world is coming from Africa. And Africa is the hotspot for Christian growth!

If anything, the future looks pretty bright for Christianity on a global scale. Not in the West of course, but I see the Church becoming post-Western as the West becomes post-Christian as the true realization of Christ’s universality.

Yes. I should also add that formerly communist countries such as China and Russia are becoming more religious. In the West belief in atheism is on the rise, but globally it is actually on the decline.

To be totally honest, I think the incredible population growth in Africa may also be problematic. I think the optimal population patterns for the modern world, given food and water security and environmental issues, would be at or slightly above replacement. Where we are now, with the West and large parts of Asia contracepting themselves to death (and racking up debts in the process) while population explodes in Africa is going to be a rocky road for all.

But, yes, on a global scale, Christianity is not going anywhere. Ultimately, as individuals we need to just do out best to follow Christ and leave the rest to God. We want to make the Earth as good of a place as possible, but remember this is not our home!

 

[Mary_Ellen]

I’m 54 and single. It is certainly not a sin to remain single. If one is not called to be a spouse and parent, so be it.

There are parts of me that would like to be married, that would like to share my life with someone special. On the other hand, if I were married I would have to give up or at least seriously cut back on the number of hours I spend each week in volunteering for my various ministries (Catholic radio, weekend and funeral music ministry, Lighthouse CDs, adoration committee, mental health advocacy, etc.).

As a single Catholic you may have more time to pray, to volunteer, to minister to the people of God than a married person might be able to. He may lead you to marriage at some time in the future, maybe, maybe not. Concentrate on the benefits of your position right now and praise God for His infinite Wisdom.

Be at peace.

 

[Trident_H]

Also, modern secular society is bluffing, and it’s about to get called.

Yeah. This is how I see it too.

Plus OP. Just have a really big big family. That way your kids’ll have each other to lean on. No big deal.

(says the single guy to the single guy)

 

[pensmama87]

Yeah. This is how I see it too.

Plus OP. Just have a really big big family. That way your kids’ll have each other to lean on. No big deal.

(says the single guy to the single guy)

Honestly, this is part of the reason my husband and I have become open to having a larger family than we originally planned (before conversion/reversion, we thought at most 2 or 3) - so that when we are gone, our children will have each other.

It’s not silly at all.

(And one great thing you can do as a single person is help mentor children even if they are not your own. It does the next generation a lot of good to see practicing Catholic adults besides one’s parents.)

 

[Bookcat]

As St. Paul put it we are to shine like stars in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation ( see Philippians 2:15).

 

[Neal76]

Hahahahaha. I agree. But that’s hilarious.

I found a wife at the SSPX, and she’s awesome, but whatever, your mileage may vary.

 

[AdamP88]

I found a wife at the SSPX, and she’s awesome, but whatever, your mileage may vary.

I just don’t believe they were right to almost cause a schism. I sort of view them the same as I’d view liberal “Catholics”, but in the opposite extreme.

 

[Neal76]

I just don’t believe they were right to almost cause a schism. I sort of view them the same as I’d view liberal “Catholics”, but in the opposite extreme.

I sort of view her as a pretty brunette that’s also a loving wife, a great mother and an amazing cook.

 

[AdamP88]

I sort of view her as a pretty brunette that’s also a loving wife, a great mother and an amazing cook.

Lol…well I’m referring to the SSPX as a movement. It’s not a personal insult to your wife.

 

[jmjZelie]

Honestly, this is part of the reason my husband and I have become open to having a larger family than we originally planned (before conversion/reversion, we thought at most 2 or 3) - so that when we are gone, our children will have each other.

It’s not silly at all.

This is true for us as well.

We recently found out we are expecting our sixth child. We originally thought we would have just one, maybe two children, but that was way back before our conversion to the Faith.

Now, we realize that our health, wealth (relatively speaking, that is), and fertility have been given to us by God for His glory, not our comfort or status. So we have become increasingly open to a larger family, one person at a time. I personally, as a mother, am praying and hoping that some of my children will go into religious life or the priesthood. And hopefully, some will be able to start Catholic families of their own. But perhaps some might be called to a holy single lay life. And it gives them more familial support in their adulthood, to have lots of siblings, especially when the roles are reversed and they must care for aging and dying parents.

Large Catholic families, when possible, give back to the Church and society, through increased vocations and future Catholic young people looking to marry and replacing the population even for people, like the OP discusses, choose not to or are unable to marry.

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to remain single and chaste and not having a family. I don’t see that as a refusal of family, so much as a choosing of a different path. It frees up a person to do more to build up the kingdom in other ways. But that makes it all the more important that those of us who are able to marry and have children to raise up faithful Catholic children, to the best of our abilities, with God’s help. I think celibacy and families balance each other.

God uses many different paths to make us holy and to build up His kingdom.

 

[jmjZelie]

I sort of view her as a pretty brunette that’s also a loving wife, a great mother and an amazing cook.

Awww.

 

[HouseArrest]

Do you want to get married, and are afraid to do so because you will be expected to welcome children? It would be sad if that were the case.

There are no guarantees with children for sure, but we parents do the best we can, and that is all God asks for.

I see in your post a list of countries, people, politics, schools, and more that will have a negative influence on your children if you have them. It’s true, they will be met with challenges to the faith.

There is no mention of you, your wife, or God. You may not believe it, but you will have a bigger influence over your kids than anybody/person/country/school that you listed. You are going to love them, teach them, and pray for them.

Finally, where you can do no more, God can. Take your family, if and when you have one, to prayer.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to remain single and chaste and not having a family. I don’t see that as a refusal of family, so much as a choosing of a different path. It frees up a person to do more to build up the kingdom in other ways. But that makes it all the more important that those of us who are able to marry and have children to raise up faithful Catholic children, to the best of our abilities, with God’s help. I think celibacy and families balance each other.

God uses many different paths to make us holy and to build up His kingdom.

I can’t think of much to say to the OP, but I just wanted to commend you for these words. I’ve lurked here off and on for a while, and I’ve noticed that recently, discussions about families often wind up in an angry or at least snarky debate, with posters choosing sides and seemingly unable to defend their own choices without denigrating those of others. But I don’t recall ever seeing you do that.

I do think the idea that not all are called to marriage, is an important part of the Catholic belief that even non-Catholic Christians would benefit from paying attention to. Perhaps the OP needs to overcome his fears and marry. BUT perhaps the OP is just not called to marriage. I don’t think it’s sin for him not to actively pursue marriage. Actually, if that was the case, I’d be sinning, too. (Though my reasons are not his reasons, they are more about doubting my OWN ability to be a good wife and mother.)

 

[Trident_H]

This is true for us as well.

We recently found out we are expecting our sixth child. We originally thought we would have just one, maybe two children, but that was way back before our conversion to the Faith.

Now, we realize that our health, wealth (relatively speaking, that is), and fertility have been given to us by God for His glory, not our comfort or status. So we have become increasingly open to a larger family, one person at a time. I personally, as a mother, am praying and hoping that some of my children will go into religious life or the priesthood. And hopefully, some will be able to start Catholic families of their own. But perhaps some might be called to a holy single lay life. And it gives them more familial support in their adulthood, to have lots of siblings, especially when the roles are reversed and they must care for aging and dying parents.

Large Catholic families, when possible, give back to the Church and society, through increased vocations and future Catholic young people looking to marry and replacing the population even for people, like the OP discusses, choose not to or are unable to marry.

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to remain single and chaste and not having a family. I don’t see that as a refusal of family, so much as a choosing of a different path. It frees up a person to do more to build up the kingdom in other ways. But that makes it all the more important that those of us who are able to marry and have children to raise up faithful Catholic children, to the best of our abilities, with God’s help. I think celibacy and families balance each other.

God uses many different paths to make us holy and to build up His kingdom.

Hey congrats on the upcoming 6th. That’s awesome!

 

[Trident_H]

I can’t think of much to say to the OP, but I just wanted to commend you for these words. I’ve lurked here off and on for a while, and I’ve noticed that recently, discussions about families often wind up in an angry or at least snarky debate, with posters choosing sides and seemingly unable to defend their own choices without denigrating those of others. But I don’t recall ever seeing you do that.

I do think the idea that not all are called to marriage, is an important part of the Catholic belief that even non-Catholic Christians would benefit from paying attention to. Perhaps the OP needs to overcome his fears and marry. BUT perhaps the OP is just not called to marriage. I don’t think it’s sin for him not to actively pursue marriage. Actually, if that was the case, I’d be sinning, too. (Though my reasons are not his reasons, they are more about doubting my OWN ability to be a good wife and mother.)

I think you’d make an awesome mother TIW. I mean you ask questions to get to the deep down of stuff. You care about getting things in the right order. So I don’t see why you wouldn’t go all out for your future kids too. I mean I see you as making sure they not just know things. But that they know them for the right reasons too.

I’m sure that’s more than enough.

Peace.

-Trident

 

[jmjZelie]

Hey congrats on the upcoming 6th. That’s awesome!

Thanks, Trident!

 

[Xantippe]

This is true for us as well.

**We recently found out we are expecting our sixth child. **We originally thought we would have just one, maybe two children, but that was way back before our conversion to the Faith.

Now, we realize that our health, wealth (relatively speaking, that is), and fertility have been given to us by God for His glory, not our comfort or status. So we have become increasingly open to a larger family, one person at a time. I personally, as a mother, am praying and hoping that some of my children will go into religious life or the priesthood. And hopefully, some will be able to start Catholic families of their own. But perhaps some might be called to a holy single lay life. And it gives them more familial support in their adulthood, to have lots of siblings, especially when the roles are reversed and they must care for aging and dying parents.

Large Catholic families, when possible, give back to the Church and society, through increased vocations and future Catholic young people looking to marry and replacing the population even for people, like the OP discusses, choose not to or are unable to marry.

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to remain single and chaste and not having a family. I don’t see that as a refusal of family, so much as a choosing of a different path. It frees up a person to do more to build up the kingdom in other ways. But that makes it all the more important that those of us who are able to marry and have children to raise up faithful Catholic children, to the best of our abilities, with God’s help. I think celibacy and families balance each other.

God uses many different paths to make us holy and to build up His kingdom.

Best wishes!

 

[jmjZelie]

I can’t think of much to say to the OP, but I just wanted to commend you for these words. I’ve lurked here off and on for a while, and I’ve noticed that recently, discussions about families often wind up in an angry or at least snarky debate, with posters choosing sides and seemingly unable to defend their own choices without denigrating those of others. But I don’t recall ever seeing you do that.

I do think the idea that not all are called to marriage, is an important part of the Catholic belief that even non-Catholic Christians would benefit from paying attention to. Perhaps the OP needs to overcome his fears and marry. BUT perhaps the OP is just not called to marriage. I don’t think it’s sin for him not to actively pursue marriage. Actually, if that was the case, I’d be sinning, too. (Though my reasons are not his reasons, they are more about doubting my OWN ability to be a good wife and mother.)

I agree with you. It is an important part of Catholic teaching, and besides that, it is only just to recognize that not all people will be able or willing to marry. It is only just to recognize that not all married couples will be able to have children.

I happen to be very passionate about my own vocation, and can be very enthusiastic about it when discussing it. I have had to learn to temper that, because some people have interpreted my enthusiasm as saying it is an objectively higher path, which is not at all my perspective. I would hope though, that every Catholic can find an enthusiasm for their own vocation. It helps to motivate us when things get really tough and remind us of all the good that God has done, for us and others through us.