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1ke
Guest
What the Lutheran church teaches is irrelevant. The person asking the question is a Catholic, and is therefore bound by Catholic doctrine and Catholic Canon Law.
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P
Pug
Guest
Yeah, I know, it’s just that as I followed the thread and read the two posts right in front of mine, they seemed to be also addressing a widowed person, or at least considering it…
Thus opening the question of what if the kids are over 18, meaning that they are possibly not talking about divorce and remarriage. And then the reply
It was this exchange that puzzled me. The problem being discussed seems to be the age of the children and dating, not divorce and dating. The second quote clearly has widows with slightly older children in mind as they should not date.
B
bapcathluth
Guest
The Catholic person isn’t getting divorced and remarried–the Lutheran one is. For Lutherans this isn’t a sin, and I don’t see why a Catholic couldn’t stand up in this wedding. A Lutheran doesn’t have a chance to get an annulment so they don’t really have a choice.
Can a Catholic stand up in a Protestant wedding when she knows the couple will use ABC? Must Catholics only attend Catholic weddings? I have never heard of such a rule.
M
maryceleste
Guest
That’s not all. What if Robert and Renee were to get married, and then (by God’s grace) became interested in converting to Catholicism some time in the future? The Church would consider their previous marriages to be valid…not their current one. In order to become Catholic, they’d have to commit to living “as brother and sister,” unless and until the Church investigated and found their previous marriages null.
K
kmktexas
Guest
ok, I wrote the last one that Pug mentioned and I guess I didn’t express myself clearly.
I think that if a husband and wife need to live seperately, their focus should be on the children and on finding healing not on finding new mates. That was what I was agreeing to in Benedictus’ post.
The situation that I alluded to (being widowed) is more complex. As you yourself said:
Does this sound less odd now?
I think that if a husband and wife need to live seperately, their focus should be on the children and on finding healing not on finding new mates. That was what I was agreeing to in Benedictus’ post.
The situation that I alluded to (being widowed) is more complex. As you yourself said:
With a widow or widower with small children, I think there is somewhat of an obligation to “secure” a father/mother in order to provide an intact family in which the children can grow up. If the children are older - not somewhat older, I was thinking of teens - there is less of the issue of a new parent. It becomes more of an issue of a new spouse. In many situations like that, it MAY be better to put off “dating” until the kids are grown. I am not precluding, in any of these situations, a widow/widower finding someone to love and be with. What I am cautious about is a person who has lost their spouse joining the dating/singles scene with small children at home.
Does this sound less odd now?
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1ke
Guest
I see your point, I had not read those other posts. I don’t know why those people hold such an opinion, but it isn’t church teaching on the matter.
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1ke
Guest
While it is not technically a ‘sin’ due to incomplete knowledge of the grave matter, it is still objectively a moral evil. Therefore, the Catholic cannot condone it. To stand up in a non-Catholic wedding of persons who are divorced and remarrying, the Catholic is giving their tacit approval of the union. This gives scandal.
How about choosing to honor their original marriage vows.
Catholics are not restricted from attending non-Catholic weddings. However, Catholics should not participate as witnesses in instances where it gives scandal. Please recall, the Catholic Church recognizes non-Catholic, Christian marriages as Sacramental. Therefore, these Lutherans are bound by their previous marriage. There is a difference between attending and standing up as matron of honor-- an official witness and participant in the ceremony.
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chevalier
Guest
There’s a problem with dating someone’s spouse. Per the Catholic Canon Law, all valid protestant marriages are sacramental, so they can’t be dissolved. Perhaps this is the problem your husband has?
As for the period spent getting to know each other before marrying… There are happy marriages of couples who got engaged two weeks after first seeing each other. But you can’t really do the same in the RCC with marriage because of the compulsory marriage education classes, anyway. Hmm… it’s reasonable to avoid hurry, but it doesn’t seem improper to me.
As for the period spent getting to know each other before marrying… There are happy marriages of couples who got engaged two weeks after first seeing each other. But you can’t really do the same in the RCC with marriage because of the compulsory marriage education classes, anyway. Hmm… it’s reasonable to avoid hurry, but it doesn’t seem improper to me.
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Pug
Guest
kmk,Does this sound less odd now?
Yes. Much more sense.:yup: I agree about caution with how dating is carried out with children at home. There are several confusing issues and emotions the kids could have. I also think that separated spouses should not be dating at all. If you’re still married, no dating. Thanks for clarifying.
A
AmberDale
Guest
Okay so you are saying that if my best friend were to ever get married (she’s protestant) that I couldn’t be in her wedding? That’s a loaded bullet. We all believe in Christ, the church does not teach that Protestants will go to hell, nor does it teach that you can’t support your friends in there own personally decisions.
It does say that you should not judge. You are not the one to judge, GOD is the judge.
It does say that you should not judge. You are not the one to judge, GOD is the judge.
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1ke
Guest
No, that is not what anyone here has said.
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otm
Guest
Weezir: I will leave for someone more experienced in Canon law the question of whether or not you can be an official witness.
The problems I see are of a different sort, and they are the sort that causes untold headaches, heartaches, and often, another divorce, and those are the problems of what is euphamistically called a “blended” family.
It was not at all clear who had custody in each instance; although if the law of averages applies, she has custody and he doesn’t. There is, however, a very consistent pattern among children, and that is, that they seek, want, dream about, and desire the reuniting of their own family. In other words, his daughter is not too young to want her daddy back home (assuming mother has custody), and her daughter is highly likely to want her father back home too.
The grief that can come of this - not only to the chidren - can be enormous, especially when one or more of the children start to “act out”. It can also occur when the two of them have another child; now we have two young ladies with a half-sibling and the dynamics that entails.
And this doesn’t even get into the issues of discipline - “You aren’t my [dad, mother] and you can’t tell me what to do!”
Add to that, the potential of one, if not both, not having really worked out why the previous marriage(s) didn’t work out, and what part they had in the failure, and you have an instant recipe for disaster. Just add “luv”.
They need some extensive counseling; for themselves, for them as a couple, and for them as a blended family, and they need it now, not after they have jumped whole-heartedly into this Pandora’s box they have opened. Believe me, it is way more serious than they have any clue.
It is not for no reason I categorize people like this as “fools and simpletons” (and I mean no disrespect). They become what I call “clients”, i.e. they end up either at the counselor’s office in disarray, or at the attorneys’ offices.
You may be told that “they have that all worked out”, or “it’s not a problem”, or “my little Mandy just loves {whoever}”. What they are really saying is that the laws of human nature have been suspended just for them and that things are “different” for them. In that case, send them to me; I have a bridge I need to sell…
They are not only an accident looking for a place to happen, but a series of accidents bound to happen over a period of time. Like Tom Shane says, when he advertises his diamonds, “I guarantee it”!
They need professionl help. The best thing you can do is get them to it.
The problems I see are of a different sort, and they are the sort that causes untold headaches, heartaches, and often, another divorce, and those are the problems of what is euphamistically called a “blended” family.
It was not at all clear who had custody in each instance; although if the law of averages applies, she has custody and he doesn’t. There is, however, a very consistent pattern among children, and that is, that they seek, want, dream about, and desire the reuniting of their own family. In other words, his daughter is not too young to want her daddy back home (assuming mother has custody), and her daughter is highly likely to want her father back home too.
The grief that can come of this - not only to the chidren - can be enormous, especially when one or more of the children start to “act out”. It can also occur when the two of them have another child; now we have two young ladies with a half-sibling and the dynamics that entails.
And this doesn’t even get into the issues of discipline - “You aren’t my [dad, mother] and you can’t tell me what to do!”
Add to that, the potential of one, if not both, not having really worked out why the previous marriage(s) didn’t work out, and what part they had in the failure, and you have an instant recipe for disaster. Just add “luv”.
They need some extensive counseling; for themselves, for them as a couple, and for them as a blended family, and they need it now, not after they have jumped whole-heartedly into this Pandora’s box they have opened. Believe me, it is way more serious than they have any clue.
It is not for no reason I categorize people like this as “fools and simpletons” (and I mean no disrespect). They become what I call “clients”, i.e. they end up either at the counselor’s office in disarray, or at the attorneys’ offices.
You may be told that “they have that all worked out”, or “it’s not a problem”, or “my little Mandy just loves {whoever}”. What they are really saying is that the laws of human nature have been suspended just for them and that things are “different” for them. In that case, send them to me; I have a bridge I need to sell…
They are not only an accident looking for a place to happen, but a series of accidents bound to happen over a period of time. Like Tom Shane says, when he advertises his diamonds, “I guarantee it”!
They need professionl help. The best thing you can do is get them to it.
M
martino
Guest
Of course the Church does not teach that Protestants will go to hell! Whether or not you could attend your friends wedding would depend on if she is already married or not. If she has already been married how can she get married again, and if she did how could you justify attending? Just because we all claim to believe in Christ doesn’t mean that we stand by while friends and loved ones damn themselves. What kind of love is that?
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