Is Marriage Allowed If Impotence Is Suspected?

[mommamaree]

I hope others have helped, especially with the advice to get a medical opinion as the problem may be behind you, or capable of being cured. But also I think it’s important to say you are not impotent - you can have sex. It might be painful for you, and you might not want to do it that often (which you should tell any potential suitor). But equally, it might not be painful, and even if it is, you might want to do it anyway, because being married and having a chance of motherhood are in my view such wonderful things they’re worth any amount of pain.

It is true that primrose might not be impotent, but only she and a doctor could confirm that. We cannot say one way or another. There is such a thing as female impotency, sometimes due to vaginismus or scar tissue, where the woman is physically incapable of accommodating the male organ. Not many people are aware of female impotency, but it does exist, and so primrose’s questions are right on target. Furthermore, there is a difference between discomfort and excruciating pain and/or serious injury. Discomfort can be managed and often overcome, but the other cannot be.

 

[PrincessRenae]

So, just out of my own curiosity, would a hysterectomy be an impediment to marriage since that definitely means that there would be no possibility of children besides adoption?

Ugh, what an awful thing to have to go through. A friend of mine has some of the same issues, minus the surgery aspect. I know that her doctor suggested using adult toys just to try to get the area used to intercourse, not necessarily for pleasure. I guess that wouldn’t be a good option in this situation, though, maybe???

 

[mommamaree]

So, just out of my own curiosity, would a hysterectomy be an impediment to marriage since that definitely means that there would be no possibility of children besides adoption?

Ugh, what an awful thing to have to go through. A friend of mine has some of the same issues, minus the surgery aspect. I know that her doctor suggested using adult toys just to try to get the area used to intercourse, not necessarily for pleasure. I guess that wouldn’t be a good option in this situation, though, maybe???

A hysterectomy would not be an impediment to marriage, since it is only the womb that is removed. She would still retain her vagina and external sexual organs, and could therefore be capable of intercourse. She would be infertile, but not impotent.
With regards to preparing the vagina for intercourse, if one has vaginismus or other problems that would make it difficult to accommodate the make sexual organ, there do exist medical dilators. These are cylindrical medical objects that help a woman learn how to handle penetration gently over time, and train her muscles to relax instead of tightening. The woman starts practicing with the smallest cylinder and over time, progresses to the larger sizes, until her body is able to accommodate her husband. I want to be clear that use of medical dilators is a medical treatment and she would not be guilty of impure acts by using them. The same cannot be said with certainty about the solitary use of sex toys.
There are women here at CAF who have shared their story about vaginismus and overcoming it, and you can find their threads by doing a forum search.
I do not know if medical dilators would help the OP in her situation, but it is good that you raised this question. Perhaps the OP can inquire of her doctor whether that might help her to overcome her suspected impotency.

 

[KatieM2]

A hysterectomy would not be an impediment to marriage, since it is only the womb that is removed. She would still retain her vagina and external sexual organs, and could therefore be capable of intercourse. She would be infertile, but not impotent.

I would have thought an infertile person could not marry, especially a woman, since her husband would be spilling his seed on barren soil.

 

[pensmama87]

I would have thought an infertile person could not marry, especially a woman, since her husband would be spilling his seed on barren soil.

Can you go troll somewhere else? It’s clear that you either aren’t Catholic or don’t know much about Catholic teaching, or both, and aren’t particularly interested in learning. This post is at best seriously insensitive to the OP.

 

[mommamaree]

I would have thought an infertile person could not marry, especially a woman, since her husband would be spilling his seed on barren soil.

Well thankfully your opinion counts for nothing. It is Church teaching that means everything, and the constant witness of the beautiful, strong, and godly women of the Bible who struggled with infertility, and yet were validly married. Please, research the teachings on marriage and sexuality. They are easy to find for those who care to look. Your posts here are full of errors and misguided opinions, and are quite often horribly insensitive.

 

[987mk]

So where does that leave any man whose had a traumatic injury to the genital region, such that he is no longer physically able to engage in sexual intercourse?

What happens to the men who are already married and to the men who are not married?

 

[mommamaree]

So where does that leave any man whose had a traumatic injury to the genital region, such that he is no longer physically able to engage in sexual intercourse?

What happens to the men who are already married and to the men who are not married?

Hi 987mk,

The Church teaches that a person, male or female, who is impotent, that is, permanently incapable of participating in intercourse, may not marry. So for a man with a traumatic genital injury who is not already married, if medical treatment or surgery cannot help him, then he has an impediment to marriage. For a man who was already married prior to his traumatic injury, he remains married validly, although he and his wife will likely naturally grieve for his injuries and for the loss of their ability to engage in sexual relations. It would be a matter of “for better or for worse” being much worse in that aspect of their marriage.
The reason that an impotent man (or woman) cannot marry is that he cannot give/promise what he does not possess. Marriage is primarily for the procreation and education of children and for the sanctification of the spouses, and includes an ability and a promise to engage in sexual relations. However, not being able to marry does not mean that he must be alone. Anyone who is unable to marry is still able to form deep and lasting friendships, and these may include members of the opposite sex, as long as such friendships is not putting either in an occasion of sin.
I hope that helps answer your question. I think that a lot of time, when questions of impotency and marriage are raised, the reason behind the question is that compassionate people are naturally concerned with the potential for loneliness in an unmarried life. But marriage is about more than companionship, and dear friends are an important aspect of life in every vocation.

 

[987mk]

Wow, that’s fascinating.

Thank you.