Is lust limited to having thoughts about sexual relations?

  • Thread starter Thread starter gs013564
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
G

gs013564

Guest
Unfortunately, in my early 20’s, I didn’t do a darn thing to check my lustful thoughts and desires. It has only been in the past 3-4 years that I have turned back to God and am working on this. Through His grace I have much improved. About the same time I turned back to God and started praying I met my wife. She is aware of my struggles and has been very understanding and encouraging because she knows I am trying for not only love of God, but also out of love for her.

When I find myself checking a person out, I try to make a conscience effort to specifically not have the mentality of “I would if I could” type thoughts, but I find it harder not to repress the urges of attraction and thoughts of “dang they are good looking”.

Does lust encompass other thoughts about the opposite sex such as what I am describing (i.e checking out a man or woman because they have exceptional physical features)? Or is it only limited to the thoughts of wanting to have sexual relations with a person? My thoughts do sometimes go back to what I saw, but I do my best to chase them from my mind.

I want to make sure that when I receive our Lord in the Eucharist that I am not offending him. I have asked variations of this question in the past, but I feel like sometimes the line is blurred and need more clarification (if possible).

Thanks in advance for your replies and for those of you who have answered my questions in the past regarding this subject matter, please be patient with me 🙂
 
One can lust for anything – sex, knowledge, things, etc. In the context in which you asked you could theoretically look upon a person and innocently admire the good looks God has given them. However, in your case (and for many of us), no matter how you may think you may have your lustful thoughts in check there is a strong possibility that Satan is there in the background subconsciously telling you to look upon them.

The best and quickest way to get over your lustful thoughts and desires that are egged on by Satan and his evil spirits (and thus your lustful and potentially lustful looks at others) is this way: whenever you feel yourself tempted to look at another lustfully, or whenever you actually give in and look at a certain body part, or when you have lustful thoughts, immediately say, "thank you, Lord, for this (impure thought, lustful look, temptation) and I offer it up to You in reparation for my sins and the sins of the whole world and for the conversion of poor sinners.

Additionally, if you have earnestly prayed to the Lord to help you control your lust and you have worked hard at it through will power but still find yourself lingering with it, there’s a good chance the spirit of lust is causing you some problems. Remember that the Lord has given YOU the power to cast that demon out. Each day when you awake and when you go to bed say three times, “in the name of Jesus Christ and by His authority, Satan and all evil spirits I bind you and cast you away from me.” When you are saying this remember to put yourself in Christ and say it in Him – it is not your authority and power that is casting away all the evil spirits but Jesus working through you by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Think of this too. If you truly have the determination and desire (and desire on your part is really the key) to conquer lust (I say conquer because you if you do this you interestingly find your body and mind having a little sadness because it is “losing” something it carnally desires), consider a novena to our Mother Mary to guide, protect and give you strength as you rid yourself of this capital sin. Also consider fasting on the first and last day of your novena because if it is an evil spirit that’s giving you some pretty strong temptation, then remember how Jesus told us that prayer and fasting will help drive away demons.

Finally, reflect on how your lustful thoughts might be connected to any of the remaining capital sins and pray to the Lord to give you direction (pride, envy, gluttony, avarice, anger, sloth).

Do the things I just mentioned and you will be amazed at how quickly your lustful thoughts, looks and desires will lessen and how much you will be in control of them and master them.
 
Bookcat said:
Yes lust can be without thoughts…

But this may be of some help form the senior Apologist at CA:

jimmyakin.org/2009/01/appreciating-beauty-vs-concupiscence.html
Click to expand...
Thanks. So, if it can be more than just thoughts of sexual relations, then those other thoughts that I have, as long as I don’t dwell on them, or in the end (say after ten seconds for example) consciously reject them (i.e. say to myself I’ve got to stop thinking this way) would not constitute adultery of the heart would it?

In other words, it would only be mortal sin if I just didn’t make an effort at all and let my mind run wild and not care?

Bookcat, I know we’ve had some discussions about this in the past and I appreciate your patience in answering my questions (which I know tend to be similar).
 
dcrowmik said:
One can lust for anything – sex, knowledge, things, etc. In the context in which you asked you could theoretically look upon a person and innocently admire the good looks God has given them. However, in your case (and for many of us), no matter how you may think you may have your lustful thoughts in check there is a strong possibility that Satan is there in the background subconsciously telling you to look upon them.

The best and quickest way to get over your lustful thoughts and desires that are egged on by Satan and his evil spirits (and thus your lustful and potentially lustful looks at others) is this way: whenever you feel yourself tempted to look at another lustfully, or whenever you actually give in and look at a certain body part, or when you have lustful thoughts, immediately say, "thank you, Lord, for this (impure thought, lustful look, temptation) and I offer it up to You in reparation for my sins and the sins of the whole world and for the conversion of poor sinners.

Additionally, if you have earnestly prayed to the Lord to help you control your lust and you have worked hard at it through will power but still find yourself lingering with it, there’s a good chance the spirit of lust is causing you some problems. Remember that the Lord has given YOU the power to cast that demon out. Each day when you awake and when you go to bed say three times, “in the name of Jesus Christ and by His authority, Satan and all evil spirits I bind you and cast you away from me.” When you are saying this remember to put yourself in Christ and say it in Him – it is not your authority and power that is casting away all the evil spirits but Jesus working through you by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Think of this too. If you truly have the determination and desire (and desire on your part is really the key) to conquer lust (I say conquer because you if you do this you interestingly find your body and mind having a little sadness because it is “losing” something it carnally desires), consider a novena to our Mother Mary to guide, protect and give you strength as you rid yourself of this capital sin. Also consider fasting on the first and last day of your novena because if it is an evil spirit that’s giving you some pretty strong temptation, then remember how Jesus told us that prayer and fasting will help drive away demons.

Finally, reflect on how your lustful thoughts might be connected to any of the remaining capital sins and pray to the Lord to give you direction (pride, envy, gluttony, avarice, anger, sloth).

Do the things I just mentioned and you will be amazed at how quickly your lustful thoughts, looks and desires will lessen and how much you will be in control of them and master them.
Click to expand...
These are wonderful suggestions. I do pray at morning and night for help with this area, but I am not very consistent. I will work on this. You are right that this probably is the missing piece to help me in this area.
 
Be aware that acknowledging another person’s beautiful form in your mind is not lust…but be on guard, especially if you have struggled in the past. It is too easy to stray into impure thoughts.
 
gs013564 said:
Thanks. So, if it can be more than just thoughts of sexual relations, then those other thoughts that I have, as long as I don’t dwell on them, or in the end (say after ten seconds for example) consciously reject them (i.e. say to myself I’ve got to stop thinking this way) would not constitute adultery of the heart would it?

In other words, it would only be mortal sin if I just didn’t make an effort at all and let my mind run wild and not care?

Bookcat, I know we’ve had some discussions about this in the past and I appreciate your patience in answering my questions (which I know tend to be similar).
Click to expand...
Did I give you my little posts on thoughts and also on signs of not giving complete consent when tempted ? If not I can post them (I have posted them often so I do not recall). Such can be helpful to refer to.

Lust can be entirely without thoughts. One person though can have thoughts keep coming and they do not want them…and are only tempted…and do not give any consent…and thus grow in virtue…another can quickly consent.

It is difficult for me to say…and one can not really give a “time” gauge
 
Bookcat said:
Did I give you my little posts on thoughts and also on signs of not giving complete consent when tempted ? If not I can post them (I have posted them often so I do not recall). Such can be helpful to refer to.

Lust can be entirely without thoughts. One person though can have thoughts keep coming and they do not want them…and are only tempted…and do not give any consent…and thus grow in virtue…another can quickly consent.

It is difficult for me to say…and one can not really give a “time” gauge
Click to expand...
You did and I still refer to it. I guess I’m just afraid I’m giving my consent quickly (giving in), but then after a few seconds I realize I shouldn’t be thinking about this and then I try and stop. But then the damage would already be done. Yeesh. Am I just overthinking this?
 
gs013564 said:
You did and I still refer to it. I guess I’m just afraid I’m giving my consent quickly (giving in), but then after a few seconds I realize I shouldn’t be thinking about this and then I try and stop. But then the damage would already be done. Yeesh. Am I just overthinking this?
Click to expand...
You may be. It would perhaps be good to have a regular confessor.

*Fear *that one gave consent (with full knowledge --in regards to the question of mortal sin --remember) does not mean that one has given deliberate consent with the needed knowledge. For mortal sin one needs not only grave matter and deliberate consent …but full knowledge…sometimes our thoughts can even start or continue in a certain direction before we realize it…

Lots of thoughts can come to us out of the blue…and for a thought to happen…well it has to …“happen” otherwise there is no thought. Such per se does not mean one has given any consent…even it keeps “happening” despite ones protest.

And remember there is a difference in me going through life and I see something and a thought comes…(to which I may not give any consent!..or which I may and thus sin…)

and I see something and I deliberately turn my thoughts to thinking lustfully…or otherwise lusting.

That too is a difference. That second instance is of course more clear. The first brings in those principles I noted to you before…

(other readers can look up my posts on thoughts and on signs of lack of full consent when tempted)
 
gs013564 said:
These are wonderful suggestions. I do pray at morning and night for help with this area, but I am not very consistent. I will work on this. You are right that this probably is the missing piece to help me in this area.
Click to expand...
As one who has been free from habitual sexual sin for three years after a life-long struggle, I will caution not to be so worried about trying to"Figure it out" or too anxious about “Finding the missing piece.” You will never figure it out and there is no magic piece of the puzzle that will suddenly make the cross you bear suddenly go away.

Continue to confess as often as you need to, receive our Lord in the Eucharist, pray that he not just forgive you but that he actually take away your sins, and let Him work. The only missing piece is patience. God can and will perform miracles but he usually works slowly, quietly, imperceptably in the background.

One day you will be sitting at work being a faithful employee, will be at home being a good father to your children or being a good husband to your wife and you will suddenly realize that you havn’t had an impure thought in a very long time. One day you will have a very pleasant conversation with a beautiful woman and afterwards you will realize that you did so without lusting after her. And when that happens, you will sing the Magnificat with Mary.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied. (Matthew 5:6)

Continue to hunger and thirst for righteousness and trust in God’s promise that you will be satisfied. Perseverence in prayer is a must. Patience is the key.

-Tim-
 
Try reading Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis De Sales. In part 4 chapters 3-10 he speaks all about temptations. How to recognize the difference between temptation and sin. How to see at what point we accept the temptation and how to overcome. Very very good reading. Helped me tremendously!
 
minnesotaboy said:
Try reading Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis De Sales. In part 4 chapters 3-10 he speaks all about temptations. How to recognize the difference between temptation and sin. How to see at what point we accept the temptation and how to overcome. Very very good reading. Helped me tremendously!
Click to expand...
Ha! I’m actually half way through that book. I stopped though a while back because I got distracted by Saint Faustina’s Diary. I’ll probably have to start back over, but I agree, it really is a good book (even though it takes me a little more brain processing power to comprehend his style of prose).
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top