Is there any place for me in the Church?

[polki]

If one has any sort of problem understanding their vocation (that road one is to take to holiness: Holy Orders, Consecrated Life, Marriage, Single Life) the best and wisest move is to consult a spiritual director.

One might be called to the single life (celibacy in the laity) on a temporary basis or it might be permanent as has been said. As long as one is in the single state of life, there is a potential to be called to another state of life - even if initially one thought the single life would be permanent. Also, even if one has made private vows to and in the single state of life - one remains open to a call to another celibate state, if one has made a private vow to celibacy or chastity. One can be dispensed from that private vow if one discerns a call to marriage (non celibate state).
Canon Law covers it all under “Vows”

Openness to a vocation and call to another state of life is intrinsic to the single state of life or the celibate state in the laity. This does not mean at all that there is no real commitment to the laity and the lay celibate state.

The Laity as has been stated is not a second class type of vocation. It is an important and valuable state of life in itself and it can be the road to holiness and sanctity. The Church has called the lay state the “the front lines of The Church” (see Christifideles Laici previous quoted)* "At the same time it insisted on the unique character of their [lay] vocation, which is in a special way to “seek the Kingdom of God by engaging in temporal affairs and ordering them according to the plan of God”*
I think that Christifideles Laici is a very important document for the laity to read, along with Lumen Gentium if one really wants to take one’s vocation to the laity seriously and understand what The Church has to state about the Laity as a vocation and call from God.

Pope Benedict pointed out that spiritual direction is not only for the priesthood or consecrated life, it is also for the laity: zenit.org/articles/pope-recommends-spiritual-direction-to-everyone/

---

If ever asked, I always advise anyone considering a vocation to the lay celibate state as their particular role and vocation in life to seek spiritual direction and on an ongoing basis.

.

Thank you for the advice. I am beginning to understand this better. I will do some reading on it when I am able. God bless you. I will pray for you and everyone in this thread. Thanks for helping me.

 

[polki]

As someone who also does not fit well into other people’s neatly ordered categories I say make your own place in the Church. Read all you can about the saints and you will see a collection of the world’s misfits.

Yes thank you. I’ve been reading some things about the saints. I admire them a lot because of their faith and courage.

 

[polki]

There are so many ways we can serve God in our parish. I help with the candles, lead the Rosary at times. Have several Holy Hours a week and Sub for others, When I was younger I taught CCD for 20 years and helped with the festivals. etc. Be there for friends and family. Evangelize when possible. Father will help you “find your place”. You are in my prayers. There is a real place for all of us in Christ’s Church. God Bless, Memaw

Thank you. I will pray for you and everyone as well.

 

[polki]

The single life is generally not spoken of as a capital V Vocation because it is not a sacramental end state. A single person may, at any time, feel called to the religious life or to marriage, and act on it. So “singleness” is more of a state in life, than an end-state vocation.

Of course it is true that many people called to marriage may not find an appropriate spouse, and people called to religious life may have issues that prevent them achieving it. Others perhaps feel no compelling calling and remain single.

That doesn’t make single people any less worthy in the eyes of God, or less a part of the Church.

It’s simply that a single person who meets Mr. or Ms. right, and choose to marry, or feels called and joins the priesthood or religious life is not abandoning a vocation in the way a married person or religious who leaves their state of life is.

Hope that helps. God Bless!

Bilop

Thank you! God bless!

 

[BarbTh]

As a final comment (in hope) to illustrate the validity of the potential call and vocation to the single lay celibate state of life, the vocation in the lay single celilbate state is not a pre V2 innovation as I have read at times:

Pope Pius XII - Sacra Virginitas “Consecrated Virginity”
w2.vatican.va/content/pius-xii/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xii_enc_25031954_sacra-virginitas.html

1. And while this perfect chastity is the subject of one of the three vows which constitute the religious state,[9] and is also required by the Latin Church of clerics in major orders[10] and demanded from members of Secular Institutes,[11] it also flourishes among many who are lay people in the full sense: men and women who are not constituted in a public state of perfection and yet by private promise or vow completely abstain from marriage and sexual pleasures, in order to serve their neighbor more freely and to be united with God more easily and more closely.

Pope Paul VI (Post Vatican2 - 1967)
Sacerdotalis Caelibatus “Celibacy of The Priest”
w2.vatican.va/content/paul-vi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_24061967_sacerdotalis.html

Nor can we overlook the immense ranks of men and women in religious life, of laity and of young people too, united in the faithful observance of perfect chastity. They live in chastity, not out of disdain for the gift of life, but because of a greater love for that new life which springs from the Paschal mystery. They live this life of courageous self-denial and spiritual joyfulness with exemplary fidelity and also with relative facility. This magnificent phenomenon bears testimony to an exceptional facet of the kingdom of God living in the midst of modern society, to which it renders humble and beneficial service as the “light of the world” and the “salt of the earth.” (7) We cannot withhold the expression of Our admiration; the spirit of Christ is certainly breathing here.

I think the Opening Poster of this thread felt a bit stuck in the scheme of things in The Church, wondering if he/she did have a place in it all. As this thread then unfolded he or she has new understandings - and now found a way forward in his/her journey - especially by discussing things with a priest.

Deo Gratius.

 

[BarbTh]

Being in Australia, I am posting while those in some other countries are sleeping and vv. Truly can we say we are a Church that never sleeps worshipping and serving God - especially in The Communion of Saints. A few final things have occurred to me re the vocation to the lay celibate state of life.

Another important Vatican Document for laity to read, whether married or single celibate, is:

Apostolicam Actuositatem “Apostolate of The Laity” (1965 Pope Paul VI)
vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_decree_19651118_apostolicam-actuositatem_en.html

Excerpt: “This plan for the spiritual life of the laity should take its particular character from their married or family state or their single or widowed state, from their state of health, and from their professional and social activity. They should not cease to develop earnestly the qualities and talents bestowed on them in accord with these conditions of life, and they should make use of the gifts which they have received from the Holy Spirit.”

Some activities of the Lay Apostolate:
My own are:
1 - St Vincent de Paul Society. This is a spiritual formation type of voluntary institution in The Church and my parish that has an outreach into the general community in both spiritual and corporal works of Mercy.
I have been a member now of the SVP Society for over 5 years. Initially in Head Office and the last 2half years in my parish. I have been really moved by the volunteers/membership of SVP, not so much by what they might say, but rather in coming to know the beautiful type of people that they are.

2 - I am a **reserve **for any type of duty at all for Sunday Mass.
I am a volunteer in the parish office.
I help out with the cups of tea and coffee etc. at social gatherings. This is a really big help in getting to know my parish community as individuals on a social level.
I have joined our **Lectio Divina **group in the parish.

3 - We do not have Adoration in our parish, but I can get to Mass quite early and spend some time before The Blessed Sacrament.

4 - Donating to the first collection, I am a co-worker with our priests and diocese.
5 - Donating to the second collection, I am a co-worker with our parish priest and parish council in maintaining our parish and Church.
6 - Donating to a Catholic missionary order, I am a co-worker in the missions.
7 - Donating to Caritas means that I am a co-worker with The Church in both spiritual and corporal works of Mercy.

There might be many other ways in one’s own parish. I strive to lead a balanced type of life and as God has gifted me the means in talents, time and finances. That does include times for relaxation and recreation (just as in religious life etc.). It also includes times of prayer in the course of my day insofar as time might permit - sometimes duties mean that my normal prayer routine needs be shortened. Morning, Evening and Night Prayer are always possible - not by the clock for me, rather arranged around duties and calls for the day.

I strive to at least read **The Gospel and Reading **for the day and at least give it some thought usccb.org/calendar/index.cfm?showLit=1. On this same site is a very short Visual Meditation (usually around 3 mins). Most often it is a very good meditation.

The daily whole Divine Office can be found online free of charge on Universalis: universalis.com/. Morning and Evening Prayer take 10 - 15mins at the most. Night Prayer around 5 - 10 mins.

---

It is most important that whatever one embraces, it is reasonable for one’s day and time available - not overcommitting onself. I am now 71 years of age, retired and live alone and so have much more time than many if not most.
Also, I regard spiritual direction as essential (my spiritual director and confessor is a priest religious).

.

 

[jaimeleglise]

I am going to ask my priest why being single isn’t listed on there. It seems like it should be listed, and also explained, like you did, that it can be temporary or permanent.

Yes, do speak to him. There are numerous single Saints in the Catholic Church. You could become one of them.

 

[In_prayer]

I am going to ask my priest why being single isn’t listed on there. It seems like it should be listed, and also explained, like you did, that it can be temporary or permanent.

Greetings and God bless you-

I dont know what its like to go through divorce but I do know the pain of separation.

I dont recall you stating how long ago you were divorced but being such a painful experience I can only assume you are going to experience the grief process and all of its stages (its searchable). I would highly consider doing some counseling with a Priest (or other Catholic person). Finding the right one is a big help as well. I was blessed with meeting a wonderful Priest who counseled me for 4 months, and continues to be my adviser to this day.

Trying to figure all this out on your own, in my opinion, would be a mistake. After all that is partly what community is for and the Church is that as well as many things.

Aside from vocations there are many roles you can take within the church and community as has already been stated. Charity is a huge one. Catholic Charities is enormous especially in certain communities and I would think one could find a place there. Being active in a specific church is another place to go and there are many tasks that can be taken up. Some are so lucky to have Adoration and many signup to do that. Being a Catechist is another. Music program. Choir. Many find hope and purpose doing these things.

Please remember that pain can be offered up to those in Purgatory (search Jeff Cavins). For me it has been a path to finding my way and moving closer to Christ.

I wish you well in your journey, and please remember none of us need to do it alone-

 

[porthos11]

I was baptized Catholic as a baby and am now divorced with an annulment. Our parish sent out a handout stating the 3 vocations of the Church which are:

1. Marriage
2. Ordained Vocation (ex. priest)
3. Consecrated Vocation (consecrated laity I believe)

I do not belong to any of them. I always felt like I had been called to marriage but obviously I was wrong. I did not know life would turn out the way it did and now I feel sad and lonely, partly because I am alone, and partly because I do not feel I have lived up to my potential to do God’s will. I do not feel like I would be able to commit to a consecrated vocation because I am not that good of a person. Is this what it means to feel like you’ve “missed your calling in life?”

They are missing something very important. Single Blessedness aka Single Lay Vocation.

Look it up.

 

[BarbTh]

They are missing something very important. Single Blessedness aka Single Lay Vocation.

Look it up.

**APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
VITA CONSECRATA **
OF THE HOLY FATHER
JOHN PAUL II
ON THE CONSECRATED LIFE AND ITS MISSION
IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE WORLD

w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_25031996_vita-consecrata.html

Excerpt “But diversity is also a work of the Spirit. It is he who establishes the Church as an organic communion in the diversity of vocations, charisms and ministries.the vocations to the lay life, to the ordained ministry and to the consecrated life can be considered paradigmatic, inasmuch as all particular vocations, considered separately or as a whole, are in one way or another derived from them or lead back to them, in accordance with the richness of God’s gift. **These vocations **are also at the service of one another, for the growth of the Body of Christ in history and for its mission in the world.”

 

[Isaiah_53]

You could consider joining a religious order as a lay person. The Franciscans TOR is the first thing that comes to mind. There are a bunch out there that have lay members in the order. Some are married, some are single. You’ll be in a group of like minded people working towards the same cause, which sounds like a good thing for you right now.

 

[Norseman82]

The single life is generally not spoken of as a capital V Vocation because it is not a sacramental end state. A single person may, at any time, feel called to the religious life or to marriage, and act on it. So “singleness” is more of a state in life, than an end-state vocation.

Of course it is true that many people called to marriage may not find an appropriate spouse, and people called to religious life may have issues that prevent them achieving it. Others perhaps feel no compelling calling and remain single.

That doesn’t make single people any less worthy in the eyes of God, or less a part of the Church.

It’s simply that a single person who meets Mr. or Ms. right, and choose to marry, or feels called and joins the priesthood or religious life is not abandoning a vocation in the way a married person or religious who leaves their state of life is.

Hope that helps. God Bless!

Bilop

I agree with this assessment. One is not “locked in” to singleness without a vow, which would make one consecrated. The only time I can concede that being single is a vocation is when one is canonically ineligible for another vocation, such as when a person is divorced and does not have an annulment (see 1 Cor. 7:10-11; however, the OP has an annulment, so that does not apply here).

No matter what our state in life, we are all called to be good Catholics.

 

[Norseman82]

The lay state of life is a state of life just as the various consecrated lives are states in life as is Holy Orders and marriage. Single life is the lay celibate state of life. Consecrated life is not a Sacramental state of life - only Holy Orders and Marriage are sacramental.

It may not be sacramental, but the CCC considers it a subset of “Virginity for the sake of the kingdom”. To give a concrete example, is being a nun or monk simply a “state of life” because it is non-sacramental?

 

[BarbTh]

It may not be sacramental, but the CCC considers it a subset of “Virginity for the sake of the kingdom”. To give a concrete example, is being a nun or monk simply a “state of life” because it is non-sacramental?

The states of life in Canon Law are Clerical, Consecrated and Laity (married or single celibacy). Each is potentially a vocational state and call from God.

Nuns and monks are non-sacramental consecrated states of life in Canon Law. The only sacramental states of life are Clerical (Holy Orders) and marriage in the Lay state of life.

Other than that, apologies, but I do not understand what you mean by “it” to quote: “considers it a subset of virginity for the sake of The Kingdom”) - What is “it” that is the subset and related paragraph number in the CCC? Bit lost on that one.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I wonder if it’s better to think of a vocation in terms of what you are instead of what you aren’t.

 

[BarbTh]

I wonder if it’s better to think of a vocation in terms of what you are instead of what you aren’t.

Good point!
What probably most of us are in The Church is Laity (married or celibate). There is a Vatican Document online:

“**Vocation **and Mission of The Lay Faithful” (Christifideles Laici - St Pope John Paul II)

w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_30121988_christifideles-laici.html

.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

Horrendous bad pamphlet.

Laity is the most important vocation in the Church.

It is also either a gateway to other vocations or can be continued simultaneously with them.

There are all the sorts of things Barb Th mentions, especially things she can do without her parish present.

Something all Catholics and Protestants alike, should do, is help each other develop their ministries because the only crown we get is the share in another’s.

 

[BarbTh]

My thoughts: I volunteered in the recent past for Charities that were not Catholic. I am not at all wary of becoming involved in anything worthwhile without my parish, even with other Faith expressions other than Catholic. I have been a volunteer with Anglicare on their Help Desk for those in need - they do wonderful work for the poor and those in crisis situations. I do have a priest religious spiritual director as my guide and confessor and so am never alone in anything that I might do. Not only this, but in the state of Grace one is assured of the Presence of The Lord in all one undertakes.

I don’t think one should be shy or wary of joining/assisting something (especially those in some sort of need) worthwhile outside of the parish. When one does so, it becomes a Work of Mercy in which Jesus is present.

In prayer etc. alone too Jesus is present. Prayer alone should never ever be shied away from certainly and in this, one’s spiritual director accompanies one in various ways including deep insight into one’s prayer life and with that an excellent guide and companion.

In my book, the very best of moves always is to have a good spiritual director. Pope Benedict pointed out that spiritual direction is not only for priests and the consecrated - but: :-

“Pope Recommends Spiritual Direction for all” zenit.org/articles/pope-recommends-spiritual-direction-to-everyone/

It is very true, and spot on, that any crown in Heaven will have been contributed to by others in some way. We might know them or of them - or we may not know anything of them at all until Heaven.

 

[Isaiah_53]

Laity is the most important vocation in the Church.

No, I don’t think you can say that.

It would be like saying male/female is the superior sex or that officers/enlisted are superior as they x y and z.

Each vocation has an important role in the mystical body of Christ. One cannot say the eye is superior to the ear as they have different roles for the same body.

 

[BarbTh]

No, I don’t think you can say that.

It would be like saying male/female is the superior sex or that officers/enlisted are superior as they x y and z.

Each vocation has an important role in the mystical body of Christ. One cannot say the eye is superior to the ear as they have different roles for the same body.

I agree that Laity is not the most important vocation in The Church. Without Laity there would be no marriage and hence no children to populate The Church in following generations. Without the priesthood we would not have The Catholic Church at all. Consecrated life is a total consecration to follow Jesus and His Gospel and are, amongst other things, exceptional living witnesses to us all of our goal and final destination.

The very reason we have the various vocational states is that they all build up The Church and ‘speak’ to each other. They are interconnected and vitally important to The Church with nothing more important than another. The Church states that virginity or celibacy are higher than the non celibate states. However that is only a theological objective consideration.
Nothing can be higher than God’s Will, nothing whatsoever not even virginity nor celibacy objectively- and vocation in life is all about discerning God’s Will for oneself … and the subjective theological consideration for each individual.

Familiaris Consortio (Pope John Paul II) w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio.html

Virginity or celibacy, by liberating the human heart in a unique way,[40] “so as to make it burn with greater love for God and all humanity,”[41] bears witness that the Kingdom of God and His justice is that pearl of great price which is preferred to every other value no matter how great, and hence must be sought as the only definitive value. It is for this reason that the Church, throughout her history, has always defended the superiority of this charism to that of marriage, by reason of the wholly singular link which it has with the Kingdom of God.[42]

We are all called to holiness and a personal call and vocation is about the particular road or role to take to holiness and all vocations can lead to great heights of holiness.

.