Is she just not interested?

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Hello all,

For my first post, I have a simple little problem. There’s this girl I like, but I’m getting the feeling she’s just not interested, but some people have suggested “maybe she was just busy” when I tell them what happened. So what do you think? Here’s the story so far:

I met this girl some time during the summer, probably in June or July I think. We met at Bible study and that night ended up walking home together because she lived nearby. I was amazed at how well we seemed to relate and talk - I usually find it difficult talking to new people, but our personalities seemed to fit perfectly. Anyway, I waited a while to ask her on a date for various reasons, but finally I decided to ask her to lunch. But ugh, here’s where I made a big mistake.

I had been waiting to see her for a few weeks so that I could ask her in person, but finally things kept getting so screwed up that I decided just to call her. Well it turns out that the same day, she had forgotten her phone in another city. So I asked my female friend for advice because I really just wanted to ask her already, so she told me I should just send her a message on Facebook. I was tired and not thinking, so I took her advice and now realize I should not have done so.

So… I never got a response from her and a few weeks later, I saw her at a Church event and asked her if she wanted to take me up on the lunch offer. The thing that makes me think maybe she is interested is that when I asked her, she seemed pretty excited - like she wanted to go out with me. But it was finals week coming up, and so I called her to see when we could go. She said the only day that would work would be Thursday, but she had a final that night and wasn’t sure. She said she would let me know Wednesday night if she could go, but never called me or let me know.

So is she just not interested? Should I try one more time just to make sure? She sent me a text message on Christmas, so I think she’s generally interested in talking. Should I ask her why she didn’t get back to me?

you be the judge…
God bless
 
MathGuy said:
Hello all,

For my first post, I have a simple little problem. There’s this girl I like, but I’m getting the feeling she’s just not interested, but some people have suggested “maybe she was just busy” when I tell them what happened. So what do you think? Here’s the story so far:

I met this girl some time during the summer, probably in June or July I think. We met at Bible study and that night ended up walking home together because she lived nearby. I was amazed at how well we seemed to relate and talk - I usually find it difficult talking to new people, but our personalities seemed to fit perfectly. Anyway, I waited a while to ask her on a date for various reasons, but finally I decided to ask her to lunch. But ugh, here’s where I made a big mistake.

I had been waiting to see her for a few weeks so that I could ask her in person, but finally things kept getting so screwed up that I decided just to call her. Well it turns out that the same day, she had forgotten her phone in another city. So I asked my female friend for advice because I really just wanted to ask her already, so she told me I should just send her a message on Facebook. I was tired and not thinking, so I took her advice and now realize I should not have done so.

So… I never got a response from her and a few weeks later, I saw her at a Church event and asked her if she wanted to take me up on the lunch offer. The thing that makes me think maybe she is interested is that when I asked her, she seemed pretty excited - like she wanted to go out with me. But it was finals week coming up, and so I called her to see when we could go. She said the only day that would work would be Thursday, but she had a final that night and wasn’t sure. She said she would let me know Wednesday night if she could go, but never called me or let me know.

So is she just not interested? Should I try one more time just to make sure? She sent me a text message on Christmas, so I think she’s generally interested in talking. Should I ask her why she didn’t get back to me?

you be the judge…
God bless
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Call her one more time. Ask her out, and requset her to be honest with her response. “Look if you want to that would be great and I think we’ll have a good time, if ya don’t that’s ok too, just tell me so I won’t keep botherin ya”

I’m inclined to agree with you from her recent actions, I can’t tell. You know, if everybody would just be honest in this world, lot less misunderstandings.
 
Hi MathGuy;

From a female point of view, I think it’s too soon to tell her interest level. She had a lot on her plate, with finals, etc…so it could have very well been that she was just busy. But, I’d ask her again, and if you receive radio silence for a while, I’d probably stop trying after that. It’s worth another try-BY PHONE no texting or face booking…ask her out with your voice. 🙂 Good luck to you!
 
I agree with him. It’s hard to tell. It really could be either. I’d try just one more time.
 
Hey, Math Dude. Welcome. I don’t know much math (yet), but I do know a thing or two about keeping a woman’s interest.

I don’t know you or your lady in person, so I’ll give you some general tips:
  1. No, don’t call her any time soon. Be scarce. Be busy with your own life. When you see her in person, you make her laugh and ALWAYS treat her like a lady, but when it’s time to go, you be the first to leave. Ironically, this behavior makes you more attractive. It shows you’re confident, in control of yourself, and independent.
  2. Should you decide to call her again, be forward with your intentions and keep it brief. Have a time and a place picked out. If she says no, simply drop the issue and call her again a few days later. Again, this makes you attractive because you’re being confident enough not to need her.
  3. I hate to say this, but… when she said Thursday would probably work but that she might have a final that night, that sounds like a lame excuse for her not to have to say no. I find that younger (college age) women tend to struggle with saying no to guys, so they invent any excuse they can in order to not see you. Learn to recognize this. If you get one lame excuse after another, take the hint and assume it’s a no. Or better yet, playfully assume it’s a yes and say, “So, pick you up at 7?” Sounds cheesy, but sometimes it’s just the ticket!
  4. In general, women are attracted to humor and confidence, and they are very put off by needy behaviors and “nice guy” (i.e. effeminate) behaviors.
So, I recommend meeting other women at this point. But hey, you might still have a chance with this special lady if you follow my advice and keep yourself confident, strong, manly, and attractive!

Chris
 
lontas said:
  1. No, don’t call her any time soon. Be scarce. Be busy with your own life. When you see her in person, you make her laugh and ALWAYS treat her like a lady, but when it’s time to go, you be the first to leave. Ironically, this behavior makes you more attractive. It shows you’re confident, in control of yourself, and independent.
  2. Should you decide to call her again, be forward with your intentions and keep it brief. Have a time and a place picked out. If she says no, simply drop the issue and call her again a few days later. Again, this makes you attractive because you’re being confident enough not to need her.
  3. I hate to say this, but… when she said Thursday would probably work but that she might have a final that night, that sounds like a lame excuse for her not to have to say no. I find that younger (college age) women tend to struggle with saying no to guys, so they invent any excuse they can in order to not see you. Learn to recognize this. If you get one lame excuse after another, take the hint and assume it’s a no. Or better yet, playfully assume it’s a yes and say, “So, pick you up at 7?” Sounds cheesy, but sometimes it’s just the ticket!
  4. In general, women are attracted to humor and confidence, and they are very put off by needy behaviors and “nice guy” (i.e. effeminate) behaviors.
So, I recommend meeting other women at this point. But hey, you might still have a chance with this special lady if you follow my advice and keep yourself confident, strong, manly, and attractive!

Chris
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  1. Don’t play hard to get, just be honest and talk to her, playing games will get you nowhere in the long run.
  2. If she says no, just drop the issue, don’t keep asking her out until she gives in to shut you up or freaks out and thinks you’re stalking her.
  3. Finals aren’t a lame excuse. This is finals time and some people actually do study.
  4. Women are also put off by men who aren’t themselves and who are just trying to play to “what women like in a man”
In short just be yourself, be honest and upfront. Also, be willing to be told no.
DON’T play games with her. It won’t work for either of you.
 
MathGuy, you think too much. If you feel inclined to ask a girl out, do it. You don’t have to be in a relationship with her just because you took her to lunch or coffee or something. Don’t spend time thinking whether to do it. Just do it. Sometimes delay kills things. An old Latin saying says, “doubly gives who gives fast.” Now, I don’t advocate senseless haste, but don’t sit around waiting, either.

From this girl’s reaction it seems that yes, she’s rather interested in acquaintance or even friendship, hard to say if more because there’s simply no information on which to judge that, but she isn’t obsessing, which is a good thing - nor is she particularly sucked in, which is less stellar but possibly not bad, either. If she promised to call you, she should have and if she didn’t call, she probably wasn’t caring awfully much at that point, but after all she did send Christmas wishes, so you might as well keep talking to her and trying to ask her out.

Finals are a good reason to cut down on social life and study rather than going out and exposing oneself to romantic perturbations that interfere with studying. Might be just that, might be a case of declining enthusiasm.

Declining enthusiasm is something I see frequently in women, although I don’t know why. In my experience, some women are able to go from completely charmed to not all that interested in a short period of time, go from feeling drawn to you to feeling accosted by you against their will, go from proposing a meeting on their own to dodging your inquiries about that proposal or your counter-offers over the span of several days. I don’t know what causes that, although I suppose internal conflicts might be an answer. At any rate, I don’t want you to get jaded, so I’ll cut here.
 
lontas said:
Hey, Math Dude. Welcome. I don’t know much math (yet), but I do know a thing or two about keeping a woman’s interest.
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Yup, you do, from what you wrote.
  1. No, don’t call her any time soon. Be scarce. Be busy with your own life. When you see her in person, you make her laugh and ALWAYS treat her like a lady, but when it’s time to go, you be the first to leave. Ironically, this behavior makes you more attractive. It shows you’re confident, in control of yourself, and independent.
Click to expand...
Yeah, that’s true, but do you want a girl who responds like a lab rat with unconditional responses? Do you want to make yourself attractive or do you want to find someone who is attractive to the true you? Change your essence, not your appearance! Look what you are.
  1. Should you decide to call her again, be forward with your intentions and keep it brief. Have a time and a place picked out. If she says no, simply drop the issue and call her again a few days later. Again, this makes you attractive because you’re being confident enough not to need her.
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Yup. And if you needed her at this point, you’d simply be needy. On the other hand, when you begin to need her, do not hide that. If someone can’t deal with the fact that you need him or have an inclination to spend time with him, that person has either personality issues or a revulsion to you. Unless, of course, you’re too needy.
  1. I hate to say this, but… when she said Thursday would probably work but that she might have a final that night, that sounds like a lame excuse for her not to have to say no. I find that younger (college age) women tend to struggle with saying no to guys, so they invent any excuse they can in order to not see you. Learn to recognize this. If you get one lame excuse after another, take the hint and assume it’s a no. Or better yet, playfully assume it’s a yes and say, “So, pick you up at 7?” Sounds cheesy, but sometimes it’s just the ticket!
Click to expand...
That is all true, but your imperious effect will wear off after a time unless you keep feeding it. And there’s a difference between consort and cohort. I can easily push my will on people and I can make them do many things. But I won’t make them love me. 😉

Obviously, in some cases a responsible woman will pile lame responses and your ignoring those will let her see the error of her ways and reform with no detriment to your prospects for the future in the event of your ending up stuck with her forever. 😛 However, I would think for a moment before taking the chance. 😛
  1. In general, women are attracted to humor and confidence, and they are very put off by needy behaviors and “nice guy” (i.e. effeminate) behaviors.
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That is true, but what when you get her? “In fact, I am not all that confident. Really. I needed to be to get you, but now that I’ve got you, I can be myself… or can I?” Ooops.

Show her the true you, just get your act together. Otherwise you’re stuck with a woman who thinks you’re not what you are. Or you are not all the stuck, in fact, as she might well leave.
So, I recommend meeting other women at this point. But hey, you might still have a chance with this special lady if you follow my advice and keep yourself confident, strong, manly, and attractive!

Chris
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I’d give it a chance but probably no more than one. But after the finals.
 
MathGuy said:
So is she just not interested? Should I try one more time just to make sure? She sent me a text message on Christmas, so I think she’s generally interested in talking. Should I ask her why she didn’t get back to me?
Click to expand...
Alright, another possible budding romantic stemming from Bible studies! Seriously, I’m starting to think that Bible study is best place to meet like-minded single Catholics.

Anyway, in my opinion, I think it’s rather hard to tell at this point, and I can certainly understand your confusion with regard to this lady’s behavior. It’s certainly possible that she’s been busy, and the text on Christmas is a good sign. Personally, I think there’re these possibilities:
  1. She is interested, but she’s been busy and wants you to ask her out again…
  2. She is interested, but she is shy and doesn’t want to seem too eager. She wants you to ask her out again.
  3. She is somewhat interested, but has yet to make up her mind.
  4. She is only interested in friendship.
At this point, it could be any of the above, or even a 5th or 6th possibility! It’s definitely a good sign that she still wants to keep in touch. Women don’t usually keep in touch with guys they dislike, so it’s at least safe to assume that she doesn’t dislike you.

I think it’s worthwhile to ping her again. Sometimes women - like men - are unsure of the intentions of the other party, and I will bet that she’s probably wondering the same thing! If she gives you a definite answer, then I think it would be time to man up to either get serious about pursuing this lady or respecting her wishes and leaving her alone.

In any case, I wish you the best of luck and keep us updated!
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
Alright, another possible budding romantic stemming from Bible studies! Seriously, I’m starting to think that Bible study is best place to meet like-minded single Catholics.
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Har har har. I’m attending one tonight and the youngest person after me is probably going to be at least double my age, which is not really in the teens. 😛
 
Hey guys,

Thanks for all the advice. I think I’ve been pretty confident in the past - I haven’t been hanging all over her and I think I’ve given her a very appropriate amount of distance. I figure I’ll probably ask her one more time and see what happens.

Now I have to figure out when to ask her though. I’m not sure when she’ll be back in the city, so I might just wait till I see her at mass or I might ask her on facebook when she gets back and then call her closer to that date or who knows what else. I just don’t want to ask her out again now and find out she’s not going to be back for another two weeks.
 
MathGuy said:
Hey guys,

Thanks for all the advice. I think I’ve been pretty confident in the past - I haven’t been hanging all over her and I think I’ve given her a very appropriate amount of distance. I figure I’ll probably ask her one more time and see what happens.

Now I have to figure out when to ask her though. I’m not sure when she’ll be back in the city, so I might just wait till I see her at mass or I might ask her on facebook when she gets back and then call her closer to that date or who knows what else. I just don’t want to ask her out again now and find out she’s not going to be back for another two weeks.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a plan. I’d be curious to find out what happens, so come back and let us know.
 
lontas said:
Hey, Math Dude. Welcome. I don’t know much math (yet), but I do know a thing or two about keeping a woman’s interest.

I don’t know you or your lady in person, so I’ll give you some general tips:
  1. No, don’t call her any time soon. Be scarce. Be busy with your own life. When you see her in person, you make her laugh and ALWAYS treat her like a lady, but when it’s time to go, you be the first to leave. Ironically, this behavior makes you more attractive. It shows you’re confident, in control of yourself, and independent.
  2. Should you decide to call her again, be forward with your intentions and keep it brief. Have a time and a place picked out. If she says no, simply drop the issue and call her again a few days later. Again, this makes you attractive because you’re being confident enough not to need her.
  3. I hate to say this, but… when she said Thursday would probably work but that she might have a final that night, that sounds like a lame excuse for her not to have to say no. I find that younger (college age) women tend to struggle with saying no to guys, so they invent any excuse they can in order to not see you. Learn to recognize this. If you get one lame excuse after another, take the hint and assume it’s a no. Or better yet, playfully assume it’s a yes and say, “So, pick you up at 7?” Sounds cheesy, but sometimes it’s just the ticket!
  4. In general, women are attracted to humor and confidence, and they are very put off by needy behaviors and “nice guy” (i.e. effeminate) behaviors.
So, I recommend meeting other women at this point. But hey, you might still have a chance with this special lady if you follow my advice and keep yourself confident, strong, manly, and attractive!

Chris
Click to expand...
Why not just be really clear with her? It might save the OP some bother. 😉
 
MathGuy said:
Hey guys,

Thanks for all the advice. I think I’ve been pretty confident in the past - I haven’t been hanging all over her and I think I’ve given her a very appropriate amount of distance. I figure I’ll probably ask her one more time and see what happens.

Now I have to figure out when to ask her though. I’m not sure when she’ll be back in the city, so I might just wait till I see her at mass or I might ask her on facebook when she gets back and then call her closer to that date or who knows what else. I just don’t want to ask her out again now and find out she’s not going to be back for another two weeks.
Click to expand...
I wouldn’t wait another two weeks. You can keep in contact with her and ask her out when she’s back, but it shouldn’t be that you contact her only to ask her out and outside of that, you aren’t interested in contacting her. Don’t be afraid just to talk to her.
 
MathGuy said:
Hey guys,

Thanks for all the advice. I think I’ve been pretty confident in the past - I haven’t been hanging all over her and I think I’ve given her a very appropriate amount of distance. I figure I’ll probably ask her one more time and see what happens.

Now I have to figure out when to ask her though. I’m not sure when she’ll be back in the city, so I might just wait till I see her at mass or I might ask her on facebook when she gets back and then call her closer to that date or who knows what else. I just don’t want to ask her out again now and find out she’s not going to be back for another two weeks.
Click to expand...
Whatever you do, don’t ask her on Facebook! You gotta man up and call her up. If she picks up, good; otherwise, leave a message and go on with your life. I wouldn’t wait one or two weeks to call in this case. The one or two weeks rule applies, only if you had just asked her out, then yes, you’d want to look busy and not give her the impression that you’re sitting by the phone waiting for her to call back. Since she texted you on Christmas, it’s a hint that she might still be interested, in my opinion. I would however, wait until after the holidays, or you can text her on New Year’s. I’ll leave that up to you. In any case, I think she’s giving you a hint, so take it! What have you got to lose? Best of luck to ya!
 
hey guys, I’ve decided to call her and ask her out to dinner. I have a quick question though because i’ve always been confused on the proper handling of this situation:

i figured i’d ask her out for some time next week. if i suggest a day, let’s say friday for example, and she says she’s busy (i know she works a lot and i think she works every friday), what do i do? do i suggest another day or ask her what’s good for her?
 
Ask what’s good for her. If she comes back, "any day but Friday or it “doesn’t matter,” make the decesion, most girls don’t like wishy washy or indecisiveness.
 
MathGuy said:
hey guys, I’ve decided to call her and ask her out to dinner. I have a quick question though because i’ve always been confused on the proper handling of this situation:

i figured i’d ask her out for some time next week. if i suggest a day, let’s say friday for example, and she says she’s busy (i know she works a lot and i think she works every friday), what do i do? do i suggest another day or ask her what’s good for her?
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Yes, you suggest a different day and you don’t ask what’s wrong with Friday and you don’t ask her to reconsider, either.

It is as Bama says. If you think coming up with a random day on the spot in order to appear more confident would be too cynical, in which case I tend to agree, just think of a different day that would be the best before you call her.

If she turns down two days without offering a good excuse or an apology, it means it’s probably better to wait until the following week.

It saddens me a bit that you’re anticipating a turning down. If you can’t enjoy the company or companionship of a young woman, to the point that before phoning her you are wondering what excuse you will get this time, then it’s time to look for one that will be interested.
 
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