Is romantic love incompatible with Catholic marriage?

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Rozellelily

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I read a comment by a poster of CAF that romantic love was not what Christian marriage/relationships should be about and that this is just a modern concept.

To me though,if marriage was purely just about agreeing to be together and have and raise children,this to me seems a bit like a business agreement.

We live in a society where we are given messages of romantic love everywhere- Eg:shows like The bachelor,Married at First Sight,Romantic movies etc…so,in your view,what role should attraction and romantic love play in a Catholic marriage (if any)?
 
No one is suggesting that you can’t feel an attraction to another person, but that real Love is more than feelings.

Shows such as the Bachelor etc., cheapen the real meaning of Love.

Catholic marriage is based on two people loving each other through good times and bad, sickness and health while trying to give everything to each other through Love for the other person, and not selfishly loving them because of what they get out of it.
 
Have you ever read the short story “The Gift of the Magi”? That is romantic. People generally marry people they are attracted to, but it’s not going to keep them going through the more difficult times. Life isn’t a fairy tale, and neither is marriage. If anyone expects that, they’re going to be disappointed.

No one’s concept of what love should look like should be based on The Bachelor.
 
Romantic love is not incompatable, as icing is not incompatable with cake.

We simply understand that romantic love waxes and wanes, that real love is there even when the icing is missing.
 
Read about medieval chivalry. Pretty sure Catholics have believed in romantic love for a while.
 
Redefining your comment a bit, modern romantic love is incompatible with a Catholic relationship/marriage. Many of the examples you have cited moreso breach the idea of infatuation & lust than love (though I cannot speak for Married at First Sight as I have not seen it).

As Irishmom2 said, attraction is not a bad thing. It’s how we initially determine who we might like, who might be a suitable spouse long-term, etc etc. But true love is what happens when the infatuations/attractions of those initial feelings of romance fade away. True love is not a feeling – it’s the actions you take to honor your spouse and your commitments you have made to them in marriage.

Also, remember the key concept in Catholicism that God Himself is Love. So through our relationships/marriage, our actions towards/for our spouse should embody that concept. He has given us everything, has held nothing back, even what was most dear to Him (His only Son), despite all of our faults and failings. This is entirely the opposite of how modern society calls us to “love” - enjoy your partner while it feels good and leave when it doesn’t any longer.

So romance in a Catholic marriage exists, it may just look a bit different from modern romance. Think of a 50+ year married couple. Oftentimes grand gestures are gone, but their romance is expressed in different ways – a wife remaining at her husband’s side through chemo treatments, or a husband staying with his wife as she succumbs to dementia. It’s vital for us to choose our spouses with the very real understanding that we should love this person until the very end, with the fullness of love that God Himself has for every one of us. To me, that is the most romantic love of all, knowing that my husband is with me until the end, and I with him, no matter the hardship, no matter the stage of life.
 
In which sense do you mean?
Do you mean you think they are just fake and scripted or do you refer to something else?
 
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The problem with all that is that they don’t last. It is ok and good as long as it last but not when it doesn’t. In that sense, it is not compatible with Catholic marriage because it is supposed to last forever - even when we are old, when there are no teeth left, when the skins are wrinkled, when the hearing is no more, when the eyes are blurred, when we cannot remember where we left our spectacles, hats, false teeth and keys, when we forget birthdays and anniversaries, when we just drive the car forgetting that the wife is not inside that we have to make an u-turn a few miles down the road, when the arthritis become painful, when the breasts lost their firmness, and sex probably would be like a miracle. In all these, we are to love each other, giving ourselves for each other.

Remember that we are not young forever. Catholic marriage is for the long haul, not disposable item.

I could go on but you will get the gist.

God bless.
 
Good grief, of course it’s not “incompatible”. Do you actually think that those of us who marry in the Catholic church do not have feelings of romantic love for our spouses?

You’re just not supposed to have your choice totally driven by romantic love to the point where you throw your morals, Catholic faith, and common sense aside. Speaking from my own experience, it is quite easy to fall in “romantic love” with addicts, alcoholics, people who don’t believe in God, people who can’t hold a job for more than a week, people who are married or who have been divorced but don’t have an annulment (or any plans to get one), etc. That doesn’t mean they’re good people to marry, especially in the Catholic church.

You need to find someone who you can feel reasonably romantic about while still maintaining your faith and your principles. Also, to the extent “romance” = a sex life, you need to understand that there will be times in a long marriage when you may not be able to have sex (such as times of illness, pregnancy, long business trips for a person’s job, etc.) or the sex might not be so great (because someone is tired or preoccupied with other things) and pick someone who you love on a variety of levels, so if the sex is not possible you still feel quite bonded to them and happy with them.

A particular person might not want to make “romantic love” the driving factor in his relationship, and if that is the case he simply needs to find a partner who is on the same page with him (good luck with that - but he may find a kindred spirit). But most of us are looking for romance with all the other things I mentioned.
 
Also,how much value should be placed on romantic compatibility?
Eg:some people just kiss differently than other people.
 
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That is true. As much as my husband does things that “gets on my nerves” I cannot think of another man I would want to be married to.
 
Modern “reality” TV is roughly scripted and very producer driven. The producers drive the story line, if they simply let the camera roll on real people doing what comes naturally it is boring TV (watch the first season of “The Real Life”. It would never have made it on television today, not enough drama, fighting, sex, etc.)
 
If you do not like the way your spouse kisses, you ask them to kiss you in another way.

Seriously, the method one uses to purse their lips is not the foundation for a marriage.
 
I can’t find it online.
Is is called the real life or real world or in real life?
Thanks
 
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