Is this a mortal sin? Please advise-soul in danger!

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ReginaCoeli

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I’m not sure if this is the proper forum for this question so please forgive me if it isn’t; but I need to clear this up for a friend asap. She is living with a man in a purely platonic roommate situation. They are neither romantically, nor sexually involved. They live together strictly to share expenses, and are friends. However, they used to be romantically involved at one time. They have not been intimate in YEARS, and neither of them has any desire to be. Is she living in a state of mortal sin? I have told her that it could be potentially dangerous, but she assures me that they have lived together in this brother/sister fashion for a long time now, and there has never been any temptation at all. I told her I’d look into it for her, as she is coming back to the church and is deeply concerned. Thanks.
 
Mixed sex house-sharing is really common. I assume they don’t share a bedroom. It has no need to cause scandal either if they identify as, and are just flatmates.

PS I just noted they are roommates, so they actually share a bedroom? I would not share a bedroom with a guy, I would have a female roommate if I couldn’t afford my own room.
 
ReginaCoeli said:
I’m not sure if this is the proper forum for this question so please forgive me if it isn’t; but I need to clear this up for a friend asap. She is living with a man in a purely platonic roommate situation. They are neither romantically, nor sexually involved. They live together strictly to share expenses, and are friends. However, they used to be romantically involved at one time. They have not been intimate in YEARS, and neither of them has any desire to be. Is she living in a state of mortal sin? I have told her that it could be potentially dangerous, but she assures me that they have lived together in this brother/sister fashion for a long time now, and there has never been any temptation at all. I told her I’d look into it for her, as she is coming back to the church and is deeply concerned. Thanks.
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They need to separate. Purposely placing yourself in a proximate occassion of sin = sinful, regardless of whether there is temptation or not. There’s the sin of scandal, in simple terms, her arrangement has the potential to lead the other man into sin, which is sinful. Also, an unmarried couple living together are bearing false witness to the Christian faith. You should look at the Ask an Apologist forum at the top of the index page and search there.

Whether it’s a mortal sin or not should be judged by your friend with a proper examination of conscience. Read the conditions required for a mortal sin in the catechism.
 
I don’t know if it’s a mortal sin… it’s something she should ask her priest. It’s much more of a mortal sin, I’d imagine, that she had relations in the past prior to/outside of marriage with this man, than the fact that she lives with him platonically today.
 
ReginaCoeli said:
I’m not sure if this is the proper forum for this question so please forgive me if it isn’t; but I need to clear this up for a friend asap. She is living with a man in a purely platonic roommate situation. They are neither romantically, nor sexually involved. They live together strictly to share expenses, and are friends. However, they used to be romantically involved at one time. They have not been intimate in YEARS, and neither of them has any desire to be. Is she living in a state of mortal sin? I have told her that it could be potentially dangerous, but she assures me that they have lived together in this brother/sister fashion for a long time now, and there has never been any temptation at all. I told her I’d look into it for her, as she is coming back to the church and is deeply concerned. Thanks.
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If she is telling you the truth - about zero sexual contact - there is no sin involved.

In fact, those who are divorced and remarried without an annulment can return to the Sacraments if they are still living together but have zero sexual contact.

Here is the reference in the CCC - " 1650 Today there are numerous Catholics in many countries who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions.
In fidelity to the words of Jesus Christ - “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” the Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if the first marriage was. If the divorced are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law.
Consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities.
Reconciliation through the sacrament of Penance can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in complete continence. "

I recognize that your friend was never married, but the same principle applies.
Any sexual activity by non-married persons is a mortal sin.

Further if either party is ever tempted, they should not live together.
There is no near occasion of sin if neither party is EVER tempted.
Only the parties involved, would know their true situation. The parties involved will answer to God at judgement if they are sinning.
 
What is at issue here is that not everyone that sees or knows that they are living together (neighbors, family, friends) is aware that this is a brother/sister relationship - therefore this could be a cause for scandel. Is scandel a mortal sin? It could lead someone else to bear fasle witness against these individuals - gossiping that they are living together - therefore causing someone else to sin. You say that they are living together for financial reasons - she has no girlfriends that she can share a living situation with?
 
She is correct to be concerned. Such is not really the living arrangement for Christians…even from the point of view of scandal.

A new one ought to be found.

She can draw strength from the early Christians who had to seek to avoid many things that were common in the culture around them.
 
ANNE_2 said:
If she is telling you the truth - about zero sexual contact - there is no sin involved.

In fact, those who are divorced and remarried without an annulment can return to the Sacraments if they are still living together but have zero sexual contact.

Here is the reference in the CCC - " 1650 Today there are numerous Catholics in many countries who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions.
In fidelity to the words of Jesus Christ - “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” the Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if the first marriage was. If the divorced are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law.
Consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities.
Reconciliation through the sacrament of Penance can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in complete continence. "

I recognize that your friend was never married, but the same principle applies.
Any sexual activity by non-married persons is a mortal sin.

Further if either party is ever tempted, they should not live together.
There is no near occasion of sin if neither party is EVER tempted.
Only the parties involved, would know their true situation. The parties involved will answer to God at judgement if they are sinning.
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The CCC is speaking there of some who are civilly married and who for example young children they are raising together!! Who need their mom and dad.

It does not apply here.
 
I’m sorry - I need to clarify - they do NOT share a bedroom!! Just a flat. I have told her to go to the priest - but I also told her about CAF & told her I’d see what I could find out. My personal opinion is that she is not in a state of mortal sin because all that she is doing is sharing a flat with a friend, who happens to be male. I know she made her first confession in years recently; hence, the concern over her living situation. She wants to continue in a state of grace. Thank you for taking the time to answer everyone. This is a timely subject to weigh in on, because of the situation with the economy, more & more people may need to share a house/flat with others, and it may not always be possible that the flatmate is a member of the same sex. Multiple people are having to share flats/houses nowadays. It is interesting to hear what people think regarding this. I do understand scandal, and so does she, and that does concern her also. But if others assume something sinful is going on just because a man & a woman share a house, wouldn’t that be sinful on their part? Aren’t we called to always think the best of our neighbors? Thanks again for the (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
ReginaCoeli said:
I’m not sure if this is the proper forum for this question so please forgive me if it isn’t; but I need to clear this up for a friend asap. She is living with a man in a purely platonic roommate situation. They are neither romantically, nor sexually involved. They live together strictly to share expenses, and are friends. However, they used to be romantically involved at one time. They have not been intimate in YEARS, and neither of them has any desire to be. Is she living in a state of mortal sin? I have told her that it could be potentially dangerous, but she assures me that they have lived together in this brother/sister fashion for a long time now, and there has never been any temptation at all. I told her I’d look into it for her, as she is coming back to the church and is deeply concerned. Thanks.
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no one can tell if anyone is in a state of mortal sin or not other than that person and God.

Grave sin? No. It can be a scandal which is a venial sin at worst.

Basically, trust your friend and let her be the grown up she is. ;)👍
 
Not that I don’t enjoy chiming in with my opinions, but if you and/or she are concerned about the state of her soul and whether or not she is in mortal sin, the best person to talk to would be a priest you trust, not us anonymous internet people.
 
ReginaCoeli said:
I’m not sure if this is the proper forum for this question so please forgive me if it isn’t; but I need to clear this up for a friend asap. She is living with a man in a purely platonic roommate situation. They are neither romantically, nor sexually involved. They live together strictly to share expenses, and are friends. However, they used to be romantically involved at one time. They have not been intimate in YEARS, and neither of them has any desire to be. Is she living in a state of mortal sin? I have told her that it could be potentially dangerous, but she assures me that they have lived together in this brother/sister fashion for a long time now, and there has never been any temptation at all. I told her I’d look into it for her, as she is coming back to the church and is deeply concerned. Thanks.
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A friend of mine, a girl, lives with a gay. she is in heaven, she says…
 
Whitacre_Girl said:
no one can tell if anyone is in a state of mortal sin or not other than that person and God.

Grave sin? No. It can be a scandal which is a venial sin at worst.

Basically, trust your friend and let her be the grown up she is. ;)👍
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I would not agree.

And it is her friend that is concerned herself about her own living situation.
 
Her Pastor can advise her best.

It is sad that our world has become so immodest that we actually think of an arrangement like this as “normal”.
 
Bookcat said:
She is correct to be concerned. Such is not really the living arrangement for Christians…even from the point of view of scandal.

A new one ought to be found.

She can draw strength from the early Christians who had to seek to avoid many things that were common in the culture around them.
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Since it has been clarified that the two have separate bedrooms, let me pose a hypothetical refinement to this question.

Suppose the woman owned a two story house. Wanting to generate some income, suppose she rents out the upper floor to the man. The upper floor has it’s own entrance from the outside, and it’s own kitchen and bathroom separate from hers. Certainly there would be nothing wrong with that, right?

Now suppose that there is only one entrance (like many bed & breakfast places) but a locking door on each bedroom. That’s OK too, isn’t it? (Unless you want to say it is immoral for a single woman to run a bed & breakfast.)

Now suppose all the rooms are on one floor. Does it become immoral at that point?

Now suppose there is only one common bathroom. How about now?

Without knowing all the details of the living arrangement I don’t see how you can give an unqualified judgement that such a living arrangement is wrong.
 
LeafByNiggle said:
Since it has been clarified that the two have separate bedrooms, let me pose a hypothetical refinement to this question.

Suppose the woman owned a two story house. Wanting to generate some income, suppose she rents out the upper floor to the man. The upper floor has it’s own entrance from the outside, and it’s own kitchen and bathroom separate from hers. Certainly there would be nothing wrong with that, right?

Now suppose that there is only one entrance (like many bed & breakfast places) but a locking door on each bedroom. That’s OK too, isn’t it? (Unless you want to say it is immoral for a single woman to run a bed & breakfast.)

Now suppose all the rooms are on one floor. Does it become immoral at that point?

Now suppose there is only one common bathroom. How about now?

Without knowing all the details of the living arrangement I don’t see how you can give an unqualified judgement that such a living arrangement is wrong.
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I will not get here into a “what if this …or what if that” in any detailed response.

A hotel and Bed and Breakfast’s are not what the person was asking about.

If it was they would have said as much. They are asking about what was posted in the first post.
 
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