Is this cultural or religion based

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Is it a cultural or religion based ractice of mourning the loss of a close family member by not sending Christmas cards and attending large parties for 1 year? This would also include no Christmas tree.
This would be for any member of close family not husband or wife.
If one did not observe this would it be not respecting the dead, especially if the relation ship with the deceased was not great, and would it be a sin to not follow. Iknow people will talk about this if not observed.
 
I’ve never heard of that practice, so my guess is that it’s a cultural thing…
 
I have a friend from India (forgot which part) who told me about this. I’m not sure if its exclusive to India or the part of India she comes from, but its definetely a cultural practise.
I’m not sure if its considered a sin if not done, but I think its considered disrespectful- almost equivalent to having a party a week after a funeral.

God Bless
 
mommy_k said:
Is it a cultural or religion based ractice of mourning the loss of a close family member by not sending Christmas cards and attending large parties for 1 year? This would also include no Christmas tree.
This would be for any member of close family not husband or wife.
If one did not observe this would it be not respecting the dead, especially if the relation ship with the deceased was not great, and would it be a sin to not follow. Iknow people will talk about this if not observed.
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This is a catholic cultural thing. I have seen it to greater or lesser degrees in parts of Ireland. I know some people who would not send Christmas if a close family member had died, others who would not attend parties,others who would dress in black for three months after the Death, some people do all three. These are good, wholesome practices which belong to traditional Catholic culture but are merely cultural nonetheless.
 
I remember the older members of my family, who are French, did this after the death of a family member.
 
These are cultural practices…I know of no sin that would be incurred if the practices were not observed…Though I suppose there might be the matter of “Scandal”…but again, how that plays out is really more of a cultural thing…

Have you talked to a local priest about this? He would be best able to advise you…

Peace
James
 
mommy_k said:
Is it a cultural or religion based ractice of mourning the loss of a close family member by not sending Christmas cards and attending large parties for 1 year? This would also include no Christmas tree.
This would be for any member of close family not husband or wife.
If one did not observe this would it be not respecting the dead, especially if the relation ship with the deceased was not great, and would it be a sin to not follow. Iknow people will talk about this if not observed.
Click to expand...
There is a mourning period in Judaism of 11 months after the death of a parent, child, or sibling. The period is shorter for husband or wife since they are not blood relatives. Perhaps the Catholic custom among some is derived from this.
 
mommy_k said:
Is it a cultural or religion based practice of mourning the loss of a close family member by not sending Christmas cards and attending large parties for 1 year? This would also include no Christmas tree.
This would be for any member of close family not husband or wife.
If one did not observe this would it be not respecting the dead, especially if the relation ship with the deceased was not great, and would it be a sin to not follow. I know people will talk about this if not observed.
Click to expand...
It is not through the Catholic Church; it could be a family custom, or it could be a cultural norm. You would have to decide if it is worth the family or friends’ disapproval to go against this custom. It would not be a sin either way.
 
In Mexico, people mourn their dead for one year. Women are expected to wear black but men are generally excused if they have to work in the fields or other hard jobs where wearing fancy black clothing is not appropriate. Going to parties is frowned upon and the family can’t play loud music during that year.
 
in Lebanon amongst the Maronite Catholics this is the tradition.

After the 1 year Memorial Mass is over (for the departed soul), then you can once again start.
 
This is not a custom of the Universal Church; therefore, it is cultural. Consider, after all, that when the Supreme Pontiff died, the liturgical calendar was not interrupted. In fact, in honor of Pope John Paul II’s memory, the mass to celebrate the Feast of the Divine Mercy was celebrated in St. Peter’s Square prior to his body being brought to St. Peter’s to lie in state (which I think was the following day). That was during the official nine-day period of mourning. Life goes on.

That doesn’t mean the custom you’re referring to isn’t religious, and it doesn’t mean that it isn’t worthwhile to avoid scandalizing those or being considerate of the feelings of those who believe that it is. That is a different call. It is also practical to avoid writing Christmas cards that first year, because frankly, no one I know who has ever attempted it had any idea what to say. After thinking about it, they just let it go for a year.

The family ought to decide what to do, and probably ought to concede to those who want the longer period of withdrawal, provided it is not over a year. But that is for your family to decide.
 
This is part of my culture. For close family it is at least a year of mourning…someone like your father or mother and it is usually more. You are to wear black (amongst other things), you don’t attend parties or celebrations…and if you absolutely must,you must also wear black for sure. If you had a celebration planned (a wedding, big birthday etc), you would cancel or postpone it. And yes, there is always the one year mass or rememberance to mark the closing of that time of mourning. It’s very respectful.
 
I think that it’s an archaic tradition that hurts more than it helps.

It’s not based on the Catholic religion.

A year is an arbitrary amount of time and often things get worse after a year…because people tend to forget and expect that you’ve moved on, when that might not be the case. In other cases you may be fully over a death.

And what happens if multiple people die? In less than a year’s time I’ve lost several people. Do I black my face? Do I wear a nice color the day after a year mark to the first time I lost one person or do I keep going? It seems that one would spend their entire adult years in black if they adhered to this.
 
peacoat said:
I think that it’s an archaic tradition that hurts more than it helps.

It’s not based on the Catholic religion.

A year is an arbitrary amount of time and often things get worse after a year…because people tend to forget and expect that you’ve moved on, when that might not be the case. In other cases you may be fully over a death.

And what happens if multiple people die? In less than a year’s time I’ve lost several people. Do I black my face? Do I wear a nice color the day after a year mark to the first time I lost one person or do I keep going? It seems that one would spend their entire adult years in black if they adhered to this.
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In the past, people tacked on the extra time when they lost another family member during a year already being spent in mourning. It was, sadly, not uncommon, and yes, there were people who spent a lot of their lives in black. Remember, though, that these were also times when people largely stopped wearing the brighter colors after marriage and even before marriage sometimes only on private occasions. Bright colors were mostly for young people on special occasions. One’s daily shoes and outwear were usually black or a dark neutral color. It was not like now, when bright-hued clothing could be cheaply purchased and easily kept bright and when people wear colorful clothing on a daily basis throughout the year and throughout their lives.

As for the one-year time frame, I think it was simply a way to “help” others to mind their own business. When there is a specified ritual, you do not have to tip your hand about how you are coping (or not coping) except to those you wish to confide in. When you live in a small place all of your life, those means of keeping your privacy are no small thing.

Within my lifetime, though, people don’t seem to pay any attention to wearing black even to the actual funeral. You can wear a red dress and red shoes, and hardly get a blink. So this very much depends on the family and the local custom.
 
Filipinos generally do not use the deceased person’s belongings a year after one dies.
 
Hmm…well I feel thay referring to people’s custom and culture as archaic is less than polite.

I appreciate the tradition…and as pp mentioned, yes…we do in fact act add on time when someone else has passed. You see, we have a great respect for our families and our traditions…very much unlike when I attend certain funerals here, and people are wearing white or are in short tight dresses. We visit the grave too…keeping it clean and tidy–constantly freshening flowers etc. Here, I find most cemeteries to be without any visitors. I suppose that’s better?
 
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