Is this Jesus asking me or not?

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FlowerOfMountCarmel

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Asking the Big Questions tonight…

I recently went to confession, and the priest was asking me about whether I had any focus and direction for my future once I got my PhD. I told him when I graduated from my undergraduate degree, I really wanted to be a Benedictine sister. My Mum persuaded me against it because I was so young (back them, not so much now!) as she thought I should get some life experience behind me, and thought it’d be really bad for me if I tried it and had to leave because I either didn’t have a vocation or I failed at it or something. All valid points on her part.

Anyway, last week during Confession (where I’d always been led to believe that it’s Jesus that speaks to us in the Confessional, not the priest), the priest asked me to consider joining a third order because he thought semi-enclosed monastic life would be too difficult as I’d probably end up taking care of the elderly sisters, and he thought I might struggle with being enclosed even though I said I liked the idea of study and contemplation. What I wondered is whether this is Jesus asking me in confession if this is what I’d want to do and the way I see it is that if Jesus asks then it’s because of His perfect Will and I don’t want to say no! Tricky one, I guess. I’d love to be a Bride of Christ, because truly He is the one on whom I can always depend, but is this just me reading too much into something that the priest is asking me about? Also, if I became an oblate and wanted to take it further, is that something that would be allowed? Oh, so many questions!
 
Yes and no. You’ve had the attraction to the sisterhood, so I see no reason why you can’t go discerning for one that is a good fit for you. Always look locally first, and find a priest or sister who can be your spiritual director there locally. Also, make contact with your diocesan vocations director.

You’re basically in a process of elimination and/or testing the spirits right now. There is such a thing as a Consecrated Virgin and Benedictine Oblate, and I’m fairly sure you can do both. Since you’ve not stated your age, nor your location, I can’t make many more suggestions other than what I’ve already said.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters OP
Lay Dominican
http://cloisters.tripod.com/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
 
Thanks for your response, Cloisters, I’m 34 and I live in the UK.

The ship has sailed (sadly) for the Consecrated Virgin thing although I’m not married… embarrassed

My Parish Priest suggested joining a 3rd order, but as I said, I wasn’t sure if it was him just saying it or whether it was Jesus speaking through him in the Confessional. That would make a difference to my response, I think, because if Jesus asked me Himself, I’d jump to it, but if it was my priest just saying it, then I don’t know… he might not have meant it as advice but was just putting it out there.
 
That’s a good point and thanks for the honesty. My organization has been supporting a late vocation from the UK through a very tumultuous journey, and we hope and pray that the one she’s working with right now is her True Home.

You’ve got another year before the “standard” cut-off age. Are you feeling drawn to active or contemplative or a combination of both? When you mentioned study and contemplation, that sounded very Dominican. It can also be Ignatian, and not just Benedictine.

The confessor could have suggested third order because of your “history” where chastity is concerned. However, there are plenty of saints who practiced “second virginity”.

Here is a site we built for vocations in the UK: http://cloisters.tripod.com/vocations_uk/

And the official UK vocations site: http://www.ukvocation.org/

Have you seen the thread about contemplative nuns in Ireland? Perhaps you could find something there?

Home - Vocations Ireland

vocationsireland.com vocationsireland.com
 
It was a previous confessor at my university’s RC church who had suggested the Benedictines because I’d said that I was interested in reading and studying, I’m not back at my home parish. I just love to read and to learn, which is why I’m doing my PhD in English Literature.

I’m very spiritual, and I love my prayer time with Jesus. The greatest feeling of peace and acceptance I’ve ever known is when I’m taking Communion or before the Blessed Sacrament.

Truth be told, the idea of another relationship with another man fills me with terror and repulsion. I don’t trust my judgement, but if Jesus wants me to marry and have children, I’ve told Him I won’t say no because He knows best. But I want Jesus to be my number one!

I think I like the ‘romanctic’ aspect of contemplative life. I love the female mystics and read their works so wistfully longing for their closeness to Jesus. Their intimacy is so profound and it really lifts my heart. This is also why I wonder whether it’s Jesus asking me to do this, or whether it’s my will masquerading as His, and that simply wouldn’t do, because there’d be no peace in it. I’m laying myself open to whatever He asks, but I have said that I need a pretty explicit hint, because I’m not exactly quick on the uptake.

Maybe a 3rd order is the compromise!
 
One of the only ways to find out is to actually visit some convents. When you’ve reached the right one, you will know it. Just as when you’ve met your spouse, all repulsion for marriage will disappear, and the wedding will only be a minute compared to the rest of the time together.

Third Order members can join convents or get married. If joining a convent, then the promises will be suspended until you reach final profession. Then you just have to write a letter to one’s province and request that you be taken off the third order rolls.
 
Excellent! Thank you for taking the time to write such knowledgeable replies. I shall continue to pray that God’s will be revealed and that I follow it joyfully.

Blessings to you!
 
Cloisters gave you wonderful answers. I would just like to add though that while Christ does speak through the priest during you do sometimes get just the opinions of a man thrown in with them. You should not close the door on contemplative life just because one priest doubts it is for you. Pray on it a lot, visit sisters and trust that God will guide your heart.

I am the same age as you and it is generally assumed that I will end up a Poor Clare or Carmelite. A former confessor saw me as a future hermit. I see myself as a highly social person who needs physical touch and is a bit of a busybody. Hermit life would be really hard for me.
 
There are Apostolic Poor Clares and Carmelites. Or, perhaps an extern vocation is in the future?

Teresa and John are for everyone. Franciscan poverty and joy are good Christian goals, too.

Ever hear of Poustinia?

My organization has an emerging Society of Apostolic Life with contemplative branch, and there will be both Recluses and Poustiniki.
 
I have a niece that is naturally inclined to study, and when I think of her, all I can think is ALL DOMINICAN!
 
It definitely depends on which Dominican community. How many members of the congregation have a graduate degree? If they are primarily elementary teachers, they are not serious scholars. [This is not to devalue elementary teachers, who do very important ministry–it’s just very different.] In some communities (NOT necessarily or even primarily Dominican) all sisters have at least a Masters, and many have doctorates.
 
You may also want to consider Secular orders which require you to take vows (celibacy, poverty and obedience) and be either single or windowed. I don’t know if there is a Benedictine one or if you were considering another order. I liked the idea of taking vows myself. I mean if you wanted the consecrated without ‘virgin’ bit. I’m also in UK if you ever want to chat Pm me.
Here’s a link to the general website.

http://www.secularinstitutes.co.uk/
 
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Secular orders don’t require you to take a vow of celibacy, but chastity.

Jim
 
You will be haunted with the question until you seek for yourself if you are called or not.

Call the head of the order and they’ll invite you to come and talk and that goes well, they’ll ask you to spend a week-end with them.

Becoming a nun doesn’t happen overnight, there is a period of aspirancy, novitiate and temporary vows before final vows. Takes about five to ten years depending on the order and things…

Also, novice mistress will help you through discernment and you should have a good idea on whether you’re called to take the next step or not.

God Bless
Jim
 
nunsuch said:
If they are primarily elementary teachers, they are not serious scholars.
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The Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia in Nashville, in their most recent fundraising booklet wrote, “For the sake of the apostolate, the sisters also pursue advanced degrees.” I believe the ones in Ann Arbor do as well. In addition, study is a regular part of their life, even though they go out to teach all day. They often have an evening class once a week.
 
I believe the “advanced degrees” that the majority of the Nashville and Ann Arbor sisters pursue are Masters of Teaching. Nothing wrong with that, but if someone is interested in being a scholar–which is how I interpreted the query, then this is not it. Communities like the IHMs (in the US), the RSCJs, and many Mercys, for example, regularly pursue academic advanced degrees. In the Michigan IHMs, for instance, all new members are asked to pursue at least a Masters in theology or spirituality, if they do not have one already.
 
Apologies it must be an country thing or perhaps more likely order specific? I mean no offence. My order uses the term celibacy and not chastity to differentiate between marriage and single life as you can be chaste in marriage but not celibate. We do not allow married people join and require our members to be celibate. I shouldn’t have generalised.
 
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nunsuch said:
I believe the “advanced degrees” that the majority of the Nashville and Ann Arbor sisters pursue are Masters of Teaching.
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I’m sure all need a Masters for teaching, that is true. But there are some of them that teach at the college level, as well, and have Ph.D.'s.
 
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