Is this a fair assumption?

[barbfromtucson]

Hi all,

I’m in my late 30’s and single. Long story short–I had an abusive childhood and it’s taking so long to heal from it. This is a big reason why I’m still single today–as I am working on letting go of all that baggage, so-to-speak.

Anyway, I’ve been spending quite a bit of time at church…going to Mass, Adoration, and even volunteer in the office at the church.

The pastor at the church is now asking me if I’ve ever considered the Single vocation.

Ever since he raised this up, my desire to be active at church, to go to Adoration, and so on has diminished greatly, because of this.

I don’t know what to do to turn it around…there’s no other church in my vicinity that has Adoration and such that works with my work schedule.

While I’ve gotten over the initial anger and such over it, it still ‘bothers’ me in a negative way.
He’s on his annual vacation, but I intend to have a little chat with him when he gets back.

I have to say that maybe part of it is that he doesn’t know about my past. However, is it fair to assume that one who spends a lot of time at church is meant for a particular vocation?

Thanks,

Barbara

 

[Cloisters]

Hi all,

I’m in my late 30’s and single. Long story short–I had an abusive childhood and it’s taking so long to heal from it. This is a big reason why I’m still single today–as I am working on letting go of all that baggage, so-to-speak.

Anyway, I’ve been spending quite a bit of time at church…going to Mass, Adoration, and even volunteer in the office at the church.

The pastor at the church is now asking me if I’ve ever considered the Single vocation.

Ever since he raised this up, my desire to be active at church, to go to Adoration, and so on has diminished greatly, because of this.

I don’t know what to do to turn it around…there’s no other church in my vicinity that has Adoration and such that works with my work schedule.

While I’ve gotten over the initial anger and such over it, it still ‘bothers’ me in a negative way.
He’s on his annual vacation, but I intend to have a little chat with him when he gets back.

I have to say that maybe part of it is that he doesn’t know about my past. However, is it fair to assume that one who spends a lot of time at church is meant for a particular vocation?

Thanks,

Barbara

A few ideas that came to me:

I’ve recovered abuse memories myself, and whenever someone is in that “mode,” any suggestion is going to be influential.

If he doesn’t know about your “state” right now, I think if you very kindly informed him that you are recovering, and any suggestions about state-in-life are confusing at the present time, and to please pray for you (or even give you the Sacrament of the Sick), that would work.

Continue with what you were doing, and keep the “single” vocation on the back shelf for the time being. You’re still in the healing phase, and that doesn’t need interference.

But, above all, please be charitable to him. If he is ignorant of your situation, then that is his excuse.

Also, please be aware that a woman who has been raped, but has led a celibate lifestyle afterward, is still considered a virgin by the Church. I have that from a Consecrated Virgin herself.

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[baltobetsy]

I suppose I wasn’t taking into account the rawness of your emotions due to your ongoing healing from abuse when I was surprised that you were angry at the suggestion. I took it as quite a compliment, suggesting that Jesus may want you entirely for Himself. In any case, it’s a great opening for a conversation with the Pastor, which may lead to even more healing for you.

Betsy

 

[barbfromtucson]

A few ideas that came to me:

I’ve recovered abuse memories myself, and whenever someone is in that “mode,” any suggestion is going to be influential.

If he doesn’t know about your “state” right now, I think if you very kindly informed him that you are recovering, and any suggestions about state-in-life are confusing at the present time, and to please pray for you (or even give you the Sacrament of the Sick), that would work.

Continue with what you were doing, and keep the “single” vocation on the back shelf for the time being. You’re still in the healing phase, and that doesn’t need interference.

But, above all, please be charitable to him. If he is ignorant of your situation, then that is his excuse.

Also, please be aware that a woman who has been raped, but has led a celibate lifestyle afterward, is still considered a virgin by the Church. I have that from a Consecrated Virgin herself.

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters

Hi Cloisters,

Thanks for your words…just to let you know (and all) that the abuse that I received as a child was not sexual. I do plan on talking with him when he gets back from vacation.

Take Care,

Barbara

 

[anode]

Hi all,

I’m in my late 30’s and single. Long story short–I had an abusive childhood and it’s taking so long to heal from it. This is a big reason why I’m still single today–as I am working on letting go of all that baggage, so-to-speak.

Anyway, I’ve been spending quite a bit of time at church…going to Mass, Adoration, and even volunteer in the office at the church.

The pastor at the church is now asking me if I’ve ever considered the Single vocation.

Thanks,

Barbara

Very odd question. Why did he ask it? Did he think that you were a Spinster? That you are Unsuited for religious life?

It would be interesting to find out.