C
cletus_s
Guest
Hi,
I am male (white, mid 50’s) and have been in a >10 year serious relationship with my girlfriend (female, white, also mid-50’s). The last few years have not been good and we talk little and spend little time together.
Since I have known her, she has had a close relationship with a priest which she describes as friendly, that is, she and the priest are very close friends (he is white, mid-50’s). Her priest friend now lives >1000 miles away but she maintains her friendship with him. They frequently talk on the phone, and frequently text each other (every 1-3 days). When she visits family in the town where he lives, she does things such as dinners, movies, musical events, and so on with him, both with other family members and just her and him alone. About every 1-1.5 years, he comes and visits her in the town we live in. She has a 1 bedroom apartment and he stays with her for an entire week or more. They go out and do all sorts of activities, just the two of them together and I am never invited, not even to her house for dinner, I don’t see her at all.
Her relationship with him has always made me uncomfortable and she knows this but yet she maintains the friendship. I am certain that if I gave her an ultimatum of either stop seeing and talking to him and be with me, or continue to be involved in this relationship with him and I will walk, that she would choose him over me. When I hinted at that ultimatum early in our relationship when things were good she made it clear that she would not give up this relationship with him. I have seen an email she sent to him and she signs off, “I love you.” but of course, one can love a person without being romantically involved. I have a very close male friend who I really do love even though neither one of us is gay, it is a brotherly love.
I don’t think she is cheating on me or is sexually involved with him, but then again, I just don’t know. She does not seem like the sort of woman who would cheat. I do wonder if they were sexually involved before she met me and are not now. I understand that a single man can be a friend to a woman who is married or involved so there is always the possiblity that what she tells me is the truth and that they are just very close friends. Still, it hurts deeply that she is closer to him than me.
I do not believe a priest should have such a relationship with a woman whether she is married, involved in a serious relationship, or is just single. Men are men and we cannot so easily deny our sexual desires. She is clearly intimate with him at a level that a woman should not be with a priest (he used to be her personal counselor). It is hard for me to believe that he does not have some level of sexual desire for her. It all just seems so inappropriate and I wonder if I have been played a fool for the last 10+ years.
I do not know what to do. Should I contact the Bishop or someone else in the Church to express my concern? Is there any way I can stop her from interacting with him, because she is not going to do it on her own. Do I play the tough guy and confront him and tell him to get the hell out of my girlfriend’s life? Should I just break up with her?
A Catholic Friend
I am male (white, mid 50’s) and have been in a >10 year serious relationship with my girlfriend (female, white, also mid-50’s). The last few years have not been good and we talk little and spend little time together.
Since I have known her, she has had a close relationship with a priest which she describes as friendly, that is, she and the priest are very close friends (he is white, mid-50’s). Her priest friend now lives >1000 miles away but she maintains her friendship with him. They frequently talk on the phone, and frequently text each other (every 1-3 days). When she visits family in the town where he lives, she does things such as dinners, movies, musical events, and so on with him, both with other family members and just her and him alone. About every 1-1.5 years, he comes and visits her in the town we live in. She has a 1 bedroom apartment and he stays with her for an entire week or more. They go out and do all sorts of activities, just the two of them together and I am never invited, not even to her house for dinner, I don’t see her at all.
Her relationship with him has always made me uncomfortable and she knows this but yet she maintains the friendship. I am certain that if I gave her an ultimatum of either stop seeing and talking to him and be with me, or continue to be involved in this relationship with him and I will walk, that she would choose him over me. When I hinted at that ultimatum early in our relationship when things were good she made it clear that she would not give up this relationship with him. I have seen an email she sent to him and she signs off, “I love you.” but of course, one can love a person without being romantically involved. I have a very close male friend who I really do love even though neither one of us is gay, it is a brotherly love.
I don’t think she is cheating on me or is sexually involved with him, but then again, I just don’t know. She does not seem like the sort of woman who would cheat. I do wonder if they were sexually involved before she met me and are not now. I understand that a single man can be a friend to a woman who is married or involved so there is always the possiblity that what she tells me is the truth and that they are just very close friends. Still, it hurts deeply that she is closer to him than me.
I do not believe a priest should have such a relationship with a woman whether she is married, involved in a serious relationship, or is just single. Men are men and we cannot so easily deny our sexual desires. She is clearly intimate with him at a level that a woman should not be with a priest (he used to be her personal counselor). It is hard for me to believe that he does not have some level of sexual desire for her. It all just seems so inappropriate and I wonder if I have been played a fool for the last 10+ years.
I do not know what to do. Should I contact the Bishop or someone else in the Church to express my concern? Is there any way I can stop her from interacting with him, because she is not going to do it on her own. Do I play the tough guy and confront him and tell him to get the hell out of my girlfriend’s life? Should I just break up with her?
A Catholic Friend
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