Is There a Place For Humor In Catholicism?

[Realcatholicgk]

** In the Wild West a priest buys a horse. The vendor tells him: It’s been trained specially for you. On command THANKS HEAVENS he gallops away; on command AMEN he stands still.
The priest is delighted, buys the horse and on THANKS HEAVENS the horse gallops away with him. But suddenly there’s a huge gap ahead. The priest had forgotten the right command - tries everything, but that horse gallops straight towards the gap. So the priest prays the OUR FATHER - and when he is finished and says AMEN the hors stops at once just an inch from the chasm away; in a relief the priest: THANKS HEAVENS…**

**

Hi Bruno,
That was funny.! **

**
Now-
You might ask; why didn’t this priest jump off the horse? Well, a priest never jumps off his destination.**
**Your remark would be funny if you had said the horse was named destination! **

**
You might further protest; why on earth didn’t this stupid horse stop to safe his life? Well, this was a military horse. There you follow the command, never mind how brainless it might be. - So: R.I.P.**

**Thanks buddy! Being in the Military for 27 Years, I sure found that statement funny! NOT! :manvspc:

Reference the other Thread about the Elephant. the nose being a snake etc… Reminds me of a “german” joke.

Question: How many Elephants can you get into a VW?

Answer: 5 two in front, three in the back! Actually 6 if you put one more in the bonnet! (VW trunk in English!) I know it is like your military horse joke not funny!

Are you sure that 2 from a total of 71 is 2% Is that prehaps in German? do we convert it into English somehow? Also, what told you they were Catholics?

More Ancient Jokes**

Oldest recorded Joke No. 3, 1200 B.C.
“Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon’s load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon’s load. Problem: Who owns the calf?”

Oldest Joke No. 4, 1100 B.C.
“A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, ‘I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye.’ And she answered him: ‘Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage?’”

Oldest Joke No. 5, 800 B.C.
This one was written by Homer in “The Odyssey.” “Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is ‘nobody.’ When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: ‘Help, nobody is attacking me!’ No one comes to help.”



God Bless

 

[Realcatholicgk]

Philippians 2 talks about working out our salvation in “fear and trembling.” Just don’t see where that leaves room for humor in either worship or a spiritual life. Note that I draw a distinction between humor as it’s used here and our joy in Christ.

**
Hi Matt,

Where does that leave any room for anything but ‘fear and trembling’ in you rlife? How can you fit work, recreation, rest or worship into that? or even a spiritual life? I work at my salvation 24/7 until the devil waylays me! Also, my bible told me to be Bold in my faith! Note that I draw a distinction between humor and foolish statements! Hey, I am joking!

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!” While she was running and praying, she tripped and fell, getting her dress dirty. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me again!!”

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”
The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”
The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

God Bless**

 

[Bruno_Schulz]

**

Thanks buddy! Being in the Military for 27 Years, I sure found that statement funny! NOT!

Oh I knew that when I invented it
and your reaction gives me the best laugh of the day!
Thanks for being humourous! That’s CHRISTIAN!

I had a ****** day today. Nothing JUST NOTHING went right. In the elevator of my club I stood and pressed the button of the floor where I was. The blasted thing didn’t move. So I called the keeper. Oh dear old men he said - you must press the button DOWN not UP

Ha, bloody well ha! THAT is not funny at all
the butten of the floor where I was. The blasted thing didn’t move. So I called the keeper. Oh dear old men he said - you must press the butten DOWN not UP
Ha, bloody well ha!

Oh - the destn ation part: I thought of a priest’s destination HEAVEN (and I didn’t get yor remark to the destination - due again to the ****** day)

**
the funniest of all: CAF blocked my bad language

 

[Bruno_Schulz]

**

Thanks buddy! Being in the Military for 27 Years, I sure found that statement funny! NOT!

Oh I knew that when I invented it
and your reaction gives me the best laugh of the day!
Thanks for being humourous! That’s CHRISTIAN!

I had a ****** day today. Nothing, JUST NOTHING went right. In the elevator of my club I stood and pressed the button of the floor where I was. The blasted thing didn’t move. So I called the keeper. Oh dear old man he said - you must press the button DOWN not UP

Ha, bloody well ha! THAT is not funny at all !!!

Oh - the destination part: I thought of as priest’s destination HEAVEN (I didn’t get your remark to the destination - due again to the ****** day)**

the funniest of all: CAF blocked my bad language

 

[Joe_Kelley]

I read someplace that Jesus’ words in Aramaic contain a lot of puns. For example the author claimed that gnat and camel are similar in Aramaic; so *Strain at the gnat and swallow the camel *uses a pun.

 

[bpcatholic]

There is always a place for humor in Catholicism. I’m laughing all the time.

I think though some aspects of our Faith should be taken with all sobriety.

I have two words for humor: Father Ted!!!

Dougal: Hello there Len.
Bishop Brennan: Don’t call me Len, you prick. Refer to me as ‘Bishop Brennan’!
Dougal: Ah right you are there Len.

Dougal: God, I’ve heard about those cults Ted. People dressing up in black and saying Our Lord’s going to come back and save us all.
Ted: No, Dougal, that’s us. That’s Catholicism.
Dougal: Oh right.

I love Father Ted!

Here are my favourite ones:

I don’t belieeeeeeeve it!

Dougal: Can I stay up tonight to watch the scary film?
Ted: Ah, no no no. The last time you stayed up to watch a scary film you ended up having to sleep in my bed. I wouldn’t mind, but it wasn’t even a scary film.
Dougal: Come on, Ted. A Volkswagen with a mind of its own. If that isn’t scary, I don’t know what is.

Ted: I’m not a fascist. I’m a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests…More drink!

And now on BBC1: Jurassic Park. The Director’s Cut. With extra dinosaurs.

The nun is showing Father Ted a few pictures.
Nun: Oh, there’s you saying the Mass here last year…and that’s you saying the Mass a year before…what’s that? Oh yes, that’s at your sister-in-law’s funeral, that’s my personal favourite.

Ted: Someone I know is dying.
Nun: Oh dear, is it serious?

Can’t get enough of that!

 

[anon77300002]

Junk Mail

A brother at a monestary tried sending out lots of unwanted advertisments, but he was arrested and put in prison.
He was also very unpopular in prison. After all - no-one likes monk jail.

 

[Cinette]

ABSOLUTELY!! Without it, we would surely wither and die.

However, with that being said, I must mention that I cringe every time the priest uses his homily as a joke-fest…if I wanted to be entertained, I would not go to Mass to seek my entertainment…I feel that the Mass and Christ Himself are degraded/mocked when the homily is used for jokes. OF COURSE, that was not what your original post was asking about, but it has ben on my mind a lot lately because I have been seeing it entirely too much. Rant over!

Back to your question…yep…humor is good…we need it daily!

I do not go to Mass to be entertained - I go for the Eucharist and when the Priest delivers a good homily I am very pleased for the teaching.

However, a little joke on the side is not a bad thing. Sometimes it illustrates an important point. Besides, I think God has a sense of humour - in fact, I KNOW he does.

Thank you

 

[Realcatholicgk]

**Hi my fellow posters,

We are now up to three NO’s in the poll. I believe I can even pick them out! We might have a contest and see if we can guess them all correctly at the end of this thread. Hint :They don’t tell any jokes!
Bruno sorry for the language barrier sometimes our sayings are like dumpling broth. For the non-Germans in this thread that is an Old saying my Grandfather use to say in German “Well that is as clear as dumpling broth” We knew then that he didn’t have a clue! In honor of my Grandfather and my friend Bruno I present More:

ANCIENT JOKES**

Joke No. 6, 429 B.C. (I know you have heard this one, but probably didn’t know it was this old! This appeared in “Oedipus Tyrannus” by Sophocles. "Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age. (well maybe you had to be there! )

Joke No. 7, 30 B.C.This joke originates from the Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period. "Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey. His purse is what restrains him.

My personal all time favoriate Ancient Joke is No. 8!
Joke No. 8, Somewhere around 63 B.C. to 14 A.D. This joke is credited to Emperor Augustus. “Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: ‘Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?’ ‘No your Highness,’ he replied, ‘but my father was.’”

Joke No. 9, 4th or 5th Century A.D. This gag is dated to the Philogelos. “Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said ‘I’ve had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.’”

Joke No. 10, 4th or 5th Century A.D. This was collected in the “Philogelos” or “Laughter-Lover” the oldest jest book known to man. “Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: ‘In silence.’”

Out Of The Mouths Of Babys:

Bible Lesson

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby sitter.”

The Ten Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked,“Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

The Creation of Wives

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?”
Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

After the Preaching on the Devil

Two boys were walking home from Mass after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?”
The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your dad.”

Money for the Pastor

A little boy was given a five dollar bill to put in the collection plate. When the offering came around, he wouldn’t put it in. But after the end of the service, when he went to shake the pastor’s hand, he pulled out the five dollar bill and gave it to the pastor. The pastor asked him, “Why are you giving me this money? Why didn’t you put it in the offering plate?”
And the boy answered, “Because my mommy told me you’re the poorest pastor we’ve ever had!”

 

[Cinette]

This is a true story.

When I was in boarding school we would attend daily Mass and sometimes the Archbishop of the Province would visit the Convent (he was an old boy from Primary school when it was a co-ed) as he had fond memories of the convent. He would say Mass when he visited.

In those days it was customery to kiss the bishop’s ring before the Host was placed on the tongue.

My friend Christine was not used to receiving Communion from a Bishop so when it was her turn she opened her eyes and saw the Bishop presenting his ring for a kiss and in her surprise she LICKED THE RING!!

:clapping:

 

[Bruno_Schulz]

**thanks Real:thumbsup:
dumpling broth - yeah - it’s still very common and in German
“klar wie Kloßbrühe”
I wonder if CAF prints that ß - which is actually a sz. And the u with 2 dots on top is a ue.

I wonder is any of you figued out hat it was what CAF wiped out of my bad language with 5 * ******

**

 

[Realcatholicgk]

This is a true story.

When I was in boarding school we would attend daily Mass and sometimes the Archbishop of the Province would visit the Convent (he was an old boy from Primary school when it was a co-ed) as he had fond memories of the convent. He would say Mass when he visited.

In those days it was customery to kiss the bishop’s ring before the Host was placed on the tongue.

My friend Christine was not used to receiving Communion from a Bishop so when it was her turn she opened her eyes and saw the Bishop presenting his ring for a kiss and in her surprise she LICKED THE RING!!

:clapping:

**
Hi Cine,
That was funny! I have share that with two of my closest friends. Every time you meet a Bishop you kiss his ring. I have two close friends who are Bishops. It is a very ancient sign of respect. They like us “old catholics” we have manners! Bishop Tom, I kiss his ring then give him a hug, I don’t know which he likes the most!

God Bless
**

 

[htk553]

Secret Catholic Rituals and Code Words

This information is for Catholics. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are.

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original “Jaws” story
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO (The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel and stand
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.

 

[Cinette]

Mrs Murphy died and went to Heaven.

She was pleased when Jesus greeted her at the pearly gates. She cuddled her fur coat and accompanied Jesus to her quarters.

They passed beautiful mansions, then came some stylish houses… still Jesus pressed on.

They passed some rather quaint bungalows with pretty gardens and picket fences. Then came some modest houses and Mrs Murphy was getting very disturbed.

Finally Jesus stopped outside a shack… Mrs Murphy shaking her head said, "No Jesus, this just won’t do!

“Well”, said Jesus, "that was the best I could do with the material you sent me!"

 

[A.Pelliccio]

Oh there most certainly is, and that is was separates us from the moslem world. I can laugh at South Park, the Simpsons, Dogma (the movie) or anything else and still not wish to burn flags, cut the heads off of movie executives, or threaten others.

Things from time to time make me warm, but there certainly is a place for humor.

 

[Cinette]

Oh there most certainly is, and that is was separates us from the moslem world. I can laugh at South Park, the Simpsons, Dogma (the movie) or anything else and still not wish to burn flags, cut the heads off of movie executives, or threaten others.

Things from time to time make me warm, but there certainly is a place for humor.

When I see blasphemy on the screen I shut down and cannot continue to watch no matter how funny. I think it is dangerous. South Park is something I would not watch.

Sorry. I suppose you think the Da Vinci Code a good thriller?

 

[Realcatholicgk]

When I see blasphemy on the screen I shut down and cannot continue to watch no matter how funny. I think it is dangerous. South Park is something I would not watch.

Sorry. I suppose you think the Da Vinci Code a good thriller?

**Hi Cinette,

I find that I am once again agreeing with you. I may get you in trouble! Do you know that I have and never will watch a “devel” movie? Not even Rosemary’s baby or anything that display the devil. I believe they are a form of devil worship! I wouldn’t read or watch the Da Vinci Code if someone offered me money to do so. I respect my mind too much. I don’t watch the Simpsons or South Park. Like you, when I see blasphemy, I will not continue to watch. I love God too much to corrupt my mind with trash!

People should be open mined but not so opened mined that their brains fall out!

God Bless**

 

[Realcatholicgk]

**My Protestant Friends,

Here is a chance to laugh at yourself. In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy, I present: You Might be a Preacher if…

1. You hesitate to tell people what you do for a living.
2. You’ve ever dreamed you were preaching only to awaken and discover you were.
3. You’ve wondered why people couldn’t die at more appropriate times.
4. You find yourself counting people at a sporting event.
5. You’re leading the church into the 21st century, but you don’t know what you are preaching on Sunday.
6. A church picnic is no picnic.
7. You’ve ever spoken for free and were worth every penny of it.
8. You drive a Buick with more than 100,000 miles on it.
9. People sleep while you’re talking.
10. It’s Sunday, but Monday’s coming.
11. You feel guilty when you go fishing.
12. Instead of being “ticked off,” you get “grieved in your spirit.”
13. You’ve been tempted to take up an offering at a family reunion.
14. You jiggle all the commode handles at the church before you leave.
15. You’d rather talk to people with their heads bowed and every eye closed.
16. You’ve ever wanted to ‘lay hands’ on a deacon’s neck.

…by Stan Toler and Mark Hollingsworth from the book “You Might be a Preacher if…”

---

“More You might be a Preacher if…”

1. You’ve been told to get a ‘real job.’
2. You’ve been asked, “What’s so hard about preaching?”
3. You’ve been told that “I wouldn’t have your job for all the money in the world!”
4. Others wished they also only worked one day a week for a weeks pay!
5. You’ve been told that you get a week’s pay for only three hours of work. You work one hour on Sunday morning, one hour on Sunday night and one hour on Wednesday night.
6. You might be a preacher if: you have ever been tempted to name your fishing boat, “Visitation.”
7. You win a door prize at the church banquet and people say it was rigged
8. You name your bed “The Word.”
9. …if you have ever said “I’m NEVER going to be a preacher!”
10. The alarm goes off on Sunday morning and you reach over to hit the snoose button for the third time, only to find out your wife has moved the clock!
11. You wear your new shoes to church and someone comments “We are paying you too much money!”
12. …you couldn’t sell used cars.
13. Wine is on your breath and you don’t drink.
14. You’re awakened in the middle of the night by a couple wishing to get married…you wake your wife and daughter to be “witnesses”…you get dressed and perform the ceremony…the groom asks, “How much do I owe you?”…you reply, jokingly, “Whatever you think she’ s worth”…the groom thinks for a moment, puts a quarter in your hand, and the couple leaves! (Note: Happened)
15. Your family feels as if they live in a fish bowl…
16. Your children want to be paid for any stories /references/examples about them or quotes from them, that you use in sermons…and want editing rights to same.Cash only.
17. People look at your beer belly and call it a wine cellar…
    …once they see your clerical collar, nobody sits beside you on a crowded bus except the drunk.
    …people apologise to you before they tell you a dirty joke.
    …mothers ring up and want their baby ‘done’.
    …women ring up and say they want you to marry them.
18. Your nightmares involve forgetting the deceased’s name at a funeral or walking into the sanctuary Sunday morning and realizing you’ve forgotten to prepare a sermon.
19. The teacher asks for pictures of the food groups, and your kid brings in a picture of a covered dish.
20. If your belly is referred to as a chicken coop…
21. …if you’ve ever spoken for “Career Day” at the local Elementary School and afterwards, expected to receive a ‘Love Offering’ and a glass of orange juice.
22. You woke up craving chicken and didn’t want to go to work!
23. Your kids nickname you “Our Father Who Art At A Meeting”.
24. Your kids call you Bro. Bob or Bro. Joe instead of daddy.
25. If you can roll your eyes from one side of the church to the other without moving your head while the collection plate is being passed.
26. If you can close your eyes and sing along with the congregation while thinking about the notes of your sermon.
27. You wake up on Tuesday morning and think it is Sunday and then panic because you can’t remember what your sermon is about.
28. Folks keep you waiting at their door while they hide the beer and girlie magazines and change the cable channel.
29. Amazing Grace is what gives you the ability to keep working.
30. You keep relating movies you’ve seen to sermon topics.
31. You answer your home phone St. ?'s (insert name).
32. You took a psych test and you flunked.
33. Your children are the worst kids in the church!
34. Your kids ask when church will be over, and you know the time!
35. Your kids know they will always be in church when the door opens!
36. Your vacation times are always planned around church conferences!
37. Your only vacations are at church conferences!
38. The teacher asks your son, ‘What is your father’s job?’ And he said: “MY FATHER DOESN’T WORK!”
39. When you find yourself in your office swarmed by people from your congregation asking, “When can we start on the repairs: How much should I make this check out for: When is it my turn to teach Sunday School.” Then you wake up. **

 

[Bruno_Schulz]

**It’s to be agreed to both of you. But still there are voices who speak different and are true too:
The devil is even by some modernist theologians nonexistent, even though Jesus told us about him.
So, if it’s done good, I don’t really think it’s too bad to show the Devil
Rosemary’s baby however was trash anyhow, for God won’t let the devil have a human (in this case a baby) if this human did not decide yet against God.

Blasphemy on TV however, is another thing. I did not switch off, but wrote to the station and explained what was the blasphemy, why it was blasphemy and why it’s a shame for the station to send such stuff.
This works with serious stations – not with like MTV.

There was an otherwise kind of funny thing on “ZDF” last year march and a “comedian” made a disgusting joke about God. The audience laughed and applauded. I can’t tell here what it was, - too disgusting. I wrote to them, and they apologized and promised to be more careful next time.

There was a sausage, called “Jesus-Salami”. I wrote to Germanys biggest food-vendor and explained why this is blasphemy at it’s outmost. The food-chain took this sausage off the market!

But here’s the topic Place For Humor In Catholicism? Well; a dear friend of mine told me the other day, that I’m totally wrong in telling people how joyful faith in God is, for in Matth 5:12 or Luke 6:23 Jesus speaks about our joy in heaven – not here!

Well, I told him and others in our “round-mail-circle”: No, you’re wrong.

But let me explain later today in the thread
Believe in God; - joyful or burdensome?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=4731170&posted=1#post4731170
**

 

[Realcatholicgk]

** It’s to be agreed to both of you. But still there are voices who speak different and are true too:
The devil is even by some modernist theologians nonexistent, even though Jesus told us about him.

**
Hi Bruno,

“Theologians who teach that angels, the devil, and hell, don’t exist have lost their faith.” Fr John Corapi****

So, if it’s done good, I don’t really think it’s too bad to show the Devil.

**
You actualy have a lot of wrong opinions, this is one more of them! I may sig the Protestants on you if you aren’t careful! :tsktsk: **

O Rosemary’s baby however was trash anyhow, for God won’t let the devil have a human (in this case a baby) if this human did not decide yet against God.

Blasphemy on TV however, is another thing. I did not switch off, but wrote to the station and explained what was the blasphemy, why it was blasphemy and why it’s a shame for the station to send such stuff.
This works with serious stations – not with like MTV.

There was an otherwise kind of funny thing on “ZDF” last year march and a “comedian” made a disgusting joke about God. The audience laughed and applauded. I can’t tell here what it was, - too disgusting. I wrote to them, and they apologized and promised to be more careful next time.

There was a sausage, called “Jesus-Salami”. I wrote to Germanys biggest food-vendor and explained why this is blasphemy at it’s outmost. The food-chain took this sausage off the market!

**Maybe it was made by a Mexican? What about all the women named Mary? You need to complain! **

But here’s the topic Place For Humor In Catholicism? Well; a dear friend of mine told me the other day, that I’m totally wrong in telling people how joyful faith in God is, for in Matth 5:12 or Luke 6:23 Jesus speaks about our joy in heaven – not here!

Well, I told him and others in our “round-mail-circle”: No, you’re wrong.

But let me explain later today in the thread
Believe in God; - joyful or burdensome?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=4731170&posted=1#post4731170

Are you highjacking my posters? **You better return the good looking women!

God Bless**