Is it wrong to remain intimate after sterilization?

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ErinP7

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I have a burning question… first- background:
My first and 4th pregnancies ended in early miscarriage. (the 3rd being a VERY premature, but healthy boy.) After I had my 4th (living) child, my doctor told me that my cervix was incompetent, and my uterus was prolapsing (falling out). He recommended a hysterectomy. I declined, feeling that it was too soon. (I was only 23.) I successfully bore 2 more girls after that, and when I was pregnant with my most recent child, I was diagnosed with cancer. The (Catholic) doctor recommended an immediate abortion and hysterectomy, as I would “surely die from the uterine cancer before the baby could be born”. I refused- and spent the pregnancy on bed rest with a pessary (to hold the prolapsed uterus in place). After Phillip was born, I had an immediate hysterectomy. I am now very healthy, but have a question burning in my brain… I have been told by a few people that having an intimate relationship with my husband is now considered a sin- as the procreative ability is gone. My hubby and I have been good practicing Catholics, trusted God with our children and health, and it has gotten us very far! We love our big family and love the church! Could it possibly be wrong to continue to physically love each other?? :confused:
 
First, I’m very happy to hear you are cancer free.

You had cancer, and the treatment involved removing your uterus.

Enjoy intimacy with your husband, no sin involved at all.
 
Er(name removed by moderator)7 said:
After Phillip was born, I had an immediate hysterectomy. I am now very healthy, but have a question burning in my brain… I have been told by a few people that having an intimate relationship with my husband is now considered a sin- as the procreative ability is gone.
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This is completely and utterly FALSE.

Please put this out of your mind.
Er(name removed by moderator)7 said:
! Could it possibly be wrong to continue to physically love each other?? :confused:
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No.

Additionally, you did not have yourself sterilized. You had a legitimate medical procedure to remove a diseased organ. The unintended, but unavoidable, side effect was sterility. You have committed no sin and you do not commit a sin when you have intercourse with your husband.

Sexual intimacy is ordered properly whenver it is a completed act of intercourse. Subjective sterility does not alter that.
 
Thank you all so much! I felt this, but needed to have it confirmed! I feel so much better now! 😃
 
The others have already answered your question sufficiently, but I just have to say God bless you for your courageous openness to life! That you chose life even amidst adversity and health problems is inspiring.

And whoever told you that it is a sin to have marital relations with your husband needs a lesson in moral theology. 😛
 
Er(name removed by moderator)7 said:
I have been told by a few people that having an intimate relationship with my husband is now considered a sin- as the procreative ability is gone.
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When people tell me things that seem so wrong, like this, I tend to say, “prove it.” Show me where, anywhere, in official Catholic teaching, that says what you are saying.

They won’t be able to show you this anywhere.
 
You are allowed to engage in marital relations with no sin whatsoever. Educate those who say differently with the teachings of the Church, starting with the Catechism.
 
Joe_5859 said:
The others have already answered your question sufficiently, but I just have to say God bless you for your courageous openness to life! That you chose life even amidst adversity and health problems is inspiring.
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This is what I wanted to say.
 
Er(name removed by moderator)7 said:
I have a burning question… first- background:
My first and 4th pregnancies ended in early miscarriage. (the 3rd being a VERY premature, but healthy boy.) After I had my 4th (living) child, my doctor told me that my cervix was incompetent, and my uterus was prolapsing (falling out). He recommended a hysterectomy. I declined, feeling that it was too soon. (I was only 23.) I successfully bore 2 more girls after that, and when I was pregnant with my most recent child, I was diagnosed with cancer. The (Catholic) doctor recommended an immediate abortion and hysterectomy, as I would “surely die from the uterine cancer before the baby could be born”. I refused- and spent the pregnancy on bed rest with a pessary (to hold the prolapsed uterus in place). After Phillip was born, I had an immediate hysterectomy. I am now very healthy, but have a question burning in my brain… I have been told by a few people that having an intimate relationship with my husband is now considered a sin- as the procreative ability is gone. My hubby and I have been good practicing Catholics, trusted God with our children and health, and it has gotten us very far! We love our big family and love the church! Could it possibly be wrong to continue to physically love each other?? :confused:
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I have a question: who told you this? It is not something the Church has ever taught, it is really out there in left field. I am just curious as to who says these things, priests?, non-catholic family members? Is it someone who seems to know their faith?
 
Joe_5859 said:
The others have already answered your question sufficiently, but I just have to say God bless you for your courageous openness to life! That you chose life even amidst adversity and health problems is inspiring.

And whoever told you that it is a sin to have marital relations with your husband needs a lesson in moral theology. 😛
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Ditto!God Bless you:o
 
tafan said:
I have a question: who told you this? It is not something the Church has ever taught, it is really out there in left field. I am just curious as to who says these things, priests?, non-catholic family members? Is it someone who seems to know their faith?
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It was actually other catholic family- as well as “well meaning” parishioners… and they have quoted the Catechism, although I don’t remember it exactly, as saying sex without being open to the possibility of procreation is a lustful act. Which I understand in terms of contraception or purposefully stopping the egg and sperm from uniting-

I also know that the marital act is intended to unify a married couple for the sake of the entire family, which is why I asked this question here before stopping what I knew to be right! But I wanted to make sure because of the slight doubt they introduced. I sincerely thank you all for reassuring me! My hubby thanks you too!
 
Er(name removed by moderator)7 said:
It was actually other catholic family- as well as “well meaning” parishioners…
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I have to say, what on earth are these people doing in your personal business?
Er(name removed by moderator)7 said:
and they have quoted the Catechism, although I don’t remember it exactly, as saying sex without being open to the possibility of procreation is a lustful act.
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And clearly they have no idea what the Catechism is actually saying.

What the Catechism says is that each marriage act must be per se ordered to both unity and procreation. Let’s break this down:

per se - of itself

orderd to - the act itself is ordered properly to the natural end of procreation and unity of spouses, it is a completed act of vaginal intercourse

procreation - the Church teaches it must be ordered to procreation, not that the act must *result in *procreation or be capable of resulting in procreation

Acts that are per se ordered to procreation include:
  • marital intercourse when the wife is already pregnant
  • marital intercourse when the wife is naturally infertile due to age (past menopause)
  • marital intercourse when either spouse becomes infertile due to defect or disease
Acts that are not per se ordered to procreation:
  • masterbation
  • sex acts replacing vaginal intercourse with other acts to achieving orgasm
  • contracepted sex acts
 
Here’s the $64,000 question - are you open to life? If by some freakish miracle you managed to regenerate a uterus and conceive a child, would you be open to conceiving a child?

Yes? Then you are just fine.

Also, it is my understanding that if a person consents to sterilization before they are baptized into the church, the sin is washed away, and as long as they are open to having a child (even if it is biologically impossible), then it is not sinful to have intimate relations.
 
No, you had to get a hysterectomy because of cancer. If you did it for birth control reasons, then it would be a sin. But you did so for a health reason which is totally different.

You do have plenty of kids now. I say enjoy your life with them. Do not worry about sinning when it comes to sex. It is not your fault you got cancer. Don’t punish yourself over something you cant control.
 
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