Is singleness a vocation?

[TiggerS]

Bruised Reed - I don’t think it is a vocation the way being called to the priesthood, religious life, consecrated virginity or marriage is. It’s talked about as a vocation but I haven’t seen any document that discusses it the way the vocations I listed above are discussed.

I think perhaps, BR, if in reading the various documents you look for “celibate state” in relation to vocation you will probably find what you are seeking in relation to the ‘single state’ as a vocation in life.

I think it’s good that vocations are being encouraged and talked about but it seems that there is another vocations crisis brewing: what does it mean if my vocation is not fulfilled? Singles can feel invisible or that we are “less than” if we are single longer that we like. And it clearly makes other people nervous, too. We’re not weird: we have a “vocation”. Please. (Don’t take offence: I suddenly got riled up.)

It is not that one’s vocation is not fulfilled, rather that what one hoped would be one’s vocation is not fulfilled - and this comes under our theology of The Permissive Will of God where the sufferings in life are concerned. INDICATIVE AND PERMISSIVE WILL OF GOD (Source “Roman Catholic Spiritual Direction” and a sound Catholic resource site)

Today’s Gospel HERE speaks about those ‘last’ and those ‘first’ turning the whole worldly concepts upside down as does the Paschal Mystery HERE which is at the centre of our Faith. Those called to the lay celibate state can be viewed rather strangely by others and this is merely a small suffering in the journey of life. In the past it could rile me up too, but I seem to have got over it, thank The Lord. Not all that long ago the ‘single life’ was hardly and very rarely mentioned as a vocation at all. Nowadays most all diocesan websites mention it as a potential vocation. Times change and perhaps as time rolls on, things might change even further.
If I am looking for a document on the single lay celibate state as vocation, then Christifideles Laici spells it out for me (“Vocation and MIssion of The Lay Faithful in The Church and The World”) and yes, it mentions the lay celibate state in life. “The term *secular *must be understood in light of the act of God the creator and redeemer, who has handed over the world to women and men, so that they may participate in the work of creation, free creation from the influence of sin and sanctify themselves in marriage or the celibate life, in a family, in a profession and in the various activities of society”(39)."

By the way, I think that people who identify as gay and lesbian may have vocations to marriage or the religious life that may not happen for specific reasons. That it doesn’t happen is okay. It can smart a bit for sure but it doesn’t make a person as mntgal25 said, we have a purpose.

I tend to agree that it may be probably impossible for a gay person to marry. There would be an impediment to the marriage - at least I think so, while not knowing much about it really.
Impediments can be viewed in a negative light or in a more positive light as The Lord preventing certain vocations in life in order to guide one into His actual call and vocation. Life and the journey is all attitude and perspective. It is probably going to boil down to either what I want for myself or what The Lord is asking from me and inviting me to fulfill. Obviously, if I have impediments to a vocation or vocations, The Lord is not calling me to these otherwise the impediments would not exist. Where is my primary focus and investment? - on what I want, or what The Lord is asking.

The lay celibate state is probably very much a hidden vocation in life (in wordly terms) and in the footsteps of Our Lady and St. Joseph for most all their lives and indeed in the footsteps of Jesus for most all the first 30 years of His Life.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

How could a gay person have a vocation to marriage? They’re gay. They’d be lying to their future spouse saying they’re attracted to him/her. I don’t think a gay man would be able to have sex with a woman without fantasizing about some guy… he’s not attracted to women and so would not be turned on by his wife at all. Not her fault, just the way he is.

I didn’t state or imply that at all. I know if you look around this forum or just about any where that is faithful to Catholic teaching there will be some comment that gay people are called to be single. It’s like a default answer because we are supposed to be pastoral but we really don’t know what to do with them. And quite frankly they (church leaders, anyone that is invested in us as single or even friends), don’t really know what to do with us either except hope to match us up (not that they should stop trying).

But no, I’m not saying men women who are gay should get married, I’m saying they may be called to marriage and like many others it might not happen. I think most do feel called to marriage. They wish they could marry the person they are in love with or maybe even imagine marrying a person of the opposite sex because they do love them and know they are compatible but they know neither of them are right. One isn’t right be the church and one isn’t right by their orientation. I’m really speaking out of turn or something but that’s the best I can explain it.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

How could a gay person have a vocation to marriage? They’re gay. They’d be lying to their future spouse saying they’re attracted to him/her. I don’t think a gay man would be able to have sex with a woman without fantasizing about some guy… he’s not attracted to women and so would not be turned on by his wife at all. Not her fault, just the way he is.

I didn’t state or imply that at all. I know if you look around this forum or just about any where that is faithful to Catholic teaching there will be some comment that gay people are called to be single. It’s like a default answer because we are supposed to be pastoral but we really don’t know what to do with them. And quite frankly they (church leaders, anyone that is invested in us as single or even friends), don’t really know what to do with us either except hope to match us up (not that they should stop trying).

But no, I’m not saying men women who are gay should get married, I’m saying they may be called to marriage and like many others it might not happen. I think most do feel called to marriage. They wish they could marry the person they are in love with or maybe even imagine marrying a person of the opposite sex because they do love them and know they are compatible but they know neither of them are right. One isn’t right be the church and one isn’t right by their orientation. I’m really speaking out of turn or something but that’s the best I can explain it.

 

[TiggerS]

I dont think that it is a default answer, rather it is the quite obvious answer. If I have impediments to all vocations but the single lay celibate state, then it is to that state that The Lord is calling me, or I would not have impediments to all other vocations. If I have impediment or impediements, then it is The Lord that has permitted them for good reason (according to St. Augustine "For almighty God. . ., because he is supremely good, would never allow any evil whatsoever to exist in his works if he were not so all-powerful and good as to cause good to emerge from evil itself. " CCC #311

This can be very painful and it is not only gay people who experience this disaster in life or so it seems and is experienced as a disaster, at least initially. Been there and done that although not gay rather suffering mental illness, Bipolar Disorder.
Jesus has told us (Matthew Ch19) “[29] And every one that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall possess life everlasting. [30] And many that are first, shall be last: and the last shall be first.”
We can experience the above as a literal translation or as a call to abandon what is dear to onself. Having done this and for “My Name’s sake” (God’s Will) the reward is indeed one hundredfold and more even in this life it is my experience. I could have married of course, but I felt a call in another direction (celibate lay state) and it loomed up at me as a lonely, very lonely, life ahead if I did embrace it. I had no idea how I was going to remain celibate but could not shake a weird sort of attraction to a way of life that back then, 40 years ago, was never mentioned generally in The Church as a vocation. I sought advice from several very wise people in The Church, very wise indeed. As a consequence, I embraced the single lay celibate state under private vows - and now for life. It was a miserable journey at first and with much confusion and many problems including that serious episodes of Bipolar were consistently turning me and my life upside down. It is now an almost 40 year long journey and to date confusion and problems seem past tense. I hope it will remain so, with no guarantees. Bipolar episodes are always a potential at least. 40 years seem to have passed like a blink of the eye and I have no idea how I arrived at this point, I only know that I have. And yes, I fell in love along the way and chose to give him up in favor of my vows - very painfully and it took years to get over it all. My guarantee only for any future is that Grace will be with me no matter what is ahead (lonely old age? suffering goodness knows what - who knows, not me) Grace is always with us as all and under any and all circumstances, nothing exempted. Even in failure and sin, there is that Grace of full repentance and total renewal. May The Lord of His Mercy grant me perseverance to the end.

Matthew Ch14 “[19] Jesus said to them: Because of your unbelief. For, amen I say to you, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, Remove from hence hither, and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you.”
This is not Faith in myself or my desires and wishes, rather it is Faith in Jesus and His Will, including His Permissive Will. I dont think I would be at the point I seem to have arrived at without along the way some jolly good priest and religious spiritual directors, both formally and informally.

 

[TiggerS]

I didn’t state or imply that at all. I know if you look around this forum or just about any where that is faithful to Catholic teaching there will be some comment that gay people are called to be single. It’s like a default answer because we are supposed to be pastoral but we really don’t know what to do with them. And quite frankly they (church leaders, anyone that is invested in us as single or even friends), don’t really know what to do with us either except hope to match us up (not that they should stop trying).

But no, I’m not saying men women who are gay should get married, I’m saying they may be called to marriage and like many others it might not happen. I think most do feel called to marriage. They wish they could marry the person they are in love with or maybe even imagine marrying a person of the opposite sex because they do love them and know they are compatible but they know neither of them are right. One isn’t right be the church and one isn’t right by their orientation. I’m really speaking out of turn or something but that’s the best I can explain it.

I dont think that you are speaking out of turn and I am not sure at all that I can do much better if at all.
Probably because The Church has not defined formally the vocation to the celibate lay state in some kind of official document addressing only the celibate lay state, the vocation still struggles. It also struggles, I think, because traditionally “vocation” per se was confined to religious life and the priesthood, with marriage being a rather late arrival as it were as a vocation per se.

What we can fail to recognize is that from the moment we are baptized we have a vocation and call from The Lord to The Catholic Church and His Gospel. Our Baptism declares and formalizes this call and vocation from The Lord to an individual and it is a call and vocation for life, all other vocations build on our baptismal vocation and this may, or may not, occur. All further calls and vocations are calls to take up a particular role as it were in The Church.
The Church, to my mind, is even struggling almost wildely (again to my mind only) against a tide that She may have created all unknowingly in the once general and widespread teaching of vocation as priesthood, religious life or marriage and only these. Although the reality is that such a teaching was absolutely theologically inaccurate.

If I have a desire to marry and there are impediments, or perhaps I just never meet the right person, or having met him, he is not available for some reason - and so I find myself plodding through life as it were ‘without a vocation’. Not so and ‘without a vocation’ is only a state of mind not a theological reality at all. Because life has turned out as it has and not at all to one’s desires is not some dreadful accident of fate, rather it has come about through The Permissive Will of God and I can either embrace that and my baptismal call and vocation, or struggle against it.

Sometimes it can boil down to thinking of life in wordly type terms, alternatively in the terms of The Gospel and The Church and Her theology. Perhaps this latter is the “narrow way” that Jesus spoke about, because to live it, we have to swim against the tide of cultural influences and wordly ways of thinking and these do prevail and sometimes even amongst Catholics. This is why the very first task of any sort of effective evengelisation (old or new) is to understand our Faith insofar as we can both for our own benefit and the benefit of evangelisation. In this, the internet, prayer, meditation and reflection, even Catholic Discussion sites, can be pure gold and wonderful educational tools. Probably the important thing is to determine that our source of information is a sound and reliable Catholic source.

 

[MarjannaS]

Some years ago, I directed a Singles Support Group for our parish. One of the things we learned about Singleness,is that it IS A VOCATION. It is a special vocation – in that it was also chosen by Jesus to be HIS State of Life. He had OTHER work to do for His Father, and complicating his life with either a wife and family OR with becoming a priest (that was reserved pretty much for the descendants of Levi) would have distracted from the important work at hand – which was redemption. It has been an honored vocation throughout the life and history of the Church, in that there are many saints who have been unmarried, and consequently, unencumbered by other obligations. Unmarried male saints have been referred-to as “confessors”, and generally, unmarried female saints are called ‘virgins’ or ‘holy women’. Their ‘sexuality’ is not the issue; it is their sanctity. Those who are not called to marriage or to the religious life have been left on the public discards table, thanks to a society which tends to force individuals to ‘join a group’ - even if only a group of two. But, I digress.
Our God is often a selfish God. He wants ALL of our attention, our love and our efforts. He craves our love, and wants us to want Him in return, and to point all our work and our desire into Him. We who are single can do that vocation of love without reservation, and without worrying that our spouses or children will be short-changed by our striving for God. When a soul gives its ‘drive to reproduce’ and its ‘drive for personal honors’ to God as a choice, and recognizes that it is God Alone whom he/she wants to attain, God will take their offer of giving up human comfort, and give that soul greater fulfilment by filling it with more of His Own Love, and even more of other persons’ than was thought possible. There will be NO emptiness, when the soul has emptied itself into God. Those persons who are ‘accidentally single’, as well as those who have kept this state intentionally, need to realize what a precious gift has been given to them. Of course, if they CHOOSE to change it, they may. God has given us free will, after all. But once we give our state of life to God, we do not change it lightly. The main thing we have to realize, as singles, is that it IS A VOCATION, and not just a “process” or a time-lag on the way to something else. Persons who are single know LOVE better than many, because their only object of Love is Love Itself. Honor single persons. They have, as Mary, chosen the better part.
God love you.

 

[LilyPearls]

I think that people who identify as gay and lesbian may have vocations to marriage. . .

 

[LilyPearls]

I didn’t state or imply that at all. I know if you look around this forum or just about any where that is faithful to Catholic teaching there will be some comment that gay people are called to be single. It’s like a default answer because we are supposed to be pastoral but we really don’t know what to do with them. And quite frankly they (church leaders, anyone that is invested in us as single or even friends), don’t really know what to do with us either except hope to match us up (not that they should stop trying).

But no, I’m not saying men women who are gay should get married, I’m saying they may be called to marriage and like many others it might not happen. I think most do feel called to marriage. They wish they could marry the person they are in love with or maybe even imagine marrying a person of the opposite sex because they do love them and know they are compatible but they know neither of them are right. One isn’t right be the church and one isn’t right by their orientation. I’m really speaking out of turn or something but that’s the best I can explain it.

. . .I think that people who identify as gay and lesbian may have vocations to marriage. . .

I’m not gay and I can’t speak for all gay people, but I have friends who are gay and loving it, and they really have no desire for people of the opposite sex at all. I just don’t see why God would give a calling to someone who has zero interest or physical ability in that area at all.

 

[lakotak]

I am 64 years old and I have never been interested in the married life, but I have been drawn to God all my life. I was somewhat drawn to religious life, but I had to take care of my mother most of her life so I never really considered it, although, I would have liked to. I feel that God called me to be single.

 

[Lisa1967]

Some years ago, I directed a Singles Support Group for our parish. One of the things we learned about Singleness,is that it IS A VOCATION. It is a special vocation – in that it was also chosen by Jesus to be HIS State of Life. He had OTHER work to do for His Father, and complicating his life with either a wife and family OR with becoming a priest (that was reserved pretty much for the descendants of Levi) would have distracted from the important work at hand – which was redemption. It has been an honored vocation throughout the life and history of the Church, in that there are many saints who have been unmarried, and consequently, unencumbered by other obligations. Unmarried male saints have been referred-to as “confessors”, and generally, unmarried female saints are called ‘virgins’ or ‘holy women’. Their ‘sexuality’ is not the issue; it is their sanctity. Those who are not called to marriage or to the religious life have been left on the public discards table, thanks to a society which tends to force individuals to ‘join a group’ - even if only a group of two. But, I digress.
Our God is often a selfish God. He wants ALL of our attention, our love and our efforts. He craves our love, and wants us to want Him in return, and to point all our work and our desire into Him. We who are single can do that vocation of love without reservation, and without worrying that our spouses or children will be short-changed by our striving for God. When a soul gives its ‘drive to reproduce’ and its ‘drive for personal honors’ to God as a choice, and recognizes that it is God Alone whom he/she wants to attain, God will take their offer of giving up human comfort, and give that soul greater fulfilment by filling it with more of His Own Love, and even more of other persons’ than was thought possible. There will be NO emptiness, when the soul has emptied itself into God. Those persons who are ‘accidentally single’, as well as those who have kept this state intentionally, need to realize what a precious gift has been given to them. Of course, if they CHOOSE to change it, they may. God has given us free will, after all. But once we give our state of life to God, we do not change it lightly. The main thing we have to realize, as singles, is that it IS A VOCATION, and not just a “process” or a time-lag on the way to something else. Persons who are single know LOVE better than many, because their only object of Love is Love Itself. Honor single persons. They have, as Mary, chosen the better part.
God love you.

Thank you for your kind words. I agree with you.

The closest I got to marriage was when I was in college and my atheist boyfriend and I discussed it. I was Catholic and really had no business going out with him. Our relationship was unhappy and I ended it. I never thought I’d be single so long, but I’m glad I didn’t marry him. He has contacted me through the Internet but I do not respond.

In 1 Corinthians Paul praises singleness and says single people can serve God.

Because I am single, I can reach out to extended family and friends, and love them. I am not tied to a husband and children. I adopted my second homeless cat from a rescue society in December; he is a lot of work but I can do it. I had adopted my first in 1997; he passed away in 2011.

I have been a member of two different Catholic singles groups. I have experienced Christian churches, both Catholic and Protestant, as primarily a place for married people and families, but it is great to find small groups to belong to. I currently go to a women’s ministry at a Lutheran church. We have 6 women in our small group, 4 married, 2 single. We all support each other and pray for each other. We meet twice a month for small and large group ministry.

 

[LilyPearls]

. . . it is great to find small groups to belong to. I currently go to a women’s ministry at a Lutheran church. We have 6 women in our small group, 4 married, 2 single. We all support each other and pray for each other. We meet twice a month for small and large group ministry.

I go to a young adults (late teens to 30’s) group. There’s a lot of single people who go to it, average age is somewhere in the late twenties. But there are a few people who come who are nearly seniors, they’re just single and have always been single and want to be able to connect with people who also aren’t married, even if there’s a big age difference. They’re more than welcome to come, no one bats an eye at it. Some sisters come on occasion too, as do a few priests. Perhaps there’s a young adults group you could check out, or you could start a singles group.

 

[Lisa1967]

I go to a young adults (late teens to 30’s) group. There’s a lot of single people who go to it, average age is somewhere in the late twenties. But there are a few people who come who are nearly seniors, they’re just single and have always been single and want to be able to connect with people who also aren’t married, even if there’s a big age difference. They’re more than welcome to come, no one bats an eye at it. Some sisters come on occasion too, as do a few priests. Perhaps there’s a young adults group you could check out, or you could start a singles group.

Well, I’m 45, so that’s usually not considered young adult. I prefer to socialize with people my age or older. The Catholic singles group I go to here is 40 years and above, with most members 50-plus. They go to a lot of restaurants and bars, though, and I don’t always have the money to join them.

What’s nice about the women’s ministry is we paid a small fee for the whole year and we get free food, teaching, and worship. The program lasts for 9 months a year and breaks in the summer, but our small group continues to meet during the summer. The church that sponsors the women’s ministry also has a free coffee break for all women once a month and has teaching and a a very generous continental breakfast. As a low income person, that is nice.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I’m not gay and I can’t speak for all gay people, but I have friends who are gay and loving it, and they really have no desire for people of the opposite sex at all. I just don’t see why God would give a calling to someone who has zero interest or physical ability in that area at all.

I didn’t say that they desired someone of the opposite sex, did I? I just said they feel called to marriage. Most grow up believing they will get married because that’s what everyone does and some hope they will turn 18 and not be gay anymore or they will pray the gay away. Some imagine they will marry their best friend of the opposite sex (and just hope they can sort out the sex thing later. You don’t really think they actually lack the physical “ability,” do you?). I also was considering those who want to marry the person they are in love with (same sex). It’s still a call but it’s frustrated by their orientation. But they do think about getting married and having a family. And maybe God would give them that call because having a spouse and children is how they were created.

And I will repeat: I don’t think this means they will get married or should or have to get married. It won’t happen for many of us for different reasons. I happen to think I would be in good company.

I should also note I don’t think people who are gay need to do reparative therapy. I used to be neutral on the subject but what I’ve heard lately has made me think it’s not that successful and it’s definely not for everyone. I can imagine someone reading the above might think that I think reparative therapy would solve the dilemma but I don’t think it’s that simple.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I think perhaps, (…)

I will have to take some time and read the links you gave and comment later. I’ve been looking for something to sink my teeth into an perhaps this is it.

 

[LilyPearls]

You don’t really think they actually lack the physical “ability,” do you?

I’m not trying to say that gay men are impotent, just that (and I’m trying not to be crude), if a man is not attracted to women then he wouldn’t be able to be turned on by his wife and therefore can’t get an erection making sex impossible. Unless he purposely fantasizes about some guy to keep the flag flying, which is a sin. I mean no insult to gay men, it’s just that if you’re not attracted to women…then…well, having sex with a woman would be quite difficult.

I just said they feel called to marriage. Most grow up believing they will get married because that’s what everyone does and some hope they will turn 18 and not be gay anymore or they will pray the gay away. Some imagine they will marry their best friend of the opposite sex (and just hope they can sort out the sex thing later… . . I also was considering those who want to marry the person they are in love with (same sex). It’s still a call but it’s frustrated by their orientation. But they do think about getting married and having a family.

I agree with a lot of what you’ve said here, except that marriage may be their vocation. Yes they may feel called to marriage, thinking or hoping they may marry in any of the situations you suggested. But thinking about marriage and wanting marriage does not mean it is your vocation. Doesn’t God give us vocations that we don’t have enormous impediments to? Like you said, most people grow up believing they’ll marry. But what we grow up thinking often has nothing to do with what our vocation actually is. There aren’t many of us who while still in our childhood know what God wants us to do with our lives.

So it all comes down to this: what is a vocation? Isn’t a vocation a living out of who we truly are? A calling from God to a particular path in life, and knowing he chose that path for us because he knows us better than we know ourselves and what will bring us closer to him? It isn’t trying to be something or someone we’re not. So then a gay person couldn’t possibly have a calling from God to marriage, and a person who doesn’t feel called to marriage, religious life or any of the lay apostolates/third orders may very well have a vocation to the single life.

One of Saint Therese of Lisieux’s sisters lived that vocation (single life) while all her siblings had become nuns. She lived this life to take care of her father until he died, and once he died she became a nun. OP, there may be a reason God wants you to be single. Yes, it is a real vocation, and if it is your true calling it may not remain so forever. One of my good friends married for the first time shortly after she joined the senior’s club. God had other plans for her before filling that call, and she was willing to wait. If God wants you to marry or join an religious order or something, he’ll show you.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I’m not trying to say that gay men are impotent, just that (and I’m trying not to be crude), if they’re not attracted to women then the wouldn’t be able to be turned on by his wife and therefore can’t get an erection making sex impossible. Unless he purposely fantasizes about some guy to keep the flag flying, which is a sin. I mean no insult to gay men, it’s just that if you’re not attracted to women…then…well, having sex with a woman would be quite difficult.

Impossible? Not really. There is a lot of variation here but not impossible. And for some, not that difficult.

I agree with a lot of what you’ve said here, except that marriage may be their vocation. Yes they may feel called to marriage, thinking or hoping they may marry in any of the situations you suggested. But thinking about marriage and wanting marriage does not mean it is your vocation. Doesn’t God give us vocations that we don’t have enormous impediments to? Like you said, most people grow up believing they’ll marry. But what we grow up thinking often has nothing to do with what our vocation actually is. There aren’t many of us who while still in our childhood know what God wants us to do with our lives.

So it all comes down to this: what is a vocation? Isn’t a vocation a living out of who we truly are? A calling from God to a particular path in life, and knowing he chose that path for us because he knows us better than we know ourselves and what will bring us closer to him? It isn’t trying to be something or someone we’re not. So then a gay person couldn’t possibly have a calling from God to marriage, and a person who doesn’t feel called to marriage, religious life or any of the lay apostolates/third orders may very well have a vocation to the single life.

One of Saint Therese of Lisieux’s sisters lived that vocation while all her siblings had become nuns. She lived this life to take care of her father until he died, and once he died she became a nun. OP, there may be a reason God wants you to be single. Yes, it is a real vocation, and if it is your true calling it may not remain so forever. One of my good friends married for the first time shortly after she joined the senior’s club. God had other plans for her before filling that call, and she was willing to wait. If God wants you to marry or join an religious order or something, he’ll show you.

You have to understand I don’t believe that there is a call to the single life. I don’t see one in Canon Law. Tthe closest thing is Canon 604 and that isn’t what we are talking about. And I don’t see it in the Catechism either. I think it might be hard to find because I don’t think the Church is going to come out with a document that says that it is not a vocation.

Vocations have sacraments, consercrations or some kind of rite or ceremony. There isn’t one for the single life or as Tigger says the lay celibate state.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I dont think that you are speaking out of turn and I am not sure at all that I can do much better if at all.
(…)

I said this because I’m not gay and I’m not comfortable speaking for someone who is. But I will share what I know for some context.

A person who is gay and is chaste is in some ways a better witness to me because he or she is unlikely to get married and I’m not either. Many chastity educators are married or will get married someday. Being chaste and single and being chaste and married are different.

 

[LilyPearls]

You have to understand I don’t believe that there is a call to the single life. I don’t see one in Canon Law. Tthe closest thing is Canon 604 and that isn’t what we are talking about. And I don’t see it in the Catechism either. I think it might be hard to find because I don’t think the Church is going to come out with a document that says that it is not a vocation.

Vocations have sacraments, consercrations or some kind of rite or ceremony. There isn’t one for the single life or as Tigger says the lay celibate state.

There are plenty of people who are part of lay apostolates who are living out their vocation. In the particular organization I’m thinking about (the Madonna House) they do make promises on the three evangelical councils, but they’re still lay celibates. There are also people like Saint Therese’s sister who might not be called to their spousal relationship of whatever kind (to the Church, to a human or to God) until later in life. Why does a vocation HAVE to have that spousal relationship, anyways?

 

[TiggerS]

…edit…

Vocations have sacraments, consercrations or some kind of rite or ceremony. There isn’t one for the single life or as Tigger says the lay celibate state.

No, there is not a specific consecration to the lay celibate state, because that consecration has already taken place at Baptism. All vocations to all states in life build on our Baptism, while the vocation to the lay celibate state lives out that Baptismal consecration - and hopefully in those who have been called to lay celibacy, in an exemplary manner. Their witness to the world is of the ordinary day to day lay person living out their very ordinary secular life as Catholics committed to The Gospel. It is also a quite radical witness to total commitment to Jesus. St Therese of Lisieux is an excellent patron for those who are called to lay celibacy - she is the saint of the ordinary who lived a very ordinary life in an extra-ordinary manner. In her own monastery of a few nuns living shoulder to shoulder every single day for the eight years of her religious life until her death, she was regarded by all as a “good nun but nothing extra-ordinary”. This was not so as her autobiography revealed. It was a very ordinary Carmelite life lived in a most extra-ordinary manner.

Certainly, Canon Law covers Private Vows and Vita Consecrata mentions those who have privately (via private vow or vows - or not) consecrated their whole life to God in the form of Chastity in a celibate life, as included under “Thanksgiving for the Consecrated Life” and I have already quoted from this Document.

In fact, it seems to me the longer I continue to live this 40 year journey to date, the more I am convinced and hope that there will never be a formal consecration to the lay celibate state, rather it is our Baptism that must speak up and shine out for the wondrous and stunning fact that Baptism is - who, indeed are we*** - and without which no further call and vocation can exist, without which The Church Herself cannot exist. Some are called to take up special roles in The Church and we call these special roles vocations - quite geneerally speaking, they are calls from one role and state, vocation, in life (celibate laity) into another role and state in life. For those called to lay celibacy it seems to me (and its been a matter of exploring, researching, praying, sifting and defining, refining, as I went along - and ongoing) we live out a hidden life in the general life of The Church and witness to Baptism and to my mind those hidden years of Jesus, Mary and Joseph about which we know nothing really.

I sincerely hope that there never will be a special consecration within The Church to lay celibacy. There is no need for any sort of special consecration, since that special consecration already has taken place at Baptism. We are not baptised by any sort of accident of fate or choice of our parents, or our own choice at some point in our life, we are baptised because God has chosen us as His People united in His Son and our common bond is Love. There is no need for any sort of special document or exhortation to my mind from The Vatican on lay celibacy. Christifideles Laici (already quoted) has said it all and without, thankfully, making a big fuss and bother, dance, about lay celibacy. It is primarily to my mind a hidden vocation just as there is nothing in a exterior manner which will automatically witness to a baptised person - it is the exemplary nature of our lives that ideally does the speaking and witnesses to the discipleship of all the baptised. “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John Ch 13)

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*** What is man, that thou art mindful of him: or the son of man, that thou visitest him? [7] Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels: thou hast crowned him with glory and honour, and hast set him over the works of thy hands
(St Paul to Hebrews Ch2)

“Look,” they say, “how they love one another” (for they themselves hate one another); “and how they are ready to die for each other” (for they themselves are readier to kill each other)." (Tertullian, early Church Father - My note, Tertullina was describing how the pagans thought of early Christians. Their love for each other really shone so much, it was well noticed and remarked about. It was remarkable in their times)

 

[TiggerS]

I said this because I’m not gay and I’m not comfortable speaking for someone who is. But I will share what I know for some context.

A person who is gay and is chaste is in some ways a better witness to me because he or she is unlikely to get married and I’m not either. Many chastity educators are married or will get married someday. Being chaste and single and being chaste and married are different.

Thank you for setting me straight! I’m not comfortable talking about gay people either, knowing next to nothing about their lives, daily living, and problems. I can only be an outsider looking in with the briefest of glances - not as a matter of choice but just the way my life has unfolded. While it was two gay men who really took me under their wing when I will first very ill and with compassion, kindness and good advice - no one else almost wanted to know me, certainly not my parish and diocese generally speaking. Nor do I blame them!!! But I can talk my head off morning to night, day and day out, about sufferers of mental illness and their lives, daily living and problems being an insider sharing a common bond with them of mental illness and generally speaking outstanding human beings they can be.
Married conjugal chastity and celibate chastity are two different facets of the one virtue: Chastity.