Proverbs thinks the professionals have all the answers. Those of us who have been to professionals who have demeaned our values may think otherwise. I’ve gotten better advice from people who have been there/done that and survived than I’ve gotten from some professionals.
As for the OP, well…
Chev is right… just because someone is a “mere” BF or GF doesn’t mean their behavior doesn’t matter. In fact, this is a critical stage… the “weeding out” stage. Behavior during this time should make or break a relationship. Now and during an engagement are the last chance to jump off the marriage failboat if it has a leak.
Pay close attention to behavior and values during this time. He sounds self assured… enough that he didn’t bring up your going out with girlfriends, though his perception is that guys are more likely to hit on a girl in a group. YOU admit YOU have the jealousy (and you don’t like women.)
Throw that one overboard. Men are not helpless pawns of every vixen that comes by. A guy who isn’t interested isn’t interested. There will always be temptation out there. If he’s susceptible to it, now is the time to find out. Maybe it’s good he doesn’t sit home and drink alone. Going out and watching a game on the tv and drinking a beer in a restaurant is fine.
Why are YOU insecure to the point your disagreement over it hurt you both? At the heart of jealousy is fear, not love. Love trusts. Fear is the opposite of love. When you fear someone’s behavior its because you don’t know them enough to be able to predict what they will do. And you fear that you are not enough to keep him? The first woman who walks by… he’s gone? Or something like that? What in your background prompts those emotions? Until you deal with THAT and the real underlying issues you have, no conversation with him is going to be without hidden minefields. How will he know where it’s safe to step if YOU don’t even know where the hidden mines are?
The funny thing about figuring out your own insecurities and fixing them… it helps you trust those who are trustworthy. And when you find out someone isn’t trustworthy, it softens the blow to be secure enough in yourself that you don’t take it so personally. It’s not your issue or your failing. It’s the other person’s.
Some people are jealous because they attribute how THEY would behave to the other people. Since THEY would pick up a stranger in a bar despite having a BF or GF, they are sure their own BF or GF would too. I hope that’s not your issue. Projecting in that manner is a whole 'nuther kettle of fish that goes with bigger problems.
IF your problem is merely self esteem, now is the time to fix it. So that every conversation doesn’t seem like an attack on your self worth, and you can listen to the other person and hear them and not the voice of doubt in your own head drowning them out. Because what you ended up with was two people who have issues with how the other spends their time. And with whom.
Those are the kinds of things you have to agree upon early. It’s all about values and priorities and it’s behavior that is ingrained. If you can’t live with it, don’t try to make them live with you. It’s neither good or bad, it just is. Sitting in a bar having a drink is a neutral activity. For some reason in your head based on your world view it is a loaded experience with all kinds of deeper meanings and possibilities.
To him, it might just be sitting on a stool in a bar having a beer.
If you find you do this in other areas with him, it’s time to take a closer look at why you read so much into things and where your fear is coming from.
Name the fear. The rest will fall into place.
I am fearful for some of the questions you proposed to me. Therefore, I have underlying issues I need to deal and pray through! and I really hope I do; the sooner the better.