Is my marriage valid

[Kathleen_Roger]

Hi,
I was hoping someone could answer this question for me in regards to my marriage.
I had a very bad childhood. The verbal abuse from my mother was just terrible. I can’t even begin to tell you everything that she said to me. She was the Queen of manipulation, control and redicule. I was raised in Fear, Guilt and Conditional Love. I finally moved out, and on the day I moved out she said "go ahead, you will never make it, you will never succeed, you won’t survive. I never moved back home. However these words haunted me everyday. I began to believe them. She also continued the abuse anytime she could, when she called or when we were together for Holidays. I felt “Trapped” I felt like I had no way out.
Until I met my husband, I thought this was perfect, he lived 250 miles away, my Dad liked him, he was a hard worker. He asked me to marry him, I said yes. Except I did not love him. I married him to get away from my mother. I used him as a “scape goat”.
I used him and I used the Sacrament of Marriage to get away from my mother. I had plans as to how I was going to take care of this after we were married. And just move away. I also was hoping that somehow the wedding would never be valid someway. And all I would have to do is walk away.
On top of all of this, I lied to the priest and told him that I wanted to get married because I loved my husband.
There is a good side to this whole story and that is after we were married things changed drastically and I fell in love.
But I need to know in the eyes of God is my marriage valid.
Kathy

 

[porthos11]

Your marriage is presumed valid until proven otherwise. That means you are entitled to all rights and privileges of the married state.

If you are aware of any possible thing at the time of your wedding that may render your marriage invalid, and you are the only one aware of it, you may simply consciously renew your consent privately and in secret. If both you and your husband are aware of it, you may simply renew your vows to each other in private. This provision is given in Canon Law. The following canons are given for reference. See especially Canon 1159.

**Canon 1061.3 An invalid marriage is said to be putative if it has been celebrated in good faith by at least one party. It ceases to be such when both parties become certain of its nullity.

**Canon 1156.1 To validate a marriage which is invalid because of a diriment impediment, it is required that the impediment cease or be dispensed, and that at least the party aware of the impediment renews consent.

**Canon 1157 The renewal of consent must be a new act of will consenting to a marriage which the renewing party knows or thinks was invalid from the beginning.

** Canon 1158.1 If the impediment is public, consent is to be renewed by both parties in the canonical form, without prejudice to the provision of Canon 1127.3.

Canon 1158.2 If the impediment cannot be proved, it is sufficient that consent be renewed privately and in secret, specifically by the party who is aware of the impediment provided the other party persists in the consent given, or by both parties if the impediment is known to both.

Canon 1159.1 A marriage invalid because of a defect of consent is validated if the party who did not consent, now does consent, provided the consent given by the other party persists.

Canon 1159.2 If the defect of the consent cannot be proven, it is sufficient that the party who did not consent, gives consent privately and in secret.

Canon 1159.3 If the defect of consent can be proven, it is necessary that consent be given in the canonical form.

Please remember that this is an Internet forum, and should always be taken with a grain of salt. Please see your pastor and/or a canon lawyer.

 

[Kathleen_Roger]

Ok I will see a local Priest about this.
Thanks

 

[puzzleannie]

bear in mind the marriage tribunal will not investigate an intact marriage or make any declaration about the validity of an existing marriage. You should however talk to your priest about this.