Is the inability to find a girlfriend a sign for Consecrated Life?

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AlbMagno

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Okay, this is to blow off so steam as much as it is to ask, so be cautious. I’m 19 BTW.

Some days ago I began to take seriously the posibility of dating a girl from university. She has a very complementary personality to me, extroverted, funny, etc. And we can chat without problems.

I was thinking about inviting her today but for some circumstances I decided to wait to the next week and reunite in the weekend with my Spiritual Director to talk about this.

Later I found out that my SD isn’t here, so another one of my plans was taken down. Then I decided to check her instagram page just in case. And I found out that she is lesbian 🤦‍♂️ (it isn’t explicit but I am 95% sure she is with other girl because of hints in both her pages).

Now, I normally wouldn’t mind this. But this isn’t the first time something like this happens. It’s really difficult to find a girl that I like enough to date, but when I do, I always find out that they have a boyfriend or are lesbians. I can’t even get rejected in the first place. It’s really frustrating.

My SD always encourages me to date a girl even when I feel some kind of call to consecrated life, to discern marriage also. But I can’t seem to. It seems God is always leading me to dead ends.

So, I was thinking if maybe God is trying to tell me to stop trying. I know Vocations aren’t decided by discarding each other, I don’t want to be a frustrated priest that wanted to marry or a frustrated husband that wanted to be ordained; but I am really confused with this. I also know that I can find a girl later and marry. But the majority of persons that I know and feel called to marriage at least have/had a girlfriend or more in their past.

Finally, I know this sound like some low incel post, but I wanted to share it with someone now that my SD isn’t in my city for the time being. Thank you.
 
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I agree with @Tis_Bearself, doesnt mean you should do conscrated life. When I was your age in College I was single. I didn’t meet my wife until after college.
Be Patient and pray to discern the path God wants for you.
God Bless!
 
I also agree with the above posts. Don’t be in a rush to make a decision or to find someone. I didn’t date much at your age. I never dated anyone seriously until I met my first wife. It didn’t last. The second time around I dated a lot to meet different kinds of women. I eventually met my wife of more than 20 years. Patience is a virtue!
 
i pray for wisdom to know God’s will for me about a hundred times a day. I’ve made quite a few mistakes in the past using my own judgement.
 
Thank you all. Yeah, I normally don’t mind being single as I said but It’s just that not only my Spiritual Director recommended it but sometimes my friends also. And various friends are dating so I when I find out about this girl it was extra frustrating because I thought (considering these circumstances) God wanted me to be closer to her…

But now I know better. Thanks.
 
I’ve done many retreats for lay people but I try not to get too physically close to Religious communities for the time being (this is also a recommendation of my SD), just to avoid any bias it may create. My plan for now is to continue studying but sometimes it’s difficult.
 
Your inability to find a girlfriend at the age of 19 is not a sign for consecrated life.
You are 19.
If not having a girlfriend at the age of 19 meant it was a sign, the world would be full of priests and brothers. The world is not full of priests and brothers.

I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are young. You have plenty of time to find a girlfriend.
 
But it does imply you are impatient. Many of us have been, but please don’t make a life decision based on this at your age. Concentrate on your studies, be involved in your parish and other youth activities and make friends. Pray daily “Jesus, I trust in you.”
Peace and God Bless.
 
If I had been Catholic at your age I probably would have been wondering the same thing about myself. I could never seem to find a girlfriend and I had the worst luck in the love department. I began to wonder if I was just meant to be single for life when I became Catholic in my late 20’s. Let me please share some wisdom and stories in this area.

I did not ask out a even one girl all through high school. No girls liked me. I was 320lbs at 16 years old. So I spent 2 years losing weight and I was more like 190lbs by the time I was 18 and muscular. I am 5’11 so I was not in bad shape at all. The first girl I finally had the courage to ask out… She said yes. When the time came to pick her up from her house for our first date, her brother answered. She was not home. I found out a few days later that she had to babysit for a relative unexpectedly. I was still heart broken. She said she would go out with me another time. Fast forward a couple months later and she literally moved several states away. I went on my first date with a girl who I was crazy about and I knew she was flying like 2000 miles away the very next day.

I did not go out on a single date again until I was about 27. She was 23 I think. I started talking to a woman from a online dating site. She gave me her number. She asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime. I said “Heck ya” about a month later she announced that if we were gonna hang out it had to be soon because she was… you guessed it… moving several states away to go to college. So, I went on the second date of my life, with a woman who was literally moving several sates away, maybe not the next day, but the next week. I could not believe how bad my luck was. And by this time I was Catholic in my beliefs. So if ever there was a time to think maybe I was meant to be single all my life, it was the time.

Those are only 2 examples. I cannot tell you how many times between those two extreme incidents that I fell for a girl who I found out was married. Or who had a boyfriend for 5 years or longer. I cant even remember how many times the wrong women liked me. Married but separated women who I knew I could not be with. 14-17 year old girls getting these crushes on me and trying to get me to date them when I was already in my early 20’s. It was a nightmare that I could not get a girl my own age, and single, to be seriously interested in me. Many, many failed online dating stuff. I seriously had the worst luck in dating. So believe me, I know where you are coming from. I was somewhat ready to throw in the towel at 18. That is part of why I did not date again until I was 28.

19 is so young. It is no time to throw in the towel and give up. You probably feel like nobody has it worse then you when it comes to dating but I felt the same way at your age. I can assure you that at 19 you do not even have the life experience to discern whether you are meant to be single forever or not based on your love life. Or lack of love life. Give it way, way more time. I am serious.

I did not get married until I was 34. Imagine if I gave up at 19…
 
Absolutely not. Lack of success in dating has absolutely nothing to do with if you are or are not called to the consecrated life. I dated for the first time at 23 for 5 months, then not again until I was 35. I married that second one when I was 39.

Other point - work hard on being the best Christian you can be. THAT relationship is always open to you, and with perfect love too! Your highest and best life is one completely dedicated to God (consecrated religious or married). And that which makes you a good Christian will also make you a really good husband (humility, unselfishness, unconditional love, able to say you’re sorry, exhibiting the fruit of the Holy Spirit, etc).
 
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…From your posts, I thought you were older (meant to be a compliment). Anyway,…

I’d really reread and think about Matthew 19 where Jesus talks about the reasons people are celibate. Being made celibate by others and making yourself celibate for the Kingdom of God are very different things. Jesus makes this very clear.

In my experience it has been hard to find a priest who really made themselves a celibate priest for the Kingdom of God and who will talk about their journey in a clear way. Many priests are sincere, but it is rare for me to find one that articulates why they’ve made the choices they’ve made in a way I could understand.

Recently, I have listened to a priest’s homilies who talks about his journey. In my personal interactions I see he is a very good man. This priest is the real thing as far as I can see. I can see why he is celibate for the Kingdom of God. It is his path, and a very good thing for him and those around him. The thing is that is his journey is radically different than somebody who is made celibate by others (also in Matthew 19). In fact it was this priest’s former girlfriend that got him back involved in church and got him to begin thinking about priesthood. My advice is to try to find the real thing. Find a priest who is celibate for the kingdom of God and who will talk about it in a meaningful way. Perhaps that will help.

Like others have said, 19 is pretty young too…
 
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Not having a girlfriend at 19 may be a sign that you’re lucky enough to not find your wife before you’re in any position to marry her.

Here is a funny and true story: Couple began dating seriously: he’s 31, she’s still 23. He sighs, “Why didn’t I find you 10 years ago?” She quips back: “Because I was 13, and my father would have shot you.” The couple married when she was 26 and has been married over 30 years now.

Just as a general rule, by the way, wanting to quit because you’re not suceeding at something should not normally be taken as “a sign from God.” It usually just means you’re discouraged and tempted to quit. That’s not a bad thing, because we do have to decide to whether it is time to fish or cut bait, but failure is part and parcel of this vale of tears. Nobody just goes from one success to another. (This can come as a big surprise to “A” students who always made starter in CYO, BTW. Learning to cope with failure is too often the only respect in which the multi-talented kids are late bloomers.)
 
Yeah, I have to admit one thing I find rather disturbing about these forums is the tendency for a lot of young people to be constantly “discerning” about their lives and seeing everything as a sign from God this and a sign from God that and trying to figure out what it means like Inspector Gadget following a breadcrumb trail.

I had a period of time in my life as a teenager when I had a hard time getting dates for various reasons (One being that I went to an all-girls’ school, simply did not meet many guys, and no Internet then,so the opportunities to meet dates were very limited), but I never thought, “Could my lack of a date for the prom mean that God is calling me to religious life?” I figured if God was calling me to religious life he would send a loud and clear message that would have resounded whether I had a date or not. He didn’t send such a message and I am confident he did not call me in that way.

You don’t have to constantly analyze situations to see if God is calling you to this or that. I realize young people like to analyze situations anyway and maybe this is just another angle or excuse for doing so, but when God is calling you to do something he is not shy about it.
 
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I must admit that I feel a little embarrassed to share my feelings like this, specially to the people that answered shortly like they only read the title.

On the other hand, you all gave me very useful advise despite this akwardness. Thank you. This is the best forum I have been, you don’t sound like people who want to be smart discussing like in other forums, but like true friends giving advise. Maybe it’s because of the Holy Spirit that unites us 🙂
 
To clarify, I was not asking if this was the sole sign but if this could be A sign. I was already considering the posibility of Religious life, it’s not like I’d want to be consecrated just because I can’t date. There are other factors, but I wanted to know if this could be one more.
 
Yes, and my post was not directed solely to you. The fact that you have an SD suggests that you’re not just considering this one factor. Most of the people posting in this manner on here are not to that level.

The constant “discerning” posts I find to be a little odd because they’re not in my personal experience. I have wondered if the majority of devout Catholic young people do think in this way and I don’t, which could explain part of the disconnect I felt from other devout Catholic young people when I was young myself. My way of going about things has been to pick something and just go do it unless and until it becomes rather abundantly clear that I should go do something else.
 
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