Is self denial good or bad?

[Eric_Peter]

Hi, I’m not sure if this is the correct forum, but I have a question to ask.
Is self denial a good or bad thing?
I’m pretty much confused here.
**Summary: **I had two friends telling me that I have self-denial, as if it’s a bad thing. I thought it’s a good thing so I’m very confused here. Would someone help me to understand it please?​

Long version:
Few years ago, a friend of mine told me that I have self denial, he told me as if it’s a bad thing. He told me that when he was telling me my negative sides. In addition, he also gave me an analogy: when a girl cries, someone asked her ‘why are you crying?’, but she denied that she’s crying never though it’s obvious to others that she’s crying.
So I went home and check the meaning of self denial.

This is what I found.
thefreedictionary.com/self-denial
So I don’t really know what’s the connection between his analogy and the term ‘self-denial’.

Then today, another friend of mine told me ‘get rid of self-denial is what u need’.
So I was getting confused, I google again for the meaning of the world. Again I found the same website.

What is really bad about self-denial, when it means self discipline, controlling your own impulses, renunciation of your own interests in favor of the interests of others, the trait of great self-denial (especially refraining from worldly pleasures)
etc etc.

Question:
Although I never realise that I’m denying myself, let alone knowing why they are saying I’m denying myself, they still got me really, really confused. What is so bad about self-denial? Someone help me to understand this please?
Or unless, I misunderstood the term ‘self-denial’ and there’s another meaning to it.

I’m guessing maybe secular world view things differently, that’s why I’m asking this in a Catholic Forum.

 

[Eric_Peter]

The more I think, the more I feel that they’re talking about my extremely simple lifestyle,
or the way I face my problems?

About my lifestyles, I never desire expensive clothes, or expensive gadgets. My cell phone is very simple, very basic mobile phone with at least color screen. All my friends are getting hyped with new phones, blackberry, iphone4, iphone5, or other smartphones. I never got myself a fashion clothes as I never like it.

Or if they are talking about how I face problems, I never really settle my problems immediately. Few years ago I would just sleep to ‘run away’ from my problems. Now I will still treat it as if it never existed and didn’t bother by it.

If they mean the former one, I don’t mind.
But if they mean the later one, is it really a bad thing? If yes I will try to fix that attitude.

 

[Eric_Peter]

Okay problem solved, question got answered.
Found out they’re only using the wrong English word when they actually means ‘denial’.
Thread close lol.

 

[revert_jen]

Well, there is a common way of using “denial” that does indicate a bad thing. Self-denial in the sense indicated in the definition you referenced is neither good or bad in itself. It is good or bad according to your motives. Let me flesh it out a bit.

Being “in denial” generally means that you know something (presumably bad) and are trying to hide that knowledge from yourself. That is like lying to yourself so that is never good. That is not the same as knowing something and ignoring it, but people do overuse the phrase “in denial” a lot, and they could use it meaning that, even if it’s not what it means.

However, knowing something and ignoring it can be bad too. If you know something, and there is nothing at all you can do about it, ignoring it might be the healthiest way to go. But if there is something you should do about it (even if you are not 100% sure what you should do), then you pretty much have to make yourself think about it, to pray about it, perhaps to ask somone for advice, so you can decide what to do about it and then do it. The fact that you haven’t figured out what to do, if this is because you refuse to think about it, does not release you from the obligation to do whatever it is–frequently it just allows the problem to get worse.

Self-denial according to your definition can be either good or bad. In general, self-denial is a way to develop self-control, which is in general a good thing. If you are developing self-control to help you increase in virtue, it is definitely a good thing. However, it is possible for people to engage in self-denial to gain greater self-control because “that is the kind of person I am.” This is frequently a source of pride for people. If you develop self-control to deal with gluttony or anger, for example, that is good. But if you just replace gluttony or anger with pride, you are worse off than before.

I am not by any means comndemning self-control. But it is absoluely necessary, when working to increase self-control, to keep praying for the virtue of humility. Realize that all the faculties you use to increase self-control were given you by God, and that even at your best, you will not use them to the fullest possible.

On the other hand, about living a simple life–this is not self-denial. Self-denial is denying yourself something you actually want. Not wearing fashionable clothes because you don’t want to isn’t self-denial; it is just your personal taste. Not wearing fashionable clothes when you do want to, but you want to give the money to the poor, or you see a tendency toward vanity in yourself that you want to get rid of–that is self-denial and can be very good.

–Jen

 

[Ranklyfrank]

The question is itself loaded with assumptions. Can you deconstruct the question?

 

[Timothy17]

Self-denial for the sake of Christ is always right and good.

Pax Christi,
Tim

 

[Eric_Peter]

The question is itself loaded with assumptions. Can you deconstruct the question?

Sorry. read third post. :S
You can read the ‘summary’ in my first post. It’s very clear there.
and then, turn out most of my country fellows (read where I’m from) has been misusing the English word “self-denial” for the word “denial” which got me really confused of what they actually mean by “self-denial”, because when I check the meaning of the word with dictionary, their usage of the word in their sentences doesn’t make sense to me.

Thanks for those who answered. Really appreciate it.
But I already cleared my own confusion. Another person in my country told me it’s a common misused word to mean ‘denial’ in my country.