Is the Single Life a Vocation?

[Khrystyne]

When I entered the Catholic Church it was apparent that everyone was so wrapped up in the “v” word that most everyone really missed WHO their vocation was. People would judge eachother here and there and measure eachothers holiness so to speak by WHAT they were doing AND how busy they were. Needless to say for a couple of years I couldn’t stand hearing the “v” word, it drove me nuts. All the while I stood back from a good majority of Catholics and God gave me some great insight to their business, they were really missing out.

I am single still at 40, and it’s true when you walk into the church you’re like an invisible person and no one greets you…well that happens anyway I guess I’m venting here, but I would like to say as well that if the “v” word was handled with a different approach maybe there would be more people “Open” (another word I don’t like). Regardless if you are open or not Gods will is done. I’m glad I figured out early on that Christ is my vocation first and foremost.

God Bless.

 

[TiggerS]

Rather reminds me of The Desiderata “if you compare yourself to others, you are likely to become vain and bitter” though not at all referring to you, Kyrystyne. I think you have raised some good points. I think people can miss or loose the Gift of Christ’s Peace, His Own Peace, if we start any sort of comparison and justifying ‘game’. The only person I need find myself in complete harmony with, insofar as is possible, is Christ (this will establish one in right relationship to others “how can you say you love God whom you cannot see, if you do not love your neighbour whom you can”) - and to strive not to try to justify oneself and one’s way of life to others in any way - and to abandon comparisons in order to in some way justify to others. I was talking to my director about this last visit. “Man judges by appearances, but The Lord knows the heart” (Book of Samuel). Vocation is a very intensely personal matter and sometimes difficult to put into words for any reason, because one simply just knows.

I must admit that I like and even desire anonymity, though I enjoy socializing - but this is purely personal preference and I wasn’t always this way and in the future could change. Nor would I hold it as any sort of virtue for any sort of imitation. Its just me.

I do think too that the time is coming when The Church may need to speak out clearly about the possibility of a vocation to the single and celibate state, including that it is most wisely embraced with spiritual direction, also the potential to embrace private vows and how to go about it. To speak about the marks of a true single celibate state for the sake of The Kingdom and vocation to it. After all, it is experienced as a call from God to a way of life in the single state of celibacy for the sake of The Kingdom in some way - not something invented by single people for any reason.

Despite my comments about not justifying one’s way of life, sometimes on Catholic Discussion Sites one can see a need to do so. This I think is because The Church (meaning official statements) seems to say very very little about it and quite a few Catholics can state and hold that there is no such thing as a vocation to the single celibate state, the notion that the priesthood, religious life and marriage also consecrated virgins (and perhaps in the future consecrated widows) are the only vocations per se. We are very slowly advancing, at least nowadays marriage too is clearly recognized as a vocation but there is still a need to insight the single celibate state too. Many think that there is a danger of abandoning onself to a selfish life, but this is the potential in any way of life. And clearly any sort of selfish life in any vocation is morally wrong. Would be great to have something from The Church in simple words to quote that clearly states the potential of the single celibate vocation. Does anyone have a quote tucked away?

TS

 

[TiggerS]

My edit time has transpired.
I omitted to mention those consecrated to the erimitical state (hermits) under Canon 603 which I understand can be either male or female.

 

[SRLAUREL]

My edit time has transpired.
I omitted to mention those consecrated to the erimitical state (hermits) under Canon 603 which I understand can be either male or female.

No problem, Tigger. FYI though, the spelling is eremitical, and comes from the Greek word eremos meaning desert or wilderness. The hermit or “eremite” is a desert dweller and when publicly vowed, part of the consecrated state. Thus too you will see some Canon 603 hermits using the post-nomial initials, Erem Dio or Er Dio, which stands for Eremita Dioecesanus or diocesan hermit. Permission for use of this designation was first granted in 2008 by Archbishop Allen Vigneron and has been further sought by and granted to a number of diocesan hermits by their own Bishops.

Back to the topic though. While some may have trouble with the word vocation, and rightly reject competition and attempts to lord it over others with different vocations, most people refer to their vocations because they are gifts of God, not possessions, and because they are rather awed by being called in this way to fulfill their more fundamental vocation to humanity. Paths like eremitical life, dedicated singleness, etc must be paths through which one becomes truly human, or they are delusions not vocations.

By the way (and I know this was not your point, Tigger), I would take issue with the statement that whether we are open or not God’s will will be done. God’s will is done precisely where the Spirit occasions openness and one acts thusly. The heart of Christian obedience is the exercise of attentiveness and openness in a way which is responsive and does the will of God. Salvation depends on Jesus’ obedience (openess, attentiveness, responsiveness) to his Father’s will. God’s will is not done otherwise.

all good wishes,

 

[TiggerS]

Quoting SrLaurel:

No problem, Tigger. FYI though, the spelling is eremitical, and comes from the Greek word eremos meaning desert or wilderness. The hermit or “eremite” is a desert dweller and when publicly vowed, part of the consecrated state. Thus too you will see some Canon 603 hermits using the post-nomial initials, Erem Dio or Er Dio, which stands for Eremita Dioecesanus or diocesan hermit. Permission for use of this designation was first granted in 2008 by Archbishop Allen Vigneron and has been further sought by and granted to a number of diocesan hermits by their own Bishops.

Thank you, Sister, for the explanation of hermits under Canon 603. I thought it was “eremitical” but informed from a long personal history and not trusting my spelling, I did a quick search on the web - and of course since I used “erimitical” to search came up with only those sites that spelt it wrongly as “erimitical”. The info in your posts are very informative indeed on many matters and appreciated.

Back to the topic though. While some may have trouble with the word vocation, and rightly reject competition and attempts to lord it over others with different vocations, most people refer to their vocations because they are gifts of God, not possessions, and because they are rather awed by being called in this way to fulfill their more fundamental vocation to humanity. Paths like eremitical life, dedicated singleness, etc must be paths through which one becomes truly human, or they are delusions not vocations.

I think of holy as = wholly = wholly human. A vocation and call from God humbles one, I think, very much indeed, no matter where one is called. The mere fact of experiencing God actually calling to one to respond in a certain way is entirely humbling, who after all is one that God should call personally at all. And with the call comes The Grace to respond and persevere and nothing is experienced as not ordinary, very ordinary, just doing the what comes naturally even in any trials and difficulties. As St. Therese said “All is Grace”.

By the way (and I know this was not your point, Tigger), I would take issue with the statement that whether we are open or not God’s will will be done. God’s will is done precisely where the Spirit occasions openness and one acts thusly. The heart of Christian obedience is the exercise of attentiveness and openness in a way which is responsive and does the will of God. Salvation depends on Jesus’ obedience (openess, attentiveness, responsiveness) to his Father’s will. God’s will is not done otherwise.

Very well said, again! I particularly paused at “the heart of Christian obedience is the exercise of attentiveness and openness in a way which is responsive and does the will of God etc.” That spoke to me. I very much liked too and found it affirming “Salvation depends on Jesus’ obedience to His Father’s Will” effected perfectly in Jesus even to a cruel and shameful death. Glory wore very strange garments indeed on Calvary and redefines the word for us. Makes one think and do some redefining.

Quoting Krystyne: " Regardless if you are open or not Gods will is done."

Yes, God’s Will is always done - even if I am not responding to it which is a failure in me that cannot thwart God’s Will. But still very much my failure and failure it is - for God’s Will is not done in me.

TS

 

[TiggerS]

I lost my “edit” again due to time lapse:blush:
Krystyne, I somehow missed the implication of your comment about God’s Will until I read SrLaurel’s post and then re-read your post. Apologies for this - TS. Although if one fully embraces Christ in one’s life, then God’s Will will be done in one for sure. The only thing that can separate us from God is mortal sin - and this separation is self chosen by mortal sin, while venial sin and our faults and failings tell us that we are yet to conform perfectly to God’sWill and for most of us this will probably ask a stint in Purgatory. A place of happiness where we know we have purification to undergo but that all the joys of Heaven surely awaits.
A vocation or call is not a Divine Command, rather it is a Divine Invitation - we are not bound to respond. Although to receive a Divine Invitation is no small matter and does ask (I read somewhere) something of a leap of faith and trust. Sometimes a vocation can draw forth, even be plagued by doubts of ability to fulfill or follow the vocation (any vocation or call from God at all) - hence the leap of faith and trust in God who would not invite without all the Graces to fulfill that vocation and as necessary, when necessary and at the actual time.

TS

 

[barb_finnegan]

I’m in the same boat. I know I’m not called to religious life and I don’t see myself being married so it kind of makes me feel like a second class citizen in the church.

I’m in the same boat, too…mid-50s to be exact.

I do everything alone, including going to Mass. There are a lot of times when I feel like a THIRD CLASS citizen of the Church. Everything is for couples or groups-or as I prefer to call it, ‘the herd mentality’.

I don’t go running about ‘doing’ things. My life is very quiet and very hidden. I keep under the radar as much as I can. But it can be very lonely at times.

 

[SRLAUREL]

For those who consider dedicated singleness is not a vocation, I recommend reading the explanation of this vocation on the website for the Diocese of Sioux Falls. One version of it reads as follows, and refers to both singleness and dedicated singleness:

What If I Don’t Think I’m Called To Be A Cleric, Get Married, Or Enter Consecrated Life? What Place Do I Have?
Universal Call to Holiness: A Reflection on Singleness

All of us are called by baptism to a life of holiness. Many are called to a specific way of living out the call to holiness in a state of life (vocation) characterized by undertaking a lifelong commitment by vow or consecration. Some, however, are called to be living witnesses to Christ without assuming a life long commitment. Others are called to dedicate their lives to Christ in blessed singleness but without changing their state in life.

The beauty and burden of the life of the single person is often overlooked in today’s world. The single person’s life can have a spiritual dimension. While it is sometimes said to be the hardest way of life to live, it is definitely not meant to be a life of loneliness and solitude.

Most of us exist as singles for some transitional amount of time, prior to our discernment and entrance into the married, consecrated, or clerical states. For those who do not enter the more particular states of life by vow, ordination, or consecration, there is an opportunity and a freedom to give themselves completely in service to others. Singleness as a form of life is not an end in itself, but is directed in self-giving and life-giving generosity and activity.

The single person has no bond of commitment to a person or a community of persons. Thus, there is not a built-in support system for them. Living this call thus presents an opportunity to nurture a strong relationship with God. The solitude of being single can be a blessing that allows the individual to discover the incompleteness of life without God being present.

Many singles find spiritual support as lay members of third orders and associations of the faithful. These help the single person in his efforts to respond to the Lord’s call to holiness. Also, a single person who feels called may choose to live under a private vow of chastity, and by so doing, may find a certain joy in living as a lay person specially dedicated to the Lord.]] (Diocese of Sioux Falls, Vocations)

 

[TiggerS]

I’m in the same boat, too…mid-50s to be exact.

I do everything alone, including going to Mass. There are a lot of times when I feel like a THIRD CLASS citizen of the Church. Everything is for couples or groups-or as I prefer to call it, ‘the herd mentality’.

I don’t go running about ‘doing’ things. My life is very quiet and very hidden. I keep under the radar as much as I can. But it can be very lonely at times.

I used to feel an outsider in The Church - but recent times in my life has changed this. It is a trial and suffering to feel on the outside for sure. Moving to another parish has brought about this change with the necessity to have a lift to Mass. I do hope that things will change for you also, Barb.

Years ago, a priest said to me “Imitate Mary” as I strived to define my own vocation in a more detailed form. It seemed to me then a difficult matter since we know so little really about Mary from The Gospels, then later it struck me that she lived a very quiet life it seems “under the radar” and a hidden and humble life in the background most often. There are qualities of Mary that are revealed in the various times we hear about her in The Gospels and are a valuable meditation. - and these qualities can mark and be incorporated into a way of life. “Staying under radars” and ‘out of sight’ can also reflect the contemplative vocation at least in its external manifestation in that contemplatives in enclosed monasteries are not seen involved and out and about in ‘exterior works’ while inside their monasteries they are always at some task - and a closer examination of the contemplative vocation can speak about the internal dimension of a contemplative life. It is wise to remember too that some relaxation time I think is a duty since the human being needs relaxation time and this needed time span can vary from person to person (while monastics may have at least an hour). The dedicated single celibate state is not the monastic state however while it may have some resemblances to that state. Well to remember too that the devil can indeed make work for idle hands. Nowadays especially, there is much information on the internet.

Of course, one may have a call to the single state and lead a very busy life indeed in an exterior “seen” sense. It all depends on one’s particular call.

Those who may suffer some illness and have decided to embrace the single celibate state as vocation and call need to remember too that to make allowances for that illness in whatever way may be necessary is a duty of their vocation, not an indulgence. And it is no small matter and a work of Charity towards others and indeed a work mercy to strive to bear the illness as well as is possible and this too will vary according to the particular illness. Being ill and needing help too can be an invaluable and humbling experience giving another(s) the opportunity to perform a work of mercy in caring for one and striving to be a good patient can be a work of Charity and mercy towards them.

The works of mercy are:

newadvent.org/cathen/10198d.htm

• To feed the hungry;
• To give drink to the thirsty;
• To clothe the naked;
• To harbour the harbourless;
• To visit the sick;
• To ransom the captive;
• To bury the dead.

The spiritual works of mercy are:

• To instruct the ignorant;
• To counsel the doubtful;
• To admonish sinners;
• To bear wrongs patiently;
• To forgive offences willingly;
• To comfort the afflicted;
• To pray for the living and the dead.

I do think personally that in the single celibate state as vocation the corporal and spiritual works of mercy are very important. This single life is a call to embrace this state “for the sake of The Kingdom” in some way. One need not embrace all the works of mercy however.

Loneliness in a human sense, and indeed sometimes in a spiritual sense also, can be a trial in the single celibate state as well as in some other vocations. No vocation or lifestyle will be without suffering and trial. No Christ without His Cross. Suffering in some form will always be with us until Jesus returns as will be The Grace to bear it well united to Jesus and His Cross.

All the above, I think is why spiritual direction in embracing the single state as vocation is so invaluable. It can help one determine the details of one’s vocation and many other matters spiritual as well. It can help us review and renew our way of life and keep it under review and renewal.

TS

 

[TiggerS]

For those who consider dedicated singleness is not a vocation, I recommend reading the explanation of this vocation on the website for the Diocese of Sioux Falls. One version of it reads as follows, and refers to both singleness and dedicated singleness:

What If I Don’t Think I’m Called To Be A Cleric, Get Married, Or Enter Consecrated Life? What Place Do I Have?
Universal Call to Holiness: A Reflection on Singleness

All of us are called by baptism to a life of holiness. Many are called to a specific way of living out the call to holiness in a state of life (vocation) characterized by undertaking a lifelong commitment by vow or consecration. Some, however, are called to be living witnesses to Christ without assuming a life long commitment. Others are called to dedicate their lives to Christ in blessed singleness but without changing their state in life.

The beauty and burden of the life of the single person is often overlooked in today’s world. The single person’s life can have a spiritual dimension. While it is sometimes said to be the hardest way of life to live, it is definitely not meant to be a life of loneliness and solitude.

Most of us exist as singles for some transitional amount of time, prior to our discernment and entrance into the married, consecrated, or clerical states. For those who do not enter the more particular states of life by vow, ordination, or consecration, there is an opportunity and a freedom to give themselves completely in service to others. Singleness as a form of life is not an end in itself, but is directed in self-giving and life-giving generosity and activity.

The single person has no bond of commitment to a person or a community of persons. Thus, there is not a built-in support system for them. Living this call thus presents an opportunity to nurture a strong relationship with God. The solitude of being single can be a blessing that allows the individual to discover the incompleteness of life without God being present.

Many singles find spiritual support as lay members of third orders and associations of the faithful. These help the single person in his efforts to respond to the Lord’s call to holiness. Also, a single person who feels called may choose to live under a private vow of chastity, and by so doing, may find a certain joy in living as a lay person specially dedicated to the Lord.]] (Diocese of Sioux Falls, Vocations)

Thank you for this really lovely quote, Sister. It would be great to have something official from Rome about the single celibate state as a potential vocation in quite simple and straightforward terms and using the term “vocation to the dedicated single celibate state of life” or any other straightforward term and to give it some discussion, i.e. to discuss it.
I am wondering, do you think that there ever could be, a consecration to the single state? Is it feasible or non feasible?

TS

 

[SRLAUREL]

Thank you for this really lovely quote, Sister. It would be great to have something official from Rome about the single celibate state as a potential vocation in quite simple and straightforward terms and using the term “vocation to the dedicated single celibate state of life” or any other straightforward term and to give it some discussion, i.e. to discuss it.
I am wondering, do you think that there ever could be, a consecration to the single state? Is it feasible or non feasible?

TS

I tend to think not and the reasons are given in the second paragraph. Some mught argue that Canon 605 asks Bishops to be attentive to the action of the Holy Spirit and therefore to new forms of consecrated life. They might note that once upon a time we would not have heard of the dedicated single life as a vocation. Neither, they would say, did the Church (beyond the early church) regard or recognize a vocation to consecrated virginity for single women living in the world (it was retained for Cistercian nuns but evolved into religious or eremitical life).

However, despite all of this, it seems to me that this form of life is really a life of whole-hearted response to the consecration of baptism. It is not religious life, not eremitical, not espousal to Christ (as in consecrated virginity), and not ordained. (All of these are further specifications of the baptismal state and involve commitments — rights and responsibilities – which are not simply part of everyday Christian life or simply flow from baptism itself.) For this reason I think it is a life of baptismal consecration and nothing more, less, or other. Private vows can help the person specify baptismal commitments further, but it is really important to esteem and live out one’s baptismal commitment/consecration to the lay state.

I believe all possible forms of entrance to the consecrated state are already covered by the church. (The only exceptions I can think of here is the consecration of widows and a male equivalent to consecrated virginity, which may well one day be covered in Canon Law.) Note too that all the forms of consecrated life I have mentioned have their basis in Scripture.

So, dedicated singleness (which would be analogous to the dedication of marriage), yes, but consecrated singleness, no, I don’t personally think it will (or should) happen.

 

[TiggerS]

Thank you for your opinion, Sister. I will have a look at Canon 605 - although we dont have canon lawyers for nothing. A consecration to the single state would not be religious life etc. but I wonder if it could be regarded as a “new form of religious life” and a vowed life. As I understand things, religious life is a radical commitment to one’s Baptism - and such a radical commitment could, perhaps, take a different form to religious life but I am no canon lawyer for sure.But all this is an entirely different issue I think - I was just curious and I dont want to take this thread off topic and my apologies for raising an off topic issue - and thank you for responding though off topic. If I get really curious about the single state and consecration to it, I will start another thread. ( Certainly it has occured to me just now that I think that in some secular institutes one can be consecrated and live ‘in the world’ for the world.)

I think that witnessing to a deep commitment to Baptism is an important vocation and call. To strive to witness to what Baptism in the Catholic Church in a personally committed and devoted, quite radical, sense can be. I think that the single state gives a freedom of kind to be quite radical indeed about it all. While it is a radical commitment to baptism, it does not wear the ‘same clothing’ as the radicalness of religious life. It is a different form or ‘dress’ of radicalness, but still radical. Private vows can be an expression of this radicalness while not being in a strict senses necessary.
“Radical” is an interesting word actually and HERE for the interested
And, of course, Baptism is a consecration to Christ in the lay single state. God may call elsewhere - but all flows from our Baptism.

Re the question raised as topic of this thread. I did come across the following in Christifideles Laici :HERE which answers in the affirmative, the single life can be a vocation.

POST-SYNODAL
APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI

JOHN PAUL II THE VOCATION AND MISSION
OF THE LAITY
IN THE CHURCH AND THE WORLD

(My note: I am only quoting part of the sub heading “The Various Vocations in the Lay State”)

"The Various Vocations in the Lay State
56. The Church’s rich variety is manifested still further from within each state of life. Thus *within the lay state diverse “vocations” are given, *that is, there are different paths in the spiritual life and the apostolate which are taken by individual members of the lay faithful. In the field of a “commonly shared” lay vocation “special” lay vocations flourish. In this area we can also recall the spiritual experience of the flourishing of diverse forms of secular institutes that have developed recently in the Church. These offer the lay faithful, and even priests, the possibility of professing the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity and obedience through vows or promises, while fully maintaining one’s lay or clerical state(204). In this regard the Synod Fathers have commented, “The Holy Spirit stirs up other forms of self-giving to which people who remain fully in the lay state devote themselves”(205).
…edited section here…

Along the same line the Second Vatican Council states: "This lay spirituality should take its particular character from the circumstances of one’s state in life (married and familylife, celibacy

, widowhood), from one’s state of health and from one’s professional and social activity. All should not cease to develop earnestly the qualities and talents bestowed on them in accord with these conditions of life and should make use of the gifts which they have received from the Holy Spirit"(208).
What has been said about the spiritual vocation can also be said-and to a certain degree with greater reason-of the infinite number of ways through which all members of the Church are employed as labourers in the vineyard of the Lord, building up the Mystical Body of Christ. Indeed as a person with a truly unique lifestory, each is called by name, to make a special contribution to the coming of the Kingdom of God.

No talent, no matter how small, is to be hidden or left unused (cf.* Mt*

25:24-27).
In this regard the apostle Peter gives us a stern warning: “As each has received a gift, employ it for one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace” (1 Pt 4:10).

Scrolling down the document, I noticed that there is a whole section for those who may be ill and/or disabled as well.
Hence from the above quotation, I think this thread can safely conclude that the Vatican has stated that the single lay state is a potential vocation.

TS

 

[SRLAUREL]

Thank you for your opinion, Sister. I will have a look at Canon 605 - although we dont have canon lawyers for nothing. A consecration to the single state would not be religious life etc. but I wonder if it could be regarded as a “new form of religious life” and a vowed life. As I understand things, religious life is a radical commitment to one’s Baptism - and such a radical commitment could, perhaps, take a different form to religious life but I am no canon lawyer for sure.But all this is an entirely different issue I think - I was just curious and I dont want to take this thread off topic and my apologies for raising an off topic issue - and thank you for responding though off topic. If I get really curious about the single state and consecration to it, I will start another thread. ( Certainly it has occured to me just now that I think that in some secular institutes one can be consecrated and live ‘in the world’ for the world.)

I think that witnessing to a deep commitment to Baptism is an important vocation and call. To strive to witness to what Baptism in the Catholic Church in a personally committed and devoted, quite radical, sense can be. I think that the single state gives a freedom of kind to be quite radical indeed about it all. While it is a radical commitment to baptism, it does not wear the ‘same clothing’ as the radicalness of religious life. It is a different form or ‘dress’ of radicalness, but still radical. Private vows can be an expression of this radicalness while not being in a strict senses necessary.
“Radical” is an interesting word actually and HERE for the interested
And, of course, Baptism is a consecration to Christ in the lay single state. God may call elsewhere - but all . . ]]

As noted in your second paragraph, everything is rooted in baptism, but not all vocations flow directly from baptism alone. Both the single and married states (LAY states), however, flow directly from Baptismal consecration. While religious life, eremitical life, orders, and consecrated virginity are specifications of it, both have responsibilities and rights and require commitments which do not flow directly from baptism and all are part of the consecrated state. That is, they require a call which is distinct from baptism and a consecration which is similarly distinct.

Calls to preaching and celebrating the Sacraments do not flow directly from baptism (though baptism is necessary), but from a distinct call to Orders and the graces connected with this. While all are called to some form of obedience, poverty and chastity (they are evangelical counsels directed to all, not just to religious and consecrated hermits), the commitment to remain unmarried for the sake of the kingdom (consecrated celibacy) does not come from one’s baptism but from a distinct call to the consecrated state (which differs from the lay state). The same is true of giving up all rights of ownership or administration of goods (religious/eremitical poverty), or assuming the rights and burdens of legitimate superiors, a Rule of Life (religious/eremitcal obedience), etc. These commitments are the result of distinct calls and involve a distinct consecration with distinct graces.

The bottom line though (as the second paragraph you wrote says) is that dedicated singleness, while a significant (important and meaningful) vocation, is a vocation to the LAY state, not to religious life (which is communal by definition AND part of the consecrated state). By definition it does not require initiation into the consecrated state or anything beyond the consecration of Baptism. All of its rights and responsibilities flow directly from baptism itself andf the graces of Baptism are those which empower and structure it…

I don’t think this is really off topic for one of the issues it raises is a certain discomfort with NOT being called to religious, eremitical, CV, or priestly life, which is really unfortunate. Dedicated singleness is one of several expressions of the lay vocation. It is consecrated life in the sense that is is rooted directly in the discipleship and consecration of Baptism. It is not, however the same as a call to the consecrated state.

 

[TiggerS]

Thank you, Sister. I am no theologian and have proved it again. What I meant by “flows from Baptism” is that within The Church one must be Baptized to receive validly a further call to a particular and personal vocation.

I don’t think this is really off topic for one of the issues it raises is a certain discomfort with NOT being called to religious, eremitical, CV, or priestly life, which is really unfortunate.

I wonder if this discomfort comes about also because there is no really clear and unquestioned understanding in The Church that the single state can be a vocation and that those who may feel this call are searching to find their ‘place’ in The Church, or even questioning if they do indeed have a vocation to the single state when there is so much discussion as to whether it is a vocation or not.
I dont think necessarily that all single people who feel called by God to this state regret “NOT being called to religious, eremitical, CV, or priestly life” or to a secular institute, third order etc. The potential equally exists that they may be glad they were not thus called perhaps. With a vocation comes a peace and joy in it all, despite trials, sufferings etc. Although regrets could be possible I suppose since apparently religious and priests can go through a passage or passages of personal regret re married life and children. It is not so much about where the head is as where the feet are and remain planted, as it were. Any sort of regret etc. can be simply a type of trial and suffering where vocation is concerned. Rather there is a seeking to affirm the single vocation (by those living or perhaps considering it) as valid in The Church and are seeking to have this recognized in a general sense. It can be difficult to be following a certain way of life (or seriously considering it) and one that is not an easy at times (like any other vocation I am sure) though Grace is never lacking, and have it dismissed as not ‘legitimate’ and no vocation at all and I tend to think normal and rightful, just, to seek to correct opinions if possible. There is not so much regret at not being called elsewhere perhaps, as a seeking to have the single state recognized as a valid vocation as any other in The Church. And I do realize that vocations can be entirely different theologically or whatever.

The other point that I can wonder about is that without clear recognition in The Church a person could be called to the single state by God and dismiss it as not being a legitimate call in The Church and refuse to consider it further, when in fact it is a potential vocation - and this notion it is not a vocation is due to that prevailing general attitude and limitation of the word “vocation”. That despite what I quoted from *CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI *it does seem to persist rather regularly that the single celibate state is not a potential vocation that can be experienced as a clear call from God and for the sake of The Kingdom just as with any other vocation or state in life. I realize that religious (and anyone other call my theological ineptness may have overlooked)and priests are called out of the lay state of life - some however are equally clearly called to remain in it and all to God’s Divine Purposes. Corinthians 1 Chapter12 "14 For the body also is not one member, but many. 15 If the foot should say, because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? "

It is heartening though to read on quite a few diocesan websites I have come across that the single life is regarded as a vocation - getting the word out and about and generally and freely understood is the quest. In a general sense (not this thread), if discussion generally on discussion sites generally did not get stuck in whether it is a vocation or not, discussion could move on to how it is defined.

TS

 

[SRLAUREL]

Thank you, Sister. I am no theologian and have proved it again. What I meant by “flows from Baptism” is that within The Church one must be Baptized to receive validly a further call to a particular and personal vocation.

I wonder if this discomfort comes about also because there is no really clear and unquestioned understanding in The Church that the single state can be a vocation and that those who may feel this call are searching to find their ‘place’ in The Church, or even questioning if they do indeed have a vocation to the single state when there is so much discussion as to whether it is a vocation or not.

It is heartening though to read on quite a few diocesan websites I have come across that the single life is regarded as a vocation - getting the word out and about and generally and freely understood is the quest. In a general sense (not this thread), if discussion generally on discussion sites generally did not get stuck in whether it is a vocation or not, discussion could move on to how it is defined.

TS

As you point out, the Church is clear that the dedicated single life is a vocation. Vatican II could not have been clearer in its work on the universal call to holiness and the vocation of the laity as one form of this. It is actually a small step to regard the various ways (vocations) lay life is lived out and meant to be lived out in this world. Dioceses have drawn the obvious conclusion from Vatican II, and what you have been reading is the result. Thus on both conciliar and episcopal levels the church teaches that dedicated single life is a lay vocation to holiness. Ignorance of what is taught on various levels and in a variety of ways does not mean the Church has not been clear in this regard.

I agree the word needs to get out. That too needs to happen on several levels. In many ways we continue to use the term “vocation” for religious, priestly, or married life, and often when we pray for “vocations” we still only mean religious and priestly life. It is said that it takes 100 years for a Council to really be received. This is one aspect of Vatican II which needs to be carefully attended to. Laity especially need to receive it.

Another contribution to the difficulty here is the church’s teaching on the objective superiority of religious or consecrated and clerical life. This is so widely misunderstood as implying “better” or “higher class” as opposed to “inferior” or “second or third class” that it is hard to find anyone apart from theologians specializing in consecrated life and Thomas Aquinas’ scholastic categories and language who actually understand the phrase — which is almost wholly unusable now. Unfortunately this has damaged the church’s (including laity!) ability to value lay vocations appropriately (contra Vatican II) and this too is something only time will heal.

However, the principal solution and healing will come from the single laity themselves as they take Vatican II seriously and embody the episcopal (and their own!) conclusions drawn from VII. Much of what happens in the church does not happen with dictates from above. Law ordinarily follows life. Thus, for instance, with eremitical life, the practice of the life ALWAYS preceded official acceptance, much less official promotion. As single lay persons begin to work with spiritual directors more regularly and discern in more systematic ways how God is indeed calling them, and as they seek and find ways to formalize and specify this calling within their faith communities, the hierarchy will take cognizance. I am not suggesting this will be immediate, but I am saying a declaration from on high is not the first thing necessary, and has not been required in other vocational situations for those vocations to fluorish.

 

[barb_finnegan]

I used to feel an outsider in The Church - but recent times in my life has changed this. It is a trial and suffering to feel on the outside for sure. Moving to another parish has brought about this change with the necessity to have a lift to Mass. I do hope that things will change for you also, Barb.

Years ago, a priest said to me “Imitate Mary” as I strived to define my own vocation in a more detailed form. It seemed to me then a difficult matter since we know so little really about Mary from The Gospels, then later it struck me that she lived a very quiet life it seems “under the radar” and a hidden and humble life in the background most often. There are qualities of Mary that are revealed in the various times we hear about her in The Gospels and are a valuable meditation. - and these qualities can mark and be incorporated into a way of life. “Staying under radars” and ‘out of sight’ can also reflect the contemplative vocation at least in its external manifestation in that contemplatives in enclosed monasteries are not seen involved and out and about in ‘exterior works’ while inside their monasteries they are always at some task - and a closer examination of the contemplative vocation can speak about the internal dimension of a contemplative life. It is wise to remember too that some relaxation time I think is a duty since the human being needs relaxation time and this needed time span can vary from person to person (while monastics may have at least an hour). The dedicated single celibate state is not the monastic state however while it may have some resemblances to that state. Well to remember too that the devil can indeed make work for idle hands. Nowadays especially, there is much information on the internet.

Of course, one may have a call to the single state and lead a very busy life indeed in an exterior “seen” sense. It all depends on one’s particular call.

Those who may suffer some illness and have decided to embrace the single celibate state as vocation and call need to remember too that to make allowances for that illness in whatever way may be necessary is a duty of their vocation, not an indulgence. And it is no small matter and a work of Charity towards others and indeed a work mercy to strive to bear the illness as well as is possible and this too will vary according to the particular illness. Being ill and needing help too can be an invaluable and humbling experience giving another(s) the opportunity to perform a work of mercy in caring for one and striving to be a good patient can be a work of Charity and mercy towards them.

The works of mercy are:

newadvent.org/cathen/10198d.htm

• To feed the hungry;
• To give drink to the thirsty;
• To clothe the naked;
• To harbour the harbourless;
• To visit the sick;
• To ransom the captive;
• To bury the dead.

The spiritual works of mercy are:

• To instruct the ignorant;
• To counsel the doubtful;
• To admonish sinners;
• To bear wrongs patiently;
• To forgive offences willingly;
• To comfort the afflicted;
• To pray for the living and the dead.

I do think personally that in the single celibate state as vocation the corporal and spiritual works of mercy are very important. This single life is a call to embrace this state “for the sake of The Kingdom” in some way. One need not embrace all the works of mercy however.

Loneliness in a human sense, and indeed sometimes in a spiritual sense also, can be a trial in the single celibate state as well as in some other vocations. No vocation or lifestyle will be without suffering and trial. No Christ without His Cross. Suffering in some form will always be with us until Jesus returns as will be The Grace to bear it well united to Jesus and His Cross.

All the above, I think is why spiritual direction in embracing the single state as vocation is so invaluable. It can help one determine the details of one’s vocation and many other matters spiritual as well. It can help us review and renew our way of life and keep it under review and renewal.

TS

I don’t have a spiritual director-not since the early 1990s. It seems that every time I found a good priest, he would either get transferred or have more responsiblities placed on his shoulders. So I gave up on trying to find anyone-and I AM NOT GOING to a ‘priestess wanna-be’ or a lay person who teaches heresy! I may just as well BE ALONE…

With regards to listing the spiritual and corporal works of mercy…I emailed Johnette Benkovic’s ‘The Abundant Life’ a month ago after having seen the preview show of her new EWTN series, ‘Women of Grace’. I ‘vented’ as usual, then later I got one from a staff member-and SHE listed the works of mercy, too! Tell you the truth, I saw red and fired off an email saying, ‘YES, I KNOW** WHAT THEY ARE! I’M JUST NOT AN ‘ORGANIZING’ TYPE!’ I don’t think they even read what I wrote, or had a clue of what I was trying to say! When I watched the EWTN program of the ‘Women of Grace’ preview, there were these two women from different parts of the country, getting all gushy about how ‘Women of Grace’ has ‘changed their lives’ [oh, gag me with a spoon, why don’t you? ] ! They were married women, naturally:…why aren’t there any 'average, ordinary, non-‘organizer/initiator/leader wanna-bes’ on programs like this?

 

[Khrystyne]

I lost my “edit” again due to time lapse:blush:
Krystyne, I somehow missed the implication of your comment about God’s Will until I read SrLaurel’s post and then re-read your post. Apologies for this - TS. Although if one fully embraces Christ in one’s life, then God’s Will will be done in one for sure. The only thing that can separate us from God is mortal sin - and this separation is self chosen by mortal sin, while venial sin and our faults and failings tell us that we are yet to conform perfectly to God’sWill and for most of us this will probably ask a stint in Purgatory. A place of happiness where we know we have purification to undergo but that all the joys of Heaven surely awaits.
A vocation or call is not a Divine Command, rather it is a Divine Invitation - we are not bound to respond. Although to receive a Divine Invitation is no small matter and does ask (I read somewhere) something of a leap of faith and trust. Sometimes a vocation can draw forth, even be plagued by doubts of ability to fulfill or follow the vocation (any vocation or call from God at all) - hence the leap of faith and trust in God who would not invite without all the Graces to fulfill that vocation and as necessary, when necessary and at the actual time.

TS

Thank you, I fully understand this, but still Yes, I am bitter actually towards the people from my past who were pathetic in their judgments of me and others. It was a big turn off and it left me wondering about God so to speak, I didn’t have much of a relationship with Jesus Christ at the time. God deffinently used this bad experience to draw me close, and He gave me so much wisdom and insight in return. Even with some of the clearcut deffinitions to “openess” and “vocation”, what was going on was NOT what others assumed and God took all that pain and all their accusatory actions (of the devil, yes) and really refined me to stand on my own two feet. So, I guess my faithfulness has really urked many of them, and I just laugh.

Another thing that I experienced is that the mentality of the people towards my vocation was completely selfish and ugly really. This gentle invitation was ruined by others desifering just WHAT God was calling me to AND with Whom. Not any of their business at that point, it was a horrific experience to say the least having just entered the Church.

I could go on of course, I have too much experience on both sides of the coin and I am sad for others who have experienced such mistreatment. Most have left the Catholic Church who have had such experiences or similar but, I stay solely because Jesus Christ has asked me to, personally. No other reason. Faithfulness.

It always sounds so eloquent and so intellectual when written or read, but when people try to live it out it is warped and ugly. Only the Saints got it right and I can sense if I’m sitting with one in the pew because of their LOVE. Period. Now that IS truly impressive and of a much higher education!

God Bless and thank you for listening to me.

 

[TiggerS]

Thank you for the response, Sister. I agree and think that The Church has been very clear also about the single celibate state as a vocation of dedication - quite clear. Sadly, this is not getting out to the general Catholic generally, I dont think. It does seem to be that because The Church uses the term"celibate" and does not actually expand on what this means as a vocation, an experienced call to this lay celibate single state - to remain single and celibate in the lay state, the confusion with many comes in and the conclusion made that “celibate” simply means those who are single until a ‘real’ vocation comes along.

I agree the word needs to get out. That too needs to happen on several levels. In many ways we continue to use the term “vocation” for religious, priestly, or married life, and often when we pray for “vocations” we still only mean religious and priestly life. It is said that it takes 100 years for a Council to really be received. This is one aspect of Vatican II which needs to be carefully attended to. Laity especially need to receive it.

Well said on all points. I read somewhere too that every Council is followed by a period of differences of opinion as to what the Council has said, is saying. And this I think is the period we live in now re Vatican II and within that 100 years that you mentioned. Hence history has not startled us!

Another contribution to the difficulty here is the church’s teaching on the objective superiority of religious or consecrated and clerical life. This is so widely misunderstood as implying “better” or “higher class” as opposed to “inferior” or “second or third class” that it is hard to find anyone apart from theologians specializing in consecrated life and Thomas Aquinas’ scholastic categories and language who actually understand the phrase — which is almost wholly unusable now. Unfortunately this has damaged the church’s (including laity!) ability to value lay vocations appropriately (contra Vatican II) and this too is something only time will heal.

I agree here too. Most Catholics do not understand the term “state of perfection” which religious life is. It is that way of life that enshrines the way of perfection which does not mean at all that we are not all called to the way of perfection and are called to holiness. As you pointed out in another post, we are all called to poverty, chastity and obedience of spirit. Religious life (and other forms of vocation may as well) embraces these counsels of perfection in a very radical manner in a physical and material sense, while the highest form of the Counsels are spiritual to which we all have access and for which religious also strive. Not only are religious called to the state of perfection, they are consecrated by The Church to it with attendant responsibilities and priviledges as you pointed out. For each of us without exception God expresses His Will and particular call and nothing can be higher for the person than this, which is a subjective matter - speaking on the purely objective level theologically each vocation as a particular vocation has an objective theological definition and this is where, I think, many can stumble about higher, lesser, better etc. which does apply objectively - and make conclusions that the person called to these vocations are higher, lesser, better and not the vocation itself. If God does not call a person to the religious life for example and the state of perfection, it simply means that God does not Will this and not a reflection on the person themselves while some think that it does either in an overt sense or it is rather obviously the underriding concept. And paramount to all of us overriding all else is God’s Will and that it be done and in all of us and for the person subjectively nothing is higher, better than this - and what He calls them to objectively is the highest objectively for them as person and the subject of God’s Will. This I think is where all the confusion comes in and probably is all tangled up somewhere in ego considerations and misunderstandings of theology. I may be wrong and I am certainly no theologian by a very very long shot and hope I have expressed myself accurately and without ambiguity or confusion.

However, the principal solution and healing will come from the single laity themselves as they take Vatican II seriously and embody the episcopal (and their own!) conclusions drawn from VII. Much of what happens in the church does not happen with dictates from above. Law ordinarily follows life. Thus, for instance, with eremitical life, the practice of the life ALWAYS preceded official acceptance, much less official promotion. As single lay persons begin to work with spiritual directors more regularly and discern in more systematic ways how God is indeed calling them, and as they seek and find ways to formalize and specify this calling within their faith communities, the hierarchy will take cognizance. I am not suggesting this will be immediate, but I am saying a declaration from on high is not the first thing necessary, and has not been required in other vocational situations for those vocations to fluorish.

Spot on, I thought. On some Catholic discussion sites of which I am a member it is very sad that discussion gets stuck in whether dedicated single celibate lay life is a vocation and whether it is not and most often does not really move beyond that. But it seems to be where things are at the moment generally speaking, with hope that soon we can move beyond that accept the single celibate state as a potential vocation and discuss the way of life itself. Be that as it may, it is the point in history which we are called to address and perhaps for those who are dedicated to the single celibate lay state especially re this vocation. It all depends on the particulars of one’s personal call - and again this is where ongoing spiritual direction is invaluable.

Barb

 

[TiggerS]

Quoting Khrystne:

Thank you, I fully understand this, but still Yes, I am bitter actually towards the people from my past who were pathetic in their judgments of me and others. It was a big turn off and it left me wondering about God so to speak, I didn’t have much of a relationship with Jesus Christ at the time. God deffinently used this bad experience to draw me close, and He gave me so much wisdom and insight in return. Even with some of the clearcut deffinitions to “openess” and “vocation”, what was going on was NOT what others assumed and God took all that pain and all their accusatory actions (of the devil, yes) and really refined me to stand on my own two feet. So, I guess my faithfulness has really urked many of them, and I just laugh.

Thank you for the response Khrystyne!
Actually, I have come almost exactly the same route. My journey to the point I am at now where I have made private perpetual vows and with spiritual advice (preceded by many years of making them for one year only and then renewed). Initially when I began to think about the single celibate life as a vocation and my reasons for it, I did not experience a clear and convicing call from God. That came years later after a sort of crisis spiritually and when I negotiated this, I just knew that the single celibate lay state and dedication to it was my call and vocation from God. But before accepting the invitation I consulted a Jesuit theologian as I wanted to be sure that God would grant me The Grace to lives such a vocation under private vows, which Father affirmed for me. I couldn’t explain this vocation to anyone around me, I simply with simplicity knew. For many years I could not even find a priest or trained spiritual director willing to direct me under private vows.
It is not at all unusual for bad experiences to leave us questioning many matters and even God Himself in some way - and then when we look back in hindsight, it was the means of God drawing us closer to Himself. Persecution of some kind can lead us into the spiritual ‘desert’ and in this quietness and aloneness of the desert we begin to ‘hear’ as it were the gentle breeze of the voice of God to us.We are alone with The Alone.

Another thing that I experienced is that the mentality of the people towards my vocation was completely selfish and ugly really. This gentle invitation was ruined by others desifering just WHAT God was calling me to AND with Whom. Not any of their business at that point, it was a horrific experience to say the least having just entered the Church.

It must have been a great shock and painful experience indeed being a new Catholic and naturally seeking welcome and affirmation!!! We all need affirmation. I know one man who keeps making rather nasty comments about me not being able to find a man. My previous parish thought me some kind of fraud and did not accept the dedicated lay vocation as a vocation at all. My own family do not understand and think it reaching for some sort of pie in the sky and vain and even rather ‘anti-Catholic’ and having an ivory tower of delusion. Their concepts are very much pre V2 and in the rush and stress, demands, of modern life many ordinary Catholics have not read and pondered the documents that come out of The Church. I indeed find it very hard to keep up with all that comes out of Rome, ponder and internalize it - and I live alone and one of my focuses is to make honest attempts to do so. Time just keeps running away from me often and I am alone with no family nor position in the workforce to distract me. Hence I can empathize with the ordinary Catholic, while I am most sad for their misunderstandings of The Church post V2. My Mum and Dad, now dec’d 14months apart, tried to convince me that V2 was the protestinazation of The Church and heretical. This was not culpable ignorance. They simply could not understand nor insight nor have the time to ponder the Council Documents and I knew this.

Khrystyne, my word count is too much and so my final paragarph is in the next post. Apologies for this.

TS

 

[TiggerS]

Quoting Khrystyne.

I could go on of course, I have too much experience on both sides of the coin and I am sad for others who have experienced such mistreatment. Most have left the Catholic Church who have had such experiences or similar but, I stay solely because Jesus Christ has asked me to, personally. No other reason. Faithfulness.

I can hear what you are saying and I could go on about my own negative experiences also and I know many can. Trying to rise above any bitterness, resentment and anger too can be difficult and they are completely natural human emotions often - the thing is to keep trying faithfully to overcome and sooner or later it passes invariably. The effort and faithfulness in trying to overcome self is of itself pleasing to God and I think Fr. Thomas Merton (decd) wrote something akin to this. As I said in another post, its not so much where the head is as where the feet are and firmly planted. Faithfulness is an exquisite virtue especially in the face of opposition and forms of persecution.

It always sounds so eloquent and so intellectual when written or read, but when people try to live it out it is warped and ugly. Only the Saints got it right and I can sense if I’m sitting with one in the pew because of their LOVE. Period. Now that IS truly impressive and of a much higher education!

Remember too that in the lives of most of our saints, they had opposition and persecution and very often from those closest too them and even The Church Herself. It is not a perfect world and Church we live in in the human sense - and if we are going to embrace Christ then this is going to include His Cross which can come in unanticipated and unexpected forms. No Christ without His Cross. The Glory of Christ’s Obedience to God even to accepting meekly a shameful and cruel death did not shine in an obvious way on Calvary. Jesus was acccused and convicted wrongly and then executed. The glory of His Cross in our own lives does not come in the accepted forms of glory and nor did Calvary. While I very much agree with you that misunderstandings and dismissals of one personally can be very difficult indeed and a real suffering for sure, as were the sufferings of Jesus. With all suffering Grace comes to bear it and the lovely fruit of this is faithfulness despite any suffering undergone. The head may be confused even doubting and unsure, questioning. But the feet do remain planted and flower nevertheless in God’s Will despite it all and many of the lives of the saints example this.

God Bless and thank you for listening to me.

God richly bless you also in all things and thank you for listening to *me *indeed.

TS