Is there ever an exception?

[abort73catholic]

I have a question about godparents. I recently started a new job as a parish secretary, and part of my job includes registering people for baptisms. I already knew the rules about who can and can’t be a godparent, and I was told that I need to ask whether the godparent are living together, and if so, whether they are married. Surely, as many of you know, they are supposed to be married.

I ask about any exceptions to this because I had family come into the office and they wanted to baptize two of their young children. However, the godparents they had chosen for one of the children were living together but not married. This couple had apparently been godparents in that parish in the past. I told them the rule regarding couples living together, and I know they were upset. On the one hand, I did not want to make anyone angry at the Church and possibly drive them away or prevent the children from receiving baptism, but on the other hand, I agree with the rule and think it’s important. I’m sure it won’t be the last time this will happen.

Does anyone know of any extraordinary exceptions to the rules about godparents? I plan to bring it up with Father, but thought I would ask here too.

 

[ClearWater]

I have a question about godparents. I recently started a new job as a parish secretary, and part of my job includes registering people for baptisms. I already knew the rules about who can and can’t be a godparent, and I was told that I need to ask whether the godparent are living together, and if so, whether they are married. Surely, as many of you know, they are supposed to be married.

I ask about any exceptions to this because I had family come into the office and they wanted to baptize two of their young children. However, the godparents they had chosen for one of the children were living together but not married. This couple had apparently been godparents in that parish in the past. I told them the rule regarding couples living together, and I know they were upset. On the one hand, I did not want to make anyone angry at the Church and possibly drive them away or prevent the children from receiving baptism, but on the other hand, I agree with the rule and think it’s important. I’m sure it won’t be the last time this will happen.

Does anyone know of any extraordinary exceptions to the rules about godparents? I plan to bring it up with Father, but thought I would ask here too.

I think someone made a mistake when they allowed them to be godparents before. The idea is for godparents to try to model the faith. I think that’s why this rule is in place.

If the couple wants to be godparents, they really should get married is what I would think and try to abide by the church rules to the best of their ability. If they aren’t going to try, how can they guide someone else to follow the rules?

 

[ClearWater]

One more thing, if one starts making exceptions to the rules, the word might also get out on that, that so and so was a godparent, wasn’t married, so why is it not okay in these other cases?

If you’re going to have a rule, you need to try your best to make it for everyone. If not, they will probably come back to you with that, as well. I think the safest course is to uphold the rules.

If they don’t really want to be baptized or Catholic, that if that’s enough to drive them away, having godparents who are married in the church, they are probably not cut out to be Catholic.

 

[ClearWater]

If I were living together with someone out of wedlock, and if someone tried to approach me about being a godparent, I think I’d turn that down until I could at least get married. I wouldn’t feel qualified until I was married. This scenario of someone feeling entitled to be a godparent without being married is probably more common in our generation where everything and anything goes much of the time.

In olden times, it would have probably been considered so obvious. It would have been too obvious, but they say God doesn’t change, that it’s us who change. The rules have generally been the same. We just need to start trying to obey the commandments, and as godparents, they need to take their role in instructing others in the faith more seriously. They are “giving scandal” and would be even more so as godparents.

 

[Phemie]

There would be no exception for cohabiting couples but as you’ve just discovered, that rule is, sadly, often ignored in practice. Things like that usually start with a pastor who doesn’t ask the right questions (I’ve come across cases where the “godparents” weren’t Catholic) or doesn’t like confrontation and subsequent pastors don’t remedy the situation.

 

[abort73catholic]

It is as I thought. I was mostly just curious. Sometimes I think some people view being a godparent as a right, or something that each relative gets their “turn” at. I can’t imagine why a non-Catholic or a cohabiting couple would even want to be godparents, but I guess they probably don’t understand it’s significance.

Thank you for your replies!

 

[Miserissima]

The exception would be if they’re living chastely until marriage (separate bedrooms, no intimate contact, etc.). If so, the delicate matter should be referred to the pastor.

 

[thistle]

The exception would be if they’re living chastely until marriage (separate bedrooms, no intimate contact, etc.). If so, the delicate matter should be referred to the pastor.

The only problem is how could that be proved and even if it was true nobody else would know apart from the couple and being a sponsor could be a cause for scandal.

 

[KD8TZC]

The exception would be if they’re living chastely until marriage (separate bedrooms, no intimate contact, etc.). If so, the delicate matter should be referred to the pastor.

Ditto… I think I would just ask the question to see if they are married and then ask for their addresses. If they say no they are not married but yet share the same address, I would just pass that on to the priest or deacon so he knows when he talks with them. Personally, I believe it is all of our jobs to teach people about the catholic teachings, but I think a Priest of Deacon might be a little better able to do this with the sacrament of baptism.

God bless,

John

 

[Miserissima]

The only problem is how could that be proved and even if it was true nobody else would know apart from the couple and being a sponsor could be a cause for scandal.

Well, if the potential godparents are civilly married, they are also excluded until their marriage is regularuzed. If they are in classes or have already spoken with the parish to have their marriage convalidated, those who are “scandalized” may be committing the sins of gossip at worst and detraction at best.

 

[dconklin]

Ah… The new church secretary will eventually find that either questions are not asked or another parish that does not ask as many questions will celebrate more Baptisms.

 

[thistle]

Well, if the potential godparents are civilly married, they are also excluded until their marriage is regularuzed. If they are in classes or have already spoken with the parish to have their marriage convalidated, those who are “scandalized” may be committing the sins of gossip at worst and detraction at best.

You are missing the point. If a Catholic couple are living together unmarried in the eyes of the Church and are known in the parish then it would be scandalous for either of them to be a sponsor (irrespective of any gossiping tongues).

One of the conditions of being a sponsor:

Can 874 - 3° be a Catholic who has been confirmed and has received the blessed Eucharist, and who** lives a life of faith which befits the role to be undertaken;**

That definitely excludes a couple who are living together unmarried.

 

[pianistclare]

Speaking as a church employee, I will tell you that people will say anything.
“they let us before!”
“Father so-and-so at name-the parish doesn’t require this”
“I talked to the priest and he said it was ok, just to tell you”
“But they are coming from name the country and they already bought tickets”

All false.
We ask for the marriage cert from the church they were married in, or an original letter from the pastor of their church stating they are in good standing and are cleared to be godparents/padrinos.
No papers, no go.
You have to be tough, on behalf of the pastor. Just smile and tell them the rules. Maybe even publish them in the bulletin (making sure if you need to do it in another language as well). then stick to them.
Good luck!

 

[Miserissima]

Ah… The new church secretary will eventually find that either questions are not asked or another parish that does not ask as many questions will celebrate more Baptisms.

This^

The practicing Catholic (yet only civilly married) couple I initially asked to be sponsors for my elder son were not married in the Church.

Their own parish never asked.

My parish did ask in a questionnaire that requested a point t of contact (parish) to verify they were in a sacramental marriage.

It was a can o’ worms, I tell you!

The wife was truly not aware she wasn’t supposed to receive Communion, and had been. The husband knew that he wasn’t in line with the Church and received anyway. He said when it came to the question about being married in the Church, “I told her just to leave it blank.”

I had no idea their marriage hadn’t been validated and since it has yet to be rectified, the husband blames me for “enlightening” his wife and causing a rift.

 

[PhiloMed]

I have a question about godparents. I recently started a new job as a parish secretary, and part of my job includes registering people for baptisms. I already knew the rules about who can and can’t be a godparent, and I was told that I need to ask whether the godparent are living together, and if so, whether they are married. Surely, as many of you know, they are supposed to be married.

I just want to clarify that you meant that if they are living together they should be married to each other. Godparents don’t need to be married per se, or if they are married they don’t need to be married to each other.

But in your example, yes, I think your parish is doing a good job of trying to filter out unsuitable godparents. I don’t believe there would be an exception to this other than lax rules at the parish.