Is this marriage over!

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Starrystiller

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My husband walked out two weeks ago we have been married for 14 months we had an argument and he was feeling overwhelmed at home with the kids there are 7. we both have children from previous marriage/realationships. The ages range form 16 to 11 months. I thought that when I married again my first was annulled that I had it right I had found him I even was certain that God had sent him to me. He is Catholic but had drifted I thought we were making progress and then August came he acted different. Then after a fight he left said he couldn’t stay It is to hectic the older boys don’t due their chores and sports everyday is to much. Now he wants to come home tells me “he’s sorry Please don’t throw our marriage away” . He still loves and misses all of us. My problem how do I know it won’t happen again? what do I tell the kids Daddy left now he’s coming back I don’t know what to say or think please advise
 
Marriage is difficult - not because of what marriage is, but because we all come to it with our “baggage” and our own ideas of what it means to us. BUT, marriage is a Sacrament, and if your marriage is Sacramental, then you both have the Sacramental Graces to help you make it work.

You don’t know it won’t happen again. You don’t know what will happen. None of us knows what will happen in our lives. That does not matter.

Let him come back. Discuss, together, quietly, away from the children, how you will both work together to build your marriage. If you do not pray together, suggest starting to do that - even if it is just one or two short prayers each evening or early morning.

Talk about getting some counseling - to help you both. Set some guidelines, together, on rearing your family and try to stick to them (without being too rigid).

What to tell the kids? Your children are quite an age range. Tell the younger ones only that Daddy is coming home. The older ones - perhaps that Daddy needed some time away from the family to deal with some things and now he is coming home. Do not talk about your problems with the children and do not let them see any insecurity in you. You must let them see you are happy he is coming back.

God bless.
 
. He still loves and misses all of us. My problem how do I know it won’t happen again?
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You don’t right now, but that doesn’t mean you don’t move forward with the marriage. It is only 14 months old, and alot of stuff is still going on, y’all not even had time to decide who sits where at the supper table yet.

Tell him to come home and go to work at making a family. He needs to man up. That you’ll do what you’re suppose to, and do your best to help him run the house. Put the kids on notice they have also have a part to play. Tell them y’all love each other and are committed to creating a family, and they need to get on the bus.
 
I agree with BamaRider.

And to add my own sentiments…

My dh and I were separated many years ago, after about 7 years of marriage. We had a lot going on. I hadn’t healed from childhood issues. My husband was very patient, praise be to God. The graces God was pouring down on him were 1000 fold, because I really was not a very good wife during that time. I was overwhelmed with a lot, and a lot of childhood things rushed back, and I didn’t think I wanted to be married anymore.

I highly encourage you both to seek counseling, and see if your husband has any unfinished issues from childhood, or even from his first marriage. Did he heal from it–how long did you both give between your first, and this marriage? Sometimes, it just takes opening ourselves up in counseling, and giving it all up to God, to heal from past experiences. If we are still holding something leftover from another relationship, or from our pasts, it will be hard to fully give ourselves to our marriages.

I’ll be praying for your marriage. God bless!
 
Don’t give up. If he wants to work on it, there’s hope. Doing it alone is too hard. Go to Retrouvaille. Get family counselling. Talk to the kids about how their behavior impacts the family. They’re old enough to be responsible for their behavior too.

good luck. You don’t know that he won’t do it again. If it were me, I’d say "Hey, wait… next time I get to run away!’ I’m sure he doesn’t want to be the one left with the mess.

It’s a team effort.
 
Echoing the other posters, don’t give up. You guys have "Brady Bunch " there! It’ll take time, but it’ll get better.
Kathy
 
Your husband is naturally stressed with so many responsibilities as no doubt you are sometimes. The emotion of the argument upon that was just for the moment, the last straw. He’s had time to think it over and knows he loves you. Sometimes we need time for our distress to diminish, any of us.

You don’t know he won’t get overwhelmed again, but you do know he loves you.
You have been through an awful experience, and it’s traumatizing, poor girl! So much responsibility falls on you anyway, and you can’t disappear even if you ever felt you needed to for a day or two.

You do both make time for each other, and encourage each other to safely communicate about your fears and stresses and needs? Your time together, your mutual understanding is essential and could get lost in the crowd!

Let’s hope your husband never takes off from stress again…my husband was a very serious, very driven perfectionist. He left four times in all, but this September we celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary together.
 
Having been thru the exact same thing (in '94) with the same kid situation and numbers, except I was the one who walked temporarily, I say hang in there. His ‘stick to it -no matter what’ power is what kept us together. Eventually it all worked out and I converted, but his prayers and stubborn head were the catalyst to keep me there. Our kids were the big issue, they had problems ‘blending as a family’. We did counseling and came up with problem solving techiques that saved it all. Even if the kids have to back off a few extra curriculars to do this, I highly advise it for sanity’s sake.
 
Ask a priest about a family counselor. We have one or two in our parish. We all need a different outlook on things.
 
I’m keeping you all in prayers, asking God to strengthen and deepen the love and peace of your lives.
 
Starrystiller said:
My husband walked out two weeks ago we have been married for 14 months we had an argument and he was feeling overwhelmed at home with the kids there are 7. we both have children from previous marriage/realationships. The ages range form 16 to 11 months. I thought that when I married again my first was annulled that I had it right I had found him I even was certain that God had sent him to me. He is Catholic but had drifted I thought we were making progress and then August came he acted different. Then after a fight he left said he couldn’t stay It is to hectic the older boys don’t due their chores and sports everyday is to much. Now he wants to come home tells me “he’s sorry Please don’t throw our marriage away” . He still loves and misses all of us. My problem how do I know it won’t happen again? what do I tell the kids Daddy left now he’s coming back I don’t know what to say or think please advise
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Maybe you should work with the kids to see they get their chores done, and cut some of the “sports every day”. Sounds like he is trying to tell you something, maybe that he needs some time to himself. A person can get burned out pretty quickly if they are constantly running around. This doesn’t sound like an insurmountable problem, it sounds more like there is a communication problem and maybe more attention needs to be paid to each others’ needs.

If he just let the frustration build without cluing you in that there was a problem, and then left when he couldn’t take it any more, that definitely shows there is a failure or inability to communicate. Perhaps some counseling is in order.
 
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