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TiggerS
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Because The Church is the Spouse of Christ and The Church is all the baptised. It is the most intimate unity with Jesus in Charity and faithful commitment, Grace.
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TiggerS
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Got my vote for sure:thumbsup: Well said!
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GregBussey
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Courtship: A Christian Approach by Paul C. Dinolfo (available at sos-nar.com/tabor.htm) touches on the vocation of “Single for the Lord.” Rather than just ending up single, one can discern it as a calling and be single on purpose. I teach my kids the ideal process for a happy vocation, whether a single vocation or a married one. Have to complete one step before starting the next.
- Establish a career, and a deep daily prayer life.
- Discern whether God wants you to be married or single.
- Discern the attributes of an ideal spouse / community for you.
- Meet with many singles / communities that match the attributes.
- Wait for one to emerge as the best fit, confirm it with the people who love you.
- Betrothal / seminary / novitiate.
- Take your vows and live them out.
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TiggerS
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Thank you very much for the book recommendation - and the steps you have stated:thumbsup:
It is a blessing to see a far more positive outlook on the lay celibate vocation than was evident over say 10 years ago even.
It is a blessing to see a far more positive outlook on the lay celibate vocation than was evident over say 10 years ago even.
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tijeras
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Totally! And it makes a lot of sense: as a married person, I can assure you that there are ways to serve God that married people simply can’t do, and likewise, people in religious life can’t do (or at least, not as freely).
I know a woman who rents rooms in her house out to young women, especially single moms, and has created a whole family feeling community in her home. She is single and owns her own house. She doesn’t need the space for her own family since she’s single. She doesn’t have to live in a religious community, or answer to a religious community for living arrangements, or whatever. She knows she has a vocation to the single life and is perfectly satisfied with it now.
Single people are like free agents in the world, totally free to do good as the opportunities arise.
I too think it needs more attention than just a “left-over” vocation. It’s a very useful way to live “celibacy for the kingdom of God”. Just because one isn’t called to marriage or religious life doesn’t mean someone isn’t called to live for God. Vocation comes from “vocare”, Latin for “to call”. Some, I truly believe, are called to live the single life for God.
All of us are called to at least a temporary vocation of the lay single life, that is, none of us are born married or having already taken religious vows. It’s a day by day trust walk with God, taking the opportunities to do good as they come. For some of us, it’s a permanent calling to that intimate, personal relationship with God as the major companion of one’s life.
There are saints and blesseds from the single vocation as well: I think Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati is the most popular right now. Granted, he was quite young when he died, but from what I’ve read, he may have had too wild and active a personality to be suited for the responsibilities of marriage or the obedience of religious life.
Anyway, blessings to you. Us marrieds find ourselves bound to our families (I’m not complaining, but that’s a reality) and unable to do all the good we might want to. We certainly need free single people to help carry the burdens of bringing the kingdom of God into the secular world.
I know a woman who rents rooms in her house out to young women, especially single moms, and has created a whole family feeling community in her home. She is single and owns her own house. She doesn’t need the space for her own family since she’s single. She doesn’t have to live in a religious community, or answer to a religious community for living arrangements, or whatever. She knows she has a vocation to the single life and is perfectly satisfied with it now.
Single people are like free agents in the world, totally free to do good as the opportunities arise.
I too think it needs more attention than just a “left-over” vocation. It’s a very useful way to live “celibacy for the kingdom of God”. Just because one isn’t called to marriage or religious life doesn’t mean someone isn’t called to live for God. Vocation comes from “vocare”, Latin for “to call”. Some, I truly believe, are called to live the single life for God.
All of us are called to at least a temporary vocation of the lay single life, that is, none of us are born married or having already taken religious vows. It’s a day by day trust walk with God, taking the opportunities to do good as they come. For some of us, it’s a permanent calling to that intimate, personal relationship with God as the major companion of one’s life.
There are saints and blesseds from the single vocation as well: I think Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati is the most popular right now. Granted, he was quite young when he died, but from what I’ve read, he may have had too wild and active a personality to be suited for the responsibilities of marriage or the obedience of religious life.
Anyway, blessings to you. Us marrieds find ourselves bound to our families (I’m not complaining, but that’s a reality) and unable to do all the good we might want to. We certainly need free single people to help carry the burdens of bringing the kingdom of God into the secular world.
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TiggerS
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Thank you very much for a great post. The vocation to lay celibacy seems (from Catholic Discussion Sites) to be far more accepted and recognized than ever before. You are very right generally speaking that those living in lay celibacy have sometimes that complete freedom to move wherever The Lord indicates. At one time (I live alone) and living in a very poor suburb, I was taking in homeless teenagers for a bed and a meal. Our parish priest said to me “I wish I could do something like that” When I asked why he could not, he replied that the Bishop would never allow it.
When I first thought about the life, I was very hesitant about it having been raised and then living in a Catholic culture that never ever mentioned such a vocation. I sought advice from a Jesuit theologian to ensure that The Lord would grant me all the necessary Graces to live such a life and at the time it seemed to me that I would need heaps and heaps of Grace, which I did!
Father K (Jesuit Theologian) confirmed that indeed there was such a vocation under private vows as did my then priest theologian director and confessor. However, it was unheard of in Catholic culture back then to my knowledge anyway. I was truly hesitant about raising the subject with either, fearing I might be heretical. Back then only priesthood and religious life were known as vocations per se. Marriage has been a late arrival and lay celibacy still struggling somewhat for general acceptance into Catholic Culture. A Carmelite Prioress has been a close pal for my entire journey in this vocation and she too encouraged me and when I dragged my feet in near defeat and discouragement, she kept me going!
Well said in most instances. The lay celibate vocation can be a powerful witness to a complete commitment to The Gospel and Jesus, free to move wherever and whenever. *I recall many years ago wanting to get into a disco place in the city as I had heard many bad reports about it. I was refused entry because of the way I was dressed (dowdy and simple I guess). I waited a few months and then went back dressed to the nines as it were, plastered in makeup and was admitted. And found out all I wanted to know and more than I ever thought I would even in wild imagination.
I agree. ‘Leftover vocation’ and ‘no vocation’ are only states of minds, not theological realities. The moment we are baptised, we have a vocation to The Gospel and faithful commitment to Jesus.
Well said.
Yes, we have a few saints who were lay celibates. I smiled at the “wild and active” I think I might have recognized something of myself!!!
When I was in monastic life, my sisters struck me as so holy … and I felt so unholy 
)Thank you for your blessing! Ahhh without our married vocations, there would be no Church, no mankind - and certainly no popes, heirarchy, priests and religious. Nothing.
Joseph and Mary were married and called to this life in the lay secular state as we now call it - and Jesus, Son of God, was born of the Holy Spirit out of their marriage, while Mary remained virgin and sinless and St Joseph celibate. What an outstanding ‘statement’ by God about the married vocation in life!!! What outstanding parents they must have been to have raised such a Son and chosen by God to instruct, form and raise His Only Son.
Every single one of us - our popes, heirarchy, priests and religious including our entire saint’s calendar had a mother and father.
Thank you very much again for a great post from a married person into a thread about the single lay celibate vocation. And many blessings to you and yours and on your marriage.
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TiggerS
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Just a short comment to Greg and his previous post. I have discerned every single organization available to me in The Church including Third Orders and Secular Institutes etc. etc. I just do not have a vocation to any - none. I feel a very strong call indeed to just live this single lay celibate life with spiritual direction under private vows - and this is confirmed for me by spiritual direction all along the way, which a quick maths last night told me was more like 35 years than 40 years.
Not all receive a call to a Church recognized organized spiritual community.
Not all receive a call to a Church recognized organized spiritual community.
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TiggerS
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CCC 1273 Incorporated into the Church by Baptism, the faithful have received the sacramental character that consecrates them for Christian religious worship.84 The baptismal seal enables and commits Christians to serve God by a vital participation in the holy liturgy of the Church and to exercise their baptismal priesthood by the witness of holy lives and practical charity.85
1294 Anointing with oil has all these meanings in the sacramental life. The pre-baptismal anointing with the oil of catechumens signifies cleansing and strengthening; the anointing of the sick expresses healing and comfort. The post-baptismal anointing with sacred chrism in Confirmation and ordination is the sign of consecration. By Confirmation Christians, that is, those who are anointed, share more completely in the mission of Jesus Christ and the fullness of the Holy Spirit with which he is filled, so that their lives may give off "the aroma of Christ."105
“Consecrated Life” per se in Canon Law has been instituted by The Church as a defined special state in life and is defined as “A life consecrated by profession of the evangelical counsels of chastity, poverty, and obedience. There are two basic forms of organized consecrated life in the Catholic Church, namely religious institutes and secular institutes.” ( therealpresence.org/ ) Fr Hardon SJ Catholic Dictionary
“A person’s vocation to consecrate his or her whole life has a special relationship to Christ’s own consecration for the sake of mankind.** It stems from the sacramental root of Baptism, which embraces the first and fundamental consecration of the person to** God” (Litterae Encyclicae - Pope John Paul II catholicnewsagency.com/document.php?n=683 )
1294 Anointing with oil has all these meanings in the sacramental life. The pre-baptismal anointing with the oil of catechumens signifies cleansing and strengthening; the anointing of the sick expresses healing and comfort. The post-baptismal anointing with sacred chrism in Confirmation and ordination is the sign of consecration. By Confirmation Christians, that is, those who are anointed, share more completely in the mission of Jesus Christ and the fullness of the Holy Spirit with which he is filled, so that their lives may give off "the aroma of Christ."105
“Consecrated Life” per se in Canon Law has been instituted by The Church as a defined special state in life and is defined as “A life consecrated by profession of the evangelical counsels of chastity, poverty, and obedience. There are two basic forms of organized consecrated life in the Catholic Church, namely religious institutes and secular institutes.” ( therealpresence.org/ ) Fr Hardon SJ Catholic Dictionary
“A person’s vocation to consecrate his or her whole life has a special relationship to Christ’s own consecration for the sake of mankind.** It stems from the sacramental root of Baptism, which embraces the first and fundamental consecration of the person to** God” (Litterae Encyclicae - Pope John Paul II catholicnewsagency.com/document.php?n=683 )
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Bruised_Reed
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joshvanrad
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The charitable single single life!
It’s something not covered very well in the church, but I think it is a very beautiful vocation once you look into it. It’s really loving people indiscriminately while maintaining strong boundaries for oneself. It takes great discipline and can really demonstrate great Catholic values to those associated with that individual.
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Lisa1967
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Thanks.
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Parisian
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I have been married in the roman church and civilly divorced. I plan to get an annulment eventually. My ex-husband comitted adultery with many women and to this day he is still not ready to settle down. I can tell you I never want to date nor do I ever plan to re-marry. I feel that I am able to devote more time to Jesus than if I were married. If my annulment is denied, no problem because I will not remarry anyway.
I feel our Lord is calling me to a life of singleness and I will remain celibate. My heart belongs to Jesus and I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel our Lord is calling me to a life of singleness and I will remain celibate. My heart belongs to Jesus and I wouldnt have it any other way.
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TiggerS
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Would just like to state quite respectfully indeed that each vocation in completing the duties of that particular vocation is giving time to God, to The Lord. Sanctification and holiness is available through any vocation whatsoever and largely through completing the duties of that vocation faithfully. In some vocations, certainly more time is available to give to prayer per se - but it is never about the time given to prayer, rather it is the quality of prayer, or the attention given to prayer, when one does pray. In some vocations, more time is available to give to the various works of Mercy.
Having said all that, there would be no merit for say a married person to give much time to prayer and thus neglectful of his or her married duties, just as it would be wrongful to give much time to works of Mercy and neglect the duties of marriage.
The very best way to discern if God is calling one invitationally to a certain vocation in life is to seek out spiritual direction and guidance - and for the single lay celibate vocation ideally to have spiritual direction on an ongoing basis, which is the ideal also for any vocation in life. If one is divorced, then the commmand and duty (rather than invitation) is to the lay celibate state until such time as there might be the freedom to respond to an alternative vocation, if that freedom and invitation should occur. Also there could be an invitational call to retain the single lay celibate state.
While Pope Benedict did stress HERE that spiritual direction is for all Catholics in wisdom and prudence regardless of their vocation in life, comparing it to the personal relationship of Jesus with His apostles, it is not absolutely necessary morally.
Having said all that, there would be no merit for say a married person to give much time to prayer and thus neglectful of his or her married duties, just as it would be wrongful to give much time to works of Mercy and neglect the duties of marriage.
The very best way to discern if God is calling one invitationally to a certain vocation in life is to seek out spiritual direction and guidance - and for the single lay celibate vocation ideally to have spiritual direction on an ongoing basis, which is the ideal also for any vocation in life. If one is divorced, then the commmand and duty (rather than invitation) is to the lay celibate state until such time as there might be the freedom to respond to an alternative vocation, if that freedom and invitation should occur. Also there could be an invitational call to retain the single lay celibate state.
While Pope Benedict did stress HERE that spiritual direction is for all Catholics in wisdom and prudence regardless of their vocation in life, comparing it to the personal relationship of Jesus with His apostles, it is not absolutely necessary morally.
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GregBussey
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God is big and there are many correct paths we can take to please him. Maybe you should continue doing exactly what you’re doing. Or maybe you were seeking community as you did all that discernment. Maybe you should start a new community that fits people like yourself? Just a thought.
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TiggerS
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Thanks for the response, Greg.
There are indeed many paths and calls from God and one of them is to the lay celibate state outside of a particular community other than that of the parish. I wasn’t so much seeking community (although it was partly this) as to discern God’s call to me.
I am certainly not called to start a new community.
Spiritual direction indicates that lay celibacy is my current and ongoing call in the foreseeable - and the state itself by its’ very nature remains open to any further call and vocation. For some, this can be experienced as insecurity; however, I do not experience this - rather an openness to The Lord wherever He may call.
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aidanbradypop
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Sure he can Lisa. Sometimes when my wife is cranky and my kids are crazy, I tend to question my calling to married life. lol
I have a wonderful friend named Mary who works for the Diocese. She is extremely happy in her single life and feels God has called her to be single so that she can better serve the Church.
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mtngal25
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In response to Lilypearls, there is no way that a gay person who is sure that he is gay can marry a person of the opposite sex and have a successful marriage. He has to have treatment that may free him from that orientation, otherwise any marriage would be doomed to failure. The church allows an annulment for couples if one of the party is gay or finds out he or she is gay and does not want to fulfill the marriage rights within the marriage. It is a sad thing when a person who is straight finds out that his/her spouse suddenly comes out as gay. It is happening quite a bit these days. Some people are confused in their sexuality and think that if they marry someone, they may be able to become straight. That rarely works so that is why people have to be careful about whom they marry nowadays. Not all singles have a “vocation” to be single so they panick at a certain age about finding someone and some of these people make drastic mistakes that they regret later. I just let God run my life and say that it is better to remain single if you cannot find someone whom you can trust. Being single can be a good thing if you make it so. Happiness depends on our own decisions and how we view life, not on just getting married to someone.
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Lisa1967
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Thanks for this.Sure he can Lisa. Sometimes when my wife is cranky and my kids are crazy, I tend to question my calling to married life. lol
I have a wonderful friend named Mary who works for the Diocese. She is extremely happy in her single life and feels God has called her to be single so that she can better serve the Church.
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djames99
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Yes, properly oriented in the service of Christ and with the help and support of the Church.
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