Is online dating advisable?

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Serap said:
I had that many ex’s in that period when I was looking for my husband. I would move on as soon as I saw it wasn’t going to work out.

Doesn’t mean anything really. High standards are not a bad thing.
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For me, having a relationship with that number of people in a lifetime is just too much.
 
kelvinf said:
For me, having a relationship with that number of people in a lifetime is just too much.
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it was just dating while looking for that serious “one”.

I had to toss out a lot of garbage before finding my husband.
 
Serap said:
it was just dating while looking for that serious “one”.

I had to toss out a lot of garbage before finding my husband.
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Sure… but that doesnt’ mean you get close enough to them to call them a girlfriend or boyfriend. If you did, that is a problem.
 
agapewolf said:
Sure… but that doesnt’ mean you get close enough to them to call them a girlfriend or boyfriend. If you did, that is a problem.
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I had 2 real boyfriends before my husband. I was 30 when I met him.

I dated a cazillion though.
 
agapewolf said:
Yea it is. If you can’t tell there’s a problem before you get to bf/gf status SEVEN times in two years, the radar isn’t working well.
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I really like where your head’s at!

I have dated 6 women in 10 years. Getting close enough to a person to enter into a relationship takes time.
 
Let me just say that I myself am a member of Catholic Match, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.

However, I think it shouldn’t be the only way a person tries to meet people. In my own life, I was kind of a shy guy. I had a lot of friends in college, but in my Catholic group at our small college there were only a few regular attendees who were single, and I didn’t feel attracted to them. Anyway, I tried Match.com first over the summer before my final year of college. I met some okay people, including one girl I dated for a month, but in the end I wasn’t satisfied because I felt i wouldn’t meet the right kind of people.

Anyway, I went back to college, took a break from dating. I did it again this past summer,and met one girl i dated for a month, but once again was dissatisfied with Match. So I tried Catholicmatch. I’ve met one girl so far (wasn’t that great, she was orthodox, but had a drinking problem). However, as I gained more confidence from working my two part time jobs (I substitute teach and work in a grocery store), and also started to go to the few Catholic events in my area (I live in the boonies of rural Nebraska, so not a lot of people, but there is a monastery nearby that has a few retreats) I realized that I needed to meet more people.

So the moral of the story is, Online dating can be a good tool. But I think people need to get out and find ways to meet people. I know with myself I need to do this more. I still have my profile up, but its not all I do. I think people need to actually find ways to meet others, even if it is just going to certain events. You might meet your spouse, but you’ll probably at least meet new friends. I know I have. So no looking for people to meet online isn’t wrong, but don’t let it be all you do.

Oh and btw, don’t do the whole "dating online " thing where you only meet online and say you are dating. To me that’s desperate. It isn’t dating unless you’ve met the person and actually know what they are like. Until then, you are just friends.
 
Serap said:
I had that many ex’s in that period when I was looking for my husband. I would move on as soon as I saw it wasn’t going to work out.

Doesn’t mean anything really. High standards are not a bad thing.
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Serap said:
I had 2 real boyfriends before my husband. I was 30 when I met him.

I dated a cazillion though.
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Which one is it? You had that many exes or not?
 
Why not? It narrows the field, the same way trsaveling in religious circles would for a Catholic. I suspect most of the oppostion is due to the “that’s weird” factor for some people, but realistically, how is it worse than meeting a stranger for the first time? Older generations find it odd, but people under 50 have seen it come about in the last twenty years or so when they were dating.

Unless you are meeting the person from the internet in private foir the first time, which is always a bad idea regardless of how you made first contact…

It worked for my wife and I, and I dated plenty of girls I met in person as well.
kelvinf said:
The reasons why I think online dating isn’t advisable are:
  • online dating with the aim of searching for a spouse is something I believe singles should not be doing. People generally don’t search for friends per se and I believe friendship should precede good relationships that should lead to marriage.
  • it might decrease social skills (like face-to-face communication).
  • it hides personal faults. You choose what information you disclose and what pictures you share.
  • it hides physical appearance and body language
  • attitude, manners and behaviour are all hidden
  • people are one thing online and another thing in reality
Some of my views + those of Jason Evert (Catholic apologist)
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You make it sounds as thogh you meet someone online, then get engaged the next day. Most people who get introduced online spend oodles of time getting to know one another like any other courtship.

It is really no different.

online dating is technially a misnomer anyway. you aren;lt dating online. You are meeting someone to set upo a date, and then proiceed from there. The dating or courtship occurs in real life, like any other.

We aren’t talking about getting to know somone after months of chatting with their avatar whilst playing World of Warcraft, then bam - popping the question.

Would you meet someone if a friend set you up? If so, it is no different.
 
kelvinf said:
The reasons why I think online dating isn’t advisable are:
  • online dating with the aim of searching for a spouse is something I believe singles should not be doing. People generally don’t search for friends per se and I believe friendship should precede good relationships that should lead to marriage.
  • it might decrease social skills (like face-to-face communication).
  • it hides personal faults. You choose what information you disclose and what pictures you share.
  • it hides physical appearance and body language
  • attitude, manners and behaviour are all hidden
  • people are one thing online and another thing in reality
Some of my views + those of Jason Evert (Catholic apologist)
Click to expand...
You make it sounds as thogh you meet someone online, then get engaged the next day. Most people who get introduced online spend oodles of time getting to know one another like any other courtship.

It is really no different.

online dating is technially a misnomer anyway. you aren;lt dating online. You are meeting someone to set upo a date, and then proiceed from there. The dating or courtship occurs in real life, like any other.

We aren’t talking about getting to know somone after months of chatting with their avatar whilst playing World of Warcraft, then bam - popping the question.

Would you meet someone if a friend set you up? If so, it is no different.
 
kelvinf said:
The reasons why I think online dating isn’t advisable are:
  • online dating with the aim of searching for a spouse is something I believe singles should not be doing. People generally don’t search for friends per se and I believe friendship should precede good relationships that should lead to marriage.
  • it might decrease social skills (like face-to-face communication).
  • it hides personal faults. You choose what information you disclose and what pictures you share.
  • it hides physical appearance and body language
  • attitude, manners and behaviour are all hidden
  • people are one thing online and another thing in reality
Some of my views + those of Jason Evert (Catholic apologist)
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I think those are all somewhat reasonable points. But I’m surprised Evert emphasizes them so much, considering how much Evert would believe in the importance of being “equally yoked” so to speak. High standards are a good thing to have, but they can be an impediment to finding someone. So I would think it important to use whatever means available to you, offline or on.

What does he recommend instead?

Edit: wow, nevermind, I didn’t realize that someone had revived a 3 year old thread…lol
 
i would definitely recommend online dating. it is just an easier way to find women to date in a quick way. Much like speed dating. You can be as honest as you want and if they don’t like it, move on to the next.

I have been finding my dates online for at least 2 years now and i love it. just that if your a women, you have to be more careful when meeting up with someone in person. i have heard a lot of bad stuff happen to women that weren’t careful. well good luck and be safe with online dating.
 
I voted yes. Met my wife on CM nearly 4 years ago. I have a problem calling them “online dating” websites. I prefer calling them “singles websites.” They are merely a tool or resource to meet people. You then date them on your own in person.
 
PandaBoy said:
i would definitely recommend online dating. it is just an easier way to find women to date in a quick way. Much like speed dating. You can be as honest as you want and if they don’t like it, move on to the next.
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Yeah, that’s supposed to work in business too.
hcmusicguy said:
I voted yes. Met my wife on CM nearly 4 years ago. I have a problem calling them “online dating” websites. I prefer calling them “singles websites.” They are merely a tool or resource to meet people. You then date them on your own in person.
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Yup. “Online dating” makes it sound like it’s a make-believe gave where the dating happens online, while in reality it basically comes down to a search engine, which is no different from “good” old paper ads.
 
PandaBoy said:
i would definitely recommend online dating. it is just an easier way to find women to date in a quick way. Much like speed dating. You can be as honest as you want and if they don’t like it, move on to the next.

I have been finding my dates online for at least 2 years now and i love it. just that if your a women, you have to be more careful when meeting up with someone in person. i have heard a lot of bad stuff happen to women that weren’t careful. well good luck and be safe with online dating.
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IMO it is a tremendous waste of time and money. I have never came close to getting anywhere in dating in person or online. Especially online. When you send someone a message if your lucky they’ll read it before just deleting it. I’ll never do it again.
 
billcu1 said:
IMO it is a tremendous waste of time and money. I have never came close to getting anywhere in dating in person or online. Especially online. When you send someone a message if your lucky they’ll read it before just deleting it. I’ll never do it again.
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Even if you, let’s say, reorganize the way you look at things and try to imagine paying for, and investing time in, just a couple of opportunities to enhance your overall “war effort”?
 
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