is premarital sex bad? why?

[PelagiathePenit]

Yes. But here’s the thing…a lot of people don’t regret their decisions even though they are monogamous, or at least, intend to be monogamous. The catch is in how “repentant” they are. If they really don’t see much harm in premarital sex, their marriage is much more likely to fail.

I do not think many people express remorse for sexual sins. May regret impregnating someone or using someone (with this I do not even believe). I actually think sexuality is the least offensive of sins but the one most people adamantly refuse to repent of, especially those who for whatever reason do not suffer consequences for their sexual behavior. If two or more consenting adults engage in sexual behavior and no one seems to be emotionally scarred or attached, why repent?

 

[Mystic_Banana]

I do not think many people express remorse for sexual sins. May regret impregnating someone or using someone (with this I do not even believe). I actually think sexuality is the least offensive of sins but the one most people adamantly refuse to repent of, especially those who for whatever reason do not suffer consequences for their sexual behavior. If two or more consenting adults engage in sexual behavior and no one seems to be emotionally scarred or attached, why repent?

For the loss of that unique spiritual opportunity. You will never have that perfect 2 virginitys lost together in the exclusivity of holy matrimony, for one!

For the sullying of that opportunity to be pure - I think more people regret these things than you think. Maybe less these days, where promiscuity is not only normalised but promoted and accepted, and exclusivity and virginity demonised.

Maybe some resent in part but sometimes find it difficult to reject the whole experience (or kind of experience), especially if it was [/sometimes] emotionally or sexually satisfying?

 

[PelagiathePenit]

For the loss of that unique spiritual opportunity. You will never have that perfect 2 virginitys lost together in the exclusivity of holy matrimony, for one!

For the sullying of that opportunity to be pure - I think more people regret these things than you think. Maybe less these days, where promiscuity is not only normalised but promoted and accepted, and exclusivity and virginity demonised.

Maybe some resent in part but sometimes find it difficult to reject the whole experience (or kind of experience), especially if it was [/sometimes] emotionally or sexually satisfying?

Your last statement is true. Envy doesn’t make you happy. Lust fulfills many needs.

 

[jane_doe]

So if two people had sex before marriage, can they fully give themselves to each other without baggage as long as they changed and repented?

If two unmarried people are having sex, then no they aren’t giving themselves full to each other. If they wanted to fully give themselves, then they would quit holding back and put a ring on it. After which they can seal the deal with sexuality.

Yes, a person can repent and be made clean/whole again. Just like a person can repent and be made clean again after any other sin. Doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to plunge into a self-damaging behaviors.

 

[phil19034]

no I don’t believe in born again virginity.

God can however wash your past and sins clean despite the consequences such as pregnancy or something. But on your part it requires faith to love and faith to forgive. I’m sure God can restore a marriage and make two people pure again

I engaged in fornication before I returned to the Church. What I can say regarding this is that fornication and unchaste behavior outside of marriage can lead you to sin for the rest of your life.

For example: sometimes, when I’m not being intimate with my wife, I sometimes have dreams about past relationships. The dreams themselves are not sinful, as we are not guilty for what our mind thinks about when we sleep, however, then sometimes it’s difficult to remove the memories from my mind when I wake. That sometimes (if not often) leads to sin inside my own mind, and can lead to temptation for masturbation or objectifying my wife.

The last time I committed fornication (with someone who isn’t my wife) it was nearly 20 years ago. Yet some of the memories are just as vivid as they were 20 years ago.

Once a person gives into sexual sin, it requires a tremendous amount of will power to avoid the additional temptations that come from each sexual sin. Therefore, it’s best to not start them at all.

 

[pensmama87]

I do not think many people express remorse for sexual sins. May regret impregnating someone or using someone (with this I do not even believe). I actually think sexuality is the least offensive of sins but the one most people adamantly refuse to repent of, especially those who for whatever reason do not suffer consequences for their sexual behavior. If two or more consenting adults engage in sexual behavior and no one seems to be emotionally scarred or attached, why repent?

They may not express it** to you.** They may not even express it to themselves. Doesn’t mean it isn’t there. You’re only seeing the cold hard exterior, and that’s on purpose.

People who claim that they are invulnerable deserve pity. People who put walls up cannot attach, and they lead sad, sorry lives.

 

[SusanneT]

Premarital sex goes against the cardinal virtue of chastity. Before Catholics marry they are called to practice temperance, ie a mastery of one self.

Premarital sex is also called fornication, and is against the 6th commandment…it deadens the heart and makes it common…It takes a special gift from God and removes the dignity from it. People become desensitized to it and It is no longer a special gift to be given to a future spouse in Holy Matrimony.

Many problems in the world today are a result from premarital sex including abortion, artifical birth control, disease and much more.

Well said - and good to hear the word chastity which sadly is hardly valued in contemporary society.

 

[phil19034]

Also apparently premarital sex causes higher divorce rates… is this true as well?

Yes, fornication does lead to higher divorce rates.

The reason is this:

1. sex is the union between two bodies. The act causes us to become one. It creates a connection with the person. There is a reason the first time is called “consummating the marriage” and sex is often called the “marital act” or “making love.” It truly does bring two people much closer, and sex can bring a couple close very fast.
2. Couples who do not fornicate, often use many more factors in discerning their potential spouse. For example: Religious views & practices (not just are they the same religion), family make up, family customs, hobbies, values, child rearing methodology, etc.
3. When couples fornicate, sex often confuses the marriage discernment process. The couple finds that they love each other, and that they are “sexually compatible.” So the other “little” things often get overlooked or are not paid enough attention to. For example, it’s not uncommon for a couple who fornicated, and who do not share the same religious views (or even religion for that matter) to marry without ever discussing what they will do with their kids. This often leads to issue in the marriage, as child rearing differences and financial priorities are the two major sources of “no fault divorces.”
4. when you refrain from having premarital sex, a couple is forced to have discussions about kids, about inlaws, about hobbies, about values, etc. because they have not engaged in the marital act.

So basically, sex clouds your marriage discernment process, while remaining chaste forces you to do more homework regarding a potential spouse.

BTW - often (but not always) the sex life of a married couple can grow diminish over time. Couples who used to be sexually compatible lose their sexual compatibilities. In these marriages, if the sex was a large part of their discernment process (subconsciously) then the couple realizes that they have less in common with one another than they thought. This can lead to divorce or even adultry.

But studies have also shown that couples who remained chaste until marriage, often have better sex lives as they grow older because their marriage was truly built on something other than sex. Because they share so much in common, their attraction for each other remains strong, and their love continues to grow and their sex life continues to thrive.

So, yes… premarital sex does increase the divorce rate, and by remaining chaste until marriage, you increase your chances of having a great marriage.

I pray this is helpful.

God Bless

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

22 years old. I’m trying to make sense of the world and see things from other viewpoints. But I know there is a truth regardless. Maybe I’m doubting God. I don’t know

If premarital sex is ok why have marital sex at all!?

 

[IamGroot]

If premarital sex is ok why have marital sex at all!?

It’s a tasteless joke but kind of funny thing I’ve heard: What’s the best way to kill one’s sex life? Get married?

But I also think it’s wrong to label all premarital sex bad. The biggest exception would be in an engaged couple who are truly expressing their love for one another. But as this is a Catholic forum I’m sure that would be seen as just as bad until literally the second they are married. Which doesn’t make much sense to many people I would think. The important point being that sex is being used here as a true expression of true love.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

It’s a tasteless joke but kind of funny thing I’ve heard: What’s the best way to kill one’s sex life? Get married?

But I also think it’s wrong to label all premarital sex bad. The biggest exception would be in an engaged couple who are truly expressing their love for one another. But as this is a Catholic forum I’m sure that would be seen as just as bad until literally the second they are married. Which doesn’t make much sense to many people I would think. The important point being that sex is being used here as a true expression of true love.

Of course all premarital sex is bad. It’s just plain wrong to say it isn’t.

My point was why have marriage at all?

 

[IamGroot]

Of course all premarital sex is bad. It’s just plain wrong to say it isn’t.

My point was why have marriage at all?

I suppose I was thinking honestly about Jack and Rose, 2 star crossed lovers who were tragically torn apart. I’ve never once, til now, thought to myself that they were mortally sinning when they were in the back of the car and that jack died in a state of mortal sin when he froze. :sad_yes: sorry just thinking a lot after reading the absolute versus relative truth thread, very interesting read!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I suppose I was thinking honestly about Jack and Rose, 2 star crossed lovers who were tragically torn apart. I’ve never once, til now, thought to myself that they were mortally sinning when they were in the back of the car and that jack died in a state of mortal sin when he froze. :sad_yes: sorry just thinking a lot after reading the absolute versus relative truth thread, very interesting read!

Interesting you should bring that up. Jack and rose are about the worst example of a love that should be unitive and procreative. Engaging In an activity that could potentially form a family after a few hours if introduction is a real bad example of a love that is worthy of sex. But such is the flawed understanding of what love is in this day and age. If that a the example of a sex worthy love well, I guess our culture is no Suprise.

To Equate that love with my marital life giving love with my wife is either ignorant of what love is or offensive to those who have love.
Just currious if you are a fan of extramarital sex and your reasoning.

 

[alliWantisGod]

I think dating is the process to get to know one another. If you sleep before it still doesn’t guarantee it will work. You don’t want to have extra baggage. Not saying it won’t work but marriage is better. It’s not like marriage will work either but do things God’s way and have faith it should work out very well

 

[phil19034]

It’s a tasteless joke but kind of funny thing I’ve heard: What’s the best way to kill one’s sex life? Get married?

But I also think it’s wrong to label all premarital sex bad. The biggest exception would be in an engaged couple who are truly expressing their love for one another. But as this is a Catholic forum I’m sure that would be seen as just as bad until literally the second they are married. Which doesn’t make much sense to many people I would think. The important point being that sex is being used here as a true expression of true love.

It’s still a mortal sinful

 

[CRATUS]

It’s still a mortal sinful

Wow. No fun until after the ceremony.

 

[Jomann]

It’s a kind of defrauding because you are taking something from another person ( future husband or wife).

I think it’s more related to that than just a sexual sin by itself.

Homossexualism and bestiality are purely sexual sins in my understanding.

 

[GEddie]

So if two people had sex before marriage, can they fully give themselves to each other without baggage as long as they changed and repented?

Methinks the baggage will always be there, psychologically. But repentance can yield new life, spiritually.

ICXC NIKA

 

[PelagiathePenit]

It’s a kind of defrauding because you are taking something from another person ( future husband or wife).

I think it’s more related to that than just a sexual sin by itself.

Homossexualism and bestiality are purely sexual sins in my understanding.

If only you could change who you lost your virginity to? Other than repentance, not caring seems like the best alternative. Brooding over poor sexual choices sucks. You cannot unsex someone. It sucks. Think twice before you agree to sex.

 

[Jomann]

If you add what Jesus said about making sex in the heart/mind the situation becomes really complex.

It shows the purity requirements from God are very elevated and that’s very good.

Sadly I’ll take a long time in Purgatory because that.