Is the inability to find a girlfriend a sign for Consecrated Life?

[mrsdizzyd]

The constant “discerning” posts I find to be a little odd because they’re not in my personal experience. I have wondered if the majority of devout Catholic young people do think in this way and I don’t

Not likely, Bear. Considering the vocations crisis we are in, it’s likely just that this is a Catholic forum with a vocations board. It’s likely to attract more young people considering vocations than your average internet forum.

 

[Sarcelle]

Exactly

The call to consecrated life is a positive call. It does not arise from the failure to have a significant other.

 

[Dorothy]

And, to the OP, if you do eventually discern that you are to be married, it is wise to choose a lady who feels as you do about her Catholic faith.

 

[AlbMagno]

Thanks, yeah, that is something I am looking out now also, if not catholic, at least someone not anti-catholic could do.

I thought the girl in my first post was a practising catholic (she implied it one time) but I guess she didn’t agree with the LGBT part…

 

[goout]

Okay, this is to blow off so steam as much as it is to ask, so be cautious. I’m 19 BTW.

Some days ago I began to take seriously the posibility of dating a girl from university. She has a very complementary personality to me, extroverted, funny, etc. And we can chat without problems.

I was thinking about inviting her today but for some circumstances I decided to wait to the next week and reunite in the weekend with my Spiritual Director to talk about this.

Later I found out that my SD isn’t here, so another one of my plans was taken down. Then I decided to check her instagram page just in case. And I found out that she is lesbian (it isn’t explicit but I am 95% sure she is with other girl because of hints in both her pages).

Now, I normally wouldn’t mind this. But this isn’t the first time something like this happens. It’s really difficult to find a girl that I like enough to date, but when I do, I always find out that they have a boyfriend or are lesbians. I can’t even get rejected in the first place. It’s really frustrating.

My SD always encourages me to date a girl even when I feel some kind of call to consecrated life, to discern marriage also. But I can’t seem to. It seems God is always leading me to dead ends.

So, I was thinking if maybe God is trying to tell me to stop trying. I know Vocations aren’t decided by discarding each other, I don’t want to be a frustrated priest that wanted to marry or a frustrated husband that wanted to be ordained; but I am really confused with this. I also know that I can find a girl later and marry. But the majority of persons that I know and feel called to marriage at least have/had a girlfriend or more in their past.

Finally, I know this sound like some low incel post, but I wanted to share it with someone now that my SD isn’t in my city for the time being. Thank you.

In whatever state you serve the Lord, you are called to serve the Lord. So it’s a bit of a false dichotomy between the dating life and becoming a priest. Dating is overrated, and women are not just prospective mates. Women are co-servants with you.

While you are single, serve the Lord and be generous with your time and attention. You will encounter many women in life. Develop friendships. If you are called to marry someone, it will become obvious. That person will be set apart from others.

Love is one of those things, the more you try to have it for yourself, the more it slips from your grasp. Give it away and you will find it.

 

[PetraG]

To clarify, I was not asking if this was the sole sign but if this could be A sign. I was already considering the posibility of Religious life, it’s not like I’d want to be consecrated just because I can’t date. There are other factors, but I wanted to know if this could be one more.

The short answer, based the combined vocation stories of the priests I know: getting rejected or not getting rejected by prospective girl friends is not a recurring theme, one way or the other.

If anything, the recurring theme would be getting a girl friend and having her ask you if you have considered being a priest, because she thinks you have a clear bent that way and she wants you to know that she’s great with it if you become a priest but would like the question answered sooner rather than later for her own sake.

The “sign” in your case is that there are people around you who know you well telling you to consider whether you have a vocation to the priesthood. That is a recurring theme in the vocation stories I have heard. Now, mind you, it also shows up in the stories of men who went on to be married for 50 or 60 years. You won’t really know until you spend some serious time on the question and come to a conclusion. There isn’t a way to predict in advance who is going to get the call and who won’t.

It is a lot like the story of the anointing of King David. While some men are clearly candidates from the time they’re in third grade, a lot of others were astonished and astonished those who knew them previously when they got their call. Conversely, a lot of very happily-married guys spent some span of time seriously considering seminary or even went to seminary for awhile. I have never heard a fellow who seriously considered the priesthood but then later married who regretted that he had done the work to consider whether or not he had a call. If you think you might have a call, look into it. I can’t say whether or not you will have one, but I can say that satisfying yourself that you were open to it will be something you’ll be glad you did, regardless of what God has in mind for you.

In other words, continually asking not “what do I want out of life?” but rather “Lord, what would you like me to be doing now?” has this way of working out really well for people. (Who knew?)

 

[amazingcatholic]

Absolutely not! You are only 19, discernment takes time. God will lead you to the right vocation, but on His time. Try to be the best Catholic you can be, the best man you can be, the best student you can be, the best son/brother you can be.

 

[Issalight]

God will send the right woman for you. Have faith. You are so young. Praying for you.

 

[TryingToBelieve]

As others have said you are only 19. Join groups that you have an interest in and when you least expect it is when it (love) will happen.

 

[CathoRick]

I’m a few years older than you and have been single all my life. My thought process was similar to yours when I was 19 (overanalyzing certain situations and constantly debating whether they’re signs from God) but, since converting to Catholicism, I’ve become more relaxed in that regard and have (mostly) diverted my attention from girls to self improvement.

While it’s easier said than done for men our age, I would do your best to get your mind off girls and instead pursue other things (reading, cooking, prayer, etc.) in the meantime. Once I stopped caring so much about how girls perceived me, my desperation was replaced with confidence, and that’s very important to women.

Now, I have little trouble attracting women, but the trouble is I haven’t met one my age who’s Catholic! It ultimately is all in God’s timing I suppose, which is why you can’t get yourself too worked up over it.

 

[LovelyLadybug]

My brother didn’t get married until he was 28, and she was his first love. He never had a girlfriend until his mid to late 20’s. Give it time.

 

[Irishmom2]

I know a guy that got married at age 38 to the first woman he ever dated. The first 2 years of getting to know this woman was through letters while he was in a POW camp. He married her 7 months after he got out of the army in 1945.

He was my dad.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think my dad had dated one or two ladies before he met my mom, but it was just that, one or two ladies, nothing serious. He met my mom on a business trip when he was 37 and they were married within a year.

I was the only girl my husband ever dated. We met when he was 23. I didn’t find out for a few years that he’d never dated before because he was very self-possessed, and also he led me to believe it wasn’t his first rodeo because I had dated a lot before we met, and he didn’t want to come off as inexperienced. A couple years later, when we’d gotten to know each other better, he told me the truth.