Is this a possible exception for a divorced and remarried catholic to receive communion?

[dans0622]

My intention is to state that boiling marriage, and thereby adultery, down to sex alone is legalism. …

Thanks for the reply. You are certainly correct that the hypothetical people in the OP, and their Pastors, have to be concerned about more than just conjugal relations.

Dan

 

[quiet52]

Are you saying that these remarried spouses are claiming innocence about their role in the divorce? That doesn’t make sense. It would seem that, prior to the acceptance of this pastoral solution, a person would first be required to admit his sinfulness in the downfall of his marriage.

It doesn’t always take two people to make a marriage fail.
No spouse is perfect but it should not be presumed that both spouses are to blame for the downfall of a marriage.

 

[fastenatingguy]

Interesting thread.

My situation is that my wife “left” our marriage fourteen years ago. At the time our children were D13 and S4. This was a unilateral decision on her part which she (rightfully) blamed on me because I worked too many hours and did not support her regarding issues with my family (who lived in the same neighborhood). I had no intentions of divorce because I thought that the marriage was sacramental and could be saved if I could change.

We did not physically separate–living under one roof–but she stopped all communications with me, except for paying bills and leaving notes about which family member would be hosting Christmas, Easter, birthday, etc. But it was obvious to our daughter that something was wrong because there was no love exhibited between us, as there had been previously. It’s been difficult for our son because he has not experienced the loving bond of two parents, although he gets plenty of love from us individually.

My wife stopped attending mass many years ago and has many “issues” with the Lord. My son attends mass with me on most Sundays or attends with his young cousins. He has a good sense of his faith, not perfect, but growing and discerning. Through this misery he has successfully achieved the rank of Eagle Scout, has pretty good grades, is well liked, loves and respects his parents (individually, the only way he has experienced us). But he plans to attend college about 500 miles from home, which was my imposed boundary. His mother wants him to be within an hour’s drive. I can appreciate his desire to be farther away.

After about three years of no intimacy, I started to act on my lust and committed adultery often during my business travels. Fortunately that didn’t last and I recommitted myself to the Lord through penance. I attended Sunday mass most of the time, but also took Communion when I was not in a state of grace. Doubling down on sins, I guess. But I’'ve been blessed by the Sacraments. That keeps me on track most of the time.

My wife has now been in an affair for over a year with her high school love (we’re in our mid 50’s). I pray for the Holy Spirit to put someone into her life who can lead her back to God. I don’t think I can be the primary force to make that happen because I’m “dead” to her. It’s actually sad to me that I can explain this without feeling rage or really anything for that matter because it has been this way for so long…

I’m sure that the concept of our marriage is now a sham or hypocritical. But I don’t really consider divorce an option. As much as I miss my wife and the love and comfort of marriage, I don’t see divorce/annulment/remarriage as a path to good for myself. The positive aspect of being separated is that I try to devote more time to God and Church. I am in my third year teaching 8th grade catechism and Confirmation preparation. So I have teh gift of twelve adopted children each Sunday morning.

 

[Gorgias]

No spouse is perfect but it should not be presumed that both spouses are to blame for the downfall of a marriage.

If “no spouse is perfect,” then it follows that no spouse is completely blameless. If you’re suggesting that it should not be presumed that both spouses are equally to blame, or that both share significant blame, then I’m with you. Otherwise, no. (Of course, the case of abuse is a completely different situation; and in that situation, we cannot blame an abused spouse for the abuse being dealt on him/her.)

 

[YoungTradCath]

This is not an exception. By definition, no sin is happening in the first place here.

 

[pnewton]

They must repent, have serious reason to not separate, live without sexual relations, and avoid scandal. That means the person may receive communion only where people will not be scandalized by it, like in a parish that does not know about this persons situation.

I guess I can see where scandal might be an issue, but I think this would be both rare and transitory. How does one look at a couple remarried and know, or even have an opinion about, the status of any annulment? Perhaps if a re-marriage happened quickly (too quick for an annulment) it might be a scandal if all the parties where in one community. Otherwise, I do not think this would be an issue.

 

[Vico]

I guess I can see where scandal might be an issue, but I think this would be both rare and transitory. How does one look at a couple remarried and know, or even have an opinion about, the status of any annulment? Perhaps if a re-marriage happened quickly (too quick for an annulment) it might be a scandal if all the parties where in one community. Otherwise, I do not think this would be an issue.

The Holy See made a point of it as a requirement to avoid scandal. Also the Church does not apply this to civilly married but not remarried: they must convalidate or separate.

Scandal to be avoided is for at least this is:

1. sacrilegious reception of the Eucharist
2. sexual temptation to the civilly married spouse
3. the bad example given to others that know of either of the above.

Scandal is given even in actions that are not sinful in themselves, only appear to be so.
St. Paul saying he could eat the offerings to pagan gods, but would abstain if it would lead his brothers into sin.

Also, I believe this entire matter is not decided upon but through the internal forum (confession).

 

[pnewton]

The Holy See made a point of it as a requirement to avoid scandal.

I did not say otherwise. The Holy See did not say or give any hint how common this requirement would be an issue, just that it is a requirement. In the case above, where one does not have an annulment, there simply is no way for anyone to know whether an annulment was granted, was denied or hasn’t been asked for. Thus, there can be no basis for scandal.

If I left my wife and , married another woman a couple of months later, there would be scandal even if we were celibate. If we were married five years later, there would be no scandal because there would be no way of knowing if we were free to marry.

 

[Vico]

I did not say otherwise. The Holy See did not say or give any hint how common this requirement would be an issue, just that it is a requirement. In the case above, where one does not have an annulment, there simply is no way for anyone to know whether an annulment was granted, was denied or hasn’t been asked for. Thus, there can be no basis for scandal.

If I left my wife and , married another woman a couple of months later, there would be scandal even if we were celibate. If we were married five years later, there would be no scandal because there would be no way of knowing if we were free to marry.

Sometimes a Catholic will tell others about being civilly married. This may be because they do not know about the laws of the Church.

 

[pnewton]

Sometimes a Catholic will tell others about being civilly married. This may be because they do not know about the laws of the Church.

Oh, if they were just civilly married and this was well known, then yes, that too would be a scandal. I am well-connected with my parish yet I could not tell you about one single couple of whom I knew enough to know if they had married or not within the Catholic Church or were free to do so. I understand scandal is a barrier, I just do not see where the issue would often occur. Perhaps if someone was well known or both parties were still in the parish.

 

[Vico]

Oh, if they were just civilly married and this was well known, then yes, that too would be a scandal. I am well-connected with my parish yet I could not tell you about one single couple of whom I knew enough to know if they had married or not within the Catholic Church or were free to do so. I understand scandal is a barrier, I just do not see where the issue would often occur. Perhaps if someone was well known or both parties were still in the parish.

I thought the case here was a Catholic that married with Church approval, then divorced and remarried without an annulment (spouse still living), so are merely civilly married. Relatives in the family know usually about multiple marriages, and some aware children.

 

[EvelynEVF]

As to the comment about repentance for sins committed in the divorce process requiring attempts at reconciliation, I’d like to point out that while this is sometimes possible, at other times, the gravity of sins committed may mean that the offended spouse is not willing to reconcile, and the most respectful thing the offending spouse can do is to walk away. This would be especially true in the case of abuse, where true repentance would mean acknowledging that forgiveness does not mandate reconciliation and coming to terms with the lifelong consequences of that sin, forgiven or not.

 

[27lw]

I did not say otherwise. The Holy See did not say or give any hint how common this requirement would be an issue, just that it is a requirement. In the case above, where one does not have an annulment, there simply is no way for anyone to know whether an annulment was granted, was denied or hasn’t been asked for. Thus, there can be no basis for scandal.

If I left my wife and , married another woman a couple of months later, there would be scandal even if we were celibate. If we were married five years later, there would be no scandal because there would be no way of knowing if we were free to marry.

I know many many people through work, etc. who talk at length about their annulment process, etc. In fact, my parish is a large web of interconnected large extended families. I promise you, everyone knows about 90% of everybody’s business in a lot of parishes.