Is maternal age a serious enough reason to strictly use NFP?

[gloraykid]

My husband and I have three children. We were quite careful (using NFP) after the birth of our 3rd on the heels of the first two kids and felt too emotionally and physically drained and strained to have another child right away. However, of course, the kids grow up and for the past 5 years or so (now that they’re all out of diapers!) our life has become less physically demanding, a bit saner, and now our “baby” is now 8! I’d say the last 3 years or so, we have definitely been more relaxed about the “fertile time,” taking “chances” (i.e. trusting in the Lord) but no children have resulted (always with a mixed sense of relief and disappointment if I was late in starting my period…) However, I just had my 42nd birthday. We have been growing increasingly worried about a baby at this age, not so much for the financial reasons or time strain, but because about possible birth defects, due to my older maternal age. Is this a valid reason to avoid the marital embrace during the most fertile time? I know all children are a gift from God, but I can’t, emotionally, seem to get past this… is it just that I am lacking faith?? Thanks for any words of advice you can offer, especially from fellow NFP couples facing this issue!

 

[1ke]

Serious reason cannot be determined by anyone but you and your husband after properly forming your conscience and discussing openly and honestly your fears, limitations, and emotional/physical state.

You might go over to the Delphi Forums and look up the NFPTalk board. This board is dedicated to NFP and many of the mothers on there are older.

I think that fear can paralyze and that knowledge is power. Perhaps researching your fears and the reality of older pregnancies versus the sometimes overblown “risks” that get media attention. The whole birth defect probability, while real, is not really that statistically significant as you grow older.

 

[Marian84]

This doesn’t exactly answer your question, but my mother had my two youngest brothers in her forties–41 and 43 to be exact–and she had no more difficulties with them than with the other five. So if God does bless you with another child, trust Him–it can be done!

God bless,

Marian84

 

[LittleDeb]

1ke:

Serious reason cannot be determined by anyone but you and your husband after properly forming your conscience and discussing openly and honestly your fears, limitations, and emotional/physical state.

You might go over to the Delphi Forums and look up the NFPTalk board. This board is dedicated to NFP and many of the mothers on there are older.

I think that fear can paralyze and that knowledge is power. Perhaps researching your fears and the reality of older pregnancies versus the sometimes overblown “risks” that get media attention. The whole birth defect probability, while real, is not really that statistically significant as you grow older.

I agree. While I am only 34 and not yet facing maternal age issues, my husband and are concerned about future children since we married late and started a family late. (Not by choice, it just turned out that way.)

Trust in God. Don’t even think of it as “taking chances.” Think of it as “fully forming to the will of God.” If we had the resources I’d have children until I couldn’t anymore. That’s me though. I thought I couldn’t have them so I might be making up for lost time. Bless you in your search for answers.

 

[Madia]

Here’s some links that might help:

ewtn.com/expert/answers/nfp_serious_motives.htm
ewtn.com/vexperts/showresult.asp?RecNum=450962&Forums=0&Experts=0&Days=2005&Author=&Keyword=cross&pgnu=1&groupnum=0&record_bookmark=32&ORDER_BY_TXT=ORDER+BY+ID+DESC&start_at=

 

[1ke]

LittleDeb:

I agree. While I am only 34 and not yet facing maternal age issues, my husband and are concerned about future children since we married late and started a family late. (Not by choice, it just turned out that way.)

Trust in God. Don’t even think of it as “taking chances.” Think of it as “fully forming to the will of God.” If we had the resources I’d have children until I couldn’t anymore. That’s me though. I thought I couldn’t have them so I might be making up for lost time. Bless you in your search for answers.

DH and I married even later than you-- I’m 38 (will be 39 on Thurs) and DH is 44. And, we fully intend to start our family ASAP. Age is not a factor for us. If we cannot have our own, we have discussed adoption.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I do not know your situation completely so I will give you my opinion from my situation, with things as they are now (no serious reasons). If I was 42 and without any serious reasons to avoid children, I would not consider the probability of having children with birth defects due to my age to be a serious reason.

The statistics (possibility of birth defects) are there for everyone that reaches that age, God knew that when he made us all. Also, even if the odds are higher than when I was 20, there is always a chance of having a child with birth defects, so when would it become a serious reason, when I turn 30? 35? 40?..
Also, according to a little research I just did online, it looks like the odds of not having a child with birth defects, if do get pregnant at all, is at least 90% (being conservative). So odds strongly in favor of not having a child with birth defects.

Anyways, in genereal, fertility is lower once we reach that age. Furthermore, according to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, about one-third of women between age 35 and 39 and two-thirds of women over 40 have fertility problems.

The most common chromosomal defect only occurs to 1% of babies born to women that are 40 and only 3.3% of babies born to women who are 45.

My point is that the odds of getting pregnant are low anyways, and the odds of a baby having birth defects are very low. I personally would not consider it just in my case to try to avoid children knowing that I have at least a 90% (again conservative, many places suggested more than 95%) chance of having a child without problems. Even if the odds were different, birth defects would not be something I personally would consider as a reason to avoid children. These children are special gifts, not burdens. Their lives are not less worth living.

Now, even if I were to have a child that does have some sort of “birth defect” this child is a wonderful gift of God. God chose to make that child special in that way and this child would be received as a great blessing for my family, and a sign that God trusts us to take good care of such a wonderful gift. I know you stated that you know children are a gift from God, but I still wanted to add this. I also wanted to add from a Vatican conference on the disabled:
“In the perspective of integral humanism, which faith is able to perceive in greater depth, it is impossible even to entertain the hypothesis that God might have been “mistaken” when he created disabled children. On the contrary, we must say that God loves them personally, and that these children, thus conformed to the suffering Christ, are the object of his special tenderness.”
I know you weren’t saying the contrary, but I just wanted to add that. Also, its always a good idea to seek the advice of a good morally sound Catholic priest. He can help you discern what a serious reason is, though ultimately it is up to the couple.

 

[malibu364]

Re: is maternal age a serious enough reason to strictly use NFP?

I am not sure exactly what you are getting at by asking the question in this way. Be that as it may, I think generally the answer to your question would be yes. If you and your spouse have reached a decision that you don’t want any more children, you don’t have to have them, maternal age (and the possibility of birth defects) being one of many potential reasons.

One of the difficulties my spouse and I face is that she is nearing an age where typical NFP sympto-thermal methods don’t really work anymore. Her cycles are too irregular and the data is too irregular to mean anything. I have found this a far more difficult period of time than earlier in our married life, since we already have a handicapped child.

As opposed to checking websites, you might consider speaking with your pastor, your confessor, or any number of priests. Not necessarily “opinion” shopping, but for some advice. You will have to stick with it though, as some priests are helpful while others are incapable of providing any real help in this area. At times the response I’ve received is, “Well, do your best”, or “Uh-huh, anything else?”

 

[1ke]

malibu364:

Re: is maternal age a serious enough reason to strictly use NFP?

I am not sure exactly what you are getting at by asking the question in this way. Be that as it may, I think generally the answer to your question would be yes. If you and your spouse have reached a decision that you don’t want any more children, you don’t have to have them, maternal age (and the possibility of birth defects) being one of many potential reasons.

One of the difficulties my spouse and I face is that she is nearing an age where typical NFP sympto-thermal methods don’t really work anymore. Her cycles are too irregular and the data is too irregular to mean anything. I have found this a far more difficult period of time than earlier in our married life, since we already have a handicapped child.

As opposed to checking websites, you might consider speaking with your pastor, your confessor, or any number of priests. Not necessarily “opinion” shopping, but for some advice. You will have to stick with it though, as some priests are helpful while others are incapable of providing any real help in this area. At times the response I’ve received is, “Well, do your best”, or “Uh-huh, anything else?”

Malibu-- You and your wife should consider the Creighton Model. It works for peri-menopausal and menopausal women.