Is there a statute of limitations on apologies?

[Riven]

My husband had a relationship with a girl thirty years ago and he ended it in a very hurtful way. Recently we have learned that she has suffered two horrible tragedies in her life. He is wondering if he should contact her to apologize for his bad behavior and to express sympathy for her loss. But is it worse to remind her of a terrible time after all these years? Should he just quietly contribute money to some appropriate charity in her name and forgo the apology? He does not want her to get the wrong impression or anything, yet feels guilty about the way she was treated.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

People usually appreciate it when someone reaches out to them to offer an apology, even when the apology is extremely overdue. In fact, it might help this woman in her time of tragedy – and please do her the courtesy of thinking of her as a woman, not a “girl,” given that she is likely to be at least in her 40s by now – to know that she has not been forgotten by someone who now sincerely regrets having hurt her.

Certainly your husband can write her a letter. If he does so, he should focus it on apologizing without excuse for how he ended the relationship with her, and on expressing sympathy to her in her time of trial. It’s probably a good idea if he mentions you in some way (e.g., “My wife joins me in expressing to you our deepest sympathy and our prayers for you and your family”), and if you are given the opportunity to read the letter before it is sent (and any response the letter receives).

Giving money to a charity in this person’s name is a lovely idea, particularly if the charity connects in some way to the tragedies this lady has experienced. Your husband can mention that he has made a donation to such a charity in the body of the letter.