Is this a reasonable expectation from God

[cmscms]

Hi Everyone,

There is a family member I have cut contact with because he is so abusive. Over the past 10 years I have only seen him at unavoidable events such as funerals and made sure I was in the opposite corner of the room from him. I will not go into detail but this person is just too abusive to be around.

So, here is the thing. Lately, I have been praying a lot for him. Mainly because we are called to pray for our enemies. I have often heard about people praying for their enemies and then good things have happened for them (ie the person who did the praying not the enemie). Well…I don’t think there is any guarantee that if I pray for this person good things will happen to me while on this earth. So included in my prayer is ‘I pray for this person and acceptance that even though I am doing all this good praying, there may never be any good results during my time here on earth’.

However, included in my prayer I also say ‘However God, I really would like a big reward in Heaven for this’. I am total resolve to learn to accept I may not see my reward until heaven. So my question is, ‘is it wrong for me to expect a reward in heaven’? Is that unrealistic?

As an aside, I never fell on my back earlier today. I have not seen this person in a long time and a mutual acquaintance told me his wife had called the mutual acquaintance to say she made a lot of carrot cakes and was wondering if I watned one. I must say I found that quite odd and out of the blue. I politely said no. Mainly because I was told that accepting the cake did not make me obliged to spend time with either him and his wife and personally, I think it would be rude to take a homemade cake off of someone you don’t want to be around

CM

 

[hieroglyph]

Hi Everyone,

There is a family member I have cut contact with because he is so abusive. Over the past 10 years I have only seen him at unavoidable events such as funerals and made sure I was in the opposite corner of the room from him. I will not go into detail but this person is just too abusive to be around.

So, here is the thing. Lately, I have been praying a lot for him. Mainly because we are called to pray for our enemies. I have often heard about people praying for their enemies and then good things have happened for them (ie the person who did the praying not the enemie). Well…I don’t think there is any guarantee that if I pray for this person good things will happen to me while on this earth. So included in my prayer is ‘I pray for this person and acceptance that even though I am doing all this good praying, there may never be any good results during my time here on earth’.

However, included in my prayer I also say ‘However God, I really would like a big reward in Heaven for this’. I am total resolve to learn to accept I may not see my reward until heaven. So my question is, ‘is it wrong for me to expect a reward in heaven’? Is that unrealistic?

As an aside, I never fell on my back earlier today. I have not seen this person in a long time and a mutual acquaintance told me his wife had called the mutual acquaintance to say she made a lot of carrot cakes and was wondering if I watned one. I must say I found that quite odd and out of the blue. I politely said no. Mainly because I was told that accepting the cake did not make me obliged to spend time with either him and his wife and personally, I think it would be rude to take a homemade cake off of someone you don’t want to be around

CM

Gifts have strings. I think you were right to turn it down.

 

[St_Francis]

Nothing you can do can be big enough to merit God’s “owing” you anything. I would Suggest that instead of that part of your prayer you thank God for the grace to pray for your enemy.

An Act of Hope (prayer): O my God, relying on Thy almighty power and infinte mercy and promises. I hope tp obtain pardon of my sins, the help of Thy grace, and life everlasting *through the merits of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Redeemer. *

 

[BlueEyedLady]

If you are praying for your enemies to get a reward then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. And I’m sure that any divine being hearing your prayer would pick up on the insincerity if I am.

 

[vames]

Instead of “Look, God, how generous I am to pray for X!”, maybe a correct prayer would be “With humility I realize that I don’t understand yet what it means to pray for my enemy. Please, God, help me to forgive X, so that my prayer for this person can be sincere and honest”.

 

[LEMAITRE]

mmm bargaining with God is not a wise move or spiritually edifying.

Praying for a person because you care and don’t expect anything in return makes that prayer efficacious and selfless. Wanting something in return from God because you prayed for someone else is insincere and selfish prayer.

How do you know that the carrot cake came with strings attached?

Give her the benefit of the doubt as there is no real proof that accepting a piece of carrot cake would result in the expectation of you spending more time with them. There is no real correlation except in your mind from your post. Be charitable in thanking her for her offer.

I maybe wrong though, has there been a history of you accepting baked goods from them with the expectation for you to do something in return for them?

 

[Qwestions]

Hi, cmscms. I suggest that you think on the details of your relationship with this family member back over the years while in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Put it all out there before you in that holy and reverent atmosphere. Beg Jesus that, if it is the will of Our Father, each of your hearts will be touched and softened toward the other. Period. No conditions. No expectations. Just: “Thy Will be done.” Que sera, sera! Whatever will be, will be, but In God’s choice of time and location.

Acknowledge that you don’t know God’s plan for your life and that you’re afraid to totally trust Him, Beg Him to help you place your trust fully in Him for what unfolds, and for the wisdom to react as He wants you to react to the opportunities and obstacles that appear on the path of your life’s journey. We’re admonished that we’re not given greater obstacles than we can handle, but we often need help brainstorming just how to do that.

I’m in a similar situation. It’s one thing to say–and absolutely 100% know–that God knows that I am baffled as to how this situation ever came about, and that what is important is that God knows what’s in my mind and in my heart. I do believe that to be true. It’s quite another thing, though, to think that God can be pleased to see us let this situation simmer, always ready to boil over with the least application of heat from words or demeanor.

After years of verbal abuse to the extent that I became physically ill prior to and during every trip back home, and often became a quivering mass of near-hysteria in the presence of some family members, two of the indiviuals died within two years, so no loving understanding can ever be reached; all hope for that is dashed. My brother, the person initially responsible for most all of the furor through the years, has moved to a distant state and never acknowledges my gifts, nor letters. My nieces and nephews, strangely, are not unkind when I see them at weddings and funerals, but they never bother with thank-yous, whether I send cash or gifts for Christmas, birthdays, weddings, and new babies, so our interaction is very one-sided. I continue because my mother’s heart would be broken if she were here to see how her lineage has become so fragmented.

However, I also believe that God wants me to continually keep the door open for a reconciliation and to pray for a restoration of the easy camaraderie that my brother and I shared as youngsters because we are His children and He wants us to demonstrate that, as children of God, we “love one another.” I am guilty of increasingly distancing myself from the inevitable hurt as much as possible over the last 30+ years and for lashing back in anger and self-defense when attacked. However, for such animosity to be shown toward me, there must be something that family members think that I said or didn’t say, or did or didn’t do; I simply have never been able to find out why I’ve been the object of their derision, not even when I’ve bluntly asked. I’m also guilty of not praying about these matters every single day. I no longer have the anxiety and panic attacks because I’m no longer around those family members, but the total loss of hope (after the two deaths) of restoring what was lost has left a gaping hole in my heart. I would hate for you to feel this same finality.

I have found the most comfort and hope in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, in contemplative prayer, and after saying the rosary. The days seem more purposeful and are easier to get through when I remember to ask God to help me to serve Him in everything I think or say or do before I start my day, and to “offer up” to Jesus my disappointments or hurts. Even so, I fall so far short of what I think He wants of me, that I can’t imagine tackling each day without the comfort of prayer and my talks with Him.

I’ve learned that the purest prayer and the most joyful results occur when we embrace the Will of God by putting our trust fully in Jesus. I wish that for you.

 

[Actaeon]

Hi Everyone,

There is a family member I have cut contact with because he is so abusive. Over the past 10 years I have only seen him at unavoidable events such as funerals and made sure I was in the opposite corner of the room from him. I will not go into detail but this person is just too abusive to be around.

So, here is the thing. Lately, I have been praying a lot for him. Mainly because we are called to pray for our enemies. I have often heard about people praying for their enemies and then good things have happened for them (ie the person who did the praying not the enemie). Well…I don’t think there is any guarantee that if I pray for this person good things will happen to me while on this earth. So included in my prayer is ‘I pray for this person and acceptance that even though I am doing all this good praying, there may never be any good results during my time here on earth’.

However, included in my prayer I also say ‘However God, I really would like a big reward in Heaven for this’. I am total resolve to learn to accept I may not see my reward until heaven. So my question is, ‘is it wrong for me to expect a reward in heaven’? Is that unrealistic?

As an aside, I never fell on my back earlier today. I have not seen this person in a long time and a mutual acquaintance told me his wife had called the mutual acquaintance to say she made a lot of carrot cakes and was wondering if I watned one. I must say I found that quite odd and out of the blue. I politely said no. Mainly because I was told that accepting the cake did not make me obliged to spend time with either him and his wife and personally, I think it would be rude to take a homemade cake off of someone you don’t want to be around

CM

I don’t think i can answer your question any better than our Messiah already has…

*“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

~Jesus*

Luke 18:10-14