Is my hair distracting?

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SHoJ

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The thread about dress codes in church/life got me thinking. First, what is distracting to men? Second, can long hair be distracting? I receive compliments on my long (longer than waist length) curly black hair from many people. Third, at what point does a man’s responsibility for “chastity of the eyes” end and a woman’s responsibility to “not tempt men” begin? Since men could be distracted by my hair, do I have the responsibility to keep it “up” (braids, buns, etc.) to help them avoid sinning? I’m not talking about covering, which puts too much attention on a woman (at least it does in my parish), but making my hairstyle so “plain” so that nobody is distracted by my hair. I mean, some of the braided styles I do with my hair attract a lot of attention because they look intricate and fancy, even though they take 10 minutes to do (less time that most woman spend on their hair). Should I stop doing my hair like this to stop attracting attention to myself?
 
Hi Showj. As a man, i want to thank you, for helping us to have chastity of our eyes. Regarding your question… I don’t think a woman’s hair causes a man to have lustful thoughts, yeah, some of us might admire your hair, but that’s it… So, I don’t think you should be concerned about your hair.
 
Short of covering up your hair with a veil, men will be attracted to you no matter what you do.

Consider this, women today are blessed with all kinds of products and genetically, hormonally modified foods and drinks that everything about a women looks more attractive and healthier than ever before. On top of all this, changes in clothing fashions and cultural attitudes mean that women dress more attractively and provocatively.

A modest women by todays standards would likely have been considered risqué and immodest not more than a generation or two ago.

What hasn’t changed are men. Men have always been attracted to women. However, in generations gone by women have been less healthier, less attractive and weren’t blessed with the same clothing that makes women so attractive today. This isn’t to say men didn’t stray or have issues before. It does make the point that temptations weren’t quite as strong and pronounced as they are today.

Short of dressing and looking like your grandmother, guys will be attracted to you and show you attention until you are too old and replaced by a younger, more attractive women. It doesn’t matter if you are married or single. It doesn’t matter if most guys don’t try to hit on you. They will still be attracted to you and many will get ideas and thoughts even if they have no intention of acting on them.

I do admit, men can be lazy and weak with women. However, women today are just plain gorgeous for the most part. It is the benefits of a wealthy society.
 
no matter what you do, men will be attracted by something about you,
there was a time when just the glimpse of an ankle was considered arousing.
men will look.
 
JoeofCupertino said:
However, women today are just plain gorgeous for the most part. It is the benefits of a wealthy society.
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My friends and I used to joke that our looks, no matter how well groomed or well dressed, would encourage men to have thoughts of. . . . chastity.

:rotfl:
 
Sarcelle said:
Well I seem to be exception. My appearance, even when well-groomed and well-dressed, often encourages men to have thoughts of…chastity.

And no, I am not fat, just ugly.

:rotfl:
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:hug1: I’m sure you’re not.
 
Men should not be watching women during Mass, just as a woman (along with a man) should dress modestly. I would doubt hair would be distracting (see: immodest) enough to divert attention from Mass and cause thoughts of impurity for men; personally, the most hair has ever distracted me is from the scent of a nice shampoo. Although I do not particularly seek out the hair of people.

As for your problem, if you feel your hair is immodest, I would suggest to ask your parents or your priest and see what they think; I think that would be the best option, as we cannot see your hair and answer accordingly.
 
Spend more time on your own propensity to sin and less on worrying about how you might be encouraging men to have lustful thoughts. Men have lustful thoughts about what’s under that full cover burka, and there are men who have fantasies of ravishing nuns.

Better yet, try not to encourage your own vanity about your hair and concentrate on what you might do for the unfortunate, the poor, the hungry, the disabled, the homeless and the imprisoned. It will make you more beautiful to God AND to good men and carries no risk of stimulating lust. Smile at the lonely and the elderly at Mass, and when a little one is driving her mom crazy, give him/her a wink and a funny face to distract the tot. These things will make you far more beautiful than long locks.

For the record, some men (my husband included and most men I’ve dated) find long hair rather disgusting (sorry, that’s the word I’ve heard used for hair longer than the middle of the back) - it is dead once it leaves the scalp, after all. Same for long fingernails, especially if painted to attract attention. So its not all men - some like it some don’t. As a woman, I don’t care one way or the other. Every has some little vanity they indulge in.
 
SHoJ said:
The thread about dress codes in church/life got me thinking. First, what is distracting to men? Second, can long hair be distracting? I receive compliments on my long (longer than waist length) curly black hair from many people. Third, at what point does a man’s responsibility for “chastity of the eyes” end and a woman’s responsibility to “not tempt men” begin? Since men could be distracted by my hair, do I have the responsibility to keep it “up” (braids, buns, etc.) to help them avoid sinning? I’m not talking about covering, which puts too much attention on a woman (at least it does in my parish), but making my hairstyle so “plain” so that nobody is distracted by my hair. I mean, some of the braided styles I do with my hair attract a lot of attention because they look intricate and fancy, even though they take 10 minutes to do (less time that most woman spend on their hair). Should I stop doing my hair like this to stop attracting attention to myself?
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As a sixteen year old man, I want to thank you for being so thoughtful and considerate of your brothers in Christ. So many girls simply do not care, but you do, and I appreciate that. As for your question, modesty does not mean looking ugly. Modesty means looking classy. If you like your hair long, straight and curly (My favorite type of hair on a woman, by the way), then do so! If a man is tempted by your hair, then he probably has more issues than just objectifying women. Keep your hair straight and keep looking beautiful. 👍
 
SHoJ said:
The thread about dress codes in church/life got me thinking. First, what is distracting to men? Second, can long hair be distracting? I receive compliments on my long (longer than waist length) curly black hair from many people. Third, at what point does a man’s responsibility for “chastity of the eyes” end and a woman’s responsibility to “not tempt men” begin? Since men could be distracted by my hair, do I have the responsibility to keep it “up” (braids, buns, etc.) to help them avoid sinning? I’m not talking about covering, which puts too much attention on a woman (at least it does in my parish), but making my hairstyle so “plain” so that nobody is distracted by my hair. I mean, some of the braided styles I do with my hair attract a lot of attention because they look intricate and fancy, even though they take 10 minutes to do (less time that most woman spend on their hair). Should I stop doing my hair like this to stop attracting attention to myself?
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In response to the bolded part…

Each party carries 100% responsibility. There is no point at which one person’s responsibility ends and the other’s begins. You are not responsible for the sin of another. You can only be held liable for your own sin. And by the way - I’m not aware that “distraction” is a sin anyway…

So the question then becomes…Why do you wear your hair as you do at any given time?

Peace
James
 
JRKH said:
So the question then becomes…**Why do you wear your hair as you do at any given time? **

Peace
James
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I guess I was just asking about my hair being a distraction or possible source of sinful thoughts because the fashion in hair now is long extensions, which are supposed to be “sexy”. I don’t wear my hair long so men will think I’m sexy. I’ve just had bad experiences with haircuts, and I’ve decided not to bother getting it cut anymore and it has grown as long as it is. I will wear my hair long when hair fashion swings back to shorter hairstyles. The color and curls are what I was born with (I call my curly hair my “God perm”).

I want to keep my hair as damage-free as possible to avoid having to get my hair cut or trimmed. I wear my hair up in the summer because it’s just too hot where I live to wear it down. I wear my hair up in braids or buns to keep it from getting in the way or tangled. Putting it up (using elastic bands, clips, etc.) causes mechanical damage and breakage, as does wearing the same hairstyle every day, so I vary my hairstyle. Once in a while, however, I like to “unleash the beast” (my mother’s pet name for my hair) and wear my hair down to give it a break from all the styling. Plus, wearing it down keeps my neck warm when it’s cold outside.
 
sojo said:
Spend more time on your own propensity to sin and less on worrying about how you might be encouraging men to have lustful thoughts. Men have lustful thoughts about what’s under that full cover burka, and there are men who have fantasies of ravishing nuns.

Better yet, try not to encourage your own vanity about your hair and concentrate on what you might do for the unfortunate, the poor, the hungry, the disabled, the homeless and the imprisoned. It will make you more beautiful to God AND to good men and carries no risk of stimulating lust. Smile at the lonely and the elderly at Mass, and when a little one is driving her mom crazy, give him/her a wink and a funny face to distract the tot. These things will make you far more beautiful than long locks.

For the record, some men (my husband included and most men I’ve dated) find long hair rather disgusting (sorry, that’s the word I’ve heard used for hair longer than the middle of the back) - it is dead once it leaves the scalp, after all. Same for long fingernails, especially if painted to attract attention. So its not all men - some like it some don’t. As a woman, I don’t care one way or the other. Every has some little vanity they indulge in.
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It makes me so happy when perfect strangers on the internet call me vain and sinful for trying to do my part in being as modest as possible and possibly preventing a brother to sin, and when they have no idea why I choose to have long hair. :rolleyes: Being some anonymous person on the internet, you have no idea how I spend the little spare time I have between work and my studies, but I really do appreciate your “charitable” assumptions about what I do and don’t do for/with others. Please remove the plank from your eye before accusing me of having a splinter in mine. :jrbirdman:
 
SHoJ said:
The thread about dress codes in church/life got me thinking. First, what is distracting to men? Second, can long hair be distracting? I receive compliments on my long (longer than waist length) curly black hair from many people. Third, at what point does a man’s responsibility for “chastity of the eyes” end and a woman’s responsibility to “not tempt men” begin? Since men could be distracted by my hair, do I have the responsibility to keep it “up” (braids, buns, etc.) to help them avoid sinning? I’m not talking about covering, which puts too much attention on a woman (at least it does in my parish), but making my hairstyle so “plain” so that nobody is distracted by my hair. I mean, some of the braided styles I do with my hair attract a lot of attention because they look intricate and fancy, even though they take 10 minutes to do (less time that most woman spend on their hair). Should I stop doing my hair like this to stop attracting attention to myself?
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First, I have no idea what is distracting to men. Like someone else mentioned, men can be tempted by women wearing burkas. My husband used to think it was sexy when I covered my hair before we were married.

Second, it’s possible for long hair to be distracting to both men and women. I notice women with long hair. I notice unique braids and other hairstyles. I recently complimented a women who had the thickest waist length braid I’d ever seen.

Third, I think it’s a man’s (and woman’s) responsibility to avert their eyes and distract their minds if they feel they are falling into lust for someone else based on how they look. We also have a responsibility to dress modestly, but everyone’s definition of modesty is different so you won’t be able to please everyone. Someone is always going to be attracted to your hair, even if you wear it in what you think is a simple style. I think you should wear your hair however it’s comfortable, as long as you’re not constantly “flipping” it in an attempt to flirt with men at Mass.
 
SHoJ said:
I guess I was just asking about my hair being a distraction or possible source of sinful thoughts because the fashion in hair now is long extensions, which are supposed to be “sexy”. I don’t wear my hair long so men will think I’m sexy. I’ve just had bad experiences with haircuts, and I’ve decided not to bother getting it cut anymore and it has grown as long as it is. I will wear my hair long when hair fashion swings back to shorter hairstyles. The color and curls are what I was born with (I call my curly hair my “God perm”).

I want to keep my hair as damage-free as possible to avoid having to get my hair cut or trimmed. I wear my hair up in the summer because it’s just too hot where I live to wear it down. I wear my hair up in braids or buns to keep it from getting in the way or tangled. Putting it up (using elastic bands, clips, etc.) causes mechanical damage and breakage, as does wearing the same hairstyle every day, so I vary my hairstyle. Once in a while, however, I like to “unleash the beast” (my mother’s pet name for my hair) and wear my hair down to give it a break from all the styling. Plus, wearing it down keeps my neck warm when it’s cold outside.
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This is just about the response I expected. 👍
Your reasons are good ones and appear to lack any real sense of vanity.
I like how you give praise to God for your hair…So many who have naturally curly hair would complain. (My hair is thick and wavy too and being a guy, I fought with it most of my life…🤷) I also love your mom’s pet name for it.
But - you wear it as you do because it is convenient for you and is not immodest. You need to make no change.

As for others being “distracted”…That is their cross to bear if indeed that “distraction” becomes problematic for them.
You have beautiful hair - and people notice it. That is fine. If that notice turns to something sinful…It is not because of something you have done.

Peace
James
 
SHoJ said:
The thread about dress codes in church/life got me thinking. First, what is distracting to men? Second, can long hair be distracting? I receive compliments on my long (longer than waist length) curly black hair from many people. Third, at what point does a man’s responsibility for “chastity of the eyes” end and a woman’s responsibility to “not tempt men” begin? Since men could be distracted by my hair, do I have the responsibility to keep it “up” (braids, buns, etc.) to help them avoid sinning? I’m not talking about covering, which puts too much attention on a woman (at least it does in my parish), but making my hairstyle so “plain” so that nobody is distracted by my hair. I mean, some of the braided styles I do with my hair attract a lot of attention because they look intricate and fancy, even though they take 10 minutes to do (less time that most woman spend on their hair). Should I stop doing my hair like this to stop attracting attention to myself?
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I used to have long hair…and mine is naturally curly…but I straghten it. i have to say that it was so much better after I cut it to just sholder lenght…not becuase of the distraction but just all over.
 
JRKH said:
As for others being “distracted”…That is their cross to bear if indeed that “distraction” becomes problematic for them.
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Exactly! 👍 Excellent post!

Men need to take responsibility for their own thoughts and actions. The OP is not anyone else’s Morality Police; it is not her “responsibility” to make sure men aren’t lusting after her. They shouldn’t be staring at other people in Mass anyway. :rolleyes:

Jala
 
Jala said:
Exactly! 👍 Excellent post!

Men need to take responsibility for their own thoughts and actions. The OP is not anyone else’s Morality Police; it is not her “responsibility” to make sure men aren’t lusting after her. They shouldn’t be staring at other people in Mass anyway. :rolleyes:

Jala
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Yes.👍
 
Jala said:
Exactly! 👍 Excellent post!

Men need to take responsibility for their own thoughts and actions. The OP is not anyone else’s Morality Police; it is not her “responsibility” to make sure men aren’t lusting after her. They shouldn’t be staring at other people in Mass anyway. :rolleyes:

Jala
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Amen - Her only responsibility is to make sure that SHE is not doing things to deliberately encourage such things. In other words what is in her heart.
That is why I asked her (rhetorically) why she wears her hair as she does. Her answer makes it readily apparent that she is innocent of any such deliberate encouragement.
She has done her part…The rest is up to the males…

Peace
James
 
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