Is online dating advisable?

[ComputerGeek25]

Dang, come to think of it, I could have met my future wife by now. Why have I wasted all this time piddling about on the Catholic Answers forum when I could have set up a profile on Ave Maria Singles.

Hey now -

It’s worth a shot, isn’t it?

 

[ComputerGeek25]

What’s not quite right?

etc

I’m asking for proof that spouse searching, specifically online dating is immoral and would constitute grave matter.

 

[Michael_Saint]

[1] What if, after much discernment (i.e. prayer, spirtual direction, etc.) you feel a “calling” or “readyness” to date/court/marry? What then?

[2] While you are looking for someone, why can’t you still be serving the Lord? I don’t see this as mutually exclusive.

[3] Do you believe love is an act of the will? Didn’t God tell Moses that the reason for divorce was the hardening of the heart?

[4] Do you believe there is one person (or a small number of people) that’s the best fit?

[5] I think you’re mixing up online dating with the discernment of marriage. I agree there are better times where one is better disposed for marriage. But, I think the assumption for this thread is “Ok, you think you are ready for marriage, how do you find someone?”

1. If you are ready to marry or court, open your eyes to all the single women who are around you. Chances are, there are some pretty good prospects right out your back yard. Chances are, you have some female friends who would make great wives.
2. I would say that it is by serving the Lord that you will find someone. I love to tell the story about how a friend of mine met his wife when he was in a nursing home taking Communion to the elderly and she was there visiting her grandfather. One engaged in the spiritual works of mercy, and one engaged in the corporal works of mercy. God rewards those who love Him, do good work for Him, and are busy about His affairs.
3. Love is an act of the will, but God has designed us in such a way that we fall in love and make a choice to go to the altar and commit our lives to that person while feelings of intense attraction rage. Then, when the feelings wear off, we have to choose to love that person completely selflessly, because we are not getting anything out of it. And that is real love, and that is where love is tested and grows. It is the same with the spiritual life - after we first convert, the feelings rage and we love praying because we receive spiritual consolations. But then our feelings go, and God says to us, “are you going to come here and pray anyway, just because I want you to, even if you don’t get anything out of it? In other words, dear child, do you want Me, the God of consolations, or just the consolations of God?”
4. I think there have been and are potentially hundreds of good wives out there for me. God has to play it by ear, really. We have free will - a lot of it depends on us and the choices we make. He responds accordingly. If I mess a relationship up at 22, He will put another good girl in my life at 27 - after he has led me through some other experiences that force me to grow and mature so I am ready the next time around.
5. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You are serving God. By serving God, you are already going to all kinds of things where you will meet nice single girls. It’s that simple - at least in my world, it is.

 

[Michael_Saint]

The only bone to pick is how do we know God is against it? I could see some very real-life applications why he may be happy with it. I mean the Pope now gets text messages, And I think the Vatican has been very much for the Internet, especially as an evangelizing tool.

I am divided on this one. I am pretty pragmatic when it comes to technology. If you can use it to better lives, I am all for it.

Regarding the Pope using text messaging, I’m okay with that. If he starts going to extremes with it like some of the teenagers (as well as middle-aged men and women!) I know, then I hope some Cardinal plucks it out of his hand and shatters it into a million pieces!

However, the more time we spend on cyber-relationships, etc., the less time we have for real-life ones. I do not think that has been a good development, for the most part.

We use the internet in evangelization pretty much because that is where people are. If the “unsaved” are out “surfing the net”, that is where we need to be. I don’t think Francis enjoyed walking through the slums, the bars, the whorehouses, etc., but that is where the people were at - the ones he was called to minister to - and that necessitated he go there too.

 

[kelvinf]

I’m asking for proof that spouse searching, specifically online dating is immoral and would constitute grave matter.

Misunderstanding again. I did actually say:

I am very interested to know what God expects of us when it comes to meeting our spouses. Neither the bible nor the CCC mentions it (if I haven’t mistaken).

However, it is not wrong to remind ourselves that, whatever we do in life, the intention plays a big role since it could make it immoral. If someone is spouse hunting just to get married and enjoy sex or as a means to eliminate loneliness or singlehood, then that could be immoral. That’s just an example. I hope you don’t get me wrong again.

 

[Michael_Saint]

Hey now -

It’s worth a shot, isn’t it?

Haha - nice try! But an “A” for effort.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Misunderstanding again. I did actually say:

However, it is not wrong to remind ourselves that, whatever we do in life, the intention plays a big role since it could make it immoral. If someone is spouse hunting just to get married and enjoy sex or as a means to eliminate loneliness or singlehood, then that could be immoral. That’s just an example. I hope you don’t get me wrong again.

Just because people abuse things don’t make it bad.

 

[kelvinf]

Just because people abuse things don’t make it bad.

I get the impression that either I am not expressing myself very well or somehow you don’t just seem to understand what I am saying.

I am generalising. For something to be bad, those 3 factors must be might and for it to be a mortal sin, another 3 factors must be met.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

I get the impression that either I am not expressing myself very well or somehow you don’t just seem to understand what I am saying.

I am generalising. For something to be bad, those 3 factors must be might and for it to be a mortal sin, another 3 factors must be met.

That’s correct.

But to make the leap that spouse searching or online dating is bad because people can abuse it, is incorrect.

Many things are morally neutal or even good, but can be abused. That doesn’t mean we can’t advise people to look into it.

 

[kelvinf]

That’s correct.

But to make the leap that spouse searching or online dating is bad because people can abuse it, is incorrect.

Many things are morally neutal or even good, but can be abused. That doesn’t mean we can’t advise people to look into it.

I have defined morality. It’s left for individuals to examine themselves in order to know whether online dating or spouse hunting is immoral in their regard.

What I have clearly said is that I wouldn’t recommend online dating + spouse hunting. It’s my opinion. If you keep asking me why, then this discussion will never end. Actually it will end because I have to go and pay the price of the time I have spent on this topic (LOL)

 

[agapewolf]

For me, it’s not a matter of being online. It’s a matter of online dating, spouse hunting. Does God expect us to spouse hunt?

I thought this was a separate question? THIS is a red herring.

I have outlined clearly the faulty logic. I have NOT introduced red herrings, and there have been no misunderstandings.

If its not one’s taste, fine. No one is forcing anyone to date online here.

However, if one wants to back up their opinions with reasons, be ready for them to be discussed. I have discussed the reasons against online dating, and torn the argument down, so therefore, the conclusion based on those arguments doesn’t stand.

 

[agapewolf]

For me, it’s not a matter of being online. It’s a matter of online dating, spouse hunting. Does God expect us to spouse hunt?

But it IS a matter of being online with the reasons you have given. They don’t follow through logically. The reasons you gave are generic online reasons, not the things happening during dating only. Which follows that being online in general is bad.

Therefore, the conclusion is faulty.

 

[Michael_Saint]

I thought this was a separate question? THIS is a red herring.

I have outlined clearly the faulty logic. I have NOT introduced red herrings, and there have been no misunderstandings.

If its not one’s taste, fine. No one is forcing anyone to date online here.

However, if one wants to back up their opinions with reasons, be ready for them to be discussed. I have discussed the reasons against online dating, and torn the argument down, so therefore, the conclusion based on those arguments doesn’t stand.

You are responding to kelvinf here.

I am the one who made the comment about red herrings, not him.

If you want to tear down my arguments, and do so without red herrings, go for it.

Begin, perhaps, with what I said about the parents of the Little Flower and work from there.

 

[agapewolf]

You are responding to kelvinf here.

I am the one who made the comment about red herrings, not him.

If you want to tear down my arguments, and do so without red herrings, go for it.

Begin, perhaps, with what I said about the parents of the Little Flower and work from there.

I already have!!! Read it again.

 

[agapewolf]

I wasn’t responding only to kelvinf.

Jeremiah reading about God’s plans for our future do not indicate that there is one spouse that is planned for us. If there is only one spouse planned for us, this would be indicated in the catechism, and remarrying after a spouse dies would not be possible.

 

[agapewolf]

Jason Everet is not a theologian, nor is he “on your side”.

his reasons are all “cautions”. Not conclusions, because the cautions can be eliminated by choices.

 

[Michael_Saint]

I wasn’t responding only to kelvinf.

Jeremiah reading about God’s plans for our future do not indicate that there is one spouse that is planned for us. If there is only one spouse planned for us, this would be indicated in the catechism, and remarrying after a spouse dies would not be possible.

You did not respond to paragraphs 3-5 of Post #107.

You also did not read all my other posts and consider them openly. I can tell by this post. I specifically told ComputerGeek25 that I did not believe there was “only one woman” out there for us.

You have made up your mind and this will be a one-way conversation. I am going to therefore pull out. Time to go for a round of golf. I have been spending way too much time on these forums on my days off.

And if you want to claim I am bowing out because I am afraid I will lose this debate, go ahead! The victory is yours!

 

[agapewolf]

You did not respond to paragraphs 3-5 of Post #107.

You also did not read all my other posts and consider them openly. I can tell by this post.

You have made up your mind and this will be a one-way conversation. I am going to therefore pull out. Time to go for a round of golf.

Why should I bother when you can’t continue the conversations I did put up there. I responded to faulty logic, and tore down the argument. You answer by claiming “Red herring” which really means you don’t have an answer.

I DID read all of the posts, and they follow no logic.

 

[Michael_Saint]

I already have!!! Read it again.

Sorry, this is where it should go:

You did not respond to paragraphs #3-5 of Post #107. Why did you say you did?

 

[Michael_Saint]

Why should I bother when you can’t continue the conversations I did put up there. I responded to faulty logic, and tore down the argument. You answer by claiming “Red herring” which really means you don’t have an answer.

I DID read all of the posts, and they follow no logic.

I claim red herring when there is a red herring.

Can you post in the next minute or so what a red herring is, and in your own words? I say next minute because otherwise I will have assumed you just googled it.