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MichelleTherese
Guest
I’m being told by several of my Protestant friends that I’m going to be committing sin when I marry my non-Christian fiance in July of this year.
Is this true???
Is this true???
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FightingFat
Guest
Are you being married in a Catholic Church?
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cameron_lansing
Guest
The question above about whether the marriage will be in the Catholic Church or receive a dispensation from form, of course, is an important one and should be addressed.
But I will speak to the original point.
2 Corinthians 6:14a, “do not be yoked with unbelievers” is often cited as the basis for this sentiment among some Protestants.
The question is whether Paul is giving a caution or presenting a moral law whose violation is sinful.
Certainly, the Church points to the many problems that can endanger the faith of a believer in marriage to a non Catholic or someone who does not embrace the faith in practice.
- It requires dispensation and certain promises and declarations of a Catholic who wishes to marry an unbaptized party.
- It requires permission and the same promises and declarations when a Catholic wishes to marry a baptized Christian of another Church (Eastern Orthodox) or ecclesial community (Episcopalians, Baptists, non-denominationals, etc.).
- Special permission is needed and the same promises if a Catholic who has notiously rejected the Catholic faith.
- And today in light of the fact that a number of Catholics are Catholic in name only, there should be special treatment in pre marriage preparation about how the active Catholic can preserve his or her faith and do all that is possible to have the children baptized and raised Catholic in that kind of situation.
In 1 Corinthians 7:14, he speaks of such a mixed marriage between Christian and unbeliever: “ For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife.”
Because of this possibility of the salvation or conversion of the non believer, the Church understands that such a mixed marriage can bring about something positive through the witness and example of the believing spouse.
So the prospect of such a mixed marriage has to be carefully deliberated in any case. That is the purpose for the cautions and declarations that will be required of the Catholic.
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wcknight
Guest
IF the Church has approved (and usually this requires a promise from the Catholic partner that they will raise their children Catholic), then of course it is NOT a sin.
You should have both agreed on what faith you will bring up your children as. As a Catholic you have an obligation to raise them as Catholics.
Be aware, that marrying a non-Catholic is a much tougher road to follow. It can be done, but success depends on how much each spouse is willing to work to make it last. Marriage is tough anyway, having different faiths make it a lot harder.
Some faiths that are too radically different probably can NOT be reconciled. If both are strong in their beliefs (or even wose if one is lapsed now and later become devout), I think the problems will become insurmountable.
You both need to seriously discuss where you stand with your beliefs and where you may be years down the road. Make sure to include family planning, how many childen you plan to have and how you expect to have them raised.
You should have both agreed on what faith you will bring up your children as. As a Catholic you have an obligation to raise them as Catholics.
Be aware, that marrying a non-Catholic is a much tougher road to follow. It can be done, but success depends on how much each spouse is willing to work to make it last. Marriage is tough anyway, having different faiths make it a lot harder.
Some faiths that are too radically different probably can NOT be reconciled. If both are strong in their beliefs (or even wose if one is lapsed now and later become devout), I think the problems will become insurmountable.
You both need to seriously discuss where you stand with your beliefs and where you may be years down the road. Make sure to include family planning, how many childen you plan to have and how you expect to have them raised.
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MichelleTherese
Guest
I presented 1 Corinthians 7:14 to my Protestant friends and they promptly told me, “Paul is speaking about reasons for getting a divorce…and therefore he’s NOT saying that it’s ok to marry a non-Christian.”
In my mind I see their reasoning as weird: it’s a sin to marry a non-Christian but once you DO marry a non-Christian you’re not supposed to get divorced??
If it was a sin to marry a non-Christian…then wouldn’t Saint Paul have said, “Get divorced immediately!”
And…how can doing something sinful be “ok” AFTER it is done?? (In other words, if it’s a sin to marry a non-Christian why would it be ok to then stay married to them??)
How can I counter their argument? They are tormenting me half to death that I’m about to commit some kind of grave sin…“But don’t worry, you won’t go to hell.”
It’s so frustrating!! If my actions do not have consequenses then how can they be called “sins”??? Why bother following the rules if, well, “don’t worry you won’t go to hell”??? Oy vey…
-Frustrated Catholic
In my mind I see their reasoning as weird: it’s a sin to marry a non-Christian but once you DO marry a non-Christian you’re not supposed to get divorced??
If it was a sin to marry a non-Christian…then wouldn’t Saint Paul have said, “Get divorced immediately!”
And…how can doing something sinful be “ok” AFTER it is done?? (In other words, if it’s a sin to marry a non-Christian why would it be ok to then stay married to them??)
How can I counter their argument? They are tormenting me half to death that I’m about to commit some kind of grave sin…“But don’t worry, you won’t go to hell.”
It’s so frustrating!! If my actions do not have consequenses then how can they be called “sins”??? Why bother following the rules if, well, “don’t worry you won’t go to hell”??? Oy vey…
-Frustrated Catholic
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cameron_lansing
Guest
Michelle Therese,
**You cannot counter illogical thinking or weird reasoning. **It will be better for their spiritual health to just ignore them lest they continue to abuse the Word of God.
**
Sure. But he didn’t. **
Paul cannot be speaking only about “reasons for getting a divorce.” The text reads, to say it once again, in 1 Corinthians 7:14, “For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife.” But you can’t cut the verse out and ignore it. And the Catholic Church doesn’t. So it permits these marriages to exist. If people refuse to read the plain text, what can you?
In fact, if you look at the “do not be yoked” passage, it is a warning against the infiltration of pagan practice or thinking into the life of the believing community. It does not mention marriage explicitly, but that would be a reasonable interpretation. (If you stretch it far enough, Christians should have nothing to do with non Christians at all.) You can’t cut this verse out and ignore it. And the Catholic Church doesn’t. So it warns about these marriages and takes precautions.
Wcknight had already cut to the heart of the broader matter. The Church permits it.
Ultimately it is about authority and the fact that Christ created the Church, and the Church under the guidance of the Holy Spirit created the Scriptures. The Bible did not create the Church. The Church (after Christ and even as the people of God in Israel which prefigured the Church), under that guidance, created the Bible. People did not find the books which comprise the Bible. They wrote them.
Protestants pick and choose scripture and have lost sight of what the Catholic Church remembers: that the Holy Spirit given to the Church reveals truth in Tradition and Scripture, the sum of which we call Divine Revelation.
In exercising the power to bind and loosen mentioned in John’s gospel (Jesus, the closed door, the fearful disciples, and the “breath” of the Holy Spirit), the Catholic Church has determined that it is permissible to do so. As Peter’s keys are held by the Church, remember that the gates of hell will not prevail against it.
Here is another aspect of the problem. “Protestants” is a generic term and it covers a broad variety of groups and beliefs. The divisions among them are well explored in this forum and elsewhere. They suffer from two problems: a) the belief in “Scripture alone” as the rule of faith, which is not found in the Bible itself; and b) the denial of the authority of the Church.
This leads to many individualistic interpretations which misunderstand the biblical texts themselves and explain the existence of so many little groups.
** In interpreting Scripture, the Church reads the whole of it and with an authority that is missing in Protestantism. Accordingly, it will permit such a marriage with precautions.**
God’s speed. You’re in our prayers today.
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DaveBj
Guest
The Church permits it, as has been stated by someone with more authority than what I have. So it is not a sin.
It is, however, a **big ** mistake.
DaveBj
It is, however, a **big ** mistake.
DaveBj
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wcknight
Guest
MT, consult with your pastor and you will get the offical Church policy on mixed marriages. If you and your partner agree to have a Catholic marriage and the Church knows full well that your partner is not Catholic then you can not possible be sinning.
You will in fact be sharing in a sacrament, and your marriage will officially be recognized by the Church.
The only sin I see here is the fact that your friends insist on judging you by their own standards, which are NOT in line with Catholic teachings or beliefs. They have taken it upon themselves to interpret scriptures, just as most Protestants have.
As usual, by taking verses out of context and using their own limited knowledge of scriptures, they are trying to make a perfectly legitimate sacramental marriage into something that it is not.
The Catholic Church has thousands of theologians and just as many Biblical scholars. I think it would be very safe to say that the Catholic Church has a much better handle on interpreting scriptures properly than any group of your friends or any Protestant group no matter how astute any of them may be.
Besides, the Holy Spirit was promised by Christ to lead God’s Church as a group, not one particular individual as Protestants claim. God Bless, and don’t let the turkeys get you down.
You will in fact be sharing in a sacrament, and your marriage will officially be recognized by the Church.
The only sin I see here is the fact that your friends insist on judging you by their own standards, which are NOT in line with Catholic teachings or beliefs. They have taken it upon themselves to interpret scriptures, just as most Protestants have.
As usual, by taking verses out of context and using their own limited knowledge of scriptures, they are trying to make a perfectly legitimate sacramental marriage into something that it is not.
The Catholic Church has thousands of theologians and just as many Biblical scholars. I think it would be very safe to say that the Catholic Church has a much better handle on interpreting scriptures properly than any group of your friends or any Protestant group no matter how astute any of them may be.
Besides, the Holy Spirit was promised by Christ to lead God’s Church as a group, not one particular individual as Protestants claim. God Bless, and don’t let the turkeys get you down.
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maryjk
Guest
I will try not to take that statement personally. I can’t imagine that you are telling people that are married, that their marriage is a mistake.
No, it is not a sin. Yes, any marriage takes work. Yes, if you marry outside of your religion, your marriage will take work.
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MichelleTherese
Guest
Ok, please excuse my extreme ignorance…
But how do I go about making my marriage to my non-Christian fiance “ok” in the eyes of the Church??
Can we have a wedding Mass - or no?
If he wishes to be married his family’s church is that ok?
If I’m married by a Protestant minister (His family is Church of Scotland) will/can a Priest bless our marriage so that it is ok in the Church?
But how do I go about making my marriage to my non-Christian fiance “ok” in the eyes of the Church??
Can we have a wedding Mass - or no?
If he wishes to be married his family’s church is that ok?
If I’m married by a Protestant minister (His family is Church of Scotland) will/can a Priest bless our marriage so that it is ok in the Church?
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cameron_lansing
Guest
Michelle Therese,
I really urge you to contact your parish priest as the proper and only really good place to start.
We here can give only general information, so you have a general idea. Even then we don’t know all the details that would shape a correct response to your individual case (for example, is he baptized? is this the first marriage for both of you?).
Generally, if both parties are both free to marry, the Church can provide any necessary dispensations or permissions for a Catholic to marry a non Catholic, whether baptized or not, if the promises and declarations are made. I referred to those things earlier.
For a just reason, the Church can permit such a marriage to be celebrated with a Protestant minister officiating according to the rite of his/her denomination.
The diocesan bishop may permit a wedding Mass if the non Catholic party is baptized, but is not obliged to. Otherwise the Rite of Marriage is celebrated outside the Mass.
Just to avoid confusion in applying those principles to your own case, I think you need to discuss them in person with the priest.
The Church also requires preparation for entering the married state, and that takes some time. The preparation will take account of the fact that your fiance is described as a non believer. He must become aware of what we believe about the duties of marriage.
Godspeed.
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wcknight
Guest
CL is correct, your pastor is the one who cangive you definitive answers.
However, I have been in a marriage ceremony with a Catholic mass and one of the couple was non-Catholic.
My guess is that your wedding will have to be at a Catholic Church especially if you want a mass.
I don’t think priests will just “bless a marriage”. Marriage is a sacrament and as such there is a whole ceremony involved in it. More than likely it will have to be a Catholic ceremony, and your protestant minister can participate in the homily or the blessing.
Each diocese may be different in what they allow and what they do not, so your pastor really is the best source for your questions and answers.
However, I have been in a marriage ceremony with a Catholic mass and one of the couple was non-Catholic.
My guess is that your wedding will have to be at a Catholic Church especially if you want a mass.
I don’t think priests will just “bless a marriage”. Marriage is a sacrament and as such there is a whole ceremony involved in it. More than likely it will have to be a Catholic ceremony, and your protestant minister can participate in the homily or the blessing.
Each diocese may be different in what they allow and what they do not, so your pastor really is the best source for your questions and answers.
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AndyF
Guest
Sadly. He’s right, but perhaps you qualify for a dispensation. Talk to your priest. If he agrees, and from what I understand correctly, it most likely will be on conditions your spouse will require to agree to.
1Cor 7, 39
Joshua 23,13-14
Eph 5, 32
1 Cor 7,16
Andy
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DaveBj
Guest
Any action (such as marrying a non-believer) that goes against the clear counsel of Scripture is a mistake, if not an outright sin.I will try not to take that statement personally. I can’t imagine that you are telling people that are married, that their marriage is a mistake.
No, it is not a sin. Yes, any marriage takes work. Yes, if you marry outside of your religion, your marriage will take work.
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jebojora
Guest
It is a danger. I don’t know that I would think it’s a sin. I am married to a non-Christian, non-Catholic.
I was a Christian when we married, but very nominal. I became Catholic after we were married. It’s been extremely difficult. I do not have a partner in religious matters. I am without a spiritual head of my household. It becomes really important when you have children. If you are Catholic and you are married in the Catholic Church you both must agree to bring the children up in the Catholic Church.
It is better to enter the sacrament of marriage with someone who understands the full responsibility and grace that comes with that sacrament.
Please pray about this. Ask God to show you His will.
Have you asked your fiance to “check out” RCIA? Have you shared the Catholic faith with him?
I was a Christian when we married, but very nominal. I became Catholic after we were married. It’s been extremely difficult. I do not have a partner in religious matters. I am without a spiritual head of my household. It becomes really important when you have children. If you are Catholic and you are married in the Catholic Church you both must agree to bring the children up in the Catholic Church.
It is better to enter the sacrament of marriage with someone who understands the full responsibility and grace that comes with that sacrament.
Please pray about this. Ask God to show you His will.
Have you asked your fiance to “check out” RCIA? Have you shared the Catholic faith with him?
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maryjk
Guest
Maybe instead of it being a mistake, I am helping my husband to be made holy.
To the OP, check with your priest. Talk to your future husband. Find out all you can.
Keep in mind, everyone will have their own side to this. Some Catholics are very against it, some live it every day. Only your priest can answer your questions about how to go about this.
No, it is not a sin, even if some people wish it were. I did not have to go to confession because I got married. I do not have to go to confession because I stay married, in fact the Church wants me to stay married. It would be a sin to leave my husband and marry someone else. The Church does not see my marriage as a sin or a mistake.
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jebojora
Guest
I agree completely. I pray for my husband daily…several times a day actually!Maybe instead of it being a mistake, I am helping my husband to be made holy.
To the OP, check with your priest. Talk to your future husband. Find out all you can.
Keep in mind, everyone will have their own side to this. Some Catholics are very against it, some live it every day. Only your priest can answer your questions about how to go about this.
No, it is not a sin, even if some people wish it were. I did not have to go to confession because I got married. I do not have to go to confession because I stay married, in fact the Church wants me to stay married. It would be a sin to leave my husband and marry someone else. The Church does not see my marriage as a sin or a mistake.
But, if I’d been a Catholic when I met him, my faith would have come first. Becasue I am in the situation I am now, I stay married and I believe that God will save my husband some day. I believe this will be a miracle.
Religion and faith can become huge points of stress in a marriage. It can also be the beginning of the unbelievers salvation. Ultimately, the best scenario is for both people to be in agreement on matters of faith at the start of a life time committment. I know that’s not always easy, especially when blinded by love.
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DaveBj
Guest
The situation described in 1 Cor 7 was where both marriage partners had been unbelievers and one of them became a believer. Paul’s teaching in other areas is crystal clear–believers are to marry believers only.
DaveBj
DaveBj
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tjmiller
Guest
For a Christian to marry a non-Christian is a grave offense, for, as St. Paul observes, it is attempting to join light with darkness and Christ with Belial. Marriage is a Christian Sacrament. We must not admit infidels thereunto, any more than we would to Holy Communion.
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Ma.Eugenia
Guest
Hi! You know, I’m having the same trouble as you. I come from a rock-solid Catholic background. I am currently seeing a guy who is Muslim. He’s nice, intelligent and a real gentleman. Previous to this, I was dating a Protestant guy who was also nice, intelligent and a real gentleman—and my parents were very vocal in their discouragement. So, you can imagine how they will take to someone who is not even Christian.
My problem is that the Catholic guys that I’ve met and dated have not been good and kind. One Catholic guy who asked me to marry him–backed off when I told him that I wasn’t rich --(I just wanted it to be honest). I am not saying that all are bad–many are good— like my dad and brother who are good Catholics. Just my luck, I guess.
Thing is, now that I am at the threshold of deciding whether to move forward with the relationship or not—I also feel the pull of loyalty to my church. I begin to question (again–but moreso now because the guy is not even Christian) which is more important to me. Bottom line, I still think that my pearl of great price is still my faith —and I don’t want to let go of it–ever. (Still, I pray to have the fortitude to to keep my faith always.)
I am suggesting that you also seek guidance from your priest. I have seen many Protestant - Catholic marriages. Some have been succesful. But I sincerely think that it will be harder because of adjustments on differing beliefs and decisions on what religious denomination to have the children baptized.
I think the decision has to be made before marrying anyone from another religion. You may want to read up on our faith. That way, questions about Catholism can be easily answered by you and not be caught unable to answer. I’m sure you will have the same problem I encountered when I go out with non-Catholic friends–they ask questions—moreso, the non-Catholic guys I dated. Good thing, my dad keeps a collection of Catholic books in the house—and I get to read up and stand tall when questions about my faith comes my way.
The nice thing is, I got to make the Muslim guy that I am dating research about our Lady of Guadalupe—because we were having a debate on whether miracles do happen. Though I don’t think he still believes miracles—I think he found the story of Our Lady an eye-opener to our church. Also, he did agree with me that Pope John Paul II was a great guy. I also told him about St. Maximillan Kolbe --whom I greatly admired.
Maybe for me, keeping my Muslim friend as a just that---- a friend will be not too bad. Perhaps that is the reason God sent him my way—to be a friend, but at the same time reinforce my faith in Him and the Catholic Church.
Anyway, I pray that you will make the right decisions according to God’s will. Please pray too for God to make his will known to you. I believe that when you pray to Our Lord, he will not give you “stone” if you ask for “bread”. God knows what’s best for us always.
God bless to you.
My problem is that the Catholic guys that I’ve met and dated have not been good and kind. One Catholic guy who asked me to marry him–backed off when I told him that I wasn’t rich --(I just wanted it to be honest). I am not saying that all are bad–many are good— like my dad and brother who are good Catholics. Just my luck, I guess.
Thing is, now that I am at the threshold of deciding whether to move forward with the relationship or not—I also feel the pull of loyalty to my church. I begin to question (again–but moreso now because the guy is not even Christian) which is more important to me. Bottom line, I still think that my pearl of great price is still my faith —and I don’t want to let go of it–ever. (Still, I pray to have the fortitude to to keep my faith always.)
I am suggesting that you also seek guidance from your priest. I have seen many Protestant - Catholic marriages. Some have been succesful. But I sincerely think that it will be harder because of adjustments on differing beliefs and decisions on what religious denomination to have the children baptized.
I think the decision has to be made before marrying anyone from another religion. You may want to read up on our faith. That way, questions about Catholism can be easily answered by you and not be caught unable to answer. I’m sure you will have the same problem I encountered when I go out with non-Catholic friends–they ask questions—moreso, the non-Catholic guys I dated. Good thing, my dad keeps a collection of Catholic books in the house—and I get to read up and stand tall when questions about my faith comes my way.
The nice thing is, I got to make the Muslim guy that I am dating research about our Lady of Guadalupe—because we were having a debate on whether miracles do happen. Though I don’t think he still believes miracles—I think he found the story of Our Lady an eye-opener to our church. Also, he did agree with me that Pope John Paul II was a great guy. I also told him about St. Maximillan Kolbe --whom I greatly admired.
Maybe for me, keeping my Muslim friend as a just that---- a friend will be not too bad. Perhaps that is the reason God sent him my way—to be a friend, but at the same time reinforce my faith in Him and the Catholic Church.
Anyway, I pray that you will make the right decisions according to God’s will. Please pray too for God to make his will known to you. I believe that when you pray to Our Lord, he will not give you “stone” if you ask for “bread”. God knows what’s best for us always.
God bless to you.
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