Is sex still a sin when you are engaged?

[sunshine4us]

My fiance and I are very much in love. We are mature adults but cannot get married yet because of distance and financial issues. We have made love in the past but I feel like such a hypocrite when we go to Mass and cannot participate fully by going up to Communion. I proposed to my husband-to-be that we no longer make love until we get married. He agreed but I feel bad because we won’t be able to marry for at least a year. (He has to get a dispensation because he was married in a civil ceremony 25 years ago and divorced 15 years ago. We could just get married.) What can we do? He is 65 and I am 55 years old.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

I have fixed spelling and punctuation, but have otherwise left your question unedited. I say this because it is evident that there are some very serious confusions here that need to be addressed:

• You have called this man your “fiance” and your “husband-to-be.” Right now, he is neither. At this point, the Church presumes him to be another woman’s husband, and presumes that the two of you are involved in an adulterous relationship. If you wish to repair your relationship with the Church, what you must do is to entirely end your adulterous relationship and go to confession for engaging in adultery.
• You cannot “just get married,” either now or for the foreseeable future, until such time as this man obtains an annulment for his first marriage. While it sounds like there may be grounds for the annulment, an annulment is never guaranteed. He must wait until one is granted before he is free to engage in a romantic relationship with anyone, much less attempt marriage.
• Even if you were not in an adulterous relationship and were in a true engagement to marry, neither your age nor your other difficulties in marrying would justify extramarital sexual relations. Sex outside of marriage is never morally permissible, under any circumstances.