Is my child gay?

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lmallardi

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Are there any books, articles or periodicals that you could recommend for parents questioning and/or dealing with their child’s sexual preferences? It seems that “straight” kids who have certain mannerisms or tones are forced into groups where they don’t belong, just because they “act” that way. I don’t know if my child is gay. What are the signs to look for, how do you deal with them and how do you get them to open up to you?
 
There is a book called “Beyond Gay” by David Morrison. He is one of the principle members of Courage, the only organization approved by the Vatican for dealing with people that have a same-sex attraction. (more info on Courage at couragerc.org).

It talks both about being a Catholic and dealing with a same-sex attraction and being related to a person with a same-sex attraction, it deals with both cases where the person abides by church teaching and how to deal with those that do not abide by church teaching.

Also, any books by Father John Harvey, the Priest in charge of the Courage ministry can help.

Also as someone who has dealt with lots of young kids, just because someone may display mannerisms associated with “gay” people doesn’t mean they are. I have found that some kids that were raised without a male influence or in a family with a large number of females can have effeminate tendancies. They don’t necessarily mean they are “gay”.
 
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Marauder:
There is a book called “Beyond Gay” by David Morrison. He is one of the principle members of Courage, the only organization approved by the Vatican for dealing with people that have a same-sex attraction. (more info on Courage at couragerc.org).

It talks both about being a Catholic and dealing with a same-sex attraction and being related to a person with a same-sex attraction, it deals with both cases where the person abides by church teaching and how to deal with those that do not abide by church teaching.

Also, any books by Father John Harvey, the Priest in charge of the Courage ministry can help.

Also as someone who has dealt with lots of young kids, just because someone may display mannerisms associated with “gay” people doesn’t mean they are. I have found that some kids that were raised without a male influence or in a family with a large number of females can have effeminate tendancies. They don’t necessarily mean they are “gay”.
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I suspect that these sources will not be particularly helpful in what you are asking. Contact Catholic Answers, and ask them how to contact Dr. Ray Gurendi (I probably misspelled his name), and ask them if they have resources, and can direct you to psychologists and/or psychiatrists dealing with this issue in children.

And if this is related to one of your children, please, please be careful that you are not in denial; seek professional help in determining if there is a problem rather than trying to diagnose on your own. And make sure the professional is not one who thinks homosexuality is either fine, or that nothing can ever be done.
 
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otm:
I suspect that these sources will not be particularly helpful in what you are asking. Contact Catholic Answers, and ask them how to contact Dr. Ray Gurendi (I probably misspelled his name), and ask them if they have resources, and can direct you to psychologists and/or psychiatrists dealing with this issue in children.
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As someone who has actually read the sources, all of the sources listed have sections that deal with being a parent and dealing with a child that may or may not have a same-sex attraction. Courage even has a youth support group and trains youth workers to deal with people that have same-sex attractions. It also has a parents support group called Encourage.

Of course there are other sources.
 
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lmallardi:
Are there any books, articles or periodicals that you could recommend for parents questioning and/or dealing with their child’s sexual preferences? It seems that “straight” kids who have certain mannerisms or tones are forced into groups where they don’t belong, just because they “act” that way. I don’t know if my child is gay. What are the signs to look for, how do you deal with them and how do you get them to open up to you?
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How old is your child???

I ask because I know how cruel Middle Schoolers can be. The word Gay seems to become a part of their vocabulary at this age and they are always singleing out peers who they may preceive as “different”. I mean a child who shows compassion maybe labeled gay. My daughter wore a short haircut at this age and played sports. She is far from being gay. Believe me. But, she had to endure the cruelty of other children.

All I can say is I have known many boys through out my life who may have because of their mannerisms appeared on the outside to be “gay” but they were NOT. I do not think it is possible to make this determination just by mannerisms or speech patterns alone.

If you have a concern, it is wise of you to learn all you can. Your child needs you. Your love, mostly.

You are in my prayers. God Bless.
 
There was only one kid in my high school who was considered gay. When we got together for a reunion, he had outlived 2 wives and was on his third. So I have no idea. I sometimes worry that when we try to lablel kids’ sexual orientation too early, they will simply try to meet our expectations.
 
If you are concerned about your child’s perspective on the issue of sexuality, I would suggest reading The Theology of the Body, the 129 small discussions by John Paul 2.

Christopher West has taken JP2’s work and puts the Pontiff’s work into focus.

If your child is old enough to know what sexuality, that God gave us, means to our existance, IMO no one would want to take their sexuality for granted.

Give this site a try:
www.theologyofthebody.com

go with God!
Edwin
 
MAY JESUS WATCH OVER YOU
by the letter i presume your child is quite small and just entering puberty.
in my opinion, you’re worrying too early.
as puberty sets in, we all reach a phase where sexuality starts being explored. it does not always have to do with “how-girls-are-different”.
very often, during puberty, children also explore their own gender. often, some horsing around comes in. all guys would know what i’m talking about.
early interest shown in one’s own sex does not mean being gay. you should perhaps be as worried if the child shows undue interest in the opposite sex.
so what can you do?
pray for your son that he might develop the virtue of chastity early, that god may grant him a correct understanding of sexuality in due course of time, and that he be protected from the devil’s snares in this and every other regard.
also, this might be the time for a talk about the “birds and the bees” in a very catholic and spiritual perspective
cheerio:D
 
what happens if ur child is gay? are u going to try and cure him?
 
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lmallardi:
Are there any books, articles or periodicals that you could recommend for parents questioning and/or dealing with their child’s sexual preferences? It seems that “straight” kids who have certain mannerisms or tones are forced into groups where they don’t belong, just because they “act” that way. I don’t know if my child is gay. What are the signs to look for, how do you deal with them and how do you get them to open up to you?
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Friend:

Does your child have a good relationship with Dad and Mom? If not, first of all, ask questions as to why/why not. Then seek counseling on the topic asap.

If everything is fine, and your son is just artistic/non-athletic–encourage him that it’s O.K. and God gifted him that way. If daughter is unfeminine–the same. God made everyone different- BUT he did NOT create people GAY. This is a sickness I think.

This needs to be dealt with today in our sick culture.

As a parent–do your best—God is with you here on this one~~~~
encourage–encourage----look at your family and your environment. And take it from there. Sometimes kids go thru stages–but they do need talking to from their folks.
 
being GAY is not a sickness… it is a genitic defult, like if a child wa mentialy handicaped. U can not CURE it. If ur child is gay u should support them not CURE them, do u want ur child to themselves or someone that u force them to be? ur child need love not u telling him-her that the way they feel is wrong. If u say what they are is wrong, that they are sick then it will drive them away from u and I know that is not what a parent wants. >U love them, show how much u love them by excepting who they are.
 
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nolai:
being GAY is not a sickness… it is a genitic defult, like if a child wa mentialy handicaped. U can not CURE it. If ur child is gay u should support them not CURE them, do u want ur child to themselves or someone that u force them to be? ur child need love not u telling him-her that the way they feel is wrong. If u say what they are is wrong, that they are sick then it will drive them away from u and I know that is not what a parent wants. >U love them, show how much u love them by excepting who they are.
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No one can definitively say why people are disposed toward same sex attraction.

But this is all moot because same sex attraction (whether genetic or acquired) never compels anyone against their will to engage in homosexual acts which are all intrinsicly evil. So it doesn’t matter if same sex attraction is curable or not.

Scott
 
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nolai:
being GAY is not a sickness… it is a genitic defult, like if a child wa mentialy handicaped. U can not CURE it. If ur child is gay u should support them not CURE them, do u want ur child to themselves or someone that u force them to be? ur child need love not u telling him-her that the way they feel is wrong. If u say what they are is wrong, that they are sick then it will drive them away from u and I know that is not what a parent wants. >U love them, show how much u love them by excepting who they are.
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Wrong, wrong, wrong…there is absolutely no conclusive scientific evidence to support the pro-homosexual and secularistic agenda and claim that homosexual desire is genetically determined–to become more informed, go to the web site .

Also, the word “gay” is cultural term, which I associate with not someone having a homosexual desire, but with someone choosing to act on their disorded sexual desire, an important distinction when wanting to discuss the morality of choices.

For a parent (or anyone) to truely love a “gay” child, the only requisite is to speak the truth in love. This is vastly different from being sensitive to their feelings alone, which you present above as your sole criteria for “accepting who they are”. It definitely takes more courage and work and understanding to love others in the truth of who they are as created beings of God the Creator, our heavely Father.
 
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nolai:
being GAY is not a sickness… it is a genitic defult, like if a child wa mentialy handicaped. U can not CURE it. If ur child is gay u should support them not CURE them, do u want ur child to themselves or someone that u force them to be? ur child need love not u telling him-her that the way they feel is wrong. If u say what they are is wrong, that they are sick then it will drive them away from u and I know that is not what a parent wants. >U love them, show how much u love them by excepting who they are.
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I will keep repeating myself until, I pray, my words get through to you.

You are way off the mark in your statement… how can you compare being mentally handicapped with acting on same sex attraction???

There is nothing sinful about being handicapped in any way. But God has told us that acting on same sex attraction is WRONG.

Is it genetic? I have no idea. Is being attracted to children genetic? Is having urges to murder people genetic? Who knows?

It doesn’t matter.

We live in a fallen world where the devil is having tons of fun tempting us and leading us to sin. Sometimes I believe the devil’s name should be “Tolerance”.

And our job as parents is to teach our children the Word of God and how to get to heaven, NOT to accept any behavior that makes them “who they are”.

Malia
 
Feanaro's Wife:
Sometimes I believe the devil’s name should be “Tolerance”.

And our job as parents is to teach our children the Word of God and how to get to heaven, NOT to accept any behavior that makes them “who they are”.

Malia
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So what if you taught your children the Word of God and how to get to heaven, and they still are gay. What do you do then?
Do you just say, sorry guy you are not my son anymore?

Emmy
 
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Emmy:
So what if you taught your children the Word of God and how to get to heaven, and they still are gay. What do you do then?
Do you just say, sorry guy you are not my son anymore?

Emmy
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There is a huge difference between having same sex attraction and acting on those feelings. No different than heterosexual attraction. We are not allowed to act out on those outside of the context of marriage either… what is the difference?

All people have struggles and crosses to bear, that is the nature of life.

If my child struggled with same sex attraction I would try to help them in the same way I would help them if they struggled with anything else.

Think of your own struggles… now, do you want the people who love you to help you overcome those struggles? Or do you want them to just let you sin because it’s easier?

Malia
 
Feanaro's Wife:
There is a huge difference between having same sex attraction and acting on those feelings. No different than heterosexual attraction. We are not allowed to act out on those outside of the context of marriage either… what is the difference?

All people have struggles and crosses to bear, that is the nature of life.

If my child struggled with same sex attraction I would try to help them in the same way I would help them if they struggled with anything else.

Think of your own struggles… now, do you want the people who love you to help you overcome those struggles? Or do you want them to just let you sin because it’s easier?

Malia
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What if he tried and tried and it still doesn´t work?
Do you reject him then?

Emmy
 
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