Is the marriage invalid or valid?

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Because you don’t know if it’s an issue unless they have the knowledge first.
 
And yes, I meant in the sexual sense. I would not expect I needed to know in order to give my full consent to marry in the Lord.
 
Is he a closeted homosexual or bi-sexual?
 
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But no one can possibly go over every single thing from their past if they don’t know it is an issue. It’s not an issue for everyone. It can be. But doesn’t have to be.

I wouldn’t marry someone who struggles with a severe mental illness. How would I know to ask about it if I was deceived?
 
SSA is homosexual. Having SSA does not mean that one is sexually active. From the OP, the husband has admitted to having SSA; not said but entirely possible is that he is bi-sexual; in either case nothing was said in the post that he was sexually active outside or prior to the marriage.
 
That’s why it should be asked by the spouse who considers it a deal breaker. In my opinion and life
 
You can have ssa and be be attracted to the opposite sex too btw
 
But she may have had no reason to think he was gay so why ask

If I meet a very feminine woman who was into me and she never once made any kind of suggestion that she liked women I’m not going to ask
 
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Seems like the safe thing to do would be to make up a checklist for your spouse including all your “deal breakers” like SSA, severe mental illness, past abortion, axe murder, prison term, etc and present it to them to be filled out and signed when it looks like the relationship is getting serious. If possible get a notarized copy and put it in your safety deposit box in case you ever need it later.

I’m joking, kinda sorta.
 
It’s just absurd. lol. Why would anyone think to ask about something if you were deceived into thinking the opposite of that person
 
otjm said:
SSA is homosexual. Having SSA does not mean that one is sexually active. From the OP, the husband has admitted to having SSA; not said but entirely possible is that he is bi-sexual; in either case nothing was said in the post that he was sexually active outside or prior to the marriage.
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I never claimed he had homosexual activity.

The question regarding whether he is bi-sexual or homosexual is an important one. Basically, is he sexually attracted to his wife or is he incapable of it? Does he enjoy the embrace of his or does she make his skin crawl?

If he is bi-sexual, then there really isn’t an issue, other than the fact he wasn’t 100% forthcoming with this future spouse & that his eye may wonder towards more people than the average guy’s. But if he’s homosexual, then he really did something wrong in my opinion by allowing his wife to believe that he was sexually attracted to her when he wasn’t.
 
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FloridaCatholic said:
It’s just absurd. lol. Why would anyone think to ask about something if you were deceived into thinking the opposite of that person
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Well, I guess in today’s society its a new question to ask when dating, “You’re not gay are you, I just need to be sure?”
 
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phil19034 said:
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FloridaCatholic:
It’s just absurd. lol. Why would anyone think to ask about something if you were deceived into thinking the opposite of that person
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Well, I guess in today’s society its a new question to ask when dating, “You’re not gay are you, I just need to be sure?”
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Yes, if it’s a deal breaker to marry, I think it should be asked.

Btw, I definitely think an active homosexual past is much different than merely having bisexual attractions
 
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otjm said:
Let’s cast the question in another way. Instead of SSA, you find that your wife has had an abortion prior to the marriage.

And this is not an issue of forgiving her; it is an issue of something some, if not many people would find to be a “deal breaker”; had they known prior to the marriage, they would not have proceeded.

And yes, I thoroughly understand that often the woman was in an emotional panic and did not choose the abortion in a cold manner. However, the bottom line for some (if not many) is that if she was willing to kill her child, what other serious decisions is she likely to make?
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In regards to the abortion thing, I don’t think that would be an issue because you SHOULD know your future spouses moral beliefs and political leanings before getting married.

If the wife was pro choice, then you would already have a good idea regarding her view on abortion and whether she would have one. And if the wife is pro-life, then it would be a safe bet to assume that the abortion caused her grave trauma and helped make her pro-life.

Granted, it would have been nice for her to tell her future spouse, but we don’t all tell our spouses every single detail of our past – even though this one is a big one.

Regardless, I think this is not an automatic deal breaker, not like finding out your fiancee is actually a homosexual.
 
I think I have already referred to that.

Not everyone has what might be called “SSA radar”. Some people pick up on clues, some don’t; and not everyone with SSA gives obvious clues.

Marriage is a covenant relationship. “I will be yours, and you will be mine” means that the parties are in something far deeper than a contract. The husband is Catholic, and from what little we have heard, appears to be trying to live a Catholic moral life. He has had a spiritual director, which I would surmise is more than the greater majority of practicing Catholics have. He is trying to deal with SSA. Does he/did he think that by marrying, he would use the marriage to stay “safe” (not in a homosexually active status)? Is that valid grounds for a marriage covenant “I marry you so I will not be tempted to have a male partner”? Is he freely entering the marriage, or is he entering to “stay safe”? “If I marry you, then I can hide my SSA, and being married will rebuff (or help me rebuff) any approaches by another SSA”.

Is he saying “You will be mine” or is he saying “You will be a perfect foil for my not getting involved with another guy”? I could go on, but I think the drift is apparent.

We are focusing on what the wife might have in terms of Canon law concerning defective consent; but there is another aspect to this as above; Why was he marrying? Protection from temptation? Is that part of valid consent when the temptation is SSA? Is he marrying for a spouse, or a foil?
 
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