Is modesty overrated?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Rozellelily
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Beside the more clearly viewable border crossing looks from “pretty” to “slutty” (we don´t need to talk about Latex-Overknees paired with crop tops and mini skirts, I think) it´s very much the attitude that makes the differnece. Attitude, and cultural sensitivity.
I always wear make up, I often wear high heels, but I raraley get catcalled or seen as offensively sexy.
 
Lust is fire in the soul. Attract a man by appealing to his lust is literally playing with fire and you (and he, of course) will get burned. A marriage that could possibly happen in a relationship based on superficial attraction fed by lust, will almost certainly be dysfunctional - and the children and family that could follow will surely reap trouble.

Marriage is a sacrament. Marriage is a creation of God for good, for goodness, for beauty and truth and happiness - “sexiness” is inseparable from “lust,” which is a sin. Disregard the “cultural climate”! Be better than that! God created every person for good, calling us all to holiness - holiness, not to “fit in” with a culture literally going insane.

Trust Him, and live as He wants you to, and follow His holy Truth, and you will find happiness. Follow a blind culture and you will fall into the same ditch, or canyon, or bottomless pit that this blind culture is headed toward, as we speak.
 
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You seem to set low standards for yourself.

If you want a husband that will treat you right and not lust after other women, then you need to find someone of that high character. You won’t be able to do that by dressing slutty, as that only attracts losers and people looking to take advantage of you.

Men of character look for women of character, and modesty plays a big part in separating the sheep from the goats. It shows dignity and self-respect, and also in our culture perseverance against social pressure, and those are sure signs of character.
 
fide said:
sexiness” is inseparable from “lust,” which is a sin.
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I’m not sure if this is the case because most men want to be sexually attracted to their wives and they will only be if you are sexy and not sexless.

While it’s very prominent in today’s culture climate due to internet and social media,I think it has always been this way-eg:in my culture background many female singers even in the 60’s from what I can see had some form of “sex appeal”.
I don’t mean with everything on show like todays singer -eg:Jlo or Ariana Grande-but still having sex appeal/womanliness.

What I find hard is where is the line between being sexy and womanly vs being overtly immodest.
 
A woman who is sure of herself and her sexuality does not need to dress with her cleavage showing or in any other inappropriate manner I believe people men and women do care about modesty. …I don’t believe it is being phased out. God bless:🦋
 
Even if a woman herself dresses modestly,I don’t see how this helps men still though because her husband could easily go look at other women with cleavage etc so what is the purpose?

I think it would be a “nightmare” to be the godly modest wife who finds out her husband is looking at other women on Insta etc who dress “as they wish”.
There are men like this unfortunately.
 
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Both husband and wife have a duty before God to be faithful to one another, and as such he should have some self restraint, and she should have faith that he has such restraint.

God Bless
 
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Rozellelily said:
I’m not sure if this is the case because most men want to be sexually attracted to their wives and they will only be if you are sexy and not sexless.
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Modesty doesn’t mean you are a sexless creature in a feed sack. There are plenty of outfits that are not revealing by today’s standards, but still quite sexy.

Most of us married women managed to get husbands without having to go around half naked to attract one. The kind of man who is on Instagram posting comments on pictures of cleavage is NOT husband material or he would be out taking a real woman on a date, not getting an eyeful on instagram.

I think you’re thinking of modesty as being something like the Amish when in fact it’s more like how women used to dress prior to the mid-1960s, which brought in acres of bare flesh. Also, it is often much sexier to be covered up and leaving something to the imagination, than to be nearly nude in a bikini with everything on display.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
The kind of man who is on Instagram posting comments on pictures of cleavage is NOT husband materi
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It wouldn’t surprise me if some of them are already married as some are in their 40’s or even 50’s.:roll_eyes:
 
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I’m certain you are right. So what do you care what they think of modesty or immodesty?

A lot of men use online pictures as fuel for their lustful fantasies, only.
 
As I said if a women is sure of herself and her sexuality, first does not have to worry about her husband looking at other women…Men will look, women will look, will they stray, well i knew my husband[… he passed] 18 months ago…Our marriage was solid. Listen I don’t believe we need to go aroud with blouses or sweaters up to our necks, low enough just to be…attractive…to their men…
 
I think it’s more a factor of a husband or wife’s personality as to whether they stray.
There are certain people who have a weakness for looking at others outside a marriage.
And certain people who have a weakness for straying.
They will give all kinds of excuses, but generally the way a person behaves before the marriage is how they will behave after, and it has very little to do with how the spouse acts.
Often such people will marry a spouse who is willing to tolerate their behavior for some reason or another.

I agree that self-confidence in one’s own sexiness is a good thing for a woman to have.
But if a guy has a wandering eye anyway then he’s just that way. (And same for some women who wander off with other men for a time.)
This is why I say, get to know somebody really well before you marry them, because 90 percent of the time they don’t change after marriage.
 
Rozellelily said:
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Tis_Bearself:
The kind of man who is on Instagram posting comments on pictures of cleavage is NOT husband materi
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It wouldn’t surprise me if some of them are already married as some are in their 40’s or even 50’s.:roll_eyes:
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Men will look just as women will look. You cannot control his eyes only he can. If he is spending time looking at half dressed women on Facebook and Instagram he needs to spend some time in a confessional.

Modesty does not mean dumpy or homely or frumpy or unsexy. It simply means you wear an appropriate amount of clothing.

My favorite modern example of modesty is the Dutchess of Cambridge. She always looks great, but she is never dressed to draw attention to her cleavage. Amal Clooney is another great example although she does push the boundaries a bit sometimes. (Note: they have husbands)

You want a husband who finds you attactive when dressed appropriately. You want a husband with a good moral compass. You want a husband who respects you. You don’t want a husband you had to attract by walking around half-dressed.
 
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mrsdizzyd said:
My favorite modern example of modesty is the Dutchess of Cambridge. She always looks great, but she is never dressed to draw attention to her cleavage.
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Grace Kelly and Jackie Kennedy during her White House years (she got a little wild later on in the 70s) are two other examples of women who were modestly dressed, but extremely sexy.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
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mrsdizzyd:
My favorite modern example of modesty is the Dutchess of Cambridge. She always looks great, but she is never dressed to draw attention to her cleavage.
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Grace Kelly and Jackie Kennedy during her White House years (she got a little wild later on in the 70s) are two other examples of women who were modestly dressed, but extremely sexy.
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Yes, icons of beauty and grace!
 
Rozellelily said:
Even if a woman herself dresses modestly,I don’t see how this helps men still though because her husband could easily go look at other women with cleavage etc so what is the purpose?

I think it would be a “nightmare” to be the godly modest wife who finds out her husband is looking at other women on Insta etc who dress “as they wish”.
There are men like this unfortunately.
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Yes, he could go look at other women, but that would be on him, not his wife. You are connecting how a woman dresses and who a man looks at where there is no connection. There are women that don’t dress modestly, and their husbands are still looking at other women. That’s on the man, not the woman.

And two wrongs don’t make it right. You need to ask yourself why you are so concerned with “likes” in the first place.
 
Irishmom2 said:
es, he could go look at other women, but that would be on him, not his wife. You are connecting how a woman dresses and who a man looks at where there is no connection. There are women that don’t dress modestly, and their husbands are still looking at other women. That’s on the man, not the woman.
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Not to mention the cases where a man likes to look at women he’s not married to who are dressed sexy because it feels naughty and “forbidden” and thus exciting to him, but no way does he want his wife to look like that. He wants his wife to look like a sweet, modest wife.

Men often like to look at women who are immodestly dressed, but they don’t necessarily want to marry one.
 
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