Is my marriage even valid?

[knitknots]

I’ve been married for almost 14 years. We were originally married by a justice of the peace, but in 2006 went through the convalidation process. We’ve been having problems for almost two years, though. A month ago my husband, in the middle of an argument dropped on me, “I always told you I wouldn’t stay with you just because of the children.” Uhm. No, he had never told me that. If he had, I never would have married him. Barring abusive situations, marriage is supposed to be forever. If you have hard times, you do your best to work through them.

Now I’m in doubt as to when we did the convalidation if he felt this way. If he did, it seems to me that the marriage is invalid due to his lack of belief in the permenance of marriage and possible perpetration of fraud on me by not being upfront about it.

If it makes any difference, my pastor has already told me that it’s best to divorce him. Can anyone offer me any insight as to the validity of my marriage?

 

[kelvinf]

Hmmm, that your pastor said it’s best to divorce him?

PS: Marriage is supposed to be forever. I have never heard of an exception. But there might be need for separation in certain circumstances.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

I’ve been married for almost 14 years. We were originally married by a justice of the peace, but in 2006 went through the convalidation process. We’ve been having problems for almost two years, though. A month ago my husband, in the middle of an argument dropped on me, “I always told you I wouldn’t stay with you just because of the children.” Uhm. No, he had never told me that. If he had, I never would have married him. Barring abusive situations, marriage is supposed to be forever. If you have hard times, you do your best to work through them.

Now I’m in doubt as to when we did the convalidation if he felt this way. If he did, it seems to me that the marriage is invalid due to his lack of belief in the permenance of marriage and possible perpetration of fraud on me by not being upfront about it.

If it makes any difference, my pastor has already told me that it’s best to divorce him. Can anyone offer me any insight as to the validity of my marriage?

Well, I’d wait for 1ke to weigh in; he usually finds a few things I’ve got wrong when I post on the subject of marriage, but it seems to me that if he was being disingenuous when the sacrament was supposed to have taken place, then it would seem to be a defect of intent on the part of one of the ministers, and therefore the sacrament was invalid. That is a big if though. (BTW was your username an intentional reference to the imagination movers?)

 

[1ke]

Well, I’d wait for 1ke to weigh in; he usually

He is a she.

finds a few things I’ve got wrong when I post on the subject of marriage, but it seems to me that if he was being disingenuous when the sacrament was supposed to have taken place, then it would seem to be a defect of intent on the part of one of the ministers, and therefore the sacrament was invalid.

Maybe. It’s more complex than that. It is not mere doubt or threats made during arguments. This must have detrmined the will at the time of the marriage, or in this case convalidation, and you have to be able to prove it in the external forum (i.e. there would have to be witnesses who could attest to the fact that permanence was postively excluded).

Can.* 1060 Marriage possesses the favor of law; therefore, in a case of doubt, the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven.

Can.* 1099 Error concerning the unity or indissolubility or sacramental dignity of marriage does not vitiate matrimonial consent provided that it does not determine the will.

Can.* 1101 §1. The internal consent of the mind is presumed to conform to the words and signs used in celebrating the marriage.

§2. If, however, either or both of the parties by a positive act of the will exclude marriage itself, some essential element of marriage, or some essential property of marriage, the party contracts invalidly.

The best thing the OP can do is to work to save her marriage. If it is not possible or he leaves, then she needs to protect her children and her rights through the legal process. If she then wants to establish her freedom to marry, or lack thereof, then she can bring her case to the tribunal to be evaluated.

 

[Kensho]

People say things they don’t mean when they are angry. I would not assume your marriage is invalid based on one statement during an argument.

For what it’s worth, I was having a serious problem in my marriage a while back. The problem lasted for three and a half years and caused me great pain and difficulty. I was advised by some good, serious Catholics to leave, but I didn’t, and the problem was resolved.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I’d be tempted to ask him, after tempers cooled, if he really meant that. But I’m not known for having a lot of tact.

 

[speakttruth]

I’ve been married for almost 14 years. We were originally married by a justice of the peace, but in 2006 went through the con-validation process. We’ve been having problems for almost two years, though. A month ago my husband, in the middle of an argument dropped on me, “I always told you I wouldn’t stay with you just because of the children.” Uhm. No, he had never told me that. If he had, I never would have married him. Barring abusive situations, marriage is supposed to be forever. If you have hard times, you do your best to work through them.

Now I’m in doubt as to when we did the con validation if he felt this way. If he did, it seems to me that the marriage is invalid due to his lack of belief in the permanence of marriage and possible perpetration of fraud on me by not being upfront about it.

If it makes any difference, my pastor has already told me that it’s best to divorce him. Can anyone offer me any insight as to the validity of my marriage?

What did they say you had to do for the con validation? Didn’t you still have to have a blessing and a priest present and witnesses after the con validation? Just having the justice of the peace marry you it shouldn’t have been valid. The only problem you would have if it was a valid marriage and you left him to remarry or even dating, you would need an annulment. But if you divorce your still ok with the church as long as you don’t remarry
GB.