Is Kissing okay before u r divorced and annulled?

[nancy347]

I was wondering if anyone knew the official teaching from the church on kissing a person you are interested in while in the process of divorce and annulment and also can you obtain an annulment before you are divorced, to me it makes sense since the church covenant ceremony is totally different than a civil ceremony. I have an interest in a man i knew years ago in school, but i dont want to entertain any thoughts of having a relationship with him even a kiss if it is against the catholic church teachings. I know a lot of protestant and non denominationals will date while they are waiting for their divorces to be finalized but not have sexual intercourse and i was wondering what the catholic church’s standing is on this. Thanks for the help, peace, nancy

 

[aggiecatholic05]

i dont know an official standing, but until there is an anullment you are still married, ‘divorce’ or not. so i would say any kiss you wouldnt give your parents is inapproiate.

a platonic peck on the check/forehead/hand(more for him) is one thing but i think lips to lips is different. even if it isnt worng it is bound to be a temptation and ocasson for sin.

 

[Snerticus]

As far as getting an annulment before the divorce, no. You have to get a divorce first. I called our chancery before I got a divorce and asked if I needed an annulment first, they told me no. It made sense to me because I thought divorce was a sin and I’d be avoiding that sin in getting the annulment. But it doesn’t happen that way. You need to get a divorce before you get an annulment. That’s what my diocese explained to me.

As for your other matter, I’m pretty sure it’s a sin to even look at another man until the annulment. You can’t date if you’re simply divorced, you need to obtain an annulment before you can do anything, otherwise without the annulment in God’s eyes you are still married.

Hope this helps.

 

[Sapphire_Dragon]

Just to clarify…

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church

2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.

If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:

If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.

Source: vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm
(Note: Two of the quoted paragraphs are written in small font in the catechism… I wrote them in larger font here so they would be easier to read.)

The Catholic Church does not recognize a true divorce or dissolution of a marriage. An attempt to do that would be sinful. However, it does allow the divorce or dissolution of civil marriage contracts for separating couples, in order to ensure “certain legal rights, the care of children, or the protection of inheritance” etc. etc. Even with a civil divorce, a couple is still married in the Church’s eyes.

So when they had you divorce before annulment, it was for the legal “side-effects” of the separation. They were not having you really “divorce.” After the separation, the annulment process started, in order to discern whether a marriage bond truly existed between the separated spouses.

 

[Snerticus]

Just to clarify…

The Catholic Church does not recognize a true divorce or dissolution of a marriage. An attempt to do that would be sinful. However, it does allow the divorce or dissolution of civil marriage contracts for separating couples, in order to ensure “certain legal rights, the care of children, or the protection of inheritance” etc. etc. Even with a civil divorce, a couple is still married in the Church’s eyes.

So when they had you divorce before annulment, it was for the legal “side-effects” of the separation. They were not having you really “divorce.” After the separation, the annulment process started, in order to discern whether a marriage bond truly existed between the separated spouses.

Thanks.

Just to clarify, I am not yet annuled. I have been living chaste for these last several years, and will continue to do so. I wish I could get an annulment, but financial reasons are the greatest obstacle for me right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be financially able to afford an annulment, either. I have no problem with being chaste, so that’s not an issue. I just wish I was able to get an annulment - it would ease my mind and protect my estranged ex-spouse from greater sin. I don’t want their soul to go to hell because of me.

 

[Sapphire_Dragon]

Thanks.

Just to clarify, I am not yet annuled. I have been living chaste for these last several years, and will continue to do so. I wish I could get an annulment, but financial reasons are the greatest obstacle for me right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be financially able to afford an annulment, either. I have no problem with being chaste, so that’s not an issue. I just wish I was able to get an annulment - it would ease my mind and protect my estranged ex-spouse from greater sin. I don’t want their soul to go to hell because of me.

Well, God can see all ends… So he knows your inability and also your concern. I don’t think he would see you as guilty of anything here. And who knows? Your concern might just help your ex-spouse too, before his eyes.

I don’t know anything about the annulment process… I assume you have asked priests or diocese annulment authorities about it? And mentioned your financial situation?
I can’t find it right now, but I remember reading in the Catechism something about how a church might charge money for performing a wedding ceremony, for example, but if the couple cannot pay it, it will perform it for free or for less money.
I just wondered if the church tribunals might also take such things into account…

But I don’t know anything about it… Just running some things by you, just in case it helps.

 

[Snerticus]

It does help, yes. And thank you. Yes, I’ve run it past the diocesan Tribunal office and more recently my priest.

There is more to this story, but you have given me a little more hope now. If I have any more questions, I’ll post them in another thread, since it has gotten a little off topic.

Thanks so much and God Bless,
Snert

 

[EvelynEVF]

My diocese charges nothing for the annulment process. I know from reading that any couple has several options for where they pursue the annulment, so you might look into a change of venue, or whatever they call it, and see if that might be less expensive. The more time goes by, the harder it may be to get everything together to do it.

 

[nancy347]

Okay, so what i am getting from the posts that a little quick kiss on the lips is taboo. I do know that u r allowed to get married again before ur annulment is finished but that u have to live as brother and sister during that time, thanks for ur posts every and God Bless you all. Love, Nancy

 

[bugz2007]

I do know that u r allowed to get married again before ur annulment is finished but that u have to live as brother and sister during that time, thanks for ur posts every and God Bless you all. Love, Nancy

No…you aren’t. You’re confusing some things.

It is a sin to marry before an annulment, because you are still married to someone else. Remarrying is a sin. It’s inadvisable to remain in that marriage once you are aware of this, living as brother and sister or not, unless it’s for the sake of children. However, to return to a state of grace and be able to receive communion while in such a marriage, the couple must live as brother and sister if they continue to live together.

So no, you’re not “allowed” to get married again before an annulment is finished. But people do anyway, and the brother and sister thing is just one way the Church allows the couple to return to the Church.

 

[jmcrae]

Okay, so what i am getting from the posts that a little quick kiss on the lips is taboo. I do know that u r allowed to get married again before ur annulment is finished but that u have to live as brother and sister during that time, thanks for ur posts every and God Bless you all. Love, Nancy

Um - no. You can’t even date, let alone get married, before you receive your Declaration of Nullity from the Marriage Tribunal.

People do whatever they want, of course, and then the Church provides remedies for them such as marriage blessings, because the Church doesn’t want anyone to go to Hell, but the proper order of things is to receive your Declaration of Nullity first, before you get back into the dating scene.