I will read more, I’ve read Story of a Soul, I have The Dark Night of the Soul and Teresa of Avila’s work to read next. I love mysticism! But study is what helps my mental health the most too… Being shut away can exacerbate my symptoms sometimes though.
My mental illness journey started when I was 7 years old and my father passed away quite suddenly. Like he was literally here one day, and gone the next. I never got to say goodbye to him and my school recommended to my Mother that I didn’t go to the funeral, so I didn’t say goodbye then, either. Counselling wasn’t au fair at the time and nothing was offered to me and the situation just escalated manifesting when I was an adolescent. I’m much better than I used to be (who can ask for more than that) but I still have work to do. My psychiatrist (that I was finally allowed to see following a period of extreme crisis) recommended that I educate myself as much as possible because it gives me a sense of purpose and direction, and that I maintain my Catholic faith, which I have (despite the odd wobble, more into New Age than atheism - but I’m back home to stay now).
When it comes to marriage and children, if the right person comes along, God will have to be very explicit about it because I don’t trust my own judgement. I don’t have a paternal relationship to use as a yardstick apart from the one with God and that’s not the same. I’m not sure I’m called to motherhood either because I just don’t have the same feelings around babies as some other women do. But, as I say, if I were to marry, I’d welcome them as a blessing. I have to take the Pill for medical reasons tho… what a mess I am!
Again, thank you for your time and counsel.
I just want to give back to God what He has given to me.