Is there a "theology" of victimhood?

[timotheos]

The Church has no shortage of teaching about the theology of suffering, often described in terms of Christ’s suffering on the cross, and uniting of our sufferings with His. Such an understanding requires the ability to voluntarily accept suffering, which was not coincidently a hugely important aspect of Christ’s suffering.

However, the ability to freely accept suffering requires a pre-existing relatively healthy psyche. Indeed, accepting of most of the teaching of the Church seems to require this.

But what is the teaching of the Church regarding involuntary suffering as a victim of abuse? Such abuse, if inflicted early, maliciously and of sufficient duration, can cause significant and life-long injury not just to the sense of well-being, but also to one’s free will. The deep, inescapable and involuntary suffering of the innocent is diametrically opposed to the model of Christian life as witnessed by Jesus, who was born into the ultimate loving and nurturing family and community.

The psychologically damaged find it difficult or impossible to form stable friendships and relationships, and even fruitful participation in the sacramental life may be sabotaged. Suffering is often continuous, and calls upon heaven for relief seemingly go unanswered. Many priests and religious, mostly coming from supportive backgrounds, seem incapable of understanding the depths of pain endured by victims of abuse.

Even sin, taught by the Church as a voluntary rejection of God (in varying degrees) in pursuit of worldly pleasures, takes on a whole different significance for the abused person. Such a person more often wishes to dull the pain of rejection and abuse than to primarily pursue pleasure. Hardly the classic concept of “temptation”, where life is good but you selfishly want it to be better.

Are the Church rules, commandments, teachings, etc. “one size fits all”? Are the abused held to the same standard as the healthy? Does the Church care? Is there a “theology” of the meaning and purpose of suffering from abuse?

 

[1inICXC]

One of the best and most relevant questions i have come across.

I pray someone will have an answer to this, i, personally, think it is a mystery why the innocent have to suffer.

All I can think ofis: to those who was given much, much will be asked…
And, EVERY evil is an opportunity for a greater good. Perhaps thise who suffered when young and remain forever marked by it have passed on those opportunities. I’m not sure.

Considering the state of the modern family, I would gather that a VAST majority of us is part of this “victimhood”.

 

[Pacbox]

But what is the teaching of the Church regarding involuntary suffering as a victim of abuse? Such abuse, if inflicted early, maliciously and of sufficient duration, can cause significant and life-long injury not just to the sense of well-being, but also to one’s free will. The deep, inescapable and involuntary suffering of the innocent is diametrically opposed to the model of Christian life as witnessed by Jesus, who was born into the ultimate loving and nurturing family and community.

Abuse doesn’t even need to have occurred for a very long time or even maliciously. If a very young child who has no knowledge and no way to express what is happening to them, they have no idea that they are being abuse. They might not even be aware that they were abused. Babies and toddlers are especially prone to this since they do not know how to interpret what is happening to them or have a clue what is going on let alone articulate (put into words) how they feel. It gets buried but can come out when the person is an adult. Then they are left trying to figure out where all these emotions (victims suppress anger and pain and other emotions to learn to cop and hide the shame they feel for what they perceive is their fault for being abuses) and other issues are coming from when they don’t even remember or can even glean an idea about what may have happened.

The psychologically damaged find it difficult or impossible to form stable friendships and relationships, and even fruitful participation in the sacramental life may be sabotaged. Suffering is often continuous, and calls upon heaven for relief seemingly go unanswered. Many priests and religious, mostly coming from supportive backgrounds, seem incapable of understanding the depths of pain endured by victims of abuse.

This can depend. If there is no form of spiritual abuse then “GOD” can be seen as either an escape, a wish-fulfiller or a big meany who wants the victim to be hurt or as someone who just isn’t all that concerned with what is happening to the victim. Some people, even though victims of abuse, can form relationships, they just may be with individuals who are just like their abuser or shallow or even completely normal. It depends on the person. If you (the victim) believe that you can’t trust someone and that they are going to hurt you even if they promise otherwise. And it’s not that they are incapable, it’s just that they don’t have the same experiences so while they might be able to imagine it they won;t be able to “feel” it.

 

[Pacbox]

Part Two

Even sin, taught by the Church as a voluntary rejection of God (in varying degrees) in pursuit of worldly pleasures, takes on a whole different significance for the abused person. Such a person more often wishes to dull the pain of rejection and abuse than to primarily pursue pleasure. Hardly the classic concept of “temptation”, where life is good but you selfishly want it to be better.

Are the Church rules, commandments, teachings, etc. “one size fits all”? Are the abused held to the same standard as the healthy? Does the Church care? Is there a “theology” of the meaning and purpose of suffering from abuse?

Every Catholic has to follow the rules of the Church. However, it may be for that person there are mitigating circumstances. This is where a good confessor and/or spiritual director comes in handy. The Church cares however her members are human and get things wrong.

The Church says abuse is wrong and definitely a sin. She even allows a spouse to leave a marriage if abuse is present to protect the safety of the spouse and any children that might be present.

I think the issue that comes up is that abuse and suffering get confused and mixed up in ways that are unhealthy and even evil. Abuse is wrong. Suffering is not pleasant and we are allowed to avoid it when possible (so if you are able to avoid abuse then you are to do so) but to bear it when necessary (pain from an illness for example). Some people may think that because abuse causes suffering then the victim should accept the suffering and put up with the abuse. That is wrong. The victim is allowed to take measures that will allow them to leave/get away from the abuse. Like I said people get these mixed up. We are not to be doormats.

When a victim is out of the abusive situation, whatever that may be (to clarify abuse may be sexual, physical, emotional/psychological/mental, and/or spiritual), they now have to deal with being away from an environment they know to be “right.” They learned an unhealthy way of doing things and world view that needs to be unlearned and corrected. This is where mental health professionals may come in (depending the victim and how they choose to get help in the healing process) if the person chooses to get help at this time. Many victims have pushed the abuse behind them rather than deal with it. Dealing with it means acknowledging that it happened and this can be very problematic for some people especially if it means destroying the facade that the victim created to cope such as having a great childhood instead of the abusive one that had a father and mother that hit and neglected the child instead of loving and caring for the child.

It’s what the victim does with the experiences of the abuse (even that’s not a good way of putting it) that matters. If they acknowledge the abuse, seek help in healing from it, and use those experiences to learn how NOT to live their life while trying to live according to the Church’s teachings as best they can. Or to hopefully put it better, they turn the abuse experience into something good rather than suppressing or ignoring it. If you learn not to give into anger because you know that it will lead to hurting someone and then teach that to other people, you have turned the abuse into something good. However, if the victim lies to themselves that the abuse didn’t happen or was made up (usually because someone outside of the situation tells the victim this in order to maintain the status quo) or completely ignoring it then it will come back and explode or the victim has no idea why they are in such pain.

There are mitigating circumstances and each person should be taken on a case by case basis. While all are called to live according to Church teaching, how that happens will be unique to each person and as long as they live in accordance to Church teaching, there isn’t a problem. The Church (a hospital for sinners) is for everyone but the treatment varies for each patient (us).

Now I’m not sure I answered your questions but I hoped this helped.

 

[Pacbox]

Quick note:

People should NOT put themselves deliberately in an abusive situation. That would be a sin. You are not required anywhere to put yourself in a situation where you may get hurt (except for police, military, etc., but that’s a different kettle of fish) to suffer. Suffering is part of life but we shouldn’t go looking for it. And to repeat myself, we shouldn’t put ourselves in a situation or relationship where we would get hurt. It’s a sin because you aren’t valuing your own life.

 

[timotheos]

Thank you everyone, sincerely, for your answers. As has been pointed out, it is more than a theoretical concern for the Church, and a very relevant issue in particular for “this friend of mine”.

Part Two

Dealing with it means acknowledging that it happened and this can be very problematic for some people especially if it means destroying the facade that the victim created to cope such as having a great childhood instead of the abusive one that had a father and mother that hit and neglected the child instead of loving and caring for the child.

…

However, if the victim lies to themselves that the abuse didn’t happen or was made up (usually because someone outside of the situation tells the victim this in order to maintain the status quo) or completely ignoring it then it will come back and explode or the victim has no idea why they are in such pain.

Yes this is the type of abuse to which I refer, not that experienced primarily as a mostly-capable adult.

Again, thank you all for your thoughts.