Is this a sufficiently serious reason for postponing a new baby?

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NurseyJ

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My husband and I recently bought a house and it is only a two-bedroom house. We would like to add a 3rd bedroom in the future but won’t be able to do so for several years as it costs 20-35k to add a bedroom in our area.

We just had our second baby and will be able to put our two girls in the 2nd bedroom together. Is only having 2 bedrooms a sufficiently serious reason for postponing a 3rd baby in the future until we have a 3rd bedroom? I just can’t imagine adding a baby to our already small 2-bedroom home, even if we ended up with another girl. Even more so if we had a boy. Is it more prudent to wait until we have the space for another baby in the future?

Thanks for your thoughts 🙂
 
Practicing Natural Family Planning can only be done in a very serious situation. Never can you you any other form of birth control. I thought this to mean something serious like you living in a part of the world ravaged by war and famine. For example, if you have another baby, it would most likely starve. You could easily put up bunk beds or have the baby sleep in your room. Five people living in a two bedroom house doesn’t seem anywhere near the gravity to prevent a new life from coming into the world.
 
I don’t see anything wrong with using NFP to postpone a third baby for now. But be sure to pray about it every month to discern God’s Will for your family. Of course if God sends you a baby anyway, you’ll make room for him or her somehow–both in your home and in your hearts.
 
LINVS said:
Practicing Natural Family Planning can only be done in a very serious situation. Never can you you any other form of birth control. I thought this to mean something serious like you living in a part of the world ravaged by war and famine. For example, if you have another baby, it would most likely starve. You could easily put up bunk beds or have the baby sleep in your room. Five people living in a two bedroom house doesn’t seem anywhere near the gravity to prevent a new life from coming into the world.
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I think that the gravity of “sufficiently serious” seems a bit subjective here. I think that your example of war/famine is a bit extreme. There are numerous serious reasons: economic, physical, medical, psychological, etc. for prudent postponing. I highly doubt that the imminent threat of death ought to be the only litmus for determining family size, though I’m certain that that type of approach popular in some circles.

That said, bunk beds do sound like a good idea, but I can’t see that working for multiple girls and boys in one small bedroom all the way through college-age. Just my thoughts…
 
No one can decide what is or isn’t a serious reason for your family. The Church, in her wisdom, leaves this up to the individual couple to discern. Reasons outlined can be economic, psychological, medical, etc. If you two have honestly discussed the situation and earnestly sought God’s will FOR YOUR FAMILY in this matter, then no one else has any right to lay any judgement or additional burden on your family.

That said, we have 4 children in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath house. I would like more space, of course, but this works for us, for now. I think we could even fit one or two more without it being too much of an issue. We are creative with the space we do have.
 
Blenderx said:
No one can decide what is or isn’t a serious reason for your family. The Church, in her wisdom, leaves this up to the individual couple to discern. Reasons outlined can be economic, psychological, medical, etc. If you two have honestly discussed the situation and earnestly sought God’s will FOR YOUR FAMILY in this matter, then no one else has any right to lay any judgement or additional burden on your family.

That said, we have 4 children in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath house. I would like more space, of course, but this works for us, for now. I think we could even fit one or two more without it being too much of an issue. We are creative with the space we do have.
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👍

DH and I have a three-bedroom. We’ve discussed our “max” for the house even though we’re only at #2. For us, it’s five kids - two per bedroom and then the baby with us. We would probably start looking if/when I got pregnant with #5, but it wouldn’t be too bad until #5 was two or three. Our bedrooms are small, and even if the Bradys managed three to a room I imagine it was to avoid building additional sets. 😉

Of course our opinions might change as the house fills up, but it’s nice to know DH and I are on the same page regarding our house capacity. Keep in mind too that you won’t need another room the day you get pregnant - you have at least nine months and even moretime!
 
silicasandra said:
👍

DH and I have a three-bedroom. We’ve discussed our “max” for the house even though we’re only at #2. For us, it’s five kids - two per bedroom and then the baby with us. We would probably start looking if/when I got pregnant with #5, but it wouldn’t be too bad until #5 was two or three. Our bedrooms are small, and even if the Bradys managed three to a room I imagine it was to avoid building additional sets. 😉

Of course our opinions might change as the house fills up, but it’s nice to know DH and I are on the same page regarding our house capacity. Keep in mind too that you won’t need another room the day you get pregnant - you have at least nine months and even moretime!
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I have seem some pretty snazzy looking homemade, tripple-decker bunk beds online. I guess the issue becomes less about beds and more about clothing storage and bathroom usage. Whether or not it is worth postponing, considering these things about your home is important.

I cannot tell the OP if it is sufficient, nor can anyone else. My personal opinion would be that there is nothing wrong with using NFP to acheive reasonable spacing between your children. Then again I don’t track the symptoms very well or use it correctly and only have a very vague notion of when that fertile period really is. So I don’t feel like I am really stepping up and being that in charge of my fertility (my understanding is that “I am in charge here” mentality versus God’s will is the moral problem some people see in NFP) I would not hold out to save for a remodel, rather just consider how to make the space you have work for you.

I just had my first baby, so my opinion does not hold as much water as those with a few more. Maybe work really hard on paying down any debts like car payments so that if you needed to take out a home improvement loan, when the time comes it wouldn’t be as stifling. If you do add onto the house, any chance you can get two bedrooms for the price of one? Or though it would be more, two more bedrooms that are connected by a bathroom. Convert the garage for older children? That is a huge do as I say not as I do. I won’t even replace our tiny bathtub. Remodels frighten me.
 
Well, I would pray with my spous and perhaps seek counseling with my priest.

Is this really a serious reason or is it just that our society tells us every kid should have their own room plus a house with lots of space, play rooms, etc?

Did people in years gone by limit their family size because they had small houses? The answer is no.
 
We had 3 kids in one room with a baby in our room. We decided to move to a reasonably priced home that had more space.

Our priest was one of 12. He had 9 brothers and 2 sisters and two parents in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house growing up. The boys all slept in one room! The rule was, if you weren’t in bed by 10:00, your bed was fair game. HAHA! Seriously, the priest is a very holy man and is in charge of the largest Catholic student parish in the country. He is a witness to the fact that there is plenty of more space in a parent’s heart than can ever be in their home.

There may be other factors in play here, but house size is not something that is high on the list. Look at your whole situation, and consult with your priest/confessor/spiritual director if you deem it needed. I’d take advice on CAF with a grain of salt in this matter.
 
My grandparents had 5 daughters and 4 sons in a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house. My parents started off with a girl and a boy and me in a 2 bed and 1 bath.

But yes, definitely pray for God’s guidance on your particular situation and ever be open to life.

take care!
amsjj 🙂

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Jesus, God and man,
imprisoned by love in Thy most holy Sacrament,
have mercy upon us.
  • Blessed John Henry Newman, December 22, 1851
Tú y yo sabemos por la fe que oculto en las especies sacramentales está Cristo,
ese Cristo con su Cuerpo, con su Sangre, con su Alma, y con su Divinidad,
prisonero de amor.
  • San Josemaría Escrivá, 1 junio 1974
… Our Lord Himself frequently said; and it is recorded as an Apostolic tradition from Him by St. Justin the Martyr. He says ‘Jesus often said, “They who are near Me are near a fire”’.
  • Abp. W. B. Ullathorne, August 1st 1886
 
My rule of thumb is this: If you have to think about it, its probably not sufficiently serious reason. Having said that, be cautious about scrupulosity!
 
I have a friend who has 5 kids (4 boys and 1 girl), and lives in a 2 bedroom house. I know folks whose kids share a bed. And of course there are plenty of couples who share the bed, or even just a room, with their children for years. When my dh was born, his parents couldn’t fit him in anywhere else (they had 4 other kids squished into a small space elsewhere), so he stayed in their room in a crib/tiny bed until he was 7, and when his little sister came along, she was in there too (in her own crib/tiny bed). His next door neighbor had kids sleeping in the living room and hallway because they didn’t have room in the bedroom. As far as I know, they’re all pretty well adjusted people. I’m sure that all of those folks look back and are glad they had the kids, despite not really having the space for them.

If you had a boy, it wouldn’t be a big deal having him share a room with his sisters for a few years. So figure that if you got pregnant now, you’d have about a year before you’d even have to put the baby in with the girls, and then another several years before there would really be an issue (if at all).

And as I alluded to earlier, it can help to think about how you’ll look back on this time in the future. When I am faced with a dilemma, I try to imagine both scenarios, and try to put myself into the future with each one. I ask myself, will I feel regret over one of these decisions? Very often, the answer is that people regret not being more open to life, and being less trusting. It is less common to find people whose regrets go the other way.

That said, it’s not my place to tell you if your concern is a “good enough serious reason.” Take it to prayer. But consider that you can be creative about finding space for kids to sleep, and you might be able to be creative about reducing the cost of an addition as well.
 
I don’t think I can judge this for another person but I can say that it wouldn’t be a good enough reason for me. The house we recently moved from technically had 3 bedrooms but only 1 other room for family space (small open concept house) so we used the 3rd bedroom for my home office (I worked from home). We lived there for 7 years and moved in when our first was 6 months old. We went on to have 3 kids there and all 3 slept in our room until near the end before we moved. The second bedroom was basically a playroom with a bed that no one slept in, lol. We absolutely loved having kids in bed with us, with the youngest in a cosleeper attached to the bed. The oldest moved into his own bedroom sometime during our last year there. We could have easily done bunk beds or more.

The best living role model for family in my life is definitely my Grandparents who are amazing Catholic parents! Definitely the heart of our family!! They had 7 kids and usually lived in 2 bedroom base housing, for the majority of the kids upbringing. They had two sets of triple bunk beds in that one extra bedroom. The stories of their lives are just completely joyous! Everyone on base seemed to gravitate to them too. Now, all grown up, all 7 kids have chosen to live near my grandparents so that their kids can grow up with family and have the influence of my grandparents. They often tell stories of visiting my grandparents parents, spending a month with them every summer. They lived in a one room house, where they raised 7 kids with no bedrooms. And all would spend that month together, taking up various spots on the floor to sleep. Ahhh, the stories they warm the heart unlike much else in today’s world.

I feel like the farther we get away from those times of close connection of family and the more we get towards material things, space and separating ourselves from family, the worse things get.
 
As others have mentioned, no one can really know what constitutes a “serious” reason for someone else. I know that the reasons I would consider serious would be on the extreme side for others and that reasons that are serious for others wouldn’t be something DH and I would consider serious for ourselves. It can really vary.

When we found out we were expecting the first time we had a ten by ten foot cabin with no running water, so I am used to tight squeezes and moderate houses now seem way more luxurious than they would have before getting married… and I really, really like the idea of these triple bunk beds. The blogger sells the plans for them for a really, really low price (they were free for a long time but she finally put a small price tag on it to cut down on all the spam she was getting). We’re planning on making them when our little ones are a little older. I figure that they would make our fairly small three bedroom (with two tiny bedrooms and one fair size bedroom) sufficient to hold three in each of the smaller bedrooms and a baby in our room if we’re ever so blessed.
 
If a third bedroom is the only reason, it doesn’t seem sufficient to me. I grew up in a 2 bedroom house with a sister and brother (3 total). All of us were in the same bedroom until I was age 11 (brother 9 and sister 6). Then my father had the attic finished into rooms so there was more space. The house was small with only 1 bathroom. The family down the street had 5 children in a 2 bedroom house. So, the same scenario was repeated throughout the neighborhood.
 
We have had eight kids in a three bedroom house. We converted the living room to a bedroom to add a fourth bedroom. We put up privacy screens to do this, and put the youngest children there. Now that our oldest has moved out, we have seven. It isn’t easy, but it’s doable. Sometimes it drives my wife up the wall.

If it’s something that would add a lot of stress and anxiety, that seems like a serious reason. Of course God could determine otherwise and give you another child. 😃 Do you have a garage or living room you could convert? Can you eventually move to a larger home? Basically, there are a lot of options, and using NFP is one of them. It’s really up to you what you believe is best for your family.
 
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