Is the penance and advice given during the sacrament of confession inspired?

[SeekerM]

A priest who came from another country, and with whom I have a slight language barrier, once gave me some pennance that I find troubling.

I’ll be sixty in May, I’ve never been married, all my near kin are gone, the one woman I planned to end my days with is gone nowtoo, and I may not be hear much longer, so maybe this doesn’t really matter at this stage of my life, but what he said to me (and what I think he intended as pennance, and/or advice) was “separate from woman.”

Like I said, maybe it doesn’t matter much at this stage of my life, but if I’m gonna be here for any length of time I would like to share that time with someone.

If I can improve my income, and find a woman young enough to have children who’s interested in me, I’d like to have children, and I keep wondering what “separate from woman” means.

And if those words came from God.

Are the pennance and advice given during the sacrament of confession inspired?

 

[CRM_Brother]

Lets tackle the easy one first.

Are the pennance and advice given during the sacrament of confession inspired?

They can be, but they don’t have to be. Penance is an integral part of the sacrament of reconciliation. Sometimes, the priest does not prescribe penance, but it generally follows that when this happens the penitent is to assign himself/herself a penance which they can complete. It is the act of penance which is inspired. The forgiveness of God and the firm intention of the penitent to turn away from sin, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, inspires the act of penance. The details of what that penance is may not be directly inspired, but under obedience to God and to the priest as a spiritual superior, you fulfill it to the best of your ability anyway.

Now, advice is not strictly part of the sacrament of Reconciliation. It is usually added on by the priest as a short form of spiritual direction. Sometimes, however, if the priest is not your regular confessor or spiritual director, there may be miscommunications or misconceptions between the penitent and confessor which results in problems with the transmission of the message the Spirit is trying to convey. Other times, there is simply bad spiritual direction, in which case the direction is not inspired. We must be careful about identifying this last scenario, as sometimes we just brush off things which are hard to hear as bad spiritual direction. I am speaking about things which go directly against the Gospel or the laws of the Church. For example, when I was at World Youth Day in Brazil, I went to one of the many confessors available for the sacrament and the priest technically excommunicated himself during the sacrament.

I keep wondering what “separate from woman” means.

I think there may just be a little miscommunication here. I can’t say for certain, as I was not present for the advice and the priest is not allowed to expand upon it outside of the individual confession due to the Seal of Confession, but I can see where he is possibly coming from.

He may not be speaking about separating from a specific woman, but rather opening yourself to the separation of yourself from the concept of marriage. He may be saying that your heart may be set on having a family, but God may be calling you to celibacy. If God plans for you to be married, he will place the woman he has intended for you in your life. You are not to worry about such things. Leave the planning to the Lord. In the words of Padre Pio: “Let go! Let God!”

I don’t know the age restrictions in your diocese, but have you ever thought about the permanent Diaconate? I know some dioceses have 60 as the cut off for acceptance into the formation program. This may be what the Lord is calling you to. I don’t know your specific situation, but it is always something that pops up in my mind in cases like yours. God is calling you to something, whether it be single life or married, Diaconate or lay.

I will be praying for you.

God Bless,
Br. Ben, CRM

 

[SeekerM]

Thank you.

 

[Reuben_J]

and I keep wondering what “separate from woman” means.

If there was a language barrier, I would think he meant to avoid fornication.

 

[poche]

Without knowing what you said in confession it would be difficult to respond. If you told the priest that you had illicit relations with a woman with whom you don’t intend to marry or with whom marriage was not possible then staying away from that woman is probably very good advice.
If you intend to marry in the future then maybe staying away from women is not very good advice.

 

[twf]

Did he simply mean not to have illicit relations with women?