Is revealing abuse in confession telling someone else's sin?

[eringurian]

My husband is abusive, I have trouble with confession because I try not to talk about him, but with sins that relate to him directly it seems like I am omitting something important. At the same time I don’t want to “tell on him” Also I am not sure if they are truly sins or not, for example lying to him to avoid trouble.

 

[Antegin]

Go into confession knowing that the Holy Spirit will guide you and the priest. Don’t be afraid or worry about correctness.

Consider talking with the priest outside of the confessional.

I’m praying for you.

 

[oneofmany]

If your husband is physically abusive it would be good to tell the police and find a good woman’s shelter. The priest can help you find the shelter.

If your husband is mentally abusive and you can talk to him you can remind him he needs to go to confession for that.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Strictly speaking, Confession is for our own sins, not those of others. I suppose that we can mention the actions of others to the extent necessary to explain our own actions.

The fact that you feel the need to lie to escape abuse is a very serious matter. You should be talking to a priest (outside confession) and to a good counselor about the best way to end this problem.

 

[BartholomewB]

Also I am not sure if they are truly sins or not, for example lying to him to avoid trouble.

I have no specialist knowledge of moral theology, but it’s my understanding that lying is always a sin.

 

[therese14]

I suppose if you want, you can get a spiritual direction for that from your confessor.

I sometimes wonder about this too, but I need to “get it out” if anybody has hurt me, just to tell in confession that I forgive them. And I need Jesus to lift the burden up. So I tell…

 

[ccmcmg]

My husband is abusive, I have trouble with confession because I try not to talk about him, but with sins that relate to him directly it seems like I am omitting something important. At the same time I don’t want to “tell on him” Also I am not sure if they are truly sins or not, for example lying to him to avoid trouble.

I would confess that, if I felt a need to, as “I lied to my husband so he wouldn’t hit me.” Your priest will sort it out.

I also recommend finding a nearby shelter. You can also go to an area hospital, and should be able to ask for a domestic violence advocate (in my city, you can). Hopefully, the ER should be able to help you. DV advocates can help you with your needs, whether that involves staying, leaving, or whatever you decide. A good shelter and resource will often have support groups for those still in the situation, those who have survived the situation, and other support groups to help you. A good DV shelter won’t force you to leave until you are ready, and give you that support when you are ready. You don’t have to have an ‘incident’ to change your life.

You are brave to ask this question. God bless and keep you. I can give you some wonderful resources privately if you’d like to send me a private message. There are important ways to be safe while you are in the situation, including on the internet.

 

[EvagrianBridge]

You need to tell the priest. Confession/lying/etc aside, if he knows about the problem he will be able to help you.

 

[CitizenCain]

My husband is abusive, I have trouble with confession because I try not to talk about him, but with sins that relate to him directly it seems like I am omitting something important. At the same time I don’t want to “tell on him” Also I am not sure if they are truly sins or not, for example lying to him to avoid trouble.

I would mention that you are confessing these sins in light of abuse or something to that effect. I don’t know what kind of abuse you’re suffering from but regardless know what you’re saying is confidential.

Meet with your parish priest for spiritual guidance outside of confessional. As my parish priest once said to me when I opened up to him in the confessional: “I will absolve you today, but want to discuss this matter with you further. I’m sure there’s a line so let us be courteous of those waiting and meet at another time.”

I did this and it was a great experience. I encourage you to do the same.

You are in my prayers