I am in the process of getting married in a Catholic church but I’ve been having several issues with the priest who is marrying us. We have already made the deposit on the church. Do we have any options? Isn’t a wedding stressful enough without having to deal with a priest who is being very rude and just isn’t helping?!?!
I do not know what issues you are facing, but your choice of user name and the tone of your question (especially the multiple question marks and exclamation points at the end) suggest to me that perhaps you are not the only one who is experiencing rudeness and lack of cooperation in this situation. Since this priest is already committed to presiding at your wedding, the best option would be for you and your fiance to take a deep breath, schedule an appointment with the priest, and politely and respectfully express your concerns and ask for help in resolving the issues. If this priest is not the pastor of the church where you’re marrying, ask the pastor for mediation. If that doesn’t work, or if you believe that things have passed the point of amicable resolution, then look for another priest. Here are some suggestions:
When approaching a new priest, do not grouse about your current celebrant. No priest is going to want to step into the middle of a battlefield or take sides against a brother priest. Just explain that there have been some irreconcilable differences with the current presider and that you’re seeking to relieve the first priest of the burden your wedding has become for him. Ask him if he would be willing to perform your ceremony if you can obtain the necessary permissions.
Once you find a new priest willing to help, then approach the current priest and, in a super-polite and respectful manner, apologize to him for the difficulties you’ve all been experiencing, let him know that you’ve found another priest willing to handle the ceremony, and ask his permission for the switch. If the current presider is not the pastor of the church where you’re getting married, you’ll need the pastor’s permission also.
If the substitution occurs, be generous. Give the expected stipend to the presider who marries you, and give that same amount to the original presider for his time and trouble. Write gracious letters of thanks to both of them (and to the pastor if he’s not the original presider) for their understanding and assistance.
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