The short answer is NO: absolutely not. But bear with me through the “tough love” part and read to the end – there’s hope.
First, let’s talk about some hard truths, because nothing gets better if we don’t own up to our own mistakes. You’ve “been with” this guy for 10 years, moved to Spain to be with him six years ago, and got married four years ago… you say you “didn’t get along” all that time.
Something doesn’t add up. You don’t move to another continent to be with someone you don’t get along with unless you’re one of those women attracted to aloof “bad boys” due to lack of maturity on your part (or you already had a child together before you got married). You also don’t say how old your children are, but given that you have been following this “bad boy” around for a decade, and he makes no effort to live as a follower of Christ, I have to assume that you were fornicating before you got married. I’ll even go out on a limb and guess that an unwed pregnancy MAY be the reason you married a man who does not share your faith. If any of that is correct, you were not practicing Catholicism either (in any meaningful sense), and you knew what you were getting into but chose to do it anyway – despite all the red flags.
BUT EVEN IF NONE OF THAT IS TRUE, the answer is still NO, because you made life-long vows before God and man (to a man you had already “been with” for six years, no less – it’s not like you have any excuse for not foreseeing this), and he has not done anything that would permit you to initiate a separation, much less a divorce or annulment. It certainly does not justify separating him from his children – that’s not your call to make. If he was abusing you and you had to get away for your physical safety, that’s one thing (still not grounds for divorce or annulment, but grounds for physical separation until it is resolved). But that’s not the case or you would have said so. You are not being “abused” (perhaps the most overused word in the English language) – you are looking for a way to get out of submitting to a husband you no longer wish to submit to because you’re not getting your way, even if it means breaking your vows and turning his/your children into “divorce-orphans.” It is his job to lead the family – it is your job to submit to his leadership. He is answerable to God, not to you (Ephesians 5:22-24). You certainly may express your opinions and preferences until he decides, but when you said “I do” in Christian matrimony, you put yourself under his headship: “for better or worse, ‘til death do you part.”
Frankly, it sounds like BOTH of you have a long history of choosing poorly, but choosing poorly isn’t a “Get-Out-of-My-Sacred-Vows-Before-God-Free” card. You violated 2 Corinthians 6:14 (“Do not harness yourselves in an uneven team with unbelievers…”) when you married him and started making babies, so the fault is every bit as much yours as it is his. But your marriage is real, and no man or tribunal of men can retroactively make it “un-real” in God’s eyes.
That was the “tough love” part. Now comes the part where there’s hope:
Fortunately, scripture gives instructions for these EXACT kinds of situations: Peter 3:1-2 says, “In the same way, you wives should be obedient to your husbands. Then if there are some husbands who do not believe the Word, they may find themselves won over, without a word spoken, by the way their wives behave, when they see the reverence and purity of your way of life.”
There it is – right there in the Bible in an epistle penned by Peter himself: Be a submissive wife and, by your behavior (not by nagging or arguing – it says “without a word”), you may win over your unbelieving husband.
Why not give God’s way a try?
