Is online dating advisable?

[ComputerGeek25]

1. If you are ready to marry or court, open your eyes to all the single women who are around you. Chances are, there are some pretty good prospects right out your back yard. Chances are, you have some female friends who would make great wives.
2. I would say that it is by serving the Lord that you will find someone. I love to tell the story about how a friend of mine met his wife when he was in a nursing home taking Communion to the elderly and she was there visiting her grandfather. One engaged in the spiritual works of mercy, and one engaged in the corporal works of mercy. God rewards those who love Him, do good work for Him, and are busy about His affairs.
3. Love is an act of the will, but God has designed us in such a way that we fall in love and make a choice to go to the altar and commit our lives to that person while feelings of intense attraction rage. Then, when the feelings wear off, we have to choose to love that person completely selflessly, because we are not getting anything out of it. And that is real love, and that is where love is tested and grows. It is the same with the spiritual life - after we first convert, the feelings rage and we love praying because we receive spiritual consolations. But then our feelings go, and God says to us, “are you going to come here and pray anyway, just because I want you to, even if you don’t get anything out of it? In other words, dear child, do you want Me, the God of consolations, or just the consolations of God?”
4. I think there have been and are potentially hundreds of good wives out there for me. God has to play it by ear, really. We have free will - a lot of it depends on us and the choices we make. He responds accordingly. If I mess a relationship up at 22, He will put another good girl in my life at 27 - after he has led me through some other experiences that force me to grow and mature so I am ready the next time around.
5. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You are serving God. By serving God, you are already going to all kinds of things where you will meet nice single girls. It’s that simple - at least in my world, it is.

Good stuff.

I think the common theme here is that you have to be willing to put yourself out there in order to meet people - whether online dating, volunteering, social events, hobby clubs, sports, coporial/spirtiual works of mercy and so on. And at least try to meet people and let God take care of the rest.

 

[kingal86]

I think in a lot of the more secularised parts of Europe and North America I would imagine it could be hard to meet single Catholics who follow teachings on sex before marriage and contraception without going online. According to my Polish friend, that is also true (at least with regards to contraception, and often with sex before marriage too) in staunchly Catholic Poland.

And in countries that have a majority of nominal Protestants (such as many parts of the US) or are now almost entirely secular (such as Britain) simply meeting observant Christians (and especially traditional Christians as far as rules regarding sexuality go) would be problematic. At least that is certainly the impression I get from my own experience in Britain.

So those two reasons seem to me important reasons why devout Catholic singles may wish to try online dating despite the problems with it (I have yet to meet anyone in person from any of the secular sites I’ve tried so far, and many can be extortionate, and I’ve heard that whilst many men get virtualy no response, many women tend to get bombarded with rude, explicit messages).

 

[chevalier]

I think in a lot of the more secularised parts of Europe and North America I would imagine it could be hard to meet single Catholics who follow teachings on sex before marriage and contraception without going online. According to my Polish friend, that is also true (at least with regards to contraception, and often with sex before marriage too) in staunchly Catholic Poland.

Yup. There’s no fishing in the street here. I suppose in a large share of cases some conversation and reassurance could allow you to bring back a person who had made concessions to the world before… who might even be glad to do things the right way. But it looks like if you’re looking for someone who fully accepts Catholic sexual ethics, you’ve got to look in a special place. And people who are in those special places have online dating accounts too.

 

[kelvinf]

Jason Everet is not a theologian, nor is he “on your side”.

I have a simple question: In one word, how would you call someone who has studied theology?

Jeremiah reading about God’s plans for our future do not indicate that there is one spouse that is planned for us. If there is only one spouse planned for us, this would be indicated in the catechism, and remarrying after a spouse dies would not be possible.

Are you trying to suggest that there is more than one spouse planned for us? The Bible teaches of one man + one woman and that is God’s plan for us. If by remarrying you mean as a result of death, sorry, I don’t think that falls under God’s plan. God hasn’t planned for anybody’s death. Death does not fall under God’s original plan and neither does remarriage.

 

[agapewolf]

I have a simple question: In one word, how would you call someone who has studied theology?

Are you trying to suggest that there is more than one spouse planned for us? The Bible teaches of one man + one woman and that is God’s plan for us. If by remarrying you mean as a result of death, sorry, I don’t think that falls under God’s plan. God hasn’t planned for anybody’s death. Death does not fall under God’s original plan and neither does remarriage.

Theologian implies one who brings about their own theology…not only studying it, but teaching it, bringing out new ideas. Jason everet is a chastity speaker

It is not church teaching nor in scripture that God has any particular person planned for us, this would deny the free choice. You are against church teaching if you don’t believe that one can remarry after the death of a spouse. The purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven. When one dies, the job is done, and one isn’t married anymore. Therefore, they may marry again.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Theologian implies one who brings about their own theology…not only studying it, but teaching it, bringing out new ideas. Jason everet is a chastity speaker

It is not church teaching nor in scripture that God has any particular person planned for us, this would deny the free choice. You are against church teaching if you don’t believe that one can remarry after the death of a spouse. The purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven. When one dies, the job is done, and one isn’t married anymore. Therefore, they may marry again.

I know a monk who got into a deep conversation about how the OP’s view point that God has a strict plan in place, is flat out wrong.

 

[joandarc2008]

I know a monk who got into a deep conversation about how the OP’s view point that God has a strict plan in place, is flat out wrong.

Just as a point of clarity but it was a probably a friar if he was having a conversation with the non-reliious. Take care and God bless.

 

[kelvinf]

Theologian implies one who brings about their own theology…not only studying it, but teaching it, bringing out new ideas. Jason everet is a chastity speaker

Well, my dictionary definition of theologian is: “One who is learned in theology”. Whether learned means 2, 5, … years in the field, I don’t know. Same with an economist or scientist.
Anyway, I will try to be consistent in referring to Jason Evert as either a Catholic apologist or that he holds a master’s degree in theology.

It is not church teaching nor in scripture that God has any particular person planned for us, this would deny the free choice. You are against church teaching if you don’t believe that one can remarry after the death of a spouse.

So what is your interpretation of the common phrase – God has a plan for us? What do you think it includes or excludes?

Free choice in the religious context means that we can either choose to obey God or not. God has given man free choice. Adam and Eve had the free choice to either choose to obey God or not. They chose not. Jesus of Nazareth had the free choice to either let God’s will be done or not. He said: “Not as I will but as you will”.

God’s plan doesn’t deny free choice. We can always make a choice.

What does it mean when we say in the Our Father: “thy will be done on earth”? What will are we talking about?

I do believe that one can remarry after the death of a spouse. However, death does not fall under God’s original plan and hence remarriage. We can remind ourselves that it is sin that leads to death.

The purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven. When one dies, the job is done, and one isn’t married anymore. Therefore, they may marry again.

I completely disagree with what you are saying. Marriage is for the good of the spouses, procreation and the education of offspring.
St Paul even said that it is better to remain single than to marry. Those in religious orders, who have taken vows of chastity are in a better position to attain perfection than married couples.

 

[CountrySinger]

No offense to St. Paul, but he either is on crack or has no sex drive. . I’m a former postulant, and I hated it (waking up at 5am, too much praying, no men). If I had stayed there, I would have either gone crazy or had sex with the convent gardener. Lol. I have a mental rant whenever someone says that religious people are better than married people. Go knows what is best for us, and God knows that a celibate CountySinger leads to trouble.

waits for people to flame her drinks coffee

Back on topic. I like online dating, that is how I met my boyfriend (we met on CAF, so someone likes my sense of humor and cynicism I guess). It is very long distance, but the internet is a wonderful thing.

 

[agapewolf]

Well, my dictionary definition of theologian is: “One who is learned in theology”. Whether learned means 2, 5, … years in the field, I don’t know. Same with an economist or scientist.
Anyway, I will try to be consistent in referring to Jason Evert as either a Catholic apologist or that he holds a master’s degree in theology.

So what is your interpretation of the common phrase – God has a plan for us? What do you think it includes or excludes?

Free choice in the religious context means that we can either choose to obey God or not. God has given man free choice. Adam and Eve had the free choice to either choose to obey God or not. They chose not. Jesus of Nazareth had the free choice to either let God’s will be done or not. He said: “Not as I will but as you will”.

God’s plan doesn’t deny free choice. We can always make a choice.

What does it mean when we say in the Our Father: “thy will be done on earth”? What will are we talking about?

I do believe that one can remarry after the death of a spouse. However, death does not fall under God’s original plan and hence remarriage. We can remind ourselves that it is sin that leads to death.

I completely disagree with what you are saying. Marriage is for the good of the spouses, procreation and the education of offspring.
St Paul even said that it is better to remain single than to marry. Those in religious orders, who have taken vows of chastity are in a better position to attain perfection than married couples.

God’s plan is that we get to heaven. God’s design is with giving us certain talents and abilities for us to use to get ourselves and others there. For God to predestine our spouse would take away our free choice in who they are. It would undermine the idea that Love is a choice, a decision (Eph 5). You can disagree with me all you want, but I am saying what the church says about marriage…the whole purpose is to get each other to heaven (again, Eph 5).

Your statement about religious makes no sense in light of this…

Religious/priests have already chosen the better part…they have already chosen the eternal marriage of the lamb. Marriage on earth is an icon that points us to marriage in heaven, to help us get there. Just because St. Paul says one should remain single does NOT mean that marriage isn’t for getting each other to heaven. It’s a vocation, a free choice. When one is called to marriage, that is the avenue that will give them the most graces to get to heaven. While celibacy for the kingdom is the objectively better vocaion, Marriage is subjectively the better vocation for those called to it. You can see around TOB 78 for more info on this.

Anyway, either way one looks at this, still does not rule out meeting someone online or in person first.

 

[sulkow82]

Hello,
I met my fiancée on E-Harmony. I actually think she is a wonderful person. I would recommend it with the usual cautions.

When going out on the first few dates, let someone else know where and when you will be meeting and when you’ll be home. Keep it in public places, etc.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

God’s plan is that we get to heaven. God’s design is with giving us certain talents and abilities for us to use to get ourselves and others there. For God to predestine our spouse would take away our free choice in who they are. It would undermine the idea that Love is a choice, a decision (Eph 5). You can disagree with me all you want, but I am saying what the church says about marriage…the whole purpose is to get each other to heaven (again, Eph 5).

Your statement about religious makes no sense in light of this…

Religious/priests have already chosen the better part…they have already chosen the eternal marriage of the lamb. Marriage on earth is an icon that points us to marriage in heaven, to help us get there. Just because St. Paul says one should remain single does NOT mean that marriage isn’t for getting each other to heaven. It’s a vocation, a free choice. When one is called to marriage, that is the avenue that will give them the most graces to get to heaven. While celibacy for the kingdom is the objectively better vocaion, Marriage is subjectively the better vocation for those called to it. You can see around TOB 78 for more info on this.

Anyway, either way one looks at this, still does not rule out meeting someone online or in person first.

 

[joandarc2008]

I met my dh on Place for Friends - he is Catholic - I was not at the time but went through RCIA before we were married. It was meant to be. It was also free. They didn’t allow any vulgar pictures and we had to accept messages between each other - it worked out. I am now not only Catholic but starting the discernment process for SFO on June 27 so whatever choice you make for meeting your spouse when you are ready God will provide.

 

[fms]

Michelle an apologist on this website does not think so.

This website has singles adverts.

 

[kelvinf]

God’s plan is that we get to heaven. God’s design is with giving us certain talents and abilities for us to use to get ourselves and others there. For God to predestine our spouse would take away our free choice in who they are. It would undermine the idea that Love is a choice, a decision (Eph 5). You can disagree with me all you want, but I am saying what the church says about marriage…the whole purpose is to get each other to heaven (again, Eph 5).

I can’t find the point that the whole purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven in Ephesians 5.
To have eternal life, we have to believe in Jesus Christ and obey his commandments. This is independent of marriage. Couples doing this are simply doing what everyone who wants to have eternal life is doing and I wouldn’t say it’s the purpose of marriage. CCC 1601-1666 covers the sacrament of matrimony. Although I haven’t read all the articles, I haven’t come across any article stating that the purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven.

1601

“The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.”

---

Eph 1:11

All things are done according to God’s plan and decision; and God chose us to be his own people in union with Christ because of his own purpose, based on what he had decided from the very beginning.

Again, we are free to make choices. For me, the best choice is to choose God’s choice. (Adam did not have the opportunity to choose his spouse. It was God’s choice and decision.) God loves us and knows what is best for us. That is why he does not always give to us whatever we ask for. Instead, he provides us with the things he believes are best for us and at the right time. But oftentimes, we choose to be in charge.

True – love is a choice, a decision (I don’t know if this is taken from a specific verse in the bible or if it is an interpretation of everything Christ and the apostles said about love). So we can make the choice to love our neighbours as ourselves and to love our enemies (a decision we have to make)

Your statement about religious makes no sense in light of this…

Religious/priests have already chosen the better part…they have already chosen the eternal marriage of the lamb.

I don’t see the difference between what I said about the religious and what you have said.

 

[agapewolf]

The “Good” of each other is their eternal destination. To “LOVE” means to desire the best for the other…which is heaven. It is implicit in the definition.

A vocation is our means of getting to heaven. The objective better vocation is the religious, the subjective better vocation is the one each person is called it. That is what gets us to heaven.

 

[nickybr38]

I’m more charming in person then in written word. But I’m more intelligent ‘online’ then in person because I can ‘research’ before making a comment (I try not to research before commenting these days - I believe the ability to research first gives a false impression of my own knowledge).

I think online dating is dishonest, even when one isn’t trying to deceive. Who we are in writing differs from who we are face to face, and I do believe that is true of everyone to a extent.

We cannot control how the reader interprets our words (whether we are joking, serious, sarcastic, even WITH smilies this can get lost).

As someone said earlier; finding a spouse via the internet (or letter writing campaigns ) is the exception, not the rule.

Oh! And from personal experience… I learned religious can mean spiritual which means ‘I kind of believe in God but it’s not something I think about’. Chrstian can mean; ‘Why can’t I grope you? MAN! It’s been THREE DATES!’. Atheist can mean; ‘You’re Christian? leaves’. Catholic can mean; ‘Oh, I was raised in the Church -… huh? Christ is in the Eucharist? WHAT!!! We can’t have sex before marriage? HUH!? What ARE you talking about???’.

Heh. Yeah, that whole ‘religion:insert religious affiliation here’ means very little on dating sites.

 

[joandarc2008]

I changed my mind to No - my xh left me and I found out a whole bunch of stuff - so please change my vote accordingly.

 

[Phemie]

Is it really that different from the old-fashioned way of corresponding by snail mail for a couple of years and then deciding you wanted to meet the person and get married?

 

[tafan]

kelvinf:

Are you trying to suggest that there is more than one spouse planned for us? The Bible teaches of one man + one woman and that is God’s plan for us. If by remarrying you mean as a result of death, sorry, I don’t think that falls under God’s plan. God hasn’t planned for anybody’s death. Death does not fall under God’s original plan and neither does remarriage.

Completely absurd. God’s omniscience does not mean he has planned out our entire lifes for us, so I would agree with one small point, God may not plan someone’s death. But by the same logic, then God does not necessarily plan who we are to marry either. There is not necessarily one “soulmate” out their destined for each of us who is to be our spouse. There are probably many, many people out there one could end up being happy with as a spouse, have a loving marriage with, and receive all the sacramental graces of matrimony through. And any one of them may fulfill God’s plan just fine. Your argument that God has one woman planned for us smacks of a protestant pre-destination argument.

Finally, the implication that one should not remarry after the death of a spouse is completely wrong.