Is permanently-single-by-default a vocation?

[chrysostim83]

There is a certain well-defined group of people who, without being seriously disabled either physically or psychologically, are unsuitable for marriage, priesthood, and religious life. What do you think is the nature of God’s call to them? What are some resources that would help me explore this issue further?

 

[johns58w]

Vocation as it is read close to the word vocal,voice. It is our call by God in our mission, abilities and talents on our purpose to love and serve God in this life. Some are called to be in the religious orders (priest,nun,deacon etc.). To many lay faithful they get confused and think vocation is only for religious orders. We are all called to fufill our mission toward God’s salvation, religious and lay faithful. Some are called to marriage and create families and by the way are also called to chastity in many aspects toward the spousal love. Some are called to a dedicated single life to love and serve God. I welcome our Catholic brothers and sisters to also put their (name removed by moderator)uts on this matter as it gets extremely interesting as more responses are brought forward to the Body of Jesus Christ and spreading His Gospel message. God Bless.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

There is a lot of controversy in the Church about whether single life (either chosen or by default) is a vocation. In my humble opinion, I believe some people are not meant to be married, join the religious life, or become a priest. Mental illnesses make problems in a marriage unless they are adequately controlled; there are some illnesses that are not allowed in religious orders or priesthood either. These are called “impediments.” If one doesn’t know of a mental illness going into marriage, it could be grounds for an annulment if one is mentally unstable.

I’m presuming that by physical illnesses, you mean people who are unable to conceive. I know of those who are infertile or sterile (such as hermaphrodites) who would be called to live chastely alone.

I believe the single life can be a vocation. Some claim it’s only a temporary status in the Church. I disagree.

 

[LilyM]

There are saints, such as St Benedict Labre and St Gemma Galgani, who sought to enter religious orders but were deemed unsuitable for different reasons. I think possibly St Rose of Lima as well.

They certainly are not considered to have had no vocation, even though their vocations were not to the religious life.

 

[Lilllabettt]

I think for singleness to be a vocation, it must be consecrated … whether privately, or in a third order … some kind of consecration is necessary.

Infertile and “intersex” people are not automatically called to lives of celibate dedication. Both these groups of people can have licit sexual intercourse within the bonds of marriage.

 

[barb_finnegan]

There are saints, such as St Benedict Labre and St Gemma Galgani, who sought to enter religious orders but were deemed unsuitable for different reasons. I think possibly St Rose of Lima as well.

They certainly are not considered to have had no vocation, even though their vocations were not to the religious life.

You’re right about St. Benedict Joseph Labre and St. Gemma Galgani…but not St. Rose of Lima. She became a Third Order Dominican.

I’m single by both ‘default’ and ‘choice’-but I’ve heard also called a ‘forced’ state. I don’t think of singleness as a vocation, anyway. A vocation is when you’re ‘committed’ to a mortal spouse [marriage] or to an immortal Spouse [priesthood/religious life].

Single people like myself who are not ‘formally committed’ as just nobodies, the great ‘invisible demographic’ as far as the Church is concerned. Unless you’ve got great organizing ablities and are gung-ho about what ‘gifts and talents’ you have, singlehood SUCKS!

 

[CountrySinger]

You’re right about St. Benedict Joseph Labre and St. Gemma Galgani…but not St. Rose of Lima. She became a Third Order Dominican.

I’m single by both ‘default’ and ‘choice’-but I’ve heard also called a ‘forced’ state. I don’t think of singleness as a vocation, anyway. A vocation is when you’re ‘committed’ to a mortal spouse [marriage] or to an immortal Spouse [priesthood/religious life].

Single people like myself who are not ‘formally committed’ as just nobodies, the great ‘invisible demographic’ as far as the Church is concerned. Unless you’ve got great organizing ablities and are gung-ho about what ‘gifts and talents’ you have, singlehood SUCKS!

That’s why I’m thinking of leaving the Catholic Church, I’m just burned out of busting my buns and for what? To be invisible? I don’t think so. If I’m going to spend my time helping something, I’d rather help someone who would notice I was there.

 

[barb_finnegan]

That’s why I’m thinking of leaving the Catholic Church, I’m just burned out of busting my buns and for what? To be invisible? I don’t think so. If I’m going to spend my time helping something, I’d rather help someone who would notice I was there.

I’m sorry to hear that you might be leaving the Catholic Church, CountrySinger.

I won’t leave, though-the Church is still my Mother, and I’m not going to abandon Her!

I prefer being ‘invisible’ in my single life-I’m alone most of the time, anyway. That’s just the way I am…

 

[CountrySinger]

I’m sorry to hear that you might be leaving the Catholic Church, CountrySinger.

I won’t leave, though-the Church is still my Mother, and I’m not going to abandon Her!

I prefer being ‘invisible’ in my single life-I’m alone most of the time, anyway. That’s just the way I am…

The irony is that I was thinking of becoming a nun (I was accepted as a postulant), and I would defend the Church till death. But then my roommate said something so profound: “why defend something that doesn’t care about you? You run the youth group, teach religious ed, the head singer in the choir, and run peace and justice. And they still don’t respect you.”
Plus, only of my friends is Catholic, and I’m tired of fighting with them about values.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

That’s why I’m thinking of leaving the Catholic Church, I’m just burned out of busting my buns and for what? To be invisible? I don’t think so. If I’m going to spend my time helping something, I’d rather help someone who would notice I was there.

Worrying about recognition for your contributions is not where we should be. Mother Teresa reportedly gave her Sisters the following rules to follow in order to practice humility:

1. Speak as little as possible about yourself;

1. Keep busy with your own affairs and not those of others;

1. Avoid curiosity;

1. Do not interfere in the affairs of others;

1. Accept small irritations with good humor;

1. Do not dwell on the faults of others;

1. Accept censures even if unmerited;

1. Give in to the will of others;

1. Accept insults and injuries;

1. Accept contempt, being forgotten and disregarded;

1. Accept injuries and insults;

1. Be courteous and delicate even when provoked by someone;

1. Do not seek to be admired and loved;

1. Do not protect yourself behind your own dignity;

1. Give in, in discussions, even when you are right;

1. Choose always the more difficult task.

 

[barb_finnegan]

The irony is that I was thinking of becoming a nun (I was accepted as a postulant), and I would defend the Church till death. But then my roommate said something so profound: “why defend something that doesn’t care about you? You run the youth group, teach religious ed, the head singer in the choir, and run peace and justice. And they still don’t respect you.”
Plus, only of my friends is Catholic, and I’m tired of fighting with them about values.

That’s why I don’t get ‘involved’ with groups anymore, even in a Church setting. I used to read at Mass, sing [choir, and later, cantor], Third Orders [Franciscan, then Discalced Carmelite],be in a prayer group. All I do now is Perpetual Adoration and the Latin Mass.

I prefer the hidden life now-I don’t need the ‘group thing’ anymore. I’m sick and tired of ‘community this’ and ‘community that’, and the constant prattling about ‘using your gifts and talents’…I don’t have any 'gifts and talents! Whenever I tried to suggest or offer something-not being ‘pushy’-nine times out of ten, I got shot down!

And if I were in your shoes, I’d be tired of fighting with so-called friends about values, too. But that wouldn’t make me leave the Church.

OK, enough ranting…

 

[CountrySinger]

That’s why I don’t get ‘involved’ with groups anymore, even in a Church setting. I used to read at Mass, sing [choir, and later, cantor], Third Orders [Franciscan, then Discalced Carmelite],be in a prayer group. All I do now is Perpetual Adoration and the Latin Mass.

I prefer the hidden life now-I don’t need the ‘group thing’ anymore. I’m sick and tired of ‘community this’ and ‘community that’.

And if I were in your shoes, I’d be tired of fighting with so-called friends about values, too. But that wouldn’t make me leave the Church.

I’m a former singer, so I love the limelight. So the hidden life isn’t for me, I get bored, and if I get bored, I get depressed. I need people around to be happy. So that’s is why I know the single life isn’t for me.
And in my hometown, the only Catholic singles are in college, they just don’t exist here, so I can’t even make other friends who share the values the Church holds. It’s easier to bend and fit in than fight. I’m used to settling.

 

[barb_finnegan]

Worrying about recognition for your contributions is not where we should be. Mother Teresa reportedly gave her Sisters the following rules to follow in order to practice humility:

Wise words from Mother Teresa-thanks for posting them, Mrs. Sally!

:yup:

 

[Mrs_Sally]

There is a certain well-defined group of people who, without being seriously disabled either physically or psychologically, are unsuitable for marriage, priesthood, and religious life. What do you think is the nature of God’s call to them? What are some resources that would help me explore this issue further?

There is such a thing as consecrated virginity. This is a very traditional state of life for women. Here’s more info: ewtn.com/library/PRIESTS/CONSVIRG.htm You could also look into becoming a 3rd Order (lay) member of an order like Franciscan or Dominican.

As an ordinary single person you can still have a vocation within the Church. Your prayers and work and your witness in the world as a devout single person are still very valuable.

 

[elizabeth_anne_1]

For me, most likely not called to either marriage or religious life…the question of “Do I have a vocation at all?” can be haunting and painful. Yet, with every breath let me repeat…“My bread is to DO THE WILL OF THE FATHER!” I may long for more- I may wonder “why?”- My emotions may rebel against my lot in life- I may feel insignificant- I may in fact be insignificant. WHO CARES?!! This (my little life) is really not supposed to be “all about me” anyway. “Behold the Handmaid of the Lord…be it done unto me according to YOUR WILL!” Please pray for me that I may always live in this submission to the Father.

 

[chrysostim83]

To sum up: God has a plan for all of us. Even when He shuts the door to committing ourselves to Him in a public, fixed, and well understood way of life, that doesn’t mean we have completely slipped His mind. It just means the need to discern His plan becomes all the more important: indeed, the importance of finding His plan emerged in the discussions about friendlessness and the feeling of having been passed over since, perhaps, the best way to deal with these issues is to know what you’re here for. Unfortunately, God’s plan for those who are not, and never will be, called to any of the usual states of life appears to be highly individual, so that the question I originally posed is probably unanswerable. I guess it’s time to visit a spiritual director.

 

[elizabeth_anne_1]

Peace to you Chrysostem! Let us pray for each other!
Elizabeth

 

[mandateman]

In the Catholic Church there are three recognized vocations. Each of these vocations are callings from God. When an individual lives their life within the vocation God has chosen he or she will find the greatest possible forum to carry out the life God has intended.

The three vocations are Religous, (priests, brother, nuns, monks), Marriage, and Single Life normally called Blessed Single Life.

If God has called you by word, locution, physical or emotional handicap or any other means that is obvious in your discernment of your vocation to the single life. Then be assured it is here you will shine.