Is this grimy?

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CatholicSpirit

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Let’s say you have houses, cars, motorcycles, and a successful business. Now, you are little “older” and meet the “woman of your dreams.” The thing is, she has two disabled sons who are kind of grown ups. One is homeless and the other is getting nowhere. You decide that it isn’t your problem.

Is that grimy?
 
That depends on how that decision manifests itself in your behavior.
 
CatholicSpirit said:
Let’s say you have houses, cars, motorcycles, and a successful business. Now, you are little “older” and meet the “woman of your dreams.” The thing is, she has two disabled sons who are kind of grown ups. One is homeless and the other is getting nowhere. You decide that it isn’t your problem.

Is that grimy?
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Hi. With all due respect, if the woman of one’s dreams is someone that one truly loves, or could love, then one will care about how she feels and want to be there for her, in everything. So I don’t know about “grimy” but if this was not only the first reaction but a resolute decision, then it might be a case of reflecting upon whether this woman is really the dream one. Also, I am guessing that reality is where most successful relationships take place - in the grimy world of daily life. I think it is a natural reaction in some respects to not wish to be burdened but if the woman is concerned about these aspects of her life then the man needs to support her in her cares, out of compassion, if nothing else. Miracles can happen in love, and although they are amazing, having a solid base behind the wonders, can surely make the difference between being involved in a temporary and a long-term relationship. :twocents:
 
CatholicSpirit said:
Let’s say you have houses, cars, motorcycles, and a successful business. Now, you are little “older” and meet the “woman of your dreams.” The thing is, she has two disabled sons who are kind of grown ups. One is homeless and the other is getting nowhere. You decide that it isn’t your problem.

Is that grimy?
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Not to sure that she would be the dream woman.Even if one is older they don’t really envision a woman with children. One having a realistic dream should be open to the woman having children, and be ready to accept the position of step father.
If one does not feel they can accept the position they should not pursue because obviously she is not the dream woman.
What do you mean by…“you decide that is not your problem”?
 
Sorry, but the first question that comes to mind is… what about her first husband? Is she free to marry? Where is he in the picture? Where is public assistance in the picture?

Second question that comes to mind is… prenuptial agreement?

Marriage is 100%. Legally, ethically, and for the rest of your lives. Think about it. Think about it well.
 
CatholicSpirit said:
Let’s say you have houses, cars, motorcycles, and a successful business. Now, you are little “older” and meet the “woman of your dreams.” The thing is, she has two disabled sons who are kind of grown ups. One is homeless and the other is getting nowhere. You decide that it isn’t your problem.

Is that grimy?
Click to expand...
Not nearly enough info to say one way or the other.
 
CatholicSpirit said:
Let’s say you have houses, cars, motorcycles, and a successful business. Now, you are little “older” and meet the “woman of your dreams.” The thing is, she has two disabled sons who are kind of grown ups. One is homeless and the other is getting nowhere. You decide that it isn’t your problem.

Is that grimy?
Click to expand...
I am not sure what you mean by “grimy”, but someone else’s adult children are not your problem. However, if I were their mom and my boyfriend/2nd husband is obviously very well off and does nothing to help my sons who need help, I would keep looking for the “man of my dreams”.
 
You used the word disabled. If they are truly disabled the guy should not be involved with the woman without assisting the son. If the kids are just lazy he has no obligation to help them.
 
I think it would depend on what was the disability. If it is alcoholism or drug addiction then, no, I wouldn’t help them “very much.” I would also caution you about some mental illnesses like schizophrenia. With SOME mental illnesses no amount of money is ever enough because they can’t manage it and become very dependent and needy and there is really nothing you can do to help long term. Again this is SOME mental illnesses, not all. You will have to educate yourself if this is the case.
 
Grimy is not the right word. Selfish? Yes, Uncaring? Yes.

Downright ****** definitely.

You cannot seriously expect any woman to cut herself in half.

If i were a young woman I would ot touch thee with the proverbial barge pole, well, not in any sociably acceptable way . I would expect to share all my life, not stow away inconvenient things so as not to trouble hubby!
 
It’s not wrong to be wary of marrying someone with kids in any circumstance. Be honest with yourself about how you think you would feel about them being a part of your life and don’t lead this woman on if you know you don’t want to be involved with her kids.
 
Rosebud77 said:
Grimy is not the right word. Selfish? Yes, Uncaring? Yes.

Downright ****** definitely.

You cannot seriously expect any woman to cut herself in half.

If i were a young woman I would ot touch thee with the proverbial barge pole, well, not in any sociably acceptable way . I would expect to share all my life, not stow away inconvenient things so as not to trouble hubby!
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I’m totally with you on this. A relative of mine is the woman in this scenario. But, my best friend who died was disabled and shunned by his mothers new husband to “leave” before he passed. It’s a bad trend to me, I just had to bring it up and get opinions. Now, I’m not trying to “judge others” but I am interested in what others think.
 
CatholicSpirit said:
I’m totally with you on this. A relative of mine is the woman in this scenario. But, my best friend who died was disabled and shunned by his mothers new husband to “leave” before he passed. It’s a bad trend to me, I just had to bring it up and get opinions. Now, I’m not trying to “judge others” but I am interested in what others think.
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That’s really sad
 
CatholicSpirit said:
I’m totally with you on this. A relative of mine is the woman in this scenario. But, my best friend who died was disabled and shunned by his mothers new husband to “leave” before he passed. It’s a bad trend to me, I just had to bring it up and get opinions. Now, I’m not trying to “judge others” but I am interested in what others think.
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The mother, your relative, is in the wrong here. Yes, the guy is selfish *****, but why does she stay with him?
 
CatholicSpirit said:
I’m totally with you on this. A relative of mine is the woman in this scenario. But, my best friend who died was disabled and shunned by his mothers new husband to “leave” before he passed. It’s a bad trend to me, I just had to bring it up and get opinions. Now, I’m not trying to “judge others” but I am interested in what others think.
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You didn’t say how much the sons believe that they are* their own *problem.

It isn’t good to put your comforts before charity, but that doesn’t mean that the sons’ own father would not be cutting them off because they will not exert themselves on their own behalf. We live in 2017, so the amount expected of those with disabilities depends very much on their disability.

For instance, even if someone cannot work for a salary, that doesn’t mean they ought to be supported if they will not stay clean, sober, and as useful to the rest of the world as their condition allows. Supporting the poor choices of those who seem pitiable can be a disservice, even if you are also indulging yourself with all sorts of poor choices.
 
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