Is there hope for my marriage?

[Always_For_Him]

I really hoped to convey more than "it is bad, don’t do that. I really wanted you to see that You are responding. You have a choice here!! You may not feel this, but you have a choice in whether you get angry or not. You just get to angry to make the choice not to respond the way you do. Expect that he is going to push your buttons! He is angry and responding too!!! You still have to get some type of control over yourself. Whether he does or not, is something you can’t control. You have to make a choice here. You have to stop the habit of getting angry. That is very difficult to do, but you can do it!!!

First, respect yourself - not to behave like that.

Second - respect other human beings enough to treat them with dignity and respect no matter what they do.

Third - Decide!!! What kind of woman do you want to be? You have to start behaving your way to success (as Dr. Phil says.) And, he is right. So, you get angry. Handle it with maturity. One little change, say, “I am sorry you feel that way.” Fighting about it isn’t going to make him change his mind or change his behavior. Start with one little change, then build on that.

Know that you have the power within you to stop this behavior. You first have to stop allowing yourself to do it. You have to show your love, not the opposite of it to your husband. Just because your husband can’t do it right now, doesn’t give you the right to keep up the hurtful behavior. You have admitted it, now you have to make changes.

I know I am being hard. I am working on some of the same things. I have learned that making excuses for myself are just that. I used to let them excuse my behavior. When it finally sunk in that there was no excuse for me to behave, respond that way, I started being able to make changes.

 

[Iris30]

I really hoped to convey more than "it is bad, don’t do that. I really wanted you to see that You are responding. You have a choice here!! You may not feel this, but you have a choice in whether you get angry or not. You just get to angry to make the choice not to respond the way you do. Expect that he is going to push your buttons! He is angry and responding too!!! You still have to get some type of control over yourself. Whether he does or not, is something you can’t control. You have to make a choice here. You have to stop the habit of getting angry. That is very difficult to do, but you can do it!!!

First, respect yourself - not to behave like that.

Second - respect other human beings enough to treat them with dignity and respect no matter what they do.

Third - Decide!!! What kind of woman do you want to be? You have to start behaving your way to success (as Dr. Phil says.) And, he is right. So, you get angry. Handle it with maturity. One little change, say, “I am sorry you feel that way.” Fighting about it isn’t going to make him change his mind or change his behavior. Start with one little change, then build on that.

Know that you have the power within you to stop this behavior. You first have to stop allowing yourself to do it. You have to show your love, not the opposite of it to your husband. Just because your husband can’t do it right now, doesn’t give you the right to keep up the hurtful behavior. You have admitted it, now you have to make changes.

I know I am being hard. I am working on some of the same things. I have learned that making excuses for myself are just that. I used to let them excuse my behavior. When it finally sunk in that there was no excuse for me to behave, respond that way, I started being able to make changes.

You aren’t being hard at all. I agree with everything you said. And I have had this exact conversation with myself over and over and over.

Intellectually, I KNOW how big of a problem it is and that it is MY problem. And yet I continue. It’s like I’m a drug addict. That’s why I’m in counseling again. It’s my last hope.

 

[Scottishtee]

Sorry Iris…I couldn’t find it at first, so here it is…
mindsync.com/lam/Session8.htm
Keep in mind this is not a Catholic site, so they don’t have the sacramental blessings of the church in the narrative… However it does provide some great insights consistent with 2COR 10-5. Its a bit long but very relevant.
As for your husband… I avoided him only from my own experience. I put much to much of my identity in my wifes happiness to the point of feeling I wasn’t perfect enough one minute to blaming myself for things beyond my control to being “righteously angry” I am concerned that you not fall into the trap I did. Making your spiritual health and relationship with God the priority can hardly be viewed as being wrong. Hope the link helps but I know the reconcilliation, guidance from the priest and the resulting sense of gratitude will!
Peace!

 

[Always_For_Him]

You aren’t being hard at all. I agree with everything you said. And I have had this exact conversation with myself over and over and over.

Intellectually, I KNOW how big of a problem it is and that it is MY problem. And yet I continue. It’s like I’m a drug addict. That’s why I’m in counseling again. It’s my last hope.

I don’t know if it is your last hope or not. I think these seeds of knowlege of how damaging your words can be will start to grow in time. I do believe counseling will help.

Prayer to God will do more than any person here on earth will ever be able to do for us. Just being still and listening to God is the hardest thing to do!!!

“What am I doing?” That realization helped me. Imagine how you would look to someone you respected if they saw you behaving that way. That helped me too. I am pretty real. What you see is usually what you get with me. I started to feel like a fraud. I am nice to everyone, but look at how I can respond to my husband. He can lie, cheat, but I don’t want to be some immature, hurtful person. That just isn’t who I want to be. Once, that sank in, things got better!!!

WHO do you want to be? What kind of woman do you want to be? Does Jesus’s command of love (love your enemies) really give you direction?

 

[Always_For_Him]

Scottishtee, thank you for posting that site. I think I will really enjoy it too.